I Come To You In Pieces
by StarkBlack
Summary: ShuuheiRenji. After years of fighting along side Kurosaki Ichigo, Abarai Renji has fallen for him. How far? All the way. Hisagi Shuuhei sees it, and being the person he is, and loving Renji the way he does, he can't help but try to help.
1. Renji Hates Goodbyes

Hello all, thank you for reading. I would love to hear your comments and reviews, they are always appreciated, but not necessary. I hope you enjoy the story, that's all I'm hoping for.

I just wanted to put up a couple notes now that this story is finally finished: I started writing this fic after being out of the classroom for over six years. I did an army tour, had a kid, and moved around the US for a while. So that is why it starts off with an enormous amount of typos and grammatical errors. During the last half of this work, I pulled out my English text books and got a beta. You'll be able to tell the difference; it's kind of sad. At first, I thought since I had finished the whole thing, I would go back with my beta and fix all the little problems, but then I thought that this would be a great thing to look back on and help remind me where I started and how far along I've come in the last two-three years. Also, I started and almost finished this fic before Kubo decided to name Shuuhei's zanpakuto. I had to make something up before Kazeshini was revealed, so if there's some confusion on that, sorry. I fixed it the best I could. So anyway, please enjoy, ignore the English/grammar/typo mistakes and the zanpakuto craziness, and leave a comment if you feel like it.

Thank you again! xD

**Chapter 1**

Renji stared down at the jagged form of Zambimaru resting comfortably in his grip. The shinogi reflected the moonlight like a mirror, and as he turned the blade to get a better look, the boshi twinkled like stardust. The hollow had nicked the skin of his wrist, and crimson lines were making their way down the collar and through the guard. Renji could feel the spirit of the Chimera shutter.

"Do I taste good asshole?" he muttered.

The Zanpakuto ignored his comment. He had been doing that a lot more in the recent months… but then again, Renji hadn't really been saying anything worth listening to anyway…

A lithe figure came from somewhere above, and landed silently beside the tall shinigami. Renji had already know he was there, the kid couldn't hide is reiatsu to save his fucking life. But still, when he saw the flash of orange hair, his pulse quickened.

"Damn Renji," Ichigo said, "You're gettin' good. I can never get here fast enough anymore."

Renji half smiled, but didn't turn to look at his friend; he already knew what he would see. Ichigo would be standing there with Zangetsu slung over his shoulder, other hand on his hip, his head cocked to the side in a well practiced show of the most outrageous arrogance in this world and the next. His eyes would shine like the surface of a great lake: calm and placid on the surface, but underneath holding deep dark secrets. And of course, his lips would be set in that half smile- half sneer he always wore.

_He would be breathtaking in this moonlight… _

So Renji didn't look. Instead he slung Zambimaru over his own shoulder and began the inevitable chiding session.

"Naw," he puffed up his chest, "I've always been good. You're just getting' slow."

Ichigo snickered, "Last time I compliment you, ass."

The younger man took a few steps forward, and Renji felt his reiatsu tense.

"Oi Renji," Ichigo motioned with his hand, "you're bleeding."

Renji pulled his hand closer to his side. "I know," he snapped, "It's nothing I can't handle."

Ichigo new better then to press it, "Okay…" he backed off.

_Fuck, _Renji thought, _now I really can't look at him. He's gonna have those stupid puppy dog concerned eyes… _

He quickly took action and started down the street. "I saw another beacon on the communicator earlier. There might still be another one."

But Ichigo didn't follow. Renji could feel his reiatsu was still tense, but didn't say anything. If the cause was what he thought it was, the kid was going to have to bring it up on his own.

_Keep moving, pretend you don't notice. He probably won't-_

"Renji…"

_Shit…_

"What?" Renji's reply came out a little harsher than he had planned.

He heard Ichigo shift his feet, the uncomfortable reiatsu intensifying.

"Are you nervous?"

Renji closed his eyes. He really didn't want to talk about this right now.

"No."

Ichigo growled, and moved up behind the red head. "What the hell d'you mean 'no', you asshole! It's a _Captain's position_! It's what you've been striving so hard for! Isn't it just-"

"I _know_ Ichigo!" Renji said through his teeth, "I know… it's…" He sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Ichigo moved around Renji to face him. "You're getting screwed Renji!" he spat, "This board is bullshit! You're an amazing shinigami! You're strong, you're smart- _damnit we wouldn't have won the war without you_! I can't believe they're putting you underneath the microscope like this!"

Renji kept his eyes downcast. "You said it yourself… 'It's a _Captain's position'_… They have to make sure they're not swearing in another Aizen."

Ichigo bit his lip trying to calm his rage. "Renji…" he continued again in a softer tone, "if they turn you down because of the few times we broke the rules- turn you down because of something you did with me, it'll be my-"

He was cut off as Renji's fist connected with his jaw. Ichigo staggered bringing his hand to his mouth.

"Mmmmmm! _Fuck Renji_!" he spat blood onto the concrete.

"Don't… you… dare… say it'll be your fault… you selfish bastard…" Renji, seething, opened his eyes to stare at Ichigo's feet. "You always act like everything's your responsibility, everything's gonna fall apart if you don't kill yourself!"

Closing the distance between them, Renji grabbed the neckline of Ichigo's haori and finally met his eyes.

"I did everything because I _wanted _to..." his voice was deadly quiet, "I went against all of Soul Society to save Rukia because I _wanted_ to… I followed you into Hueco Mundo because I _wanted _to help you… and I went against orders during the war because I _wanted_ to save you."

Ichigo glared at Renji. "Exactly… if the board doesn't pass you… it'll be because of me…"

Renji lost himself in that moment: Ichigo's beautiful eyes boring into his own, the warmth of his body _so close, t_he electric feel of his skin on the back of Renji's hand, his intoxicating smell taking over the older shinigami's senses, driving him to insanity.

Renji would never admit that if he didn't make Captain, it really would be Ichigo's fault. Everything he had done in the last four years had been for Ichigo, starting from the fiasco with Rukia in Soul Society. The fact that a complete stranger- not even a shinigami- would risk his life for Renji's childhood friend and not think twice… It had captivated him. Renji had been drawn to Ichigo's passion, strength, his overpowering willpower, and his complete selflessness.

As the years passed by, and the two were thrown into countless battles together, Renji had become more and more attached to the young shinigami. Then, in the final stages of the war, Aizen had finally succeeded in capturing the famous Ichigo. He had tapped into the Vizard's seemingly unlimited reiatsu, and made an entirely new level of hollow. Soul Society had decided the risk of trying to save the substitute shinigami was far too great. They declared Ichigo a casualty of war, and dismissed him.

But Renji never gave up, because Ichigo never gave up. He had risked everything, his life, his friends, the future of Soul Society, and led a suicide rescue mission into Aizen's headquarters. Many had joined him and many had died, but in the end they had been victorious.

Renji remembered Ichigo's eyes opening as the red head screamed his name. Ichigo had looked around at the rejection shield Orihime had placed over them. He remembered Ichigo sitting up, and staring in shock as Hitsugaya, Ishida, and Shuuhei frantically fought swarms of Arrancar above them.

And the image that would never leave… The image that was etched into Renji's memory like it was chiseled in stone… Ichigo looking up into his eyes, Ichigo grabbing his hand and saying-

"Renji… I knew you'd come for me…"

That was the moment Renji knew he had fallen in love with Ichigo… Completely. Head over heels. In love….

Yes, it would be Ichigo's fault if Renji didn't make Captain… But if that happened, he would never say it out loud. Ichigo had enough guilt in his soul for fifty people.

Renji slowly let go of Ichigo's Hakama, and stepped back. He put on one of his best Renji grins, and slung his Zanpakuto over his shoulder again.

"Don't worry Ichi-nii…" his grin getting wider when Ichigo flinched, "I'll make Captain."

Ichigo sighed, and dragged a hand across his face.

"Gods I hope so… I'm glad you're so confident…" He turned and started walking down the street, heading in the direction Renji had indicated earlier, "And stop fucking calling me that."

Renji chuckled. Even if he was in love with him, he still loved to piss the idiot off.

"Inoue!" Ichigo shouted as they entered the apartment, "Inoue I'm back!"

Renji removed his waraji and leaned Zambimaru against the wall next to Zangetsu. Orihimes' apartment was small and she requested the swords be left by the door.

"Ichigo-kun!" Renji heard just in time to look up and see the busty girl race in and throw her arms around the chuckling carrot top.

"Oh, Ichigo! I was so worried!" she exclaimed as she kissed his cheeks, "You left so fast you hit your head on the table, so Kon has been complaining for the last half hour! Matsumoto gave him an ice pack, but I think he's just pretending it's worse than it really is so she'll hug him."

"Matsumoto's here?" Renji asked.

"Yes!" She blinked at Renji, "Oh! Renji-kun! Hello! It's nice to see you!" she pulled away from Ichigo and waved, a deep blush spreading over her cheeks.

"He beat me to it," Ichigo explained, "hollow was dead already when I got there."

Orihime threw her arms in the air, "Yay! Renji-kun! Good job!"

Renji looked at the floor, his own blush spreading all the way down his neck. "It's nothing. I'll leave you two alone now, I'll go see Matsumoto."

"Yeah," Ichigo said with an evil grin, "You were telling me how worried you were about me… let's go back to that part."

Renji quickly looked away, but still saw Ichigo's arms snake around Orihime's waist. He tried to ignore the pang of jealousy that chewed at his chest as he made his way to the living room.

Kon was sprawled on the couch, an ice pack to his forehead. Matsumoto sat on the floor drinking tea and watching a fashion show on television. She looked up when Renji entered.

"Abarai-kun! What are you doing here?" a smile lit up her face.

"Ichigo and I were after the same hollow." He quickly explained, "He invited me back here."

"Oh that's right, you're leaving tomorrow." Matsumoto grabbed the control and turned off the television. "How do you feel?"

Renji sat, and crossed his legs underneath the table. "I'm nervous as fuck, I'd rather die than go in front of this board next week… and I'm not looking forward to the mountain of paperwork Kuchiki Taichou probably has for me…" he looked at the floor and shrugged.

Matsumoto lifted her tea cup and took a dainty sip.

"I wasn't really referring to how you felt about the board…"

Renji felt his chest tighten. Slowly he looked up at the blond who was regarding him carefully over the rim or her cup.

"Shitty… why ya gotta rub my face in it?" He growled.

"I'm not rubbing your face in it, I know how you hurt." She set the tea cup down and rested her elbows on the table. "But I also know you're going to have to start thinking about what you're going to do. If you make Captain, you won't be assigned to the real world anymore."

Renji's chest tightened harder, he hated thinking about this.

"And on the other hand, if you don't… what are you going to do? Are you going to come back here and torture yourself until you're so run down you won't be any use to anyone?"

Renji gripped the table until his knuckles turned white. "For your information- I'm just fine _Rankigu_." But then he felt bad the moment he said it. Matsumoto was just trying to help him, she didn't deserve his anger.

Laying his head against the cool surface, he sighed.

"I'm sorry…"

He felt her hand on his head, gently caressing his hair. The touch was comforting, like a mothers or sisters.

"It's okay, no harm done."

"I have no idea what to do…" Renji's breath hitched.

"Go back and sleep in your own bed. Surround yourself with people you know and trust- Yumichika, Ikkaku, Shuuhei, Kira… Try not to think about it for a while, just relax."

Renji reached out, caught her hand and squeezed. Matsumoto might come off as ditsy and shallow, but she was the only person who had noticed Renji's heartache. She had approached him and asked the question. And she had offered to be his shoulder to cry on.

"You're a good friend, you know that?" He whispered.

"Yes." She giggled and took another sip of tea.

"Oi, Renji!" Ichigo called from the doorway, "Go get your gigai! Let's go get a drink!"

Renji looked up at Matsumoto, she saw the pain in his eyes and her heart went out to him.

"Why don't you tell him? He might stop being so shamelessly friendly around you."

"No," Renji said as he stood, "He'd stop being friendly period."

It wasn't too late in the evening, so the bar was still a little lively. Ichigo sat down and ordered drinks for himself and Renji while some horrible American pop song played over the speakers. They talked about nothing, about everything, about comrades lost, comrades won, Rukia's promotion, college… everything except what was really on their minds.

The two had been together almost every day for over four years. They had been soldiers together; they had fought, bled, and almost died together. Their bond was strong, like family; like brothers.

And now Renji was going back to Soul Society, taken off patrol in Karakura… and if made a Captain, would possibly not be coming back.

Renji felt like his heart was literally breaking.

Finally, Ichigo brought it up.

"So… when will you know?" Ichigo asked.

Renji sighed, "Uh… probably a month or so."

"_A month_!" Ichigo choked on his drink.

"The board takes a while…"

"Holy shit!" Ichigo wiped the alcohol from his chin and neck. "That sucks…"

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. The younger trying to think of something to say and the older trying to hold his composure.

"If you become a Captain…" Ichigo started.

Renji's hands were shaking, so he tossed back the remainder of his drink.

"If you become a Captain…" Ichigo started again, "You won't be able to come back… will you."

Renji slowly shook his head. Then shoved his hands in his pockets to keep the shaking under control.

Ichigo seemed to find a nick in the grain of the bar fascinating. He studied it for several minutes before he spoke again.

"I'll miss ya Renji…"

The sob that escaped Renji was quickly masked by a cough, and a forced laugh.

Renji over the years had become an expert at hiding all of his pain inside humor. "You make it sound like I'm breaking up with you."

Ichigo cracked a smile. "You can write or something once in a while right?"

"Of course asshole!" Renji punched Ichigo's shoulder, "Like I'm gonna just leave and never look back! Who do you think I am? And if I don't make Captain, I'm sure Kuchiki Taichou would reassign me here if I asked."

Ichigo turned to Renji with wide eyes. "Oh?"

"Yeah, of course." Renji couldn't stand the helpless look of hope in the kids; eyes; he had to get out of there. "But don't go wishing for it now. If I come back that means the board didn't pass me."

"Oh shit…" Ichigo looked back at the counter, "That's right."

Renji needed to leave, _immediately_.

He stood, and Ichigo looked up at him.

"You're going now?"

"Yeah," Renji was finding it hard to breath, "I'm gonna sleep in my own bed tonight."

Ichigo stood as well, and before Renji could stop him, the kid had him wrapped in the mother of all bear hugs. The taller man squeezed his eyes shut trying to stop the onrush of tears that threatened to flow. He thought about it for only a second before fiercely returning the embrace.

_Damn you Ichigo! Damn you for wearing your emotions on your sleeve…_

"Bye Renji." Ichigo whispered.

Renji didn't speak, he just slipped out if the younger mans grasp, and quickly headed for the door. Outside, the rain was coming down hard, but Renji didn't care. He walked all the way back to Urahara's shop hands in his pockets, grinding his teeth.

His resolve held through the entire trek. It held still when he reached the shop and slipped inside. It held even until he slid open the door to his room and he stepped over the threshold.

But that was where it broke.

Renji slid the shoji shut behind him, and slowly sank to the floor. He drew his legs up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around his knotted stomach. The tears came slow at first, as if they were merely a warning, the calm before the storm. But then a small moan escaped his throat, and they started to pour. They streamed down his cheeks, so hot they almost burned. He lowered his head to his knees and let out the sob he had held in since earlier at the bar.

"_Goodbye Ichigo_…"

The choked gasps from Abarai Renji's room continued well into the night, only fading as the first rays of sunlight touched the streets of Karakura…

**TBC**


	2. Shuuhei Can't Help It

Chapter 2

Shuuhei had never considered himself a nervous person. Shy perhaps, a bit of what others would call, stiff necked… but not nervous. He liked to think that he came off as cold, maybe even inscrutable at times. But when you had people underneath you, people that looked up to you, followed you… it was the way it had to be. If you let your guard down around your subordinates, joked with them, or made friends with them, their respect would falter. In battle, a moment's hesitation could mean the life or death of several comrades; maybe even jeopardize an entire mission. It was much easier to follow a leader you respected as opposed to someone you drank or played cards with… especially if that leader was sending you to certain death.

The last four years, Vice Captain Hisagi Shuuhei had given his all to bring the pride and moral back to the Ninth Division. He had done the work of both the Captain and the Vice Captain, and had never missed a beat. His reports always came in on time, neat and organized; he oversaw the training of every new member personally; he had picked up the pieces that Kaname Tousen had left behind, and rebuilt the Ninth with his own two hands… alone.

So why did this board scare the living shit out of him? Why was he bent over the sink for the third time that afternoon, light headed and his face aflame?

_This is so stupid… If anyone has a chance at Captain it's me… right?_

He took a deep breath and straitened, but left his arms on the counter to support himself.

"You look very pathetic right now Hisagi-san."

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open to see Izuru Kira standing in the doorway.

"How long have you been standing there Kira?" Shuuhei asked.

"Long enough to know the real reason you didn't want to go to lunch with us today."

Shuuhei turned on the water and splashed some over his face. "I'm fine, I just wasn't hungry."

"Sure." Kira muttered.

"Just don't tell anyone please." Shuuhei sighed, "I trust you, but Yumichika would make sure everyone knew in about twelve minutes."

Kira laughed. "Who knows? Ayasegawa-san might find this 'tragically beautiful' or something. The humble shinigami reluctant to be Captain after being Captain for four years… He could twist it around to something like that."

"I'm not reluctant." Shuuhei straitened all the way, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I didn't say you were."

The tattooed shinigami reached for a washcloth, and realized the cloth on the bottom of the pile wasn't flush with the rest. Instead of drying his face, he worked on straightening the small stack.

He mumbled as he worked. "What if they don't choose me? What was all this hard work for...? And then there's the whole bankai thing…"

"Fidgeting…" Kira sighed.

Shuuhei abruptly stopped and stood staring at the floor for several moments."I'm so…"

"Scared?" Kira asked when he fell silent again.

"Terrified…"Shuuhei glanced at his pale face in the mirror. "I look like shit…"

"Yes you do," came the reply.

Several more long moments passed until Shuuhei realized Kira was laughing at him. He looked up at the blond, and made a face.

"What?" _Whoa, that came out way whinier than I expected…_

"You're just ridiculous you know?" Kira pushed off the wall and backed out the door. "Out of all of us, you're the surest thing, and you are by far the most nervous!"

"I can't help it." Shuuhei followed out the door.

_I have so much to lose…_

X x X x X x X

The tavern was crowded as usual, but the atmosphere was laid back. Most of the patrons kept to themselves, and stayed relatively quiet. Shuuhei and Kira made their way to the usual spot in the back where their friends were waiting.

"Shuuhei-kun, why didn't you come to lunch today?" Yumichika exclaimed, "I brought four different kinds of tea for you to try!"

"I apologize Ayasegawa-san, I haven't been feeling well today." He ignored Kira's snicker as he lowered himself to sit across from the boisterous man.

"Ah, so polite," Yumichika sighed, "I can't stay mad at you."

"Evening, Madarame-dono." Shuuhei greeted Yumichika's brooding companion.

Ikkaku's scowl only deepened, "He's been pissin' and moanin' all day about that damn tea, and all it took was that little apology... I don't get it."

"Shuuhei-kun is just more sensitive to my feelings." He slid a large bottle of sake across the table and handed it to Ikkaku, "Here, drink this. It'll relax you."

Shuuhei looked at the three bottles of sake left on the table. They were too far apart, and the one the left was closer to the edge of the table then the one on the right. He reached out to form a better center piece, but Yumichika and Ikkaku's voiced stopped him.

"Fidgeting…" they said in unison.

Shuuhei crossed his arms over his chest; his silent self reminder not to play with random objects. Over the years his friends had grown tired of asking why he did it, and just started barking- "Hisagi, you're doing it again"- or- "Hisagi, you're fidgeting"… Recently, they had shortened it to just "fidgeting". He couldn't help it, he liked to straighten things.

Kira reached across the table and grabbed one of the bottles. He filled two cups, and handed one to Shuuhei. "So have you heard anything? Do you know what's going to happen?" He took a long swallow.

Shuuhei just looked down into his cup and felt his stomach do a flip flop.

"All I've heard is there's going to be a panel," Yumichika leaned back onto Ikkaku's chest, "all the current Captains, and twenty or thirty Central Office members."

Kira gasped, "Twenty or thirty?"

"Yes."

Shuuhei pushed his cup away, and laid his head on the table. If they didn't stop talking about it soon, his head was going to spin off.

"Shuuhei-kun! Are you alright?" Yumichika reached across the table and placed it on Shuuhei's shoulder. "Do we need to take you to Fourth Division?"

Shuuhei slowly lifted his head and shook it. "No, I'm okay. Let's just talk about something else."

Ikkaku pulled Yumichika back against his chest, and wrapped his free arm around the smaller man's waist. "What the hell else do you wanna talk about? The board's the only thing going on right now."

"That's exactly why he doesn't want to talk about it anymore," Kira came to his defense, "it's all he's thought about since they announced it."

"Since they announced it?" Yumichika's eyes widened, "that was like a year ago…"

Shuuhei drowned them out. He was more interested in watching Ikkaku's thumb gently caress the skin of Yumichika's arm. Such a simple gesture, but yet it said so much. The two had an almost perfect relationship, Ikkaku let Yumichika do and say whatever he wanted, and Yumichika gave Ikkaku whatever he wanted. The trust and love the two shared had no bounds. Shuuhei had always been torn between being profoundly happy for his two friends, and being insanely jealous of their bond.

_If only I had someone like that… I probably wouldn't be such a stiff…_

Then, as if Yumichika could hear his thoughts, (a subject Shuuhei had seriously pondered in the past) he asked, "So where are Matsumoto and Abarai-kun?"

Shuuhei was sure his heart had stopped. The moment in which he forgot to breath, stretched on in his head for what seemed like hours.

_Abarai… Renji? Here? When? Why didn't I know? Wait… I'm so stupid! OF COURSE he'd be here! He's going to go before the board too!_

"HISAGI!" Kira's hand came in contact with the back of the tattooed shinigami's head.

Shuuhei sucked in a deep breath, and glared at Kira."What!" He rubbed the sore spot.

"You were turnin' blue," Kira took another swallow of sake, "You okay?"

Shuuhei turned to Yumichika and Ikkaku, who were grinning at him quite unabashedly. "Um… yeah… I think." He turned to Kira. "What were you saying about Matsumoto and R… Abarai?"

Kira's cheeks were beginning to pink; he had never been able to handle his booze very well. He took another long swallow, and reached for the bottle."Matsumoto went to the real world yess'erday to get Abarai. She wanted an excuse to see the Orihime girl again. They should have arrived 's morning."

Shuuhei felt his chest was going to explode. He stared wide eyed at the table for a few seconds before he said lamely, "I see…"

He heard Yumichika giggle, "They should be getting here soon. I talked to Rangiku earlier and I told her to come and bring Abarai-kun."

"It'll be nice to see that asshole after all this time." Ikkaku put in, "It's been like two years hasn't it?"

"Two and two months…" Shuuhei said without thinking. He felt his cheeks grow hot.

Yumichika grin widened. "Wow Shuu-chan."

Shuuhei looked up. "What? You know I keep perfect records. I just remember when he left... And don't call me that."

"Okay," Yumichika stole the bottle from Ikkaku and took a sip, but then grimaced and gave it back.

Despite the tease, Shuuhei was fighting the urge to grin like a madman.

_Renji is back…_

He hadn't felt this good in several weeks. He felt almost… giddy. He reached for his abandoned cup of sake, but then changed his mind."Oi waiter!" he waved his hands over his head.

Ikkaku cocked his eyebrow, "What are you doing Hisagi?"

"I'm starving." Shuuhei said as he motioned to the large man in the apron.

Yumichika giggled again, but Shuuhei ignored it.

X x X x X x X

"I really wanted to get some sleep tonight Matsumoto," Renji grumbled, "I have a lot of work to do tomorrow."

The tall blond snorted, "Liar, you don't have anything to do tomorrow- just like I don't. The Captains were ordered to go easy on us the rest of the week."

"But I'm not sure I'm up for-"

"Oh hush!" Matsumoto stopped in front of the tavern and whirled around to face him. Waving one finger at him, and placing the other on her hip, she scolded, "Your friends haven't seen you in forever, and I promised them I'd bring you tonight!"

Renji couldn't help but grin a little."Awww, they missed me?"

Matsumoto rolled her eyes. "Yes Renji-kun! Everyone missed you! Everyone likes you!"

Renji followed her through the entrance. "That's not true;" his grin grew wider, "your Captain doesn't like me."

"Hitsugaya Taichou doesn't like anyone. He either hates you, or tolerates you. You're one of the lucky few he tolerates."

"Oh, I see."

They made their way past tables filled with people talking and laughing. The atmosphere was just as Renji remembered. The lights, the colors, the smells, all played with the red head's senses, filling his stomach with a warm feeling and his head with fond memories. He hated to admit it, but this was exactly what he needed. It was good to be home.

Suddenly, he was jostled from his reflection by a high pitch squeal.

"MATSUMOTO-CHAAAAAN! ABARAI-KUUUUUN!"

Renji peered around Matsumoto, to see Yumichika with his hands in the air waving ardently. Ikkaku was alternating between grinning at him and grimacing every time Yumichika crushed his lower regions. Kira looked up from across the table, and smiled a lazy drunken Kira smile. Renji felt a swell in his chest, he had missed his friends. He had missed Yumichika's over enthusiasm and Ikkaku's lazy smile. He had even missed Kira, and his superior looks.

But someone was missing. He surprised himself by being a little hurt that Hisagi wasn't there. After all they were friends, weren't they? Renji had always considered Shuuhei a friend…

_He's probably busy… That guy is always busy…_

"Hello everyone!" Matsumoto exclaimed, as they reached the table, "I've brought Abarai-kun! Did you drink all the sake already?" She plopped down unceremoniously at the head of the table next to Kira.

"No," Kira said softly, "here." He pushed the bottle towards the busty woman, and she accepted it graciously.

"Renji-kun sit down!" Yumichika exclaimed. He motioned to the cushion across from Matsumoto. "Drink! Relax! Gossip!"

Renji chuckled as he sat. "I don't have anything to gossip about."

Yumichika shrugged, "Okay fine, I'll gossip and you drink."

"Good idea." Renji reached for the last bottle on the table.

Yumichika leaned forward and said softly, "So how do you feel about the whole thing?"

Renji took a long swallow. "What _thing_?"

Yumichika rolled his eyes. "The board silly. What else?"

Renji found something infinitely interesting inside the sake bottle. His emotions on that particular subject were still a monsoon. He didn't really want to think about it, but he was going to be asked that question a lot in the next few days. He needed an answer. He pondered for a few seconds before speaking.

"Ask me after…"

The couple suspected something was amiss, but they were smart enough not to press the matter further. They didn't need two sick Vice Captains at the table.Yumichika pushed into another conversation to lift the tension.

"So you really should tell us how you've been. Well… no, actually you should wait until Shuuhei-kun gets back. He'll be upset he missed out."

The bottle stopped halfway to Renji's lips.

"Shuuhei is here?" He looked around the table, but Matsumoto and Kira were ignoring him, having their own conversation. "Where the hell is he?"

"Bathroom." Ikkaku said, "I think he ate too fast."

"He was just excited," Yumichika said. "I'm glad he finally ate something."

Renji gave them a puzzled look.

"He hasn't eaten in a few days." Yumichika explained, "He's stressed about the board."

Sake dribbled down Renji's chin, "That doesn't make any sense," he wiped it away with his hand and shook his head, "Shuuhei's making Captain is a sure thing. Why is he so nervous?"

Yumichika and Ikkaku shrugged simultaneously. The movement would have been comical if Renji hadn't been so confused.

_Shuuhei's here huh?_

Renji grinned, and started to tug at the neck of his haori. He pulled at the black outer layer so it was slightly off center. He then tugged at the white keikogi underneath so one side stuck out farther than usual and the other showed no white at all.

Yumichika gasped, and covered a giggle with his hand. "You're horrible Abarai-kun!"

Ikkaku didn't mask his laughter at all.

Suddenly, Yumichika looked past Renji. "Ooh, just in time!" He whispered, still trying not to laugh.

Renji took a quick drink from the bottle, as Yumichika squeaked. "Ah Shuuhei-kun! You're back!"

Renji felt strong hands on his shoulders. He looked up to see Hisagi Shuuhei's tattooed face grinning down at him.

"Abarai!" Shuuhei growled.

"Hisagi!" Renji couldn't help but match his friend's grin. Shuuhei had a pleasant aura about him, and one couldn't help but get caught up in it.

"How have you been? What's been happening? How is everything in Karakura?" Shuuhei bombarded him with questions as he sat down.

Renji chuckled, "I'm alright, nothing outside the usual, and Karakura is still there."

_Gods he's gotten skinny…_

Renji's eyes wandered for a half second, and took in the other Vice Captain's appearance. Shuuhei had always been slender, but where he used to be lithe, now he seemed gaunt. He had lost girth around his jaw and on his cheeks. The circles under his eyes weren't really dark per say, but they looked unhealthy nonetheless.

_Still hot though…_

Renji's mouth twitched at the memory of his small academy crush. Back when Shuuhei had been head of the class; perfect and untouchable. Renji had stood in the crowd of would-be shinigami with Kira and Hinamori, listening to instructions, a heat growing in his loins from just hearing Hisagi's voice.

But that had been then and this was now. Hisagi was his good friend and comrade. He had been there for Renji time and time again, and probably didn't want to know he had anything to do with an effect on Renji's nether regions.

The red head took another swallow and pushed those thoughts from his mind."Yumichika tells me there's gossip."

Shuuhei leaned back and rolled his eyes. "There's always gossip, especially if it's Ayasegawa-san." His gaze flashed to Renji's neckline, but back to his face just as quickly. If Renji had blinked, he would have missed it.

Taking another drink to mask his grin, he turned to Yumichika. Ikkaku had his face buried in the smaller man's back; his shoulders shaking with the effort of not laughing.Yumichika didn't miss a beat.

"The big story on everyone's lips is: Unohana Taichou might be pregnant."

Renji spilled more sake down his chin."Seriously?" he wiped his chin a second time.

"Yes." Yumichika nodded.

Renji smiled, "Your Captain's kind of a stud huh?"

Yumichika and Ikkaku nodded proudly.

"Unohana Taichou is rarely seen before noon nowadays," Shuuhei added. "And there's the fact that Zaraki Taichou walks around with a fools grin every second."

Renji glanced back at the dark haired shinigami. Shuuhei was blatantly staring at Renji's collar now.

Across the table, Matsumoto and Kira were noticing too. Kira had his chin in his hands and his lips were set in a crooked smile. Matsumoto had a hand over her mouth to stifle giggles.

"I see…" Renji said, turning back to Shuuhei, "But Zaraki Taichou has always walked around with a fools grin. And as for Unohana Taichou… that could just mean she's busy, you know, doing rounds in the morning or something."

"I don't know, maybe." Shuuhei said distractedly as his hand reached up, and tugged at Renji's haori. He pulled the black fabric back into place, and was reaching for the keikogi when Renji interrupted.

"Hisagi…"

"Yeah?" Still tugging.

"You're fidgeting…"

X x X x X x X

Shuuhei froze as his friends burst into laughter. He sat back and crossed his arms as he felt his face turn seven shades of red. Ikkaku was crying leaning against Yumichika's convulsing shoulder. Kira had laid his head on the table and was chuckling staring stupidly up at him. Matsumoto took turns laughing and chugging from her bottle.

"I hate you guys." He mumbled, but couldn't suppress a smile as the others roared.

"I can't believe that still works!" Ikkaku choked.

Shuuhei made a face. "I can't help it…"

He knew Renji would have that stupid devil grin on his face, so he didn't look at him. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if he hadn't been thinking about ripping the red head's cloths off since he came back from the bathroom. The man had gotten sexier since he last saw him- if that was possible. His hair was longer, even tied back it hung past his shoulders. His skin had darkened, if ever so slightly and still looked as smooth and touchable as ever. His shoulders had become broader also, probably from all the sparring with that Kurosaki kid.

_Damn urge to mess with stuff is going to get me into trouble…_

But Shuuhei had also noticed something in Renji's eyes; something he really didn't like. He couldn't be sure, but it seemed like a deep sort of melancholy, a profound sadness that hadn't been there when he had left for the real world years back. The fiery red head was still beautiful, but he had aged considerably.

He put the thought out of his mind when the conversation turned back to Renji.

"So Abarai, tell us," Yumichika settled down again in Ikkaku's lap, "How are things in the real world?"

Renji's smile faded, and he looked down at his hands."They're alright I guess…"

"Alright?" Ikkaku asked, his words muffled by Yumichika's hair, "Just alright? That's all there is in two years?"

Renji frowned, and tossed back the remainder of the bottle. "What do you want me to say? They all graduated, Ishida went to America for a while, Sado started a dojo and teaches martial arts to little kids…" he paused for a second, "Ichigo's… being Ichigo…"

After he trailed off, Renji waved the waiter over and ordered another few bottles of sake. As the large man left, Renji returned his gaze to his hands.

"How is that little fucker doing anyway," Ikkaku asked, "he still an ass?"

Renji smiled, but it looked forced to Shuuhei. "Yeah, still an ass…"

"Orihime is doing well too!" Matsumoto chimed in, "She's going to cooking school to be a pastry chef!"

Yumichika made a face, "Thank the gods! I thought I was going to die the time she made that bean… cucumber… what was it Ikkaku?"

Ikkaku frowned, "I have no idea… wasn't it like a pie or something?"

The conversation continued smoothly for the next few hours. But Shuuhei noticed Renji talking less and less, and drinking more and more. Matsumoto was doing a good job of covering for him, but every time someone asked the red head a question about the real world, he seemed to cave in on himself.

_What happened over there?_

Finally, the tavern owner started to yell for everyone to leave. Shuuhei stood, and helped Kira to his feet.

"Matsumoto-chan, can you walk me home?" Kira almost whispered, "I don't think I can walk by myself."

Matsumoto, not too steady herself, wrapped her arm around Kira's shoulders and kissed him on the cheek.

"Of course ototo-chan." She guided him past the table, but almost tripped herself.

"I love you onee-san…"

"Oh hush…"Shuuhei watched their backs as they made their clumsy way toward the door.

Shuuhei turned to his Eleventh Division friends. He chuckled at Ikkaku trying to grope Yumichika, and the smaller man batting his hands away. Ikkaku grunted and finally just slung Yumichika over his shoulder and stood, earning him a loud squeak and a punch in the back.

"What are you a _cave man_!?" Yumichika was giggling though, giving himself away. "This is so undignified, and _sooooo__ not beautiful_!"

"Night Ayasegawa-san!" Shuuhei called after them.

"Goodnight Shuu-chaaaan! Abarai-kuuuuun!"

Shuuhei looked down, and his smile faded. Renji was still sitting at the table, shoulders hunched, eyes glazed over, his third bottle of sake empty in his hand.

"Abarai." Shuuhei said.

When Renji didn't respond, he knelt beside his friend and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Oi, Renji!"

This time the red head looked at him, and Shuuhei almost recoiled. Renji's eyes were so full of anguish and loss, the dark haired shinigami almost felt like crying.

"Gods, Renji…" Shuuhei squeezed his shoulder, "What happened?"

Suddenly, Renji seemed to remember where he was. He blinked at Shuuhei, and shook his head slightly.

"It duzzint matter… help m'up."

Shuuhei stood, and pulled Renji to his feet.

"You okay to get home?" Shuuhei asked.

"Um… yeah… 'm fine." But before he could finish his statement, he was heading towards the floor again.

"Oi!" Shuuhei caught him, and slung an arm over his shoulder. "Okay, let's go."

The walk to Renji's quarters was long, but Shuuhei loved the feel of soft red hair on his neck. The press of Renji's firm hip against his own wasn't bad either.

_Stop it…_ he warned himself.

Sliding the shoji open was kind of hard. Getting Renji to his futon was harder, for the brute had already passed out. But the hardest thing was keeping his hands from doing bad things as he pulled off Renji's waraji and tabi, and started to untie the obi.

Before Shuuhei could think, or maybe because it was so unexpected he was shocked into immobility, it happened. Renji reached up, grabbed Shuuhei's hand, and rolled to his side. Shuuhei caught his breath and tried to slow his pulse as he found his front pressed against Renji's back.

_Oh gods… oh gods…_

Shuuhei didn't know what to do. The feel of Renji's skin against his own was intense, the smell of Renji's hair was completely intoxicating, and the warmth of his body so close… _gods so close_…

He had to move. He had to move now! If Renji were to wake up and find him like this, their friendship would probably be over. Renji would never speak to him again, and Shuuhei couldn't live with that.

Slowly, he tried to slide his hand out from Renji's grasp, bit by tiny bit. But just as he thought he was free, Renji tightened his grip.

_Shit!_

Renji groaned, and Shuuhei held his breath. That was a sound he had heard in his dreams thousands and thousands of times. Alone at night in his quarters, he would imagine that sound as he brought himself to release with a hiss and an arm over his eyes. He would arch his back as he came in his hand, and try to envision what the face accompanying that moan would look like in the throes of passion.

"_Stay_…" came Renji's almost inaudible voice.

_Gods, I would stay with you forever if you wanted me to Renji… But I'm not the woman you're dreaming about…_

This had to stop.

"Renji," he whispered gently, "Renji you have to let me go…"

But Renji pulled Shuuhei's arm tighter around himself.

"_No_." The red head whispered back, "_I will not_."

_Shit, shit…_

"Renji I can't stay here, you have to let go."

Renji caved in on himself again, curling into a fetal position.

"_Please…_" he whispered agonizingly soft, "_please don't leave me…_"

Shuuhei dropped his head onto a broad shoulder, and was contemplating that maybe staying the night was worth the beating in the morning, when Renji's shoulders began to shake. Shuuhei's head snapped up, ready to shout and curse at the bastard for playing this cruel of a joke on him. But then he realized Renji wasn't laughing…

He was crying.

Sobs wracked his body, soundless and violent. He held Shuuhei's hand so tightly the slighter man felt bones creaking.

Shuuhei was stunned, shocked into immobility a second time. Who had hurt Renji so much, that this was what he was reduced to? The great Abarai Renji, who never gave up, never backed down, even when he faced the whole of Soul Society?

Renji sucked in air through his teeth. "_Please… don't leave me Ichigo…_"

Shuuhei was finding it hard to breath; the air was too thick. For several minutes, the dark haired man held the other as he cried. The convulsing sobs eventually gave way to panting. Then even that conceded to exhaustion.

Shuuhei lay pressed against Renji's back, listening to the steady in and out. Felt the beat of the others heart against his chest.

_Ichigo? Had he and Ichigo…_

A ray of hope stirred inside Shuuhei's heart. He made his decision. Sinking down into the futon, he curled himself around Renji's form. Bringing his lips to Renji's ear, Shuuhei whispered. "It's okay Renji. I'm here."

Renji made a small noise, and pulled his arm tighter.

_This could be the dumbest thing I've ever done…_

But at that moment, it didn't matter. Shuuhei cared too much for the stupid red head to leave him alone.

As sleep found him, Shuuhei sighed to himself.

_I can't help it…_

_To be continued…_


	3. Morning After Pill

Chapter 3

The first thought that entered Renji's mind when he awoke was: he hoped the hollow who had smashed in his head, had died slowly and painfully. The room was spinning even before he opened his eyes. He was sure if death had an aftertaste, that's what lingered on his tough.

But then he remembered he had not been fighting hollows the night before; he was back in Soul Society, and had been drinking- a lot.

The second thought that Renji had, pushed the first straight out of his head. As he stirred, he felt the warmth of a hard body half underneath him, and the weight of a hand resting on his chest.

He stilled, feeling the rise and fall of the chest against his shoulders; the soft breath blowing in his hair.

_Who…?_

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking against the soft rays of sunlight kissing the skin of his face. He took in the ceiling, the window, the Sixth Division roster hanging on the wall.

_Home? When did I come home?_More importantly, who was lying underneath him? He sat up slowly, and almost groaned as the room tilted. His vision swam, and he had to press the heels of his palms into his eye sockets for a few seconds.

When he felt he would not fall over, he lowered his hands, and turned his head slowly.

Shuuhei lay on his back behind him. His left arm was outstretched, and the skin of his shoulder was red where Renji's head had been resting. The sunlight played across his face, and touched the spikes of his dark hair making the tips seem almost purple.

Renji's shoulders relaxed a little. _Should have known, _he thought, _Shuuhei would make sure I made it home alright._

Although, that didn't explain why he was still here…

Renji tried to tear his eyes from the sleeping shinigami. Shuuhei was very attractive all the time, but he was downright _gorgeous_ when he slept. The hard lines in his forehead were smooth, and the tension in his jaw was gone.

Facing forward again, Renji scrubbed his face with his hands. This didn't make any sense. Shuuhei hadn't been drinking last night so why was he crashed in Renji's quarters? For that matter, why had Shuuhei been _cuddling_ with him?

_Not that I'm complaining… But I don't know if I can handle this right now…_

Reaching his arms back, he pulled his fingers through his hair and separated the mass into three sections. Pulling it over his shoulder, he started a braid. The motion calmed him, and he began to think a little clearer.

Everything after arriving at the tavern was hazy. He could remember some conversation, and Yumichika flirting with Kira, but not much more. Maybe he was wrong and Shuuhei had started drinking. That would explain at least a little.

_I hope he's not pissed when he wakes up…_

As if on cue, he heard a deep sigh as Shuuhei started to stir. He tensed slightly, and then heard Shuuhei's lazy voice.

"Morning…"

X x X x X x XShuuhei woke when Renji sat up, but he kept his eyes closed. He wanted to see Renji's reaction to his being there, and hoped the red head was less likely to immediately beat the shit out of him if he was still sleeping.

He lay still as death, concentrating on deep even breaths as Renji turned to look at him. It took every drop of his resolve to appear peaceful while waiting for an attack. He felt Renji's eyes all over him, and he was about to give up and say- "Alright! Alright! You caught me! I'm awake!"- When he felt the other man turn back around.

_Alright, faze one complete: Not Dead._

He opened his eyes, and immediately had to choke back a gasp.

Renji sat in a pool of sunlight. It danced across his skin, making the bronze glow and his accretion of tattoos seem almost glossy. His hair was a cascade of crimson. It reflected the light, making the strands shine like copper.

Shuuhei wanted desperately to reach up and tangle his hands in that hair. Bury his face in the wine colored locks and lose himself in Renji's scent.

That was why he almost lost it when Renji raised his arms and started _playing _with it. No, not playing… His movements were deliberate. His fingers worked three sections over his shoulder and started to form a thick braid.

Lying there, Shuuhei realized that watching Renji braid his hair in the soft morning light was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

He also realized that he had become so aroused, it was getting painful. His erection strained under the folds of his hakama, thick and hot.

_Shit._

He couldn't risk Renji turning back around and seeing him in this state; time to 'wake up'.

He first pulled a leg up to shield as much of his growing problem as he could. Then he stretched and sighed deeply, like he'd heard his partners do many times before in the early mornings.

He saw Renji tense and quickly tried to ease the situation.

"Morning…" he said, nonchalantly as he could.

Renji finished braiding and cleared his throat.

"M… morning…"

"How's your head?"

"I'm surprised it's still attached."

Shuuhei snickered. _Good, faze two complete: Renji Still Talks To __You__…_

Renji glanced over his shoulder, but not directly at Shuuhei.

"Do you…" he started, stopped, and then started again, "Do you know where my hair tie is?"

Shuuhei lifted his head. "Uh, yeah," Looking around he saw the band lying beside the futon where he had discarded it the night before. He sat up, and handed it to Renji. "Here…"

Renji accepted it with a soft 'thank you', and secured his hair.

Shuuhei scooted forward to sit beside his friend.

"Did you sleep okay?" he asked.

Renji nodded, but his brow started to furrow.

Shuuhei noticed, and a knot tightened in his stomach. He didn't want to ask, but he had to.

"What's wrong?"

Renji still didn't look at him. He just gazed intently at the sheets, and nervously stoked his braid.

"I was…" he swallowed, "I was just wondering why you were… still here."

_Just tell him the truth._

"I helped you home last night, and you asked me to stay… so I stayed."

Renji's stare lifted to Shuuhei's chest.

"I asked you to?"

Shuuhei shrugged, "Yeah…"

The red head finally lifted his eyes to look at his friend. Shuuhei expected to see confusion, or maybe even annoyance. But to his surprise, the brown gaze held a calm delight. There was almost happiness reflected back at him.

Shuuhei felt a little giddy.

"You stayed just because I asked?" Renji was almost smiling.

Shuuhei looked away. He felt a slight heat on his cheeks, and couldn't look the beautiful man in the face anymore.

"It's no big deal," he shrugged again, "It's not like it's the first time we've slept together."

It was Renji's turn to snicker.

"That was in a cave with like eight other people."

Shuuhei grinned, "You still cuddled with me."

"Did not!"

"Oh yes you did!" Shuuhei laughed, and dodged the punch aimed for his shoulder.

"Oi…" Renji stopped laughing, and brought his hands to his temples, "Stop making me laugh. My head hurts."

Shuuhei got to his feet, and moved toward the other room.

"Where are you going?" Renji groaned after him.

"Hold on!" Shuuhei called from the kitchen.

X x X x X x X

Shuuhei returned a few seconds later with a glass of water. He sat down, and fished a small package out of his haori. He opened it, and pulled out a small pill. He handed the pill and the glass of water to Renji.

Renji frowned at the pill in his hand. "What is this?"

"I take them for anxiety." Shuuhei explained, "They really help with nausea too."

Renji popped the pill and downed the water without another word. Anything to make the throbbing stop.

Shuuhei began folding up the small package. Delicately, carefully, every crease was folded back exactly the way it was before, in the same order.

Renji watched the meticulous folding and chuckled.

"Don't make fun of me," Shuuhei frowned, "not this early in the morning."

"They have a word for what you do in the real world." Renji said thoughtfully, "Ishida was talking about it once. He kinda does it too."

"Really?" Shuuhei smiled, "what is it?"

"I don't remember exactly."

Shuuhei snorted. "Well if they have a word for it, then lots of people must do it. So it can't be that weird."

"Well, they have a word for people who talk to trees too. And that _is_ weird."

"Shut up!" Shuuhei was laughing again, "I don't do anything weird like talk to trees. I just like to… fix stuff."

"And wash your hands all the time."

"Yeah, and wash my hands all the time."

"And count under your breath while you're walking."

"Okay, okay!"

"So you're weird."

Shuuhei sighed in resignation. Renji watched and grinned as pink spread from his friends cheeks and down his neck as he put the package back in his haori.

Conversation was so comfortable with Shuuhei; it always had been. He had missed it more than he realized.

He watched as Shuuhei lifted his gaze to look at the tattoos on his arms. Renji kept watching as his friend's attention moved up his braid… to the tattoos on his neck… his mouth… his forehead. There it stopped, and he got one of his intense expressions.

"Hisagi," Renji whispered.

"Huh?" Shuuhei said distracted.

"You're looking at me funny."

"Sorry." Shuuhei said, but didn't look away. He reached up, and pushed back a loose strand of red hair.

Renji's grin disappeared at the contact, but he didn't pull away. He just stared at Shuuhei's face as the slighter shinigami pulled back pieces of seditious hair, and tucked them back with the rest. He loved it when people played with his hair. Shuuhei's fingers were gentle; every movement was precise, but delicate. Renji sighed softly as his eyes started to close. He wanted to lean into Shuuhei's touch, to feel that caress on his face, his neck… But he held himself steady, knowing that Shuuhei wouldn't appreciate that at all. He was just fixing his hair.

Because that's what Shuuhei did. He fixed stuff.

"I missed you Renji…"

Renji's eyes snapped open. He wasn't sure which had startled him more- the fact Shuuhei had actually called him by his given name, or that he had said it in the sexiest voice Renji had ever heard: Deep and throaty, almost a growl. But still soft, just like his touch.

Renji's traitorous mind thought for an instant if that's what he sounded like when he…

_STOP!_

Shuuhei seemed to have realized what he had said a moment later. He froze, and pulled his hand away quickly.

"Sorry," he said with wide eyes, "I can't help it."

_Can't help being sexy as fuck? Yeah, I know!_

"It's okay…" Renji coughed, and to ease the tension he added, "Weirdo."

"Shut up…" his smile had returned, "Lush."

Before Renji could hit him, Shuuhei was on his feet straightening his hakama and running his hands through his hair.

"What do you have to do today?" He asked.

Renji shrugged, "Kuchiki Taichou will have something no doubt." He was dreading the encounter with his Captain that afternoon. Kuchiki Byakuya had been called into a meeting the day before so Renji hadn't seen him yet. He was sure his Taichou had mountains of paperwork waiting for him.

Shuuhei located his tabi, and moved toward the door.

"Well, if you have time tonight," Shuuhei said, "come find me and I'll buy you dinner."

Renji was surprised to see the other man flush suddenly, and must have been staring at him for a while because Shuuhei started to shift his feet uncomfortably.

"Or… you don't have to…"

Renji shook his head. "No! No, sounds good! I'll come find you! I'm going to have to go out anyway, I don't have anything here."

Shuuhei smiled again, and opened the door.

"Alright, I'll see you later."

Renji watched as Shuuhei closed the door behind him.

"Later."

He fell back on the bed and closed his eyes.

_What the hell just happened?_

X x X x X x X

"Abarai-san!" Someone called, "Oi, Abarai-san! Welcome back!"

Renji smiled and waved, but cringed on the inside. People had been bombarding him with greetings, good-lucks, and pats on the back all morning. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate them; it was just a little overwhelming for him at the moment. Especially, now that he was heading toward his Captain's office. Thank the gods Shuuhei had given him that pill. Not only had it helped with the nausea, but it had also relaxed his muscles, quelling his anxiety ever so slightly.

He passed a few more enthusiastic rookies, and a small group of female shinigami who tittered and giggled as he politely bowed and scurried away.

Now he stood before the Sixth Division offices, clenching his fists, and trying to slow his heartbeat.

_No good standing here. He already knows you're here…_

He pushed open the door, and stuck his head in.

"Kuchiki Taichou?" He breathed.

Inside, he saw Kuchiki Byakuya sitting at his desk drinking tea. He was facing away, looking out the window.

"Come in Abarai." His Captain's voice was deep and airy. It would be seductive if it wasn't so terrifying.

The moment Renji slipped inside the office and closed the door, he felt the familiar reiatsu pressing on him. But it didn't seem as stifling as it once was.

_Hang around Ichigo enough and everyone else's reiatsu seems __wussy__…_

"I regret that I was not here for your return Abarai. I was called away on trivial matters. If I had a choice I would have seen you yesterday."

Renji shifted uncomfortably, "No, I understand Taichou, you had important things to do. It doesn't matter."

Byakuya turned to face him. He was still perfect as ever; not a blemish on his porcelain skin, not a hair out of place. He set down his tea cup and perfectly manicured fingers laced together and rested under his nose.

"It does matter Abarai. My Fukutaichou returning after two years of field work is a significant occurrence. I sincerely apologize."

Renji was stunned- his Captain was _apologizing to him_? There must be a catch… Or this was a test... Maybe it was the pill...

Byakuya regarded him for a few moments; a few moments which stretched an eternity for Renji. He felt he was standing there naked and dirty, and his Captain was deciding the best way to clean him off.

Finally Byakuya spoke.

"You need a haircut…"

Renji let out the breath he was holding; of course it was something like that. Byakuya always had some kind of advice for him on how to be less of a ruffian, something to remind the tattooed shinigami that he was still a stray dog from Rukongai's 78th district.

This was really why he hadn't been happy about seeing his Captain.

"I kinda like it Taichou…" Renji challenged.

But to his surprise, Byakuya just shrugged. "Alright," he sighed, "whatever you like Abarai."

_WOA! What that hell?! Is Taichou sick?!_

"Excuse me Taichou?" Renji was gawking; this had to be a test.

"I'm not going to be telling you what to do forever Abarai," Byakuya sighed again, "Do what you want with your hair. I must admit I have always found it… alluring. The color anyway…"

Renji had only been this shocked one other time, and that was when a fifteen year old human kid had come blazing into Soul Society and beaten the shit out of him.

"I'm… not following Taichou… Are you testing me or something?" He knew the best way talk to Byakuya, was to be straightforward with him.

His Captain looked at him with intense eyes. "You'll be able to do whatever you want with your appearance when you make Captain, Abarai."

Renji blinked several times and swallowed thickly. _Did he just say 'when' I become Captain?_

Renji wondered vaguely if he had drunk himself retarded the night before.

_This is so surreal..._

"I don't know how likely that is Taichou…" he looked at the floor, "I think I may have screwed up a few too many times."

Byakuya still regarded him with that piercing gaze. "You don't think you'll make it?"

Renji, still looking at the floor, shook his head slowly.

Lowering his hands, Byakuya sat forward slightly.

"Is that what's bothering you?"

Renji looked back up into the dark eyes, suddenly defensive. "Who said anything's bothering me? I'm fine… just a little on edge about the board. I don't really give a shit about making Captain or not."

Byakuya relaxed back in the chair, one eyebrow lifted.

"Just as I thought…" He said in almost a whisper.

Renji was getting mad. He took a few steps toward the desk and griped the edge, fingernails digging into the polished wood.

"_What_ did you think? What the hell is this?"

Byakuya folded his hands, and placed them under his nose again.

"I was just confirming by sight, what I had suspected in your voice."

Now Renji was mad _and_ frustrated.

_I need to be careful;__ this pill is making my head fuzzy..._

He managed a quick, "Huh?"

Byakuya sighed for a third time, and Renji bit back the "You're gonna make yourself pass out" that burned on his tough.

"Over the last few months, when you would call in for reports, I noticed something in your voice. A slight… change in timber if you would. But I couldn't be sure until I saw you face to face."

Renji stood and crossed his arms, "You're kinda creeping me out Taichou."

"I apologize."

"_Please_ don't apologize, that creeps me out too."

Byakuya just sat and looked at him. It seemed the more uncomfortable Renji got, the more relaxed his Captain became. It wasn't fair; Renji didn't want to play this game anymore.

"I really don't want to talk about this Taichou. Can you just give me whatever paperwork or assignments you're going to give me?"

Byakuya smiled beneath his hands. "I have no assignments for you Abarai. I want you to relax these next few days. Maybe take some time to try and clear up whatever is bothering you."

Renji backed away from the desk as if he'd been struck. He could take his Captain's snide remarks, his distaste, and his constant suggestions of improvement…

But he could not take his pity.

Seething, the red head straightened. "Okay then, I'll just be going. Thank you for your time. I'll report to you tomorrow."

He turned stiffly toward the exit, desperate to get out of the office. Desperate to find some far away corner and scream his head off until his lungs exploded.

Byakuya's voice stopped him as he opened the door.

"Abarai…"

Renji clenched his jaw. "_What,_" he said through his teeth.

"Whatever happened in the real world that's dragging you down like this… you need to find a way to fix it. It's over now… This is where you belong."

The words stung; they tore at Renji's heart. Every nerve, every muscle, every fiber of the tall shinigami's being wanted to turn around and scream at Byakuya. Scream how he had no idea what he was going through, no fucking idea how much he didn't want to belong here anymore. How much he just wanted to go back to the real world and be with Ichigo. It didn't matter that the stupid asshole didn't love him. Renji just wanted to be with him.

But with outstanding resolve, that surprised even himself, he turned his head and nodded.

"Thank you Kuchiki Taichou. I'll try."

With that he left, and mentally padded himself on the back for not slamming the door.

_To be continued…_


	4. Green Tea

There's a whole bunch or weird lines in this document and I don't know how to get rid of them. Just ignore them. Sorry 'bout the confusion. ;D

Chapter 4

Shuuhei absentmindedly counted the stack of reports he held in his hands as he made his way through Ninth Division. He wasn't sure if it was the first time or the fifth, and it didn't really matter; counting relaxed him. He nodded his greetings as figures passed him, a "Konichiwa" here and there to especially eager rookies, but more or less ignored everyone.

His thoughts were on the impending panel next week, yes. But the worry and nervousness he had been feeling for almost a year had faded from a raging fire, to a steady boil.

No matter how daunting the image of the board seemed, it was taking a back seat to memories of Renji's skin aganst his own; of thick red hair soft on his cheek.

_"You stayed just because I asked?"…_

Shuuhei's chest tightened as he remembered the look on Renji's face as he said those words. He knew the red head was lonely, but until then he had no idea just how far the anguish reached; just how deep Renji's pain really went.

_No one should ever have to feel that alone…_

His invitation for dinner had slipped out before he could stop it. He was determined to help Renji, but hadn't meant to be so forward. He'd felt like an idiot standing there, but had almost _danced _out of the room when Renji had accepted.

Just thinking about it made him want to dance again, but he settled for counting the stack of reports instead. How would that look if the Ninth Division Vice Captain started _dancing down the hallways_? Everyone would assume the stress had finally overtaken him and he had snapped. No Captain position for him.

As he rounded the last corner he slowed, confused at what he saw. Three female shinigami were crowded around his door giggling and whispering amongst themselves. They were taking turns peeking through the small opening into his office.

Shuuhei felt his eyebrow twitch. What was there to giggle about in his office? He moved up behind the trio, and placed his free hand on his hip.

"Excuse me ladies."

The girls jumped about three feet in the air as they turned to face him. They were startled, but to his surprise, they hadn't lost their grins.

"Hisagi Fukutaichou!" The tallest one said, "We're sorry! We didn't see you!"

Shuuhei rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't have seen a hollow until it had bitten you in the ass Yukiko-chan. What are you three doing?"

To further his surprise, the three giggled again. But the small girl with blond hair- he remembered her as Manami- quickly composed herself and replied.

"Abarai Renji is in your office Fukutaichou."

"And he's all hot and sweaty!" whispered the third.

Shuuhei's eyes widened stupidly, "Abarai?" _What is Renji doing in my office? _

Yukiko spoke again, "He's been gone so long Fukutaichou, we forgot how…" she grinned at her friends, "nice he was to look at…"

Suddenly Shuuhei was worried. _What if he's mad now that he's had a chance to think over this morning? What if he's come to tell me he doesn't want to be around me for a while?_

"Hisagi Fukutaichou?" Yukiko said quietly, "Are you alright?"

Shuuhei shook his head, "How long has he been here?"

"About an hour," Manami replied, "He looked really mad when he first got here, but he's been looking at your log book and has calmed down some."

_Byakuya,_ Shuuhei thought, _he's usually a little out of sorts after seeing his Taichou._

Shuuhei straightened, regaining a little of his confidence.

"He's probably here about our dinner plans," he couldn't contain his smirk when the three girls jaws dropped and dark blushes appeared on their cheeks, "If you'll excuse me ladies."

He slipped passed them and almost laughed as they sprinted down the hall almost squealing. _Let them think what they want… _

He entered his office, and closed the door. Renji was sitting in a chair by the window arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He looked up when he saw Shuuhei, and to the dark haired man's delight, the scowl faded slightly.

"Your Division is annoying." Renji said simply.

"They're in love with you," Shuuhei teased as he placed the reports on his desk and sat, "Abarai Renji: tattooed, bad boy attitude, one of the saviors of Soul Society, what's a girl gonna do?"

"You're one of the saviors too," Renji pouted, "and you have tattoos…"

"I'm not a bad boy."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Shuuhei grinned, "Girls don't make sense."

The muscles in Renji's face relaxed a little as he smiled. He was doing it again… Shuuhei always knew what to say to calm him down.

"So what are you doing here?" Shuuhei asked, "And why are you so dirty?"

Renji felt a little embarrassed; he looked at the floor.

"My Taichou's an asshole."

"Ah," Shuuhei leaned back in his chair, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, "I see your meeting went well."

Renji snorted, "Zambimaru and I went to blow off some steam in the woods. I'm sorry for coming here like this."

"It's okay," Shuuhei said sitting back up to grab a pen off his desk, "better you go kill some trees then come straight here and take it out on me."

Laughing softly but keeping his gaze on the floor, Renji shrugged, "Anyway, I don't have anything else to do… and I didn't want to go home so…"

_You came to see me??!!! _Shuuhei thought, _YES!!!_ The urge to dance was taking over again. But he settled for clicking the pen's plunger in a slow steady rhythm.

"So no mountain of paperwork?" he asked the slumped red head.

"No," Renji replied, "I told you my Taichou's an asshole."

Shuuhei stopped clicking the pen and closed his eyes. His forehead wrinkled a little in confusion. _Okay, I'll tr__y to figure that one out later…_

He stood, and placed the pen back on the desk, "How about lunch?"

Renji looked up at the smiling face. Shuuhei was still so kind to him, even though Renji had all but forgotten he existed.

He suddenly felt like shit for not keeping in touch with his old friend.

"Yeah," Renji sighed, "Lunch sounds good."

X x X x X x X

Shuuhei took Renji to a small restaurant on the east side of Seireitei. It was build back from the road, so it was almost hidden. Inside it was quiet, and the only other patrons were a few older shinigami and one or two figures that looked like they were from Central 46.

"Woa, Hisagi, this place looks expensive." Renji whispered.

Shuuhei chuckled, "Nope, it's a gem. It's cheap and no one knows about it. I can come here and do my paperwork while eating the best beef in Soul Society."

A small woman with long black hair, wearing green to match the tapestries and floor cushions, scurried to meet them at the door.

"Irasshaimase," she said, and led them to a table.

As Shuuhei sat, he looked up at the woman and whispered, "Did you get it Aya-san?

Aya smiled fondly at Shuuhei, and nodded. "Yes Hisagi-kun. We started preparing it when you arrived."

With that she scurried away. Shuuhei turned to Renji and gave him a grin that would make Ikkaku blanch.

"Oi, what?" Renji asked, "You look scary."

"This is the only place that serves my favorite tea." Shuuhei was still grinning like a madman, but it was directed at Aya as she returned with a tray.

Renji almost laughed. _Of course Shuuhei would get that excited over something like tea…_

Aya served the tea, and stood watching Shuuhei as he took his cup and slowly raised it to his lips. Closing his eyes, he paused for a moment to take in the pleasantly mild aroma. Then his lips parted, and he slowly poured the liquid into his mouth. He rolled the tea on his tough, savoring the naturally sweet yet intense flavor. He groaned his approval and opened his eyes to look at Renji under heavy lids.

"Try some," he said dreamily, "It's called Matcha Hikari."

Renji tried to keep his mouth closed. He was sure if he opened it he would drool on himself. How did Shuuhei turn something as innocent as drinking tea into something so _erotic_?

He lifted his cup, and took a sip; he had to admit it was very good. The red head tried to concentrate on the green liquid and not on Shuuhei as he all but made love to his tea cup.

He almost blushed in embarrassment as he felt a familiar heat between his thighs.

_I'm so glad this table is here…_

Aya made a noise before taking the tray, and pressed it to her chest. "I'm glad you like it Hisagi-kun."

"Hmmm, thank you Aya-san." Shuuhei murmured.

Renji looked up and saw the blush on the young girls' cheeks. Her gaze flickered to Renji for a half second before she looked at the ground, the small blush reddening and spreading over her nose.

A light giggle attracted his attention to the kitchen, and he almost laughed when he saw two more women, probably Aya's mother and sister by the look of them, watching Shuuhei and whispering to each other.

_Can't blame them… Shuuhei's like a porno…_

"What would you like for lunch gentlemen?" Aya stammered, remembering her job.

Shuuhei sighed again happily, "Have you decided what you want Abarai?"

Renji realized he hadn't looked at the menu. "Um," he blinked, knowing he looked like an idiot, "I have no idea. Just order for me."

Shuuhei ordered beef domburi for himself and sukiyaki with egg dip for Renji. When Aya scurried away, Renji grinned and leaned toward his euphoric friend.

"You come here a lot huh?"

Shuuhei looked up and lowered his tea cup.

"Not really, once or twice a month. Why?"

Renji sat back and shrugged, "They seem to like you here."

"Hm," was all Shuuhei said as he shrugged, and when back to his tea.

Renji looked at a tapestry as he said absently, "You ever brought anyone here before?"

Shuuhei nodded, "I brought Kira once. Back when things were still… difficult."

Renji looked back at his friend, "How is he?"

Shuuhei took another sip. "He's one hundred times better. The news of Gin's death helped him take that final step. He's almost back to the way he was before… Well, he's better."

The food came, and Renji was impressed. Everything was excellent just like Shuuhei had said. The two ate in comfortable silence broken only by a comment on the cooking, or Renji asking what something was.

"How do you know so much about food?" Renji asked between bites.

Shuuhei shrugged, "I like to cook."

Renji raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Shuuhei nodded, and moved a piece of beef with his chopsticks. Slowly leaning into his bowl, he seemed to be looking for something.

Renji settled down to watch this display of fidgeting. He knew he should say something, but Shuuhei's little quirk was very engaging.

Shuuhei dug around for a few more seconds with a very focused expression on his face before uncovering another piece of beef. He straightened, and put both pieces of meat in his mouth.

Renji frowned, that one he didn't get. He was still frowning when Shuuhei looked up at him.

"What?" He asked around his food.

"You eat funny too," Renji dipped his meat in the egg before popping it in his mouth, "What are you doing?"

Shuuhei stopped chewing and looked at him dead-pan. After a few moments of silence, Renji worried he wasn't going to answer. But then Shuuhei actually blushed, and sighed.

"I have to have equal food on each side," Shuuhei mumbled, "I thought I only had one piece of beef left."

The other four patrons in the small restaurant, turned towards their table in surprise as Renji threw his head back and cackled hysterically.

Shuuhei contemplated crawling under the table.

_Well, at least I got him to laugh… really laugh…_

As Renji calmed down, and wiped the tears from his eyes, Shuuhei decided now was a good time as any to ask what he had been wondering since earlier.

"So, why was Kuchiki Taichou an asshole today?" he didn't look up from his plate. He felt he was slightly out on a limb, but he wanted to know why Renji had been so mad.

Renji fell silent, and set his chopsticks down.

After a few moments, he answered, "Because he told me he believes I'll make Captain…"

Shuuhei tried not to choke on his rice. "What? _Kuchiki Taichou_ actually said that?" He looked up at Renji who was staring at the floor.

_Wait, oops, try that again._

"I mean, yeah everyone knows you'll make it, but for _Kuchiki Taichou_ to come right out and say it… That's something that doesn't happen every day!"

"It doesn't _ever _happen." Renji said softly.

Shuuhei was very confused, "So… why were you mad?"

Renji shrugged, "I just… don't know if I…"

Shuuhei leaned forward, "Don't know if you what?"

The red head looked up and Shuuhei saw that pain again. That same lonely anguish he had seen that morning. It made his heart ache, and he longed to hold the red head in his arms again and tell him it would be alright.

Renji chewed the inside of his lip.

"I don't know if I want to be a Captain anymore…"

X x X x X x X

The walk back to Renji's quarters was long and melancholy. Renji stared at the ground, and Shuuhei watched him out the corner of his eye. There was no tension between them, just sadness; for Shuuhei at least. It frustrated him that Renji wouldn't talk about his feelings about being Captain. And where did those feelings come from anyway? Renji had aspired to be a Captain for as long as Shuuhei had known him. Everything he had ever done since becoming a shinigami was an attempt to better himself so he could surpass his Taichou. It had always been his dream… where had it gone?

_Maybe it's because of that damn__ Kuro__saki…_

Shuuhei was starting to hate that kid. If what he suspected was right, and Renji didn't want Captain so he could go back to the real world and be with Ichigo… Shuuhei's hands balled into fists. He had gotten so frustrated in the restaurant, at Renji's lack of communication, that he had almost made an irrevocable mistake. He needed to calm down, take a step back and find out if his suspicions about Renji and the orange haired punk were right, before throwing accusations of giving up dreams for people you couldn't be with.

When they reached Sixth Division, Renji finally spoke.

"You didn't have to walk me back you know."

Shuuhei shrugged, he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"It's no problem. Ninth Division pretty much runs itself."

Renji nodded and climbed the step to his door. "I'll see you later tonight. I'll probably be with Ikkaku and Yumichika."

Shuuhei didn't say anything as Renji slid open the shoji, but right before it closed, he called out.

"Oi, Abarai."

Renji leaned his head back out, "Hm?"

Shuuhei took a deep breath.

"You know I'm here for you… if you ever need to talk about anything… If you ever need… anything…"

A flicker of surprise passed over Renji's features, but was gone an instant later, replaced by a genuine smile.

"Thank you Hisagi…" He said softly.

Shuuhei nodded and turned to go, his heart pounding in his throat as he tried to ignore the tremor in his hands. He could feel Renji's eyes on him as he made his way out of Sixth Division, and it was all he could do to not look back.

X x X x X x X

Ichigo lay in bed restless. I was late and he couldn't sleep… again. The red maple tree outside the bedroom window cast shadows across the ceiling, and the cool breeze played across his bare skin.

He sat up, and made his way to the window. He looked out at the full moon and sighed heavily. It had been a little more than a week since Renji had left, and he hadn't slept well since.

Inoue stirred, and opened her eyes.

Ichigo stood with his arms crossed by the open window, naked and bathed in moonlight. Every curve and every defined muscle was sharpened by the silver glow. He looked at that moment, not a twenty year old college student, but a warrior. The set of his shoulders, the grace of his stance; she could almost taste the power that radiated from his skin.

But she knew him well enough to recognize when he was upset. He put on a good show of being detached from the situation, but Inoue read him like a picture book.

She rose from the bed, and joined him at the window. She put her arms around his waist and the skin of her breasts softy brushed the scarred flesh of his back.

He put his hand over hers, and sighed again.

"It's just not the same without him here." He whispered.

Inoue kissed his shoulder blade, and hugged him closer. There was nothing she could say, so she just held him.

He turned around and slid his arms around her. He kissed her forehead and cheeks. Gentle kisses, nothing like the ones he had placed over her body just a few hours before. She shivered and closed her eyes.

"Do you need to go?" she asked.

He nodded into her neck. "I can't sleep, I'm driving myself crazy." He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "I just need to stretch my legs."

Inoue nodded, and kissed his lips.

"Okay," she whispered into his mouth. She knew there was more than one kind of release, and Ichigo needed this one more than any other tonight.

He pulled her back to the bed, and grabbed his substitute badge from the night stand. As she curled around him, he kissed her once more before leaving his body.

"I'll be back soon, Inoue…" he said from the window as her eyes started to close.

"Be safe…" she whispered.

Now he was flying over rooftops, no destination in mind. He just wanted to feel the wind on his face, feel the blood pumping through his veins; Zangetsu ready in his hand.

His feet carried him to his high school. He walked the grounds, memories flooding through him as places reminded him of good times and bad; friends, enemies, laughter and sadness.

He made his way across town to the place where he first met Chad. He remembered thinking how freakishly tall the guy was, and softly chuckled to himself. His next stop was the park where he had first fought Ishida; loud mouthed, and bossy, more interested in talking than fighting…

His rounds were always the same. He visited the same places every night, in the same order. And his last stop was always the river.

The river where his mother died.

He stood on the bank and watched the blades of grass pulled by the currant. He wondered, as he did every night, if his mother would be proud of him. If she would still smile when she saw him, or pat him on the head if she knew how many he had killed. Yes they had been Arrancar and Espada, but even hollows had once been a human soul… a life.

Would his mother have hated him for all the deaths he had caused?

"Kurosaki Ichigo…" A raspy voice said behind him.

Ichigo whirled around to face a tall figure in a long ragged cloak, a large cowl covered his head, and the lower half of his face was covered by a black cloth.

"Who the fuck, are you?" Ichigo spat.

The figure raised its head slightly, revealing golden eyes surrounded in pools of black.

Ichigo froze and his heart sank to his knees. He had seen those eyes before, he saw them many, many times. Those were the same eyes that bore into his when he was face to face with Shirosaki, his inner hollow.

_What the fuck is this guy?_

Ichigo started to bring his sword up, but found Zangetsu weighed almost nothing. He looked down and almost screamed as he watched the blade start to dissolve. Like peeling paint, the shinogi fell away and evaporated on the ground.

_Shit! What's happening!!?_

The figure in front of him laughed. It sounded like sandpaper on concrete.

"You will pay for what you have done Kurosaki…"

Ichigo braced himself and flew at the stranger. There was no way he was letting this piece of shit scare him. He'd defeated Aizen for fuck's sake!

But his movements were slow, almost as if he were underwater. The thing before him dodged easily, and before Ichigo could react, an arm was through his chest.

He looked up, and met those eyes again. The hollow sneered, and pulled the young shinigami close.

"I've waited more than four years to kill you Kurosaki. It's too bad it ended so quickly."

As the arm pulled out of his body, Ichigo only had one thought before darkness overtook him.

How funny it was that a hand through his chest felt familiar…

* * *

_To be continued…_

* * *


	5. Since Forever

Chapter 5

It wasn't that Hitsugaya Toshiro _hated_ everyone; hate was such a strong word. He just had a deep _dislike_ for anyone who didn't take him seriously… which was virtually everyone.

He had risen to the rank of Captain faster than anyone in the history of Sereniti, (besides Zaraki Kenpachi, but he didn't really count). He had run his division to beyond the standard for many years. He had also led several of the most crucial battles in the war against Aizen.

He took his job very seriously, and it infuriated him that people still saw him as a child. It frustrated him to the point of breaking things that he was not treated with proper respect at times.

That was the reason he threw the book at the shinigami who had burst into his office without ceremony. It was common courtesy, it was respectful, _and they__ were fucking military for fuck sake!_ Would this idiot have just busted into Kuchiki Taichou's office? _No_! He would have fucking knocked first!

Hitsugaya kept his face blank and lifted his coffee cup to his lips. He went back to looking over the reports on his desk while he waited for the asshole on the floor to stop seeing stars. Ever since his long stretch in the real world, he had acquired a strong liking for the strange drink. He approved of the richness and the bitter taste it left in his mouth. He took it strong and strait, no fucking sugar- he _really disliked _sweets.

The skinny shinigami sat up and rubbed his head. It seemed like he was about to complain, but then he remembered where he was.

"Hitsugaya Taichou!" he squeaked, and moved to his knees, "There's a problem!"

Hitsugaya closed his eyes. "There's always a problem Jiro, look who your Fukutaichou is. Be more specific."

Jiro held up his hands, shaking them furiously, "No! No! Taichou! There's a problem in the real world!"

The small Captain's eyebrow twitched as he fought down the urge to bark. "Again, there's _always_ a problem in the real world. _Be more specific_."

Jiro stood and moved toward the desk, his distress evident. "I have no idea what's happened! He just said to summon you and Matsumoto Fukutaichou to the Meeting Hall immediately!"

"They want Matsumoto?" Hitsugaya set down his cup and stood, a little more interested, "Who is 'he'?"

"Yamamoto Sotaichou!" Jiro stammered, "He wants you now! Excuse me! I have to go get Zaraki Taichou!"

And with that he was out of the room.

Hitsugaya stared after him, his frown gone. _What the hell?_ What could possibly be happening to call a meeting with Vice Captains? He grabbed his communicator off his desk and paged Matsumoto.

She answered in her usual overenthusiastic voice. "Taichou! Hello! What are you doing? You want to go have tea?"

He growled at her familiarity. "Your day off is over. Come to the Meeting Hall."

He hung up before she could reply.

He sighed deeply as he left the office. He had some idea of what this whole thing was probably about.

_Kurosaki's probably done something stupid again..._

Oh well, at the very least, going back to the real world would give him a chance to get more coffee.

X x X x X x X

Shuuhei stood in the Meeting Hall next to Shunsui Kyoraku. The Eighth Division Captain smelled like a mixture of sake and roses; a nice smell, not too strong. Shuuhei wondered absently how that man got away with drinking all day and never performing his duties.

This wasn't the first time Shuuhei had stood in the Meeting Hall in the Captain's line. He had been running Ninth Division and Kira had been holding up Third for so long, Commander Yamamoto had been including them in the summons to meetings the last year.

He glanced over at his blond friend, who caught his eye and nodded. Like an older brother, Shuuhei was infinitely proud of Kira. The man had come back from the farthest edge of sanity, to grab a hold of his Division and run it better than he had before the betrayal.

The doors opened and closed quickly, and Hitsugaya Taicho slipped into place beside him.

"Afternoon Hisagi-san," came his smooth voice, "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

Shuuhei winced, he had actually forgotten about the board for three seconds. His day had started out wonderfully, with no paperwork and a game of shogi in his office with Renji. The last week the red head had periodically shown up in his office, claiming there was nothing to do, and he didn't feel like talking to anyone else. Shuuhei or course loved his company, and always dropped whatever he was doing to talk to his friend. But then some kid from Tenth Division had come barreling in to inform them they were wanted in the Meeting Hall.

"I guess as ready as I'll ever be Taichou." Shuuhei replied.

"I hear you've been spending time with Abarai," Hitsugaya said, "Matsumoto says he's been very down recently. Is he going to be alright tomorrow?"

Shuuhei glanced down at the small Captain surprised, "You processed something Motsumoto said?"

"I do it now and again."

"And when did you start caring about Abarai's well being?" Shuuhei was baffled at Hitsugaya's sudden interest.

Hitsugaya looked up at Shuuhei with that icy stare, "I just want to see these Division Taicho chairs given to people who deserve them. I want to know if Abarai will be alright tomorrow."

Shuuhei blinked, "Are you saying you're hoping he'll make it?"

Hitsugaya turned back to staring straight ahead.

"I can tolerate Abarai far more than many who stand here now."

Shuuhei opened his mouth to say more, but stopped when he felt the chilling reiatsu of Kuchiki Byakuya making his way down the hall. When the doors opened behind him, Shuuhei wanted to turn and look at the red head he knew would be following, but waited until the two had made their way to the unoccupied spot between Komamura Sajin and Unohana Retsu.

Renji met his eyes from across the room and Shuuhei almost winced again; the red head was so tense he was visibly shaking. The worry in his eyes was so apparent, Shuuhei wanted to throw his arms around him right there.

"Goteijusantai!" A voice called from the doorway, startling Shuuhei from his thoughts.

Everyone looked to see the Captain Commander enter, followed by Sasakibe Chojiro… and Kuchiki Rukia.

"There has been a disturbing new development in the real world," the Commander said as he took his place before the twelve Captains, "Kuchiki Fukutaichou has come from Karakura to give a report."

He motioned Rukia forward, and she stood before the shinigami. She held herself professionally, straight back and chin held high, but Shuuhei didn't miss the red around her eyes, and the tight pull of the skin on her cheeks. She had definitely been crying.

_Oh shit, what's happened?_

"There are new hollow types loose in the real world," she began, "they shield their reiatsu better than any we've come across before, so we have no idea how many there are. Urahara Kisuke is sure they have leaked from the ruins of Hueco Mundo, but he's not sure how. They are more powerful than the Espada were, and they are very, very organized."

There were mumbles and quiet surprise as Rukia paused.

Unohana took the chance to ask, "How do you know they're more powerful than the Espada Kuchiki-san?"

Rukia clenched her jaw, and Shuuhei saw the warnings of fresh tears build in the corners of her eyes.

"Because…" she stopped and her eyes met Renji's.

"Because they defeated Kurosaki Ichigo…"

The room erupted into chaos. Kenpachi roared his disbelief at the news, Kurotsuchi and Shunsui started demanding more information about the hollows, Soifon kicked Omaeda for shrieking; Hitsugaya turned a sickly shade of grey. Shuuhei said nothing; he just looked at Renji whose gaze was still locked with Rukia's.

"SIELENCE!!!"

The Commander's voice rang out over the tumult, and the shinigami fell silent almost instantly.

"Shouting amongst ourselves will not solve anything. Kuchiki Fukutaichou is in need of a team to go back with her and defend our human alleys."

"Rukia…" Renji's voice was just barely a whisper, but every head turned to him.

Rukia still held his gaze.

"Is he dead?"

Shuuhei held his breath.

"No," she replied, the tears finally running, "But Urahara-san doesn't know if he'll stay that way."

Shuuhei watched Renji's face carefully. He seemed in control, at least enough to not book it out of the Meeting Hall. His features were surprisingly slack, and his hands were just hanging limply at his sides.

"The board will be postponed until this conflict is settled." Yamamoto declared, "Abarai Fukutaichou, you will go back with Kuchiki Rukia, since you most familiar with the area."

Shuuhei wanted to vomit at the announcement of the board being postponed, but there was nothing he could do, so he gritted his teeth, and waited for further instruction.

"Yamamoto Sotaichou!" Hitsugaya called from beside him.

Yamamoto turned to the small Captain, "Yes, Hitsugaya Taichou."

Hitsugaya stepped forward, "I will lead the team in Karakura. I also know the area well."

"Agreed," Yamamoto replied, "Select your team."

Hitsugaya turned to Kenpachi. "I wish to take Madarame Ikkaku and Ayasegawa Yumichika if you please Zaraki."

Kenpachi grinned, "Sure, tell Ichigo to get better, or I'll kill him."

Hitsugaya nodded, and turned back to the Commander. "I will also be taking my Fukutaichou, Matsumoto. I would like two more volunteers if I may."

Shuuhei stepped forward.

"I'll go."

Renji finally broke eye contact with Rukia when he heard Shuuhei's voice. He looked across the room at his friend, trying to thank him with his expression. Again, Shuuhei was there for him; resolutely loyal.

"I will go as well," said a soft voice.

Shuuhei looked to see Kira had stepped forward; his pride in the man swelled again.

Hitsugaya acknowledged both Shuuhei and Kira with a nod, and turned once again to the commander.

"Squad is assembled, Sotaichou."

X x X x X x X

Less than two hours later, the eight shinigami reached Urahara's shop. Hitsugaya opened the door, and was greeted by Ururu; slightly taller than she was when Shuuhei last saw her.

"Oh thank goodness!" She said in her quiet voice, "Urahara-san!" She ran back into the shop.

Hitsugaya entered the shop with Matsumoto after the young girl. Shuuhei was about to follow, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He turned to find Ikkaku, grinning evilly. "We're gonna set up a patrol, maybe kill some hollows."

Shuuhei nodded and turned to Yumichika. "You guys be careful."

"I'm going as well," Kira said, "contact us immediately if Urahara-san has found anything new."

"I will," Shuuhei replied, "good luck."

The three turned to go, but Yumichika turned back to glance at Renji. The red head was standing stock still, staring at the open door. Yumichika stepped close to Shuuhei and pulled the taller man forward to whisper in his ear.

"You take care of him." Was all he said before he followed Ikkaku.

Rukia had also followed Ururu into the shop, leaving Shuuhei outside alone with Renji.

Taking a deep breath, Shuuhei started toward the steps, "You going to come inside?"

Renji followed almost immediately as if in a trance.

Inside the shop was slightly crowded. Urahara, Tessai, Jinta, Rukia, and Matsumoto were seated around the table. He could see Sado in the kitchen with Ururu preparing tea, and Hitsugaya had opted to lean against the wall with his arms crossed.

"But that doesn't make any sense Urahara-san," Matsumoto was saying, "How could it just be gone?"

Urahara traced the lines in the table as he explained. "I didn't say it was gone Rangiku-chan, I just said it wasn't there at the moment."

"It's the same damn thing," Hitsugaya growled.

"No, it isn't actually," Urahara said patiently, "his reiatsu has been completely cancelled out, but that doesn't mean it will stay that way. His spirit will continue to produce its energy, and he will eventually return to normal."

"What do you mean 'cancelled out'?" Shuuhei asked.

Urahara looked up, feigning surprise, "Ah, Hisagi-san, Abarai! I'm so glad you're here! Please sit. I have been trying to make these people understand that while Kuchiki-chan was away, I found the reason for Kurosaki's condition and he is out of danger. But they continue to make these horrid faces, and act like he's still dying. Would you like some tea?"

On cue, Ururu returned from the kitchen carrying a tray. Sado followed, and sat against the wall.

"Where is he Urahara-san?" Renji said, his voice sounded hoarse.

"The mod souls gave up their room for him." He pointed down the hall, "You should go see him now, he's been asking for you."

Shuuhei moved aside to let Renji pass, but a firm hand gripped his arm.

"No," Renji whispered, he closed his eyes, and tightened his hold on Shuuhei, "stay with me."

Shuuhei gently took the arm that held him. "Okay," he whispered, "I'll go with you."

Ichigo was resting on a small futon in the middle of the dark room. Orihime sat beside him, holding his hand. When Shuuhei opened the door, her head snapped up and fresh tears came to her eyes.

"Oh, Renji-kun! Hisagi-san! I'm so glad you're here!" she leaned over Ichigo, and said quietly, "Ichigo? Ichigo love? Renji-kun is here. Wake up."

Ichigo stirred, and opened his eyes. "Renji?" he croaked.

Renji stepped passed Shuuhei to kneel next to Ichigo's head. "I'm here Ichigo."

Shuuhei closed the door, bringing the room back into near darkness. He turned and met Orihime's eyes which still shone with unshed tears. He held his hand out to her, and she seemed surprised for a moment, but accepted the help up, and went to stand beside him.

Ichigo seemed alright on the outside; there were no visible bandages on his torso. Shuuhei surmised Orihime had healed the physical damage, and what remained was the damage to his reiatsu.

Ichigo groaned, "It was so fucked up Renji, it happened so fast. One minute I was standing by the river, and the next, the asshole punched a hole in my chest. It was almost funny how retarded it was."

"Idiot," Renji said, but Shuuhei didn't miss the unsteady waver to his tone, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"He was like those guys from that movie with the ring and all the short people. We watched it a couple months ago."

Orihime piped up, "Lord of the Rings?"

"That's it," Ichigo turned to her and nodded, "Those guys in the cloaks that rode the dragons. He looked like that… accept…"

Renji leaned forward, "Except what?"

Ichigo turned and looked back up at Renji. He licked his lips carefully, mulling something over in his head.

Finally he spoke, "He had eyes like… Like Shirosaki… Like my hollow."

Renji stiffened, but continued to try for information.

"Did he say anything to you?" he asked.

"Yeah," Ichigo frowned, "He said I would pay for what I did."

"He must mean killing Aizen," Renji put in.

Ichigo shook his head, "But that doesn't make sense, we killed Aizen two years ago. He said he's been waiting four years to kill me."

"Urahara-san said this new breed was leaking from Hueco Mundo," Shuuhei added, "Maybe he's seeking revenge for his homeland."

Ichigo's eyes fluttered shut. "Maybe…"

Orihime stepped forward. "Let him sleep for a while Renji-kun. I'll come get you when he wakes up again."

Renji nodded and was about to stand, when Ichigo grabbed his hand. Renji turned back and put his other hand over Ichigo's.

"What is it Ichigo?"

Ichigo, slowly losing consciousness, whispered, "I'm glad you're here Renji… I needed you…"

Shuuhei watched painfully, as Renji's calm mask faltered. For one moment, all the pain and anger he was containing inside came to the surface. Tears threatened to fall out the corner of his eyes, but he gritted his teeth against them.

He moved his hand to smooth Ichigo's hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you," he whispered, "I'm glad you're okay asshole."

Ichigo smiled briefly before slipping into sleep. Renji moved his hand back to the bed, and stood.

"I'll be in my room Inoue," he whispered, "Come get me when he wakes up."

"I will Renji-kun."

Renji slipped past Shuuhei, and made his way down the hall.

Shuuhei turned to Orihime as she knelt beside Ichigo again. "Thank you for coming Hisagi-san."

Shuuhei nodded to her, "We all owe him a lot. It would have been dishonorable for us to not come."

She nodded, and he turned to leave, slipping the shoji shut behind him. He sighed, and leaned against the wall, pondering if he should join the others or go outside for air.

"How is Abarai?"

Shuuhei jumped at the sound of Urahara's voice. The man had appeared from _nowhere_, his fan fluttering just below his eyes.

Shuuhei collected himself, and turned to face the creepy shop keeper.

"He held together pretty well I think," Shuuhei answered, "considering."

"Hm," Urahara lowered his fan, "You two seem very… close."

Shuuhei frowned and crossed his arms, "We are, not that it's any business of yours."

Urahara shrugged, "I'm not trying to make it my business. I'm just saying… You've seen how they are together now. You saw how Renji reacts to our young shinigami friend."

Shuuhei looked at the floor; it was true. Any doubt he had about the feelings Renji had for Ichigo, had been pushed out of his mind when he saw the way the red head held the other's hand, or the way he had smoothed the orange hair.

"I already kinda knew…" Shuuhei whispered.

Urahara stepped closer and whispered, "But on the other hand, I observed how he is with you."

Shuuhei's eyes shot up as a heat spread over his cheeks.

"How is he with me?"

The fan came up again. "It seems you are his focus. His 'rock' you might say. Finesse that correctly and you could use it to your advantage."

Shuuhei's frown deepened, "I don't want to use anything to my advantage. I just want R… Abarai to get better."

Urahara shrugged and started down the hall, back to the common room.

"Do as you wish Hisagi, but you should know: both of those options end in the same resolution…"

Shuuhei stared after the strange man. _What the hell did that mean exactly?_

He decided quickly not to think about it. He turned and headed for the door, he needed fresh air. Outside the sun had set, and the empty lot was dark. Shuuhei stretched his back, and moved to descend the front steps.

He stopped when he felt Renji's reiatsu reaching for him. He turned, and saw his fellow Vice Captain sitting in the shadows, leaning against the wall of the shop. His legs were folded in front of him and his eyes were closed. Shuuhei was hesitant to approach if Renji was meditating.

"Are you going to stare at me all night, or join me?" Renji muttered.

Shuuhei felt a little sheepish as he joined his friend. Renji still had his eyes shut, and his arms were crossed over his chest.

"I'm an idiot, you know that?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei leaned his head against the wood. "No you're not."

"Yes. I am… I'm a real fucking idiot…"

Shuuhei kept his mouth shut hoping that Renji would continue. But after a few minutes of silence, he figured the red head was done talking. He gave up, and conceded to just sit. Everything he could think of to say seemed small and insignificant.

After anywhere from ten to twenty minutes, just as Shuuhei was going to suggest they go back inside, Renji finally did speak.

"I have to tell you something Hisagi."

Shuuhei held his breath for a moment, but quickly replied, "Is it about Ichigo?"

Renji looked at him, and slowly nodded.

Shuuhei looked at his hands. "It's okay, I already know. It's alright."

Renji stared at him for a few seconds, and then asked quietly, "How do you know?"

"It doesn't matter," Shuuhei looked back at him, "I just do."

Renji shifted to turn his body slightly more toward his friend. His thigh brushed Shuuhei's, and the dark haired man shivered at the sensation.

"How long have you known?" Renji whispered.

Shuuhei's breath hitched, and he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Since you got back to Sereniti."

Renji stared at him and the silence stretched for so long, Shuuhei began to feel his skin crawl.

"Say something will you?" Shuuhei muttered.

"Is this why you've been so nice to me lately?" Renji's voice had turned hard and angry, "Is this why you've been this perfect listener, perfect friend, _perfect everything_?" With every question Renji's voice turned more and more into a growl.

"No Abarai, it's not like that," Shuuhei rubbed his face, "it was never like that."

"_I don't need your pity Hisagi!_"

Shuuhei sat forward and matched Renji's tone. "I _don't _pity you!"

He met the red head's glare strait on. He watched the shoulders rise and fall with quickened breath; could feel the pulses of angry reiatsu around his body.

He watched as Renji lowered his hands to the wooden deck and lean closer to snarl in his face.

"Then what _is_ it like? Huh? Do you find this whole thing amusing? Do you find it funny the great Abarai Renji likes cock? _Is this whole thing some kind of sick joke to show me how pathetic I am_?!"

Shuuhei threw his head back in frustration. "Gods_ No damnit_! Don't be so fucking stupid!!"

"Then _WHAT IS __IT__ ASSHOLE_!!" Renji barked.

Shuuhei reached up, grabbing a fist full of red hair. He jerked Renji's face close to his, and said against his lips.

"Are you that blind?"

Renji's sneer disappeared and his eyes widened, but he didn't fight it. Shuuhei was breathing hard with the sensation of having Renji so close. He twisted his hand further into the crimson locks, pulling Renji's head slightly to the side. Renji gasped, and a soft moan escaped his lips. Shuuhei shuddered and he felt his cock coming to life at the sound.

"Do you really have no idea what you do to me?" Shuuhei whispered.

He pressed his lips to Renji's; not crushing them, but it was not a delicate kiss either. He pried open Renji's mouth and pressed inside to taste the sweet musk that was awaiting him. He never expected the red head to kiss back, but as Shuuhei ran his tongue over the other, Renji seemed to awaken and he pressed back. They battled for dominance, lips and teeth and tongues pushing, pressing, begging. Shuuhei tried to keep himself under control, but Renji's hands were suddenly under his haori, exploring, teasing, _scratching_.

He broke the kiss by pulling hard on Renji's hair again. Renji's chin came up and his hands fell as he sat gasping for air, whimpering at the loss of sensation.

Shuuhei's eyes wandered over the others face. The sight of Renji, flushed, tussled, and completely submissive to his wants nearly sent him over the edge. But he knew he needed to stop, he would not take advantage of his friend in his time of pain.

He let go of Renji's hair, and fell back against the wall. He tried to slow his own breathing, as he watched Renji bring his head forward and look at him through his eyelashes.

"I've never pitied you Renji…" Shuuhei said softly, "I just wanted you to stop hurting…"

He turned away and stood, retreating to the door.

"Shuuhei…" Renji's voice was small, careful.

Shuuhei stopped, and waited.

"How long… How long have you wanted this?"

Shuuhei turned around and met his eyes.

"Since forever…"

With that, he left the red head sitting on the porch, a finger tracing his lips, and the taste of tea and promises lingering on his tongue.

_To be continued…_


	6. Get Your Gigai

Chapter 6

Shuuhei's heart beat painfully in his throat as he made his way back to where the others were still sitting; discussing patrols, and drinking their tea. Urahara looked up when he entered the room, and offered him a seat. The tension had eased quite a bit, but there was still a hint of unease in the air. Rukia and Sado were quietly discussing something amongst themselves. Hitsugaya had moved into the kitchen, and was speaking quietly into his communicator, no doubt relaying information to Soul Society.

Shuuhei didn't see Ururu or Jinta anywhere, and assumed they had retired along with Tessai. Rukia mentioned Matsumoto had gone to get her gigai from god knows where Urahara kept them.

"Tea?" Said blond asked, lifting the kettle and smiling softly.

"Yes, thank you," Shuuhei replied.

As Urahara poured the tea and slid the cup towards him, Shuuhei couldn't help but wish for something a bit stronger. He could still taste Renji on his lips. He could still taste the sweet, sweet musk on the tip of his tongue. He almost shivered as he remembered the passion, carefully suppressed and controlled in Renji's light touches. He knew if Renji ever let himself go, the result would be mind blowing. The sex would be intense, feral… primal. Everything he had ever dreamed about since Renji and the others had saved his life back in the academy.

But now he was sure he had ruined everything, and he would never get to taste that sweet mouth ever again.

He lifted the cup to his mouth and cursed himself a thousand times.

"Are you alright Hisagi-san?" Urahara asked, his eyebrow lifting just slightly.

Shuuhei lowered his cup, and stared at the table. He knew better than to deny Urahara's observation, but definitely didn't feel like discussing his problem. He turned the topic instead.

"I'm not the one we should be worrying about right now Urahara-san, please explain what's happening so I know what we're up against."

Urahara shrugged, and put his elbows on the table. Placing his chin on his folded hands he explained with a wiry smile. "These hollows Kurosaki-kun encountered last evening are obviously something Aizen was working on while in Hueco Mundo. When Kurosaki and his friends came to rescue Orahime-chan four years ago, they must have left the experiment to fester in the ruins."

He stopped to sip his own tea, and Matsumoto bustled into the room wearing pink sweats, and a simple katana hung from her waist.

"I've already heard this three times, and now it's giving me a headache." She offered her arm to Rukia. "We should get some sleep before our watch Rukia-san."

Rukia nodded, and followed Matsumoto to the door.

"Tell Taichou we'll be at Inoue's." Matsumoto said over her shoulder as she slid the shoji shut behind her.

Shuuhei just stared at their cups. It bothered him that Rukia had left hers so close to the edge when Matsumoto's was so close to the center. The others had left their cups as well, and they were making such disturbing patterns on the table, Shuuhei almost forgot the ache in his stomach as his annoyance grew.

"Anyway," Urahara continued, "these hollows seem to have a cancelling effect on reiatsu. Something like a black hole or void; it's almost like their reiatsu _eats _others reiatsu."

"Okay," Shuuhei reached out and started collecting the cups, "so Kurosaki is basically void of reiatsu until his soul produces more."

"Precisely." Urahara watched Shuuhei as he arranged the cups in a neat circle around the teapot. Sado was watching him too, but Shuuhei was too focused on his task to notice.

"So," Shuuhei continued, "how are we supposed to fight these hollows when they'll eat our reiatsu when we encounter them?"

Urahara almost didn't answer; he was entranced with the dark haired shinigami's cup obsession. Shuuhei had decided the circle didn't work because there was one white cup amongst the grays, so he had begun to form another pattern. He missed Sado clear his throat to remind the shop keeper to continue.

"Oh, yes! I've been working on that!" Urahara exclaimed, clapping excitedly, "I believe you all will have to wear gigai's, and weld real swords for the next few days!"

Shuuhei blinked, and looked up from the cups.

"Excuse me?"

Urahara was grinning fiercely, at what exactly Shuuhei didn't know, but the strange man seemed to be holding back surplus amounts of laughter.

"I said," Urahara said as he lifted his fan to cover most of his face, "you all will have to be put into gigai's and use real swords for your encounter with these new hollows. Kurosaki-kun said something about how his Zanpakuto disintegrated when he faced his foe. Therefore, real swords not conjured by spiritual energy will be required."

Shuuhei shook his head as if to clear it, "But, I don't see how that will help. Kurosaki lived because he's human. If we were to have all of our reiatsu taken, we would be destroyed."

Urahara nodded, "It is possible." He leaned forward, and grinned over the top of the fan, "That's why you'll have to kill them very quickly."

Shuuhei frowned, and looked back at the cups on the table. The white one was beginning to frustrate him. No matter where he placed it, it ruined the pattern. He stared at the cup, hating it, wishing it wasn't there.

And then, to his surprise, Urahara reached out and took the white cup from the table. He placed it behind his back on the floor, and looked intently at Shuuhei over his fan.

Shuuhei glanced at the blond man, and then looked back at his arrangement. _There! _He thought, _It works now!_

He moved the last cup and sat back, content with the look of the table. Smiling softly, and brought his own cup to his lips before he realized what just happened. His eyes went wide, and he looked at Urahara.

The shop keeper was holding back fits of giggles. Shuuhei glanced at Sado who was also trying to suppress a smile.

"I'm sorry," Shuuhei felt his face start to burn; "I can't help it. It always happens."

Urahara finally let his laughter out, trying to cover his face with the fan, but only succeeding in smacking himself in the nose. He placed a comforting hand on Shuuhei's shoulder.

"It's alright Hisagi-san. I find the trait quite endearing."

Shuuhei just looked into his tea cup and prayed his face wasn't as red as it felt.

"Urahara-san," Hitsugaya stood in the kitchen doorway dressed in jeans and a black sweater. He had a Kodachi fastened to his back with a worn leather strap.

Urahara turned and answered in a sing-song voice, "Yeeeeees?"

"I'm going out to find Madarame and the others. They need to come back here and get their gigai's."

Urahara nodded and flipped the fan closed. "That would be wise Hitsugaya-san."

"I'll go with you," Sado said, coming to a stand.

Hitsugaya nodded and started for the door. "Thank you Sado-kun. You'll be infinitely more enjoyable company than my Fukutaichou."

Shuuhei listened to the two leave, his eyes never leaving the tea in his cup. The silence stretched on as he waited for Urahara to ask the inevitable.

Finally, Shuuhei couldn't sit there any longer, and muttered, "So you gonna ask me or what?"

Shuuhei heard the fan snap open again. _That goddamn FAN!_

"Whatever do you mean Hisagi-san?" His voice practically _dripped_ with false innocence.

"You know what I mean." Shuuhei set his cup on the table, and looked up at the infuriating shop keeper. "You always know what's going on. Don't disrespect me by treating me like I'm stupid. And please don't talk to me behind the fucking fan."

Urahara lowered the fan, and looked at Shuuhei appraisingly. "My my, even Kurosaki-kun has never spoken to me like that. I'm impressed Shuu-chan. So feisty tonight, it's not like you."

Shuuhei folded his arms over his chest. "Don't call me that. And don't pretend you don't know why I'm feisty either, because I would bet an entire month's salary that you have video surveillance all over this shop- inside _and out._"

Urahara sighed and removed his hat placing it on the table along with the fan. Shuuhei didn't think he had ever seen the man without it. He liked it though, besides the hat hair, Urahara had a very pleasant face. His eyes were kind, and his features seemed softer without the shadow.

"You're right." Urahara said as he scratched the back of his head.

Shuuhei's jaw dropped. "You do? Have cameras everywhere!?"

Urahara chucked and refilled his cup, "No Hisagi, I was referring to knowing why you were feisty. I don't know exactly what happened out there, but I hope it's a step in the right direction. I've been watching Abarai follow Kurosaki-kun around like a puppy for three and a half years. Kurosaki doesn't know what he's doing to the poor man, and I feel deeply sorry for him. I was very pleased when I saw your interaction with him."

He paused to take a sip as Shuuhei continued to gape. Personally, he couldn't remember ever hearing Urahara say more than a few words at a time, and he had _definitely_never heard the man talk about his _feelings_ pertaining to any situation.

"Whatever it is you have been doing, it's working in your favor. I'm just sorry he had to come back here and face Kurosaki like he is. Can't be good for anything…"

Shuuhei resisted the urge to rearrange the cups again as he asked, "Urahara-san, why are you confiding in me like this?"

Urahara chuckled again, "You remind me a little of myself when I was younger." He finished his tea, and stood, taking his cup and the kettle with him to the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway, "You're very intuitive Hisagi. More than you realize. You shouldn't doubt yourself so much."

"Urahara-san you're making my head hurt." Shuuhei rubbed his temples for emphasis.

Shuuhei sat for a few minutes, listening to the blond rustling around, rinsing out the kettle and setting it on the counter. He fought with what he wanted to say for a few seconds before opening his mouth.

"I kissed him." He said softy over his shoulder.

Urahara froze; "Really?" his voice reached a soprano level.

Shuuhei nodded slowly. He was too embarrassed to say anything more, so he concentrated his focus on the table top and kept silent. _Ugh… gods why did I say that_

He heard Urahara make his way back to the doorway, "What did he do?"

"I didn't give him a chance to do anything, I just came inside." Shuuhei closed his eyes. He knew he sounded like an idiot, and was starting to regret saying anything to the overly curious shop keeper.

"Hisagi…" Urahara's tone had turned slightly harsh.

Shuuhei groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands. He wanted nothing less at that moment than to go face the red head after what he had just done.

"I know Urahara-san… I know. Give me a gigai first."

X x X x X x X

Renji's mind was reeling. His thoughts were going in so many different directions; he was beginning to believe his head would explode.

So Shuuhei had kissed him, which explained a lot of things. But at the same time it didn't. What exactly did Shuuhei want from him? Was he looking for a relationship? Did he want a quick fuck? Or worst of all, was he doing the Shuuhei thing and just offering what he knew Renji needed most?

_Oh gods it felt so good…_

Renji had always wanted Shuuhei. But he knew if Shuuhei actually had feelings for him, it wouldn't be fair to cross any lines when his own feelings for Ichigo were still so strong.

_Shit Ichigo…_

Renji mentally slapped himself. This was wrong to be thinking about when all of this new stuff was going on. Ichigo was inside unconscious, there were crazy powerful hollows running around, and here he sat outside, worried about his love life. _Fucking perfect_.

He leaned against the wall and crossed his legs, resting his hands on his knees. He took a few slow deep breaths and tried to clear his head a little. He wasn't going to be any help to anyone if he was so on edge like this. There were bad guys to kill, and he needed to calm down.

He realized, as his shoulders relaxed, that his scalp hurt. He reached up and plucked the hair tie free so the red locks fell around his shoulders and down his front. As he ran his fingers through the roots massaging the sensitive skin, he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. His past lovers had all loved his hair; they had all played with it, caressed it or gently tugged while in the deepest throws of passion. But no one had ever given it a good pull. Renji had always wanted them to, but never had the balls to ask. Shuuhei had pulled, _hard_; he had weaved is fingers in and taken control of the red head's every move. Renji had been helpless to stop it as he was swept away by determined hands and a demanding tongue.

"Tell Taichou we'll be at Inoue's."

Renji was startled from his thoughts, and his head snapped up. His face flushed and he felt vaguely like he had just been walked in on while he was jerking off.

Rukia looked down at him with tired eyes. He looked back, and tried to smile; he hated making her worry about him. She had enough to worry about without his stupid problems.

Matsumoto slid the door shut, and with barely a glance at the two, she descended the steps.

"I'll see you in a bit Rukia-san." She said over her shoulder as she disappeared into the dark.

Rukia stood for a moment before Renji reached his hand out to her. She closed the distance placing one hand around his shoulders, and the other gently tucked stray hairs behind his ear. He sighed and snaked his arm around her waist, pressing his cheek against her warm stomach.

"Rukia nee-san…" he whispered.

She quietly shushed him. The two sometimes didn't need to speak to each other for perfect understanding. They had been friends for so long, one knew what the other was thinking, sometimes before they knew themselves.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, him taking comfort from her warmth and gentle caress. Then she leaned her head, and placed a soft kiss on the top of his head.

"Baka…" she whispered.

"I know," he replied.

She pulled away, and her fingers grazed his cheek. "Do you want me to stay?"

He shook his head, "I'll be okay."

Renji was sure she was going to say more, but the door opened again and Hitsugaya emerged, followed by Sado. He eyed the two before starting down the steps.

"Abarai go get your gigai. We need to be prepared for another attack."

"Yes Taichou." Renji watched a little confused, as the blaze of white hair disappear into the night, and Sado's form followed close behind.

Renji stood, and looked down at his friend. "I'll be alright, really. Go get some sleep."

Rukia hesitated for a moment, but nodded and started away. "I'll be at Inoue's if you need me."

Renji made a big show of rolling his eyes, "I heard. Get outta here."

He stood there looking into the darkness long after she had disappeared. He stood listening to the wind change and the steady pitter patter on the roof as rain began to fall. He shivered as the temperature dropped and decided to go back inside.

When he entered the sitting room, he was surprised to find only Urahara sitting at the table. The kids and Tessai had no doubt gone to bed, and Shuuhei was nowhere to be found. Renji wasn't sure if that feeling in his chest was relief or disappointment.

Urahara sat looking at him over his tea cup; hatless, Renji noted, which was a little strange. The shop keeper had the most peculiar look in his eye, and it was making the red head nervous.

"What?" Renji asked, his voice was harsh, but he didn't care. The weight of Urahara's stare was pressing on him.

Urahara shrugged, "It's nothing. You should get into your gigai Abarai."

Renji blinked. "Yeah, about that. Why do I need my gigai?"

"We have to wear them when fighting the new hollows." Shuuhei's voice came from the hallway.

Renji turned, and as the dark haired man emerged from the shadows, he momentarily forgot how to breathe.

Shuuhei was dressed in slim dark jeans that accentuated the curve of his thighs and showed off his long legs. He wore a sleeveless black top with some kind of skull design on the front. Over the top was a black hooded sweatshirt that zipped in the front, and he had pushed up the sleeves to almost his elbows. The ensemble was completed with large black leather bracelets and a grey and black beanie hat.

Renji felt his groin swell as his gaze lingered on those jeans. He had known Shuuhei was built well, hell most shinigami were. But until that moment, he had no idea just how fuckable he really was.

Renji must have looked at him a little too long because Shuuhei started to shift his feet and then buried his hands in his pockets.

"What?" his face turning a light shade of pink, "Don't look at me like that, I already feel awkward enough. These cloths are… strange."

Urahara clapped his hands excitedly. "Ah! Hisagi-san! Perfect fit!" He stood, and snatched the tea kettle and his hat off the table. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have things I must prepare for!"

He disappeared into the kitchen, and Renji heard him shout as an afterthought, "Hisagi-san will explain everything to you Abarai!"

Shuuhei was staring at the floor with a cross between a scowl and a pout on his face. Renji wanted to say something, anything that would break the uncomfortable silence. He crossed his arms, and watched the rain against the window as he struggled with unsaid words.

"Hisagi I-"

"I'm sorry…" Shuuhei interrupted.

Renji's head jerked to look at his friend whose gaze was still burning into the floorboards. Shuuhei's jaw clenched and he hunched his shoulders.

"I'm sorry for… outside… I didn't mean to kiss you… I wanted to… but I shouldn't have."

Renji watched as Shuuhei looked at everything in the room but him.

"It's okay." Renji said; his voice barely above a whisper.

Shuuhei flushed a little darker and he closed his eyes. "Not really…" Renji had never seen the man more miserable. Not even after the betrayal on Soul Society, when his captain had left him with a world of responsibility and no warning. It was understandable though, Shuuhei saw his own faults ten times worse than those around him. Renji knew he was kicking himself to pieces on the inside, and he hated the he was the cause if it.

"Hisagi," he began again and took a few tentative steps across the room, "I don't like this. I need you to talk to me."

Shuuhei raised his head but kept his eyes no higher than Renji's chest. He stood looking, waiting for Renji to say more, but didn't make any indication of speaking.

Renji took that as an opening and took a few more hesitant steps. "Both of us can't be fallin' apart all over the place. One of us has to be grounded… and it sure as hell ain't gonna be me."

Shuuhei smiled a little at that, and his eyes lowered to the crimson hair flowing over broad shoulders, and peeking from around a sturdy hip. Renji knew the fidgety shinigami couldn't help but play with his hair when it was loose, so he stepped closer. Sure enough, he watched as long pale fingers wove themselves through his ruby tresses.

Leaning slightly, bringing his face just a little closer, Renji whispered softly, "I liked it when you pulled my hair…"

Shuuhei's eyes finally met his own. They flashed with intensity and heat; the need that was hidden there spilled out to show on his entire face. His breath quickened, and he whispered back.

"And I'm gonna pull it again someday…" his gaze flickered to Renji's lips, and back up to his eyes, "but not until you're ready…"

Renji met his stare with the same intensity, but after a few minutes he slowly nodded. Shuuhei was right; this would be foolish to pursue when Renji still felt so much for Ichigo. Shuuhei would end up hurt as well, and then they would be in an even worse situation.

Renji backed away and resisted a painful urge to adjust himself.

"I'm going to get my gigai. You hungry?"

Shuuhei seemed taken aback for a moment, but quickly recovered and nodded. "Yeah, actually, I'm starving."

"K, give me a sec." Renji started down the hall, but couldn't resist an offhanded remark and a smug look over his shoulder.

"Those jeans look fucking fantastic on you, by the way."

Shuuhei's startled surprise and quick sidestep out of Renji's line of sight, sent the red head into fits of laughter.

_To be continued…_


	7. Shopping For Trouble

Chapter 7

Shuuhei pushed the blue button again and the window slid down silently. He looked down inside the door trying to see the glass. Where did it go? How did it do that? He pushed the red button again and the window slid up. He watched the glass meet the soft edge of the window frame. If he put his hand up to stop it would it cut off his fingers?

_This whole contraption is amazing…_

He leaned forward in his seat again, looking over Yumichika's shoulder. The thin shinigami was sitting in the front flipping through a magazine.

"Ayasegawa-san," Shuuhei said excitedly, "change the music again."

Yumichika sighed dramatically and flipped another page. "Shuu-chan I've changed the music four times in the last minute and a half. I refuse to change it until the song is over."

Shuuhei pushed himself farther over the seat in front of him. "Well then push one of those," he pointed to the little buttons with pictures on them, "I haven't seen what those do yet."

Renji grabbed Shuuhei's shoulder, and gently pulled him back into his seat chuckling softly. "You're like a little kid."

Shuuhei was all smiles, "I can't help it! This thing is incredible!"

Orihime laughed as she drove. "Hisagi-san, for how smart you are and mature and responsible, you sure are silly!"

Kira spoke from the other window. "You should have seen him when he got a hold of a communicator for the first time."

Orihime laughed again as Yumichika let out another long sigh. "Orihime-chan, I still don't understand why you bought this. There's nothing in here except girls in ridiculous outfits and a silly quiz about how important looks are for you. That's stupid; I don't need a magazine to tell me something like that."

"It's just fun Yumichika-kun," Orihime replied, "and the outfits aren't all ridiculous. Look at her." She pointed to a picture.

Yumichika scoffed, "This girl has on a dress and a tie! That doesn't make sense."

Orihime pretended to pout, "I think she's cute!"

"Gimme that." Renji reached between the seats, and plucked the magazine from Yumichika's fingers. He sat back against the seat, and flipped through the pages. "'How Important Are Looks' quiz… yeah this is kinda silly."

Kira leaned over and scanned the questions. "Orihime, what is your best friend wearing?"

Orihime looked in the mirror at the blond, "What?" she asked.

Kira looked up at her. "It asks what your best friend is wearing."

"Oh, um… Tatsuki never really wears anything besides jeans and t-shirts. Oh, and her school uniform of course- and her karate uniform."

The three shinigami in the back looked back at the page.

"You have a dance performance in five minutes," Shuuhei read, "What are you doing?"

Orihime chewed her lip, "Um… stretching?"

Renji frowned at the page, "Most of your camping trip pictures are gone. Where are they?" He looked up, "I don't get what that has to do with looks."

"I think my pictures would be gone because I would have given some away to my friends." Orihime smiled in the mirror again, pleased with her answer.

Kira read, "The star of the football team is talking to you at a party, but he's not too bright. What do you do?"

"Oh please," Yumichika rolled his eyes, "This quiz is for children."

"What's football?" Shuuhei asked.

"It's a game Hisagi," Orihime answered, ignoring Yumichika, "I wouldn't care if he wasn't bright, if he was nice I would talk to him… That is if Ichigo was okay with it of course."

Renji glared at the page clearly interested in the results of the quiz, "One more question: It's Saturday, and you have plans with a movie, and ice cream. What do you wear?"

Renji looked up perplexed, "Do girls really think about what they wear around the house?"

"How do you have plans with a movie?" Shuuhei asked, also perplexed.

"Let's hurry up and finish the quiz please." Yumichika leaned his forehead against the window.

"I would just wear sweats," Orihime answered, "I would want to be comfortable."

Renji, Kira, and Shuuhei all leaned in to read the outcome of Orihime's answers. Renji read aloud: "'Inner Beauty' it says. 'You know beauty is on the inside. You love your guy for his personality, and not his looks. Good job for being mature, but it's okay to like looks a little too.'"

"Yay!" Orihime cheered in the front, "That's what I was hoping I would get! Not that Ichigo isn't nice to look at of course, but I would love him even if he wasn't."

Renji was still frowning intently at the page. Kira leaned over to him and asked, "Are you taking the quiz for yourself Abarai?"

Renji looked up, and realized everyone was looking at him. He blushed slightly, and looked back down.

"No… I was just thinking…"

Yumichika grinned, "What Abarai-kun?"

Renji's frown deepened and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Girls are just… strange that's all."

Yumichika giggled as Shuuhei took the magazine from the red head. He flipped through pages as they made their way to the next store. Orihime had run out of supplies, and Ichigo insisted someone go with her. Urahara was not about to let the substitute shinigami go out yet, so Ichigo had practically shoved everyone that wasn't on patrol out the door with his girlfriend.

"And don't let her spend a bunch of money on weird stuff," he had whispered to Shuuhei as he walked out the door.

Orihime pulled into the parking lot of a large market and pulled the lever for the trunk as the five got out. Shuuhei went around to the back, and grabbed two large guitar cases and handed one to Renji.

Sado had suggested when they were in public places, to carry around their swords hidden in the cases. This way they didn't attract suspicion; they just looked like a band.

Shuuhei looked at Renji as he pulled the strap over his shoulder and adjusted the hood of his dark gray sweatshirt. The tall shinigami had braded his long hair, and tied a black scarf around his forehead. Renji had said that he had finally learned how to dress in the real world after two years. He had been buying his own clothes for a while now, and had retired the hippy bell bottoms, and leather vest.

_So if he buys his own clothes, he has to know what those jeans do to his ass…_

He fell back slightly so he could watch the red head's hips sway back and forth as he walked. Thankfully, Renji was talking with Orihime and didn't notice. Unfortunately, it didn't last long as Shuuhei almost ran into Renji when he stopped just inside the doors.

"I'll get the fish!" Orihime exclaimed, "Hisagi-san, will you get the vegetables? You said you know how to cook tempura right?"

Shuuhei nodded, but then looked around a little concerned. "Um, where do I go?"

Kira grabbed his arm, and pulled him away from the other three. "We'll find them Orihime-chan, you guys meet us back here!"

Orihime waved, and disappeared down an isle with the other two.

"So what's going on Shuuhei?" Kira's eyebrow raised as the two made their way towards the large 'produce' sign.

"What's going on with what?" Shuuhei didn't know why he was pretending he didn't know what Kira was talking about. Kira knew him better than anyone and he could save himself a lot of head ache if he didn't play dumb.

"What's going on between you and Renji?"

Shuuhei shoved his hands in his pockets, "Nothing right now."

Kira gave him a sideways look, but said nothing as he unzipped his blue jacket, revealing the white t-shirt underneath. The blond liked cooler temperatures and seemed to overheat easily.

They entered the produce section, and Shuuhei stopped in front of a large bin of sweet potatoes. He eyed the pile, searching for the right shape, color, size…

"I hope you're being careful." Kira said quietly at his side. "You could really get yourself hurt in this situation."

Shuuhei didn't want to hear this, so his retort was a little harsher than he had planned.

"You really shouldn't be talking Kira."

"Actually," the blond snapped back, "I think I'm the perfect person to be talking to you about this."

Shuuhei grabbed three potatoes, and placed them in the basket Kira was holding for him. "This is totally different than us."

"I know it is." The blond said as he made his way between the bins, "I knew I wasn't hurting you when I ended it because I knew you didn't love me."

Shuuhei stopped and put his hands back into his pockets. "Kira, I've told you a thousand times that's not true."

Kira looked at him over his shoulder, "And I've told you a thousand times that it doesn't matter."

Shuuhei rubbed his forehead and sighed, "So… what? Are you worried about me getting involved with Renji? Because I've already told him I won't until he's ready."

"How exactly are you going to know when he's ready? Hm?" Kira placed a bunch of carrots in the basket, "How is _he _going to know when he's ready?"

Shuuhei was getting frustrated, "So, what the hell are you saying Kira? What do you want me to do?"

Kira didn't look up as he selected an eggplant, "I'm not saying I want you to do anything. I'm just worried about my best friend, that's all."

Shuuhei suddenly felt like an asshole. Kira was only trying to make Shuuhei really think things through before stepping into extremely dangerous territory. He was worried about his feelings, and Shuuhei had jumped all over him.

"Shit," he muttered, "I'm sorry."

"No need to treat me like glass anymore Shuu, I can handle it." Kira shoved the basket into Shuuhei's arms with a crooked smile. "I know you'll be smart about it, I just had to say something."

Turning around, he started back toward where they were meeting the others. "Personally," he said over his shoulder, "I think you're the best thing for Abarai right now. He needs the comfort I know you can give him."

Shuuhei put an arm around Kira's shoulders, and pressed his lips into the soft blond hair. He didn't care people were looking- let them look.

X x X x X

Renji had no idea what he was looking for; some kind of batter? Tempura flower something?

"Here it is." He heard Yumichika sigh next to him. The slender man pulled a package off the shelf, and handed it to Orihime.

"Thank you Yumichika-kun!" She exclaimed, "That's everything! Let's go find Hisagi and Kira!"

Renji followed but was wary; he'd had a peculiar feeling in his stomach for a while now. It had started when the group had split, and had gotten progressively more uncomfortable as they made their way through the store. He looked quickly over his shoulder, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

The feeling intensified when the five met up again. As they moved through the check stand, Shuuhei gave Renji an anxious look as Orihime paid.

"Do you feel that?" Shuuhei's dark eyes flashed.

Renji nodded to him, and turned to Kira. "I've felt strange ever since we split up."

Yumichika grabbed the bags, shoving one at Kira, and snatched the receipt from the cashier. "Thank you, we're in a hurry."

Orihime looked wide eyed at Renji, "So I wasn't imagining things!"

Renji shook his head, and put a hand protectively on her shoulder as they made their way out the sliding doors. The sun had begun to set outside, and the temperature had dropped. Renji scanned the parking lot, and worried absently about all the possible hiding places behind cars.

Shuuhei had been leading the way, but stopped abruptly causing Yumichika to crash into his back.

"Shuuhei, what in the-" Yumichika started, but Shuuhei cut him off.

"What the hell is that?" Renji looked to where Shuuhei was pointing and stilled; his blood running cold.

Sitting on the roof of Orihime's car, was a slight form in a long dirty cloak. The cowl hid most of the figure's face, but Renji could clearly see the long skeletal fingers resting on the creature's knee. It sat with its head slightly cocked to the side, posture lazy, regarding the five with what seemed like bored interest.

"You are Kurosaki's companions I believe?" It hissed at them. Renji shivered at the voice, it sounded like those crazy Viazard kids Ichigo had befriended… only a hell of a lot creepier.

Shuuhei wasted no time and opened the guitar case, grabbing his daikatana and tossing another to Kira. Renji followed suit quickly, pulling out the tachi he had chosen, and handing Yumichika his katana. Orihime moved behind Renji, and frantically started punching numbers into her cell phone.

"Who are you?" Shuuhei's voice had taken on an icy edge, "What do you want with Kurosaki?"

The figure on the car stood and Renji noticed it was barely taller than Orihime.

"I personally don't want anything from the Kurosaki human," the cloaked figure hissed again, "I could care less about our father being dead. If he is dead, that means he was weak… Our leader on the other hand, is a different story. He wants revenge for his homeland, and his family being destroyed."

"When you say 'father', you are talking about Aizen correct?" Kira asked.

"Yes, I believe you called him Aizen."

"Who is your leader?" Shuuhei growled.

"Oh I believe Kurosaki has already met him." The figure chuckled, "Or maybe he doesn't remember. Tinieblas had barely enough time to greet him before the pathetic shinigami was on the ground."

Fire burned in Renji's chest. This Tinieblas bastard had ripped a hole in Ichigo's chest almost killing him, and now one of his underlings was standing before them laughing about it.

He stepped forward, but Shuuhei's hand pressed to his chest stopped him.

"Calm down Renji." Shuuhei whispered.

Renji growled but stood his ground.

"So what are you exactly," Yumichika spoke up, "besides hideous."

The figure chuckled again and placed a hand on its hip. "I am called Famelico. We are early creations of Aizen-sama when he dealt with negative currents of reiatsu. But I assume you have already figured that out, considering the vessels you now carry yourselves in."

"Yes, we did," Yumichika looked bored, "It wasn't that hard."

The figure stood still for a few seconds regarding the group. He then raised his hand and pointed at Yumichika. "This one's insolence is beginning to irritate me. Maybe I should teach him a lesson."

Renji stiffened as the others turned to see Yumichika's eyes widen. He clutched his chest, and let out a strangled gasp. Kira caught his arm and tried to steady the slight brunette.

Shuuhei and Renji moved as one; they flew at their cloaked attacker with swords raised. Shuuhei aimed high on the left, and Renji went for the knees on the right. For a split second it seemed as if Famelico was going to just stand there and take the blows, but then his bony hands reached into the folds of his cloak and pulled out a length of cord, split three ways with large metal balls on each end. He wielded it like a whip and the air next to Renji's head cracked loudly as he narrowly dodged.

Shuuhei hit the next ball that came at his face with his sword, and managed to almost knock Famelico off the car. Renji used the opening to swing at their attacker, but only clipped the front of the cloak.

Famelico took two quick leaps backward, giving himself some space. He then raised the boleadoras above his head, spinning the weapon and sending it hurling towards the two shinigami. Renji tried to block but the metal balls did their job, catching the two men and tangling their bodies together. The trap was complete as the balls spun around each other tightening the cords hold.

"Shit!" Shuuhei howled as they fell and he landed hard on Renji.

"Aaagghh! What the fuck is this!?" Renji roared as Shuuhei struggled against him.

Famelico laughed above them and Renji turned his head to see Kira kneeled on the ground next to Yumichika. The blond had his arms protectively around the smaller shinigami as he coughed and struggled to breathe.

"Tsubaki!" He heard Orihime shout, "Sacred Solitary Cutting Shield!_ iI reject/i_!"

A flash of golden light erupted from where Orihime stood, and a tiny scream ripped through the air. Renji heard Famelico cry out in surprise, but it was quickly followed by Orihime's cry of pain.

"Shit! Inoue!" Renji shouted, "Hisagi what the fuck's happening!? I can't see!"

"Orihime's down! So are Kira and Yumichika!" Shuuhei bellowed, "Damnit! I can't move!"

Renji felt a weight besides Shuuhei crushing his lungs. Shuuhei must have felt it too, because he gasped and cursed into Renji's shoulder.

"You are pathetic… shinigami…" Famelico hissed close to Renji's ear.

Shuuhei stopped struggling, and Renji felt his own body become like lead. He couldn't move; everything was so heavy. His head fell back onto the concrete and his eyelids drooped closed.

_So this is what losing your reiatsu feels like…_

He didn't want to die here, but he couldn't do anything. As blackness surrounded him, he was glad of the warmth of Shuuhei's body against his own; at least he wouldn't die alone.

But then a calm, familiar voice bit through the darkness, stirring a painful hope inside Renji's heart.

"I understand why you think shinigami are pathetic… so do I…" The voice was cool, confident, and filled with provocation. "But unfortunately for you, I hate hollows more."

Renji heard a sickening thud, and Famelico screamed in agony.

_What the hell is happening?_

And then another voice- Urahara's… and it was like angel song, before he passed out.

"Ah, good evening! It looks like you are now susceptible to certain spiritual attacks… In that case… i_Sing __Benihime_…/i"

TBC


	8. Rock Bottom

Chapter 8

Shuuhei awoke to what could have been the worst head ache of his life. And that was saying a lot, because he had experienced some pretty excruciating hangovers in his lifetime. His first thought was: if he opened his eyes his eyeballs might be pushed out of their sockets by the pressure. His second was: he wanted some water; the inside of his mouth felt like he had eaten sand.

He then realized he was alive.

This sudden revelation seemed to make the already intense pain in his head worsen, so he decided to stop thinking.

That's when he heard a soft murmuring from his right side. The voice was familiar, but he couldn't place it. The soft voice was accompanied by a pulsing, carefully contained reiatsu. It hung in the air like a thick mist, saturating everything with its controlled fury. It was like angry storm clouds high in the afternoon sky, ready to dump rain and hurl lightning bolts at the earth below. Shuuhei knew only one person that could contain that much rage and it was Ikkaku.

_Oh gods… Yumichika!_

Shuuhei struggled to open his eyes, terrified at what he might see. He prayed to every deity he knew the name of for Yumichika to be alive and in one piece.

Slowly, he was able to open his eyes and look around the dark room. He saw Yumichika lying on a futon next to him; his already pale skin had turned a dull gray. But to Shuuhei's relief, his eyes were open and he was looking at Ikkaku.

Yumichika sighed, "There's no need to make those ugly lines in your face Ikkaku; I'm fine."

Ikkaku said nothing. He just sat beside him in the dark, his arms crossed over his chest so tightly he looked as if he were trying to hold back screams.

"Ikkaku…" Yumichika whispered. He lifted his hand to place it softly on Ikkaku's forearm.

Ikkaku put his own calloused had on top of Yumichika's thin fingers. "It's not supposed to be you…" he said quietly, "It's never supposed to be you... It's supposed to be me…"

Yumichika had enough energy to scoff, "Well that's not fair."

"Damn right it it's not fair!" Ikkaku leaned over so his face was inches from the ashen lips below, "You almost died today Yumi… I can't… I can't…"

Yumichika silenced the bald shinigami's lament with his lips. The angry cloud of reiatsu receded as Ikkaku got soft kisses up his nose and forehead.

Shuuhei looked away to let the two have their moment. Familiar jealousy pooled in his gut even as his cheeks heated a little in embarrassment.

"Ouch, be gentle with me."

"Shut up. I am being gentle." Came Ikkaku's muffled reply.

Shuuhei was about to say something, or cough; anything to announce his alertness when Yumichika giggled, "Ikkaku stop."

"Why?" Ikkaku whined.

Yumichika giggled again, "'Cause we're making Shuu-chan uncomfortable!"

Shuuhei's cheeks grew hotter as Ikkaku sat up.

"Hisagi! You're awake!" The bald man made his way over to Shuuhei's futon and squatted, grinning evilly, "I had no idea you were such I voyeur!"

"Shut up," Shuuhei groaned, "I just woke up, and I didn't want to… interrupt."

Ikkaku chuckled, and he stood, "I'll be right back, Urahara told me to get him when you woke up."

"Okay," Shuuhei had no intention of getting up. His head still throbbed and when Ikkaku opened the door, the small amount of light blinded his senses sending a flash of pain through the front of his skull.

"Are you alright Shuu-chan?" Yumichika rolled to his side to face him.

Shuuhei groaned again, "Don't call me that. Yes, I'm fine besides the headache."

Heavy footstep thudded down the hall and the door was flung open again. Renji and Kira stood in the doorway with identical worried expressions on their faces.

"Hisagi!" They said in unison.

Shuuhei bit back a smile as Yumichika softly giggled, "Aww, twinsies."

Renji made his way inside, and kneeled next to his friend. "Hisagi are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Shuuhei tried to shield his eyes from the light in the hallway. His throat itched, and his voice was like gravel, "I'm really thirsty though."

"Ah, Kira-kun," Urahara appeared in the doorway, "would you be so kind as to get our friend some water please?"

Kira nodded, and made his way back down the hall.

Shuuhei started to sit up, but quickly decided against it. The room was slowly spinning, and his stomach was starting to reel.

"What happened Urahara-san?" he asked through parched lips.

Urahara closed the door, and sat beside Renji. "It's slightly complicated, but I will try to explain."

Kira returned with a glass, and a large pitcher of water. Renji helped Shuuhei to sit up so he could drink greedily from the glass. The cold water felt exquisite as it slid past his tongue and down his throat. He polished off three more glasses before he felt sated.

"Looks like Hisagi is reacting with thirst also." Kira commented.

"Hmm?" Shuuhei looked questioningly at his blond friend.

"It seems," Urahara said, "after your reiatsu is drained by these creatures, your body reacts with an intense craving. Abarai and Kurosaki-kun reacted with hunger, you and Kira with thirst."

"What was Ayasegawa's craving?" Shuuhei lifted the glass to his lips again.

"Beauty sleep." Came a muffled reply from the nearby futon.

"Yumichika was hit the hardest," Renji said, "his reiatsu was almost completely gone when Urahara and the others got to us."

_No wonder Ikkaku was so upset…_

Shuuhei sighed, "So you were going to explain what happened Urahara-san?"

"Ah yes!" Urahara clapped, "I found a loop hole with these hollows. I thought before they had some way of draining or eating the reiatsu of others, but it turns out it's much simpler than that. They have the same kind of reiatsu as us, it's just negatively charged. So when our reiatsu and their reiatsu meet, they clash."

"It's like magnets." A smooth voice came from the doorway.

Shuuhei looked up to see Ishida Uryuu leaning against the door frame, arms lazily folded over his chest. Ichigo stood beside him with his hands in his pockets.

"Ishida-san!" Shuuhei gasped, surprised.

"Ishida-kun is the reason we were able to help you five." Urahara said smiling at the brunette in the doorway.

"Are you alright Shuuhei?" Ichigo asked.

"Um yes, I'm fine," he looked between Urahara and Ishida, thoroughly confused, "magnets? What?"

"When we come in contact with these new hollows," Ishida pushed up his glasses, "our reiatsu is cancelled out. It's like positive and negative charges."

"But how do they still have power?" Shuuhei asked, "Wouldn't their reiatsu be cancelled out as well?"

"No," Urahara sighed, "Aizen was thorough. They cancel out ours, but somehow they retain power themselves."

"So what do we do?" Shuuhei asked, "How did you help us before?"

Ishida straightened, "Urahara-san created a bow that shoots negatively charged arrows. When I hit them, their energy will repel and be forced to shift. After that, they are susceptible to our regular attacks."

"I have done the same to your swords," Urahara noted, "but that is a last resort. I acquired the help of our Quincy friend because he uses long range attacks. If we can help it, we need to have Ishida-kun strike a hit before we move in. Close range with these hollows obviously does not go over well."

Shuuhei nodded, he understood somewhat. Or maybe not, his head was spinning so fast he could have interpreted the entire conversation wrong.

"Alright," he lay back on the pillow, "we don't move in until Ishida-san shoots, of course that's only if we don't get hit by surprise… which is the only way we've been hit so far…" Shuuhei realized he was rambling under his breath, "I need to sleep…"

Urahara ushered everyone out of the bedroom, save Renji. As the shop keeper slid the door closed, he grinned shamelessly at Shuuhei and winked. Shuuhei tried to fix a glare on the old pervert, but he was already gone.

For a moment Renji looked slightly confused at not being told to leave with the others, but when he looked down at Shuuhei, his expression changed to one of concern.

"Are you really okay?" he asked.

Shuuhei pressed his palms into his eye sockets. "Uhh… I don't know. Maybe if this headache goes away. How is Orihime-san?"

"She made it out with just a scratch. She's fine."

"That's good." Shuuhei sighed.

Renji sat in silence for several minutes. He looked incredibly uncomfortable as Shuuhei met his eyes.

"Are _you _alright Abarai?" Shuuhei asked.

"Yeah," Renji looked away and started playing with the hem of his hoodie, "I just… when I woke up and saw you beside me… I thought you were dead… and I'm just…" he pulled at the fabric, tugging a string loose. He twirled it between his fingers as he chewed the inside of his cheek.

"I'm just really glad your okay… that's all…"

Shuuhei wanted to cheer, but instead just whispered, "Renji?"

Renji looked back up to meet Shuuhei's dark eyes. "Yeah?"

Shuuhei grinned. "You're fidgeting."

Renji stared blankly at his friend for a few seconds before breaking into his trademark grin. He punched Shuuhei's shoulder softly, earning him a chuckled "Ouch!" before he stood.

"Get some rest Hisagi," he said as he slid the door open, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Shuuhei let out a contented sigh and stared at the ceiling. The thought of Renji worrying about him made his lungs feel too big for his chest. A light tingling feeling swept from the back of his neck, all the way to his toes and back.

A quiet snicker came from the futon beside him.

"What?" Shuuhei growled, but a grin started to spread across his face nevertheless. He was glad for the cover of darkness as he was sure his cheeks were turning pink again.

"Shuuuuu-chaaaann, you're so cute!"

"Shut up Ayasegawa. And don't call me that."

X x X x X x X

When Shuuhei awoke several hours later, his headache was gone but his muscles were twitching. He needed to get up and _do _something. He stood slowly, and grabbed his jeans which were hung over a nearby chair. After quickly shedding the unnecessary cotton undergarment he slipped the jeans on, and pulled the fabric over his hips. He didn't understand why humans wore these 'boxers', the jeans were enough. He was starting to like the feel of human clothing, and considered taking his outfit back to Sereniti with him. He dragged the t-shirt over his head, and made his way down the hall.

Ikkaku and Matsumoto looked up from their card game as Shuuhei entered the room. Yumichika was asleep, wrapped in a blanket cuddled next to Ikkaku.

"Hisagi!" Matsumoto smiled up at him, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm much better, thank you." Shuuhei said as he scooped up his shoes from beside the door.

"Where are you going?" Ikkaku asked.

"I need to stretch my limbs, and this body felt sluggish when I was fighting last night. I want to try and loose it up a bit."

Ikkaku set his cards down. "Are you going to use Urahara-san's training room?"

Shuuhei was already making his way toward the back. "Yeah, wanna come?"

"Yeah, hold on," The bald shinigami removed the sleeping Yumichika from his shoulder, and gently cradled the slight man in his arms.

"Here," Matsumoto scooted closer and padded her lap.

"Thanks Rangiku," Ikkaku laid Yumichika down and stood.

Matsumoto stroked Yumichika's hair, and started to gather the cards in a pile with her free hand. "Don't be too long, Hisagi still is recovering."

Ikkaku grinned at Shuuhei, "Oh don't worry, I won't kill him."

X x X x X x X

"Shit!" Shuuhei crashed into the rock wall as he dodged a potentially fatal blow to his side. Ikkaku was grinning like a maniac. The two had been sparring for almost two hours, and Shuuhei could feel his fatigue getting the better of his reflexes.

"I don't think I've ever fought with you before Hisagi," Ikkaku remarked.

Shuuhei rubbed his shoulder, "I think that's a really good thing… for me."

"You're better than I thought you were," Ikkaku swung and, and Shuuhei blocked, "Yumichika made it sound like you were really weak."

Shuuhei sighed, "That asshole doesn't fight fair."

As Ikkaku swung again and Shuuhei ducked, kicking the bald man's feet out from under him. Ikkaku teetered sideways and just barely caught himself. Shuuhei rolled, and flipped backwards back onto his feet dodging another powerful swing. He may not have been as powerful as Ikkaku, but he knew he was faster.

"See?" Ikkaku laughed, "That's why you're good. You fight smart."

"I didn't ask for a lesson Ikkaku," Shuuhei laughed, "I just wanted to spar."

For a few minutes, the only sounds in the chamber were the clashing of Urahara's swords, and occasional compliment from Ikkaku.

"So," Ikkaku suddenly asked, "how bad is it?"

Shuuhei stopped to wipe his brow, "How bad is what?"

"Your thing with Renji," Ikkaku slung the sword over his shoulder, "how bad is it?"

Shuuhei gaped at the bald man, and lowered his sword to his side.

"Do you guys all talk about me when I'm not around or something!?"

Ikkaku picked at his teeth, "Yeah."

Shuuhei rolled his eyes, and moved to sit on a nearby rock. His muscles weren't stiff anymore, but they were getting a bit sore. He rested his sword against the rock beside him, and ran his hands through his hair.

"Uh, it's bad." He muttered.

Ikkaku snickered and moved to sit beside him. "I figured, the way you look at him reminds me of how I was when I first met Yumi. Couldn't keep my hands off him, and I didn't think I even liked guys."

Shuuhei stared at the ground; Ikkaku was one of the last people he ever thought he would be talking to about Renji. But then again, Ikkaku had been in a serious relationship for generations, why the hell shouldn't he talk to him?

"It sucks though," Shuuhei started slowly, "I can't let myself do anything cause I feel like I'm taking advantage of him."

Ikkaku looked at him almost cross eyed, "Huh?"

Shuuhei looked at Ikkaku, "He's already in love with someone else… and he's really broken up about it."

Ikkaku stared back at his friend for a few seconds. Then comprehension washed over his features and his eyes widened almost comically.

"No fucking way…" he breathed.

"I'm surprised you hadn't figured it out already." Shuuhei muttered looking back at the ground.

"Well," Ikkaku blinked, "I thought… I mean… Shit! He does a really good job of making it look like it's just friendship!"

"He's had a few years to practice."

Ikkaku rubbed his head, "That… totally blows…"

Shuuhei couldn't help but chuckle. "Thank you for putting it so eloquently."

The two sat in silence for a few minutes, Ikkaku pouring over the new information, and Shuuhei building up the courage to pry into his friend's personal life.

"Madarame," Shuuhei finally spoke up, "How did you and…" he faltered as his cheeks grew hot, "How did you…"

"You tryin' to ask how I got into Yumi's pants?" Ikkaku grinned at his blushing friend.

Shuuhei glared back, "Not exactly that… but yeah."

Ikkaku puffed his chest out, "I almost died."

Shuuhei's eyebrow cocked in confusion, "Eh?"

"I almost died, and Yumi got all sentimental and girly, so I played it out as best I could… and it paid off," the grin got wider, and he leaned in close, "several times."

"Okay okay," Shuuhei pushed him away, but couldn't suppress his smile, "I don't wanna hear that part."

Ikkaku laughed and stood, heading for the ladder, "You're right though Hisagi, you can't do anything till he's over that punk or you _will _be taking advantage of him."

He stopped and turned back to give Shuuhei a very serious look. "If that happens, in the end… the worst one off will be you."

Shuuhei took in the words, and nodded slowly. He already knew this, but having someone else say it out loud to him strengthened his resolve. Standing, he followed his friend back into Urahara's shop.

"So did you really almost die?" Shuuhei whispered as they made their way down the hall.

"Naw," Ikkaku smirked, "but Yumi still thinks I did."

X x X x X x X

Shopping _again._ How did he get dragged out shopping twice in two days?

"Oi Renji," Ichigo punched his shoulder, "stop daydreaming, they're leaving us behind."

Renji tore his eyes away from the display window. Three new games had been released, and he was dying to try them out. Ichigo had introduced him to the world of video gaming the year before, and now Renji was an addict. He had wanted to bring an x-box back to Sereniti _so bad_, but knew Kuchiki Taichou would arduously object.

"Sorry," Renji muttered, "Hey what the hell are they doing anyway? What was so important that they had to go the store _immediately_? This is dangerous!"

Ichigo shrugged, "I don't fucking know. Girls gotta get… girl things."

Ahead, Orihime was chatting excitedly to Rukia and Ishida. How could they be so nonchalant with everything that was going on? Granted, the Quincy didn't look like he was enjoying himself all that much, but then again the fucker never seemed to enjoy anything. He knew Rukia appreciated this outing though; her nerves wore thin pretty quickly, and being with the bubbly red head always helped.

Renji glanced over at Ichigo. The guy had been acting really funny since their battle with the hollow in the parking lot. His eyes were far away, and instead of the perpetual scowl he always wore his face was thoughtful, relaxed even.

"Oi Ichigo," Renji said, "What are you thinking about?"

Ichigo looked back at Renji, and the red head felt his insides turn to jelly. It was absurd how his body reacted to Ichigo just _looking _at him. The substitute shinigami was a force to be reckoned with, a tidal wave of endless spiritual power and an unbelievable warrior. But moments like this he seemed so innocent, so young. Sometimes when he looked at Renji like that, he appeared so frail; just a young man with young worries.

Renji felt his heart clench in his chest.

Ichigo looked back at their three companions, and grabbed Renji's arm. He slowed their pace to have them fall back a few steps. When he was sure they wouldn't be overheard, he leaned towards Renji and whispered.

"When Tessai brought Inoue back to the shop after you guys got attacked, she had this cut on her forehead. It was this little cut, but you know how fucking head cuts bleed like a bitch."

Renji nodded, not sure where he was going with this.

"Well, she looked up at me with her face all covered in blood, and I had this vision of her…" he stopped and chewed his lip.

Renji put a hand on his shoulder, he knew the vision. He had experienced similar visions and dreams about Ichigo.

The younger man sighed and continued, "I saw her dead, and I remember thinking that there was no way. She couldn't be dead cause I still had so much to tell her and so many things to do with her…"

Renji squeezed Ichigo's shoulder. It was killing him inside to listen, but this was his best friend and he wanted to be supportive.

"So I decided right there, that I needed to stop messing around. I want to be everything to Inoue, and I want her to be everything to me."

Renji was beginning to get a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He stopped walking, and turned Ichigo around to face him. "What are you trying to say Ichigo?" his throat was dry so his voice was scratchy.

Ichigo checked the group in front of them and turned back to lean in close to Renji. His breath tickled the red head's ear as he whispered.

"I'm gonna ask Inoue to marry me."

Renji stopped breathing. In all reality, if he could have formed a coherent thought at that moment, he would have realized he never wanted to breathe again. He felt pain like a knife plunge deep into his chest. His body froze, his heart froze, his soul screamed inside the gigai that held Ichigo by the shoulders. Darkness surrounded his vision, and closed in on his consciousness. He felt like he had been slapped- no, crushed, _trampled. _

It shouldn't have come as such a shock; after all, it wasn't like he would ever be with Ichigo. Ichigo was never going to love him. He belonged with Inoue; the two together were like halves of a sphere, or two points connecting a line. There was no room for Renji in that particular equation. No hope already so _why did it hurt so fucking bad?!_

Ichigo blinked at his friend's unresponsiveness, and raised a hand to shake the red head out of his frozen state.

"Renji? Oi Renji, say something."

Renji climbed back up from whatever hole he had fallen into, and tried to salvage his dignity and keep his secret.

He straightened, gripping Ichigo's shoulders tighter, and pulled off the most painful smile of his lifetime. Worse even than the one he had given Rukia when she told him she was being invited into the Kuchiki family. He had played this game before, and he could do it again. Smile. Acknowledge. Congratulate.

"I'm glad for you Ichigo. I know you two will be happy together."

Ichigo smiled then, and Renji felt the knife twist deeper. But he was saved from any other forced conversation when Orihime tackled them both. She was babbling about some kind of sweet buns, but Renji's brain had forgotten how to put words together in his head. Or maybe it just didn't want to anymore.

He followed the group like a puppet for the rest of the trip; smiling at all the right times, laughing in all the right places. But it felt like an elaborate play, with cardboard scenery and a painted backdrop. His companions were just actors dressed up as people he knew, and he was reading from a script he had memorized the day before.

The feeling continued all the way back to Urahara's shop. After helping unload the groceries, Renji considered looking for Shuuhei, but quickly decided he would rather be alone. He grabbed a bottle of sake from storage, and started for his room. But then he stopped and grabbed two more bottles, shoving them under his arms, and making his way down the hall.

"Urahara-san," he said over his shoulder, "Have someone wake me for my patrol tomorrow."

He didn't hear the shopkeepers reply over the slap of wood against wood as he closed his door. He moved to the corner of the dark space and sat. Opening the first bottle, he brought it to his lips and chugged half its contents.

It wasn't the smartest thing to do, but at that moment Renji needed the comfort of an alcohol induced stupor. He needed to get so messed up he could forget everything, just for a little while. He needed his body to be deadened; numb.

But most of all, he desperately needed protection from the dreams he knew would plague him. Dreams of soft orange hair against his face, hot pale skin sliding along his chest, and long sinuous legs wrapped around his waist as he thrust into the beautiful body beneath him.

He _could not _handle those dreams tonight. His heart would tear itself apart, and his soul would shatter. So he lifted the bottle to his lips, and resolved to give himself the worst alcohol poisoning ever.

_Damn you Ichigo…_

_To be continued…_


	9. I Will Never Leave You

Chapter 9

After taking a hot shower to clean off the dust and sweat from his sparring with Ikkaku, Shuuhei meandered into the kitchen trying to calm his unruly hair. Ururu glanced up from mixing some kind of black jelly and smiled at him. Shuuhei smiled back, and wondered vaguely what the substance was but knew it was better not to ask. This was Urahara's shop after all.

"Good evening Ururu-chan," Shuuhei said politely.

"Evening Hisagi-san." Her voice was quiet. "Would you like some tea? I just made a fresh pot."

Always up for tea, Shuuhei nodded. "That would be wonderful, thank you. What time is it?"

Ururu stood and got a clean cup. "It's about eleven."

Shuuhei peeked into the next room. "Where is everyone?" he asked.

Ururu handed him the steaming cup, and sat back down to resume her mixing. "It's Hitsugaya Taichou's patrol. He took Matsumoto-san, Kira-san and Ishida-san with him. Um, Madarame-san and Yumichika-san went to bed, Urahara-san is in the storage room with Tessai and Jinta-kun and I believe everyone else went home…" She seemed like she was about to say more, but quickly closed her mouth. Her stirring became more aggressive.

Shuuhei noticed and frowned slightly. "Where is Abarai?"

Ururu visibly tensed. Her stirring stopped completely, and she seemed to cave in on herself.

"You don't feel it?" she whispered.

Shuuhei was beginning to worry. "Feel what?"

Ururu looked at him with sad eyes. "Abarai-san… He's in his room… He hasn't come out all day, and the air around him…" she trailed off and her eyes dropped to the floor.

Shuuhei turned and looked down the hall reaching out with his reiatsu. Careful tendrils of energy sought out Renji's essence; searched the atmosphere where Shuuhei felt his friends' spirit. Renji was doing a damn good job of closing himself off.

Alarms went off in Shuuhei's head; Renji had immersed himself in a black cloud of angry reiatsu. He had pulled it over himself like a thick blanket, and now Shuuhei couldn't reach him. He tried to caress the darkness he had found, lightly touching and prodding the separation between him and his friend.

He almost dropped his cup as a powerful burst of Renji's energy slapped him away. Shuuhei was physically knocked back, and his back slammed into the fridge.

"Oh gods…" he breathed.

"See?" Ururu whispered, "There's something wrong… but no one can get close enough to him."

Shuuhei set down his cup and started down the hall.

"No! Wait! Hisagi-san!" Ururu cried after him."What if he-"

"He won't," Shuuhei said reassuringly over his shoulder. "Don't worry Ururu-chan."

The slender girl stared after him, her eyes shining with tears. "Please help him, Hisagi-san."

X x X x X x X

Shuuhei knocked softly before sliding the door open.

"Abarai?" he whispered.

It was dark inside Renji's room, but he could see the red head's outline sitting in the corner. He was slumped against the wall, arms resting on his knees. His head was down and the parts of his face not covered by thick locks of hair were shrouded in darkness. He wore only a pair of jeans and held a large sake bottle between his knees. Shuuhei glanced around the room and counted several other bottles. He hoped they weren't all empty.

"Abarai," Shuuhei repeated as he slid the door shut behind him. "Ururu-chan says you've been in here all day. What's going on?"

Renji didn't raise his head, didn't make any indication he had even heard Shuuhei. He just raised the bottle and took another long drink.

_Gods, what the hell happened? _Shuuhei thought as he took a few slow steps into the room.

"Whadda ya want, Hisagi?" Renji slurred.

Shuuhei rubbed the back of his neck. "I came to see if you were alright."

Renji snorted. "I'm fucking fantastic thank you."

"Abarai, how much have you had to drink?"

Renji chuckled and tipped the bottle back. "A lot." He said before downing another swallow.

Shuuhei took a few more steps forward and slid his hands into his pockets. "Maybe you should stop now… get some sleep."

"Maybe you should leave me the fuck alone," Renji snapped. His words were slow and thick, but the bite was hard.

Shuuhei flinched inwardly but didn't let the sting of Renji's words show on his face.

"Abarai," he said carefully. "What happened?"

"None of your goddamn business… Why're you so fucking nosy?"

Shuuhei sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "'Cause I'm your friend."

"Right," Renji growled. "More like you wanna get in my pants."

Shuuhei moved quickly, closing the space between himself and the red head. He snatched the bottle and set it on the nearby table.

"You're done. _Now_. Come on." Shuuhei grabbed Renji by the arms and pulled him to his feet. The red head's legs didn't seem to be working properly, so Shuuhei put his arm around his friend's waist and practically carried him toward the futon.

"Fuck Hisagi, I'm fine…" Renji tried to push away, but only managed to get his feet tangled, sending himself and Shuuhei crashing to the floor.

Shuuhei 'humph'ed as his back hit the wood and he tried to untangle his arm from beneath Renji's body.

"Goddamnit Abarai!" Shuuhei hissed. "Get off my arm!"

Renji rolled off his arm, but only managed to pin the thinner shinigami's chest with his own. Shuuhei cursed and started to thrash, but Renji, even when he was drunk, was very strong.

"Stop kicking me, asshole," Renji growled.

Shuuhei stopped moving when he realized what a compromising position he was in. Renji had both of his arms pinned above his head. Not to mention Renji had straddled him - _oh gods-_ and his hips were pressed hard against his own.

"Abarai, I-" Shuuhei choked. "What are you-"

"This is what you want, isn't it?" Renji lowered his head and nipped at Shuuhei's neck. "This is what you've been trying to get this whole time right?"

"I…no…" Shuuhei fought the urge to moan at the sensation of teeth against his skin. "I mean… yeah but… not like this."

Renji's mouth moved up to his jaw. "Like what then? You wanna be on top?" The red head sunk his teeth into the flesh below Shuuhei's chin.

Shuuhei hissed. "No! That's not what I meant."

Renji moved further up and ran his tongue over Shuuhei's bottom lip. "What do you want, Shuuhei?"

Shuuhei shuddered and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He closed his eyes and Renji closed the distance between them.

Renji tasted strongly of alcohol but it didn't fully mask the sweetness that had been plaguing Shuuhei's thoughts the past few days. He lost himself in the red head's hot mouth, his tongue dancing over the other's in a fierce battle of dominance; a battle of possession. For one powerful moment, Shuuhei let his need, his burning desire that had been locked _so_ tightly inside himself for _so_ long, spill out into the kiss. Renji released his arms, and he wove both of his hands into Renji's hair, letting the silken tresses slide through his fingers. He fisted a large handful at the base of Renji's skull, and in response the read head moaned and rolled his hips. Shuuhei saw stars and threw his head back. He felt Renji smile into his collar as he rolled his hips again, grinding into Shuuhei's growing erection.

"Oh fuck…" Shuuhei's breath was ragged. "Fuck..."

Renji lifted Shuuhei's shirt and breathed a hot trail down the pale skin of his chest. "Tell me Shuuhei…" he whispered. "What do you want?"

Shuuhei kneaded Renji's shoulders as he whispered, "I… I want…"

_Oh shit, what am I doing!?_

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open and he gripped the muscular shoulders tightly. Every fiber in his body screamed in protest, but he somehow summoned the willpower to push Renji away. When the red head resisted, he hooked his foot into Renji's shoulder and shoved him off.

"Ah! Fuck Shuuhei!" Renji barked in protest as he fell back.

Shuuhei stood quickly and leaned against the wall. He pulled at the fabric of his jeans, trying to adjust the painful bulge between his thighs.

"Abar… Renji, no," he panted. "We can't."

Renji sat on the floor, looking at him under heavy lids.

"Why not?" he rasped, his voice husky.

Shuuhei tried to control his breathing. He stared at the ceiling and tried not to picture the bronze skin of Renji's shoulders underneath his fingers; the muscles rippling beneath his palms.

"I can't… can't do this right now…" _Slow, slow deep breaths._"Not while you're like this."

Renji was suddenly in front of him. He slammed both hands against the wall on either side of Shuuhei's head.

_Shit!__ What the fuck?! He's so drunk!__ How'd he move so fast!?_

"Yes, you can," Renji panted, and to emphasize his point, he ground his hips into Shuuhei's again. He rubbed the hard mass of his cock against Shuuhei's own aching member. "You _d__efinitely_ can."

Shuuhei's mouth was dry. How did this turn out so wrong? He had wanted this for what seemed like an eternity, and now it was happening. Renji was begging with his body. Shuuhei felt the other's hand leave the wall and grip his hip. The red head continued his agonizing grinding and Shuuhei shivered as teeth raked the skin of his jaw.

_No, don't take advantage of him like this, you'll ruin everything!_

Shuuhei was about to protest again, but Renji moved the hand from his hip to slide underneath his shirt. His warm hands trailed up the skin of Shuuhei's chest, stopping to flick a nipple. His breath was almost burning in Shuuhei's ear. "You said you'd be there for me… if I needed anything…" he whispered.

Shuuhei could only gasp as words failed him. Renji's touch was like fire, and it was slowly consuming his sanity. He closed his eyes, and breathed hard through his teeth.

"Shuuhei…" Renji whispered as hot breath caressed the soft skin below Shuuhei's ear.

_Oh gods… I love how he says my name…_

"I want this… I need this…" Renji's other hand left the wall and fumbled with the button on Shuuhei's jeans. He placed wet kisses all down the pale skin of Shuuhei's neck, stopping to bite the flesh where neck and shoulder meet. The hand that undid his pants slipped inside, underneath the denim to trace scalding fingers down quivering flesh.

Shuuhei was horrified to hear he was whimpering. The sound coming from his own lips was that of a common Rukongai street whore. He almost felt ashamed, but he couldn't help it; Renji had very talented hands.

Those hands closed around Shuuhei's cock, and slowly pumped. Once. Twice. His thumb circled the thick head and dipped into the wet slit.

_So fucking good…_

"See?" Renji whispered into Shuuhei's chest. "You need this too."

_Stop… stop__ him! _The voice cried again, but Shuuhei was concentrating too hard on standing. His hands were searching for purchase on the wooden wall behind him, and it was all he could do to not thrust into Renji's palm.

"Renji…" he moaned, lowering his head. He kept his eyes closed, but could feel the red head's breath on his face.

"Fuck me..." Renji whispered against his lips.

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open to meet Renji's dark gaze. He tried to form words but he had forgotten how to speak. A broken "Hmm?" was all he could produce.

"I said… fuck me." Renji licked his bottom lip, and his hands kept their slow ministrations. "I want you to fuck me so hard it hurts."

Shuuhei almost passed out. That was simultaneously the dirtiest and sexiest thing he'd ever heard. Abarai Renji: the center of his every wet dream and sexual fantasy for the last half century, pleading with Shuuhei to throw him on the floor and fuck him senseless. How could he resist? How could he say no?

"Please, Shuuhei," Renji almost whimpered. "Make it hurt so bad I can forget about everything else but the pain." He moved his lips to whisper into Shuuhei's ear. "I want you inside me… now."

Shuuhei lost it. With an animalistic growl, he grabbed Renji's wrists in a grip hard enough to leave bruises. He whirled the red head around and slammed him into the wall. Renji cried out, but was silenced as Shuuhei attacked his mouth like a starving man. Shuuhei spread Renji's legs with his own and ground his hips hard into the heat between Renji's thighs.

"Mmm… yes…" Renji groaned into Shuuhei's mouth. "Don't stop."

Shuuhei kissed and bit and licked a trail down Renji's neck onto his chest. The tattooed skin was impossibly hot; he felt that when he pulled away his hands would be charred black, not to mention his lips and tongue.

_This is stupid… this is SO stupid…_

Renji managed to unzip Shuuhei's hoodie and push it off his shoulders. Next came the shirt and Shuuhei straightened, lifting his arms over his head to allow Renji to take it off. Immediately he was back to trailing kisses down Renji's stomach. He unbuttoned Renji's jeans, and lowered himself to his knees.

Renji closed his eyes, and leaned his head against the wall. He grabbed fistfuls of Shuuhei's hair, and moaned in ecstasy. This is what he needed; this touch, this contact. His loneliness had dug itself so deep into his soul, he felt almost hollow. It was like he had a fucking hole in his chest just like the damn monsters he fought every day. But Shuuhei's touch seemed to burrow into that emptiness and fill it back up. Renji knew it wouldn't last; tomorrow he would go back to feeling the same as before, but right now… Gods he just wanted that emptiness gone, even if it was just for a little while…

"Gods… don't stop," Renji whispered.

Shuuhei unzipped Renji's pants, kneading the hot flesh through the fabric. He kissed the coarse hairs below Renji's belly button, and slowly started to pull the jeans down.

Renji was lost; his head whirled out of control. The combination of severe anguish, mixed with high stress and an insane amount of alcohol had been hitting him hard. Now the added sensation of Shuuhei's deliciously sinful tongue was bringing him closer and closer to passing out completely. The room was spinning and he was having trouble staying on his feet. But it felt so… so good.

As he felt his pants being pulled down, he groaned again and pulled tighter on the hair between his fingers. "Don't… stop… _fuck_…." He felt the tongue in the hairs below his belly button. In his delirious state, he whispered before he could stop himself.

"Don't stop… Ichigo."

Shuuhei pushed away and was on his feet in an instant. His fist connected with Renji's jaw, harder than he had ever hit anyone before in his entire life.

Renji crashed to the floor, half on and half off the futon. He laid there, breath coming in harsh gasps; wide eyes staring at the ceiling. _Oh my fucking… did I say that? Did I really fucking say that?!!_

Shuuhei gritted his teeth and slammed his fists into the wall. He was shaking fiercely and his breath was coming in shuttering gasps. Leaning his forehead against the cool wood, he squeezed his eyes shut to fight back what felt suspiciously like tears.

Slowly, he choked out. "You bastard…"

The two stayed that way in silence for several minutes, trying to calm their breathing; getting themselves under control. Shuuhei finally pushed off the wall, and grabbed his shirt off the floor. Tugging it on, he made his way to the door, but stopped before he opened it.

_Calm down, _he took a deep breath. _You came to help him, and now you're leaving him worse off than when you got here…_

He spared a quick glance at Renji, and felt his heart tear itself in two.

Renji had turned to his side, and curled up in a fetal position. He lay staring at the floor, his face blank and his eyes emotionless and empty. Shuuhei had seen eyes like that before. He had seen them in the mirror looking back at him after his Captain left him years ago. Alone. Totally and utterly alone. Abandoned. Ashamed.

Shuuhei turned to the door, his emotions in turmoil. He was still furious, but he didn't have the heart to leave Renji looking like that.

_No one should ever be that alone…_

Slowly, he turned and made his way back to the futon. He sat down beside Renji and scrubbed his face with his hands.

If Renji had been at the brink of despair before, he had finally taken the plunge over the edge. He lay there feeling cold, void. There were no more tears to cry, no more emotions strong enough to feel anymore. He had selfishly taken the trust and love from his friend, only to turn around and slap him in the face. Several minutes passed in silence before Renji quietly whispered, "I wish I was dead…"

Shuuhei looked at his back and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't say that."

Renji shuttered, and pulled himself into a tighter ball.

"I'm so sorry, Shuuhei," Renji whimpered.

Shuuhei leaned over to look at Renji face. "You should be… but I forgive you."

Renji closed his eyes and pressed his face into the futon. "I'm so fucked up."

"Yes, you are." Shuuhei replied. He gently pulled strands of hair out of Renji's face.

This time the silence was less tense and more comforting. Shuuhei caressed Renji's hair and watched as one quiet tear slipped out from under dark lashes. It ran down tan skin onto a perfect nose, and dripped softly onto calloused fingers.

Shuuhei sat back. "Renji," he coaxed gently. "Come here."

Renji sat up obediently but didn't look at Shuuhei; he just stared at his hands in his lap.

Shuuhei reached out and cupped Renji's face with his hand. As Renji closed his eyes, Shuuhei wiped the wetness from his cheek and gently placed a kiss on his friends' temple.

"It'll be okay Renji," Shuuhei whispered, and kissed lower on his cheek. "I'm still here." Again on his nose, "I'm not going anywhere."

How could he still be here? Where did this unending well of patience and care come from? Did Shuuhei really care about him that much? Renji lifted his hand to cover his eyes and his lip quivered slightly. "I don't deserve you, Shuuhei."

"I don't care if you do or don't," Shuuhei answered. "I'm yours…"

Renji let out a shuddering breath as his heart broke anew, but in an entirely different way. Fresh tears spilled from beneath his palm. Shuuhei pulled him into a tight embrace and whispered comforting words as Renji silently sobbed into his neck. Finally, the red head's arms moved around Shuuhei's waist and embraced him back.

"Gods Shuuhei," Renji choked. "Shuuhei…"

Shuuhei held his friend tighter and buried his face in soft crimson. "Shhhh…"

"I wanna stop loving him so bad," Renji whispered.

"I know… I know..."

Shuuhei then moved up to lay on the futon, pulling Renji with him. The red head curled up in the warmth and security of Shuuhei's arms, resting his head in the crook of Shuuhei's shoulder. They lay there entwined together until Renji fell asleep, lulled by Shuuhei's gentle whispers of sweet promises, and kisses so soft they could have been the ghosts of hell butterflies grazing his skin.

Shuuhei stayed awake holding Renji until dawn. When the first rays of light began creeping in through the window, he carefully extricated himself from the red head, grabbed his hoodie and slipped out of the room. He silently grabbed his shoes and was heading for the door when he heard Urahara's voice behind him.

"Hisagi…"

Shuuhei stopped but didn't turn around. "Not now, Urahara-san."

"He should probably do it himself." Urahara moved up behind him.

"No," Shuuhei said. "He's never going to tell him. But he has to know… he's killing Renji."

Urahara sighed and backed away. "Good luck then..."

Shuuhei made his way down the street, anger slowly building up in his gut. This had gone on too long, and someone needed to kick somebody's ass.

When he stood in front of Orihime's apartment, his anger had escalated into a quiet fury, but Shuuhei was a master at keeping emotions in check. He folded his arms over his chest and took a deep breath.

Orihime answered the door. "Hisagi-san?" Her expression changed from confusion to worry very quickly. "Is everything okay?"

"No, Orihime-san, it's not," Shuuhei said calmly. "Tell Kurosaki to come out here please."

Her eyes widened and she disappeared.

Shuuhei waited outside patiently until he heard footsteps coming back. He turned to meet a bed tossed Ichigo as he flung open the door.

"Shuuhei, what's wrong?"

"Come outside with me, Kurosaki."

Ichigo frowned at him. "Why?"

Shuuhei moved within inches of the shorter man's face and used his fukutaichou voice.

"_Now, _Kurosaki."

Ichigo fell back a little; Shuuhei was very intimidating when he wanted to be.

"Um okay…" He grabbed a sweater hanging by the door, and pulled it on after shoving his feet into a pair of sneakers.

Orihime started to follow Ichigo outside, but Shuuhei put up a hand.

"Please go back inside, Orihime-san."

Orihime looked from Shuuhei to Ichigo with wide eyes. Ichigo nodded to her. "It's alright Inoue." She turned back, shutting the door behind her.

Shuuhei said nothing as he descended the steps and moved around to the side of the clinic.

Ichigo followed, but being Ichigo, couldn't contain his curiosity.

"Shuuhei, what the hell are-"

His words were cut off as Shuuhei punched him so hard, it would have killed him were he an ordinary human. He crashed to the ground, blood flying from his mouth and splattering the pavement.

Shuuhei stood silently, waiting for the younger man to recover.

"Ahhh," Ichigo spit. "What the fuck? _What the FUCK Shuu__h__ei_!?" He stood holding his jaw. "Son of a bitch! What the hell was that for!?"

Shuuhei stood still, his reiatsu burning dangerously.

"What the hell did you do to Renji?!"

_To be continued…_


	10. Stress Relief

Thanks to all who have read and reviewed! I appreciate it!

Chapter 10

A myriad of expressions flashed across Ichigo's face as he cursed again and spit blood onto the ground.

"Renji?" He backed up a few steps and blinked to clear his vision. "What the fuck are you talking about, Shuuhei!? I didn't do shit to Renji!"

Shuuhei was still pissed, and the tone of Ichigo's voice was hitting nerves in his teeth. He fisted his hand in the younger man's sweater and shoved him against the wall. He brought his face in close and growled against the other's skin.

"You are so fucking stupid."

Fire ignited in Ichigo's eyes, and he gripped Shuuhei's wrist. "_I'm _fucking stupid? You come here and get me out of bed at the ass crack of dawn and _hit me in the fucking face! _All because of something you _think _I did to Renji!"

Suddenly, the shorter man froze. His eyes widened, and his hand on Shuuhei's wrist tightened. "Wait, what's wrong with Renji? Is he okay?"

Shuuhei gritted his teeth. "No, he's not fucking okay. Something you said to him yesterday fucked him up!" He felt his control start to slip again, and reined himself in. He asked in a soft voice, "What did you guys talk about?"

"None of your fucking business!" Ichigo hissed.

Shuuhei shoved the smaller man against the wall again, "It _is _my fucking business asshole! One of my best friends tried to drink himself to death last night!"

"Fuck!" Ichigo's eyes were squeezed shut against the pain of the impact. "All we did was talk!"

What the hell was this bastard's problem? Renji had been fine yesterday! They had talked and joked and messed around… Ichigo hadn't noticed anything unusual about Renji's attitude.

Ichigo was pulled from his thoughts as Shuuhei snarled in his face.

"What did you guys talk about?!"

Ichigo growled in frustration. "About how I'm gonna ask Inoue to marry me! There! _Are you happy_?!"

Shuuhei relaxed his grip as he stared at the indignant face below him. Then he slowly pulled away and rubbed a hand over his face. _Fucking hell, _Shuuhei thought. It all made sense now; Renji's reaction was completely understandable.

"Shit," He said aloud.

He looked back at Ichigo who seemed to be tossing thoughts around in his head. Anger mixed with confusion showed in his deep scowl. But slowly, realization and shock seeped in around his eyes.

Ichigo looked up at Shuuhei. "Shuuhei… Why would… Why would something like that fuck Renji up?"

Shuuhei crossed his arms and met Ichigo's gaze. "Why do you think asshole?"

Ichigo stared at the taller man for several more seconds before he ground the palms of his hands into his eyes. "Ahhh, wait… Oh fuck…"

Shuuhei watched as the kid fought his inner battle. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Ichigo was feeling at the moment, so he patiently waited until the other looked up.

"Shuuhei…" Ichigo's voice was barely above a whisper. "Renji doesn't… Renji… Does he? Does…"

Shuuhei looked away. "Yes he does."

He heard the sound of fabric sliding over cement followed by a soft 'thump'. He dared look back and saw Ichigo sitting leaning against the building, his hands on his knees and staring at the ground. He gave the younger man a few minutes to process everything before he spoke again.

"I came here because Renji would never tell you… and you needed to know what you were doing to him."

Ichigo wrapped an arm around his waist while lifting the other hand to cover his eyes. "Shit… All those things I said to him yesterday…" His lip started to tremble. "I had no idea… I would never want to hurt Renji like that…"

Shuuhei was worried this was going to happen. The kid cared more for his friends than was humanly possible, and always managed to blame every wrong occurrence on himself.

Ichigo's voice broke. "Fuck!"

"Goddamn it Kurosaki!" Shuuhei hissed. "Don't you lose it too!"

Ichigo frantically wiped at his eyes and turned his face up to meet the dark haired shinigami. The fight was gone from his eyes. All that remained was sadness and the trademark Kurosaki guilt.

"What do I do, Shuuhei?"

Shuuhei sighed, "Nothing right now. Last thing he needs is to see you."

Those puppy eyes were getting to the dark haired man. The young shinigami was looking up at him with such hope. How could he look at Shuuhei with so much trust after what he had just done to the poor kid? Ichigo looked very young at that moment, and Shuuhei started to feel a little like shit.

Ichigo hadn't known, he couldn't have known, and Shuuhei wasn't being fair.

"It's not your fault you know." Shuuhei said, kneeling beside the boy. "There's nothing you could have done about it. You were just being his friend and things like this… just happen."

Ichigo sniffed and looked past Shuuhei. "I should have seen it. I thought I knew him so well, I should have noticed. I could have been more-"

"Oh, for fuck sake!" Shuuhei stood again and resisted the urge to kick the orange-haired pain in the ass. "Shut up before I fuck up your face again! It's done! Let's just deal with it now!"

Ichigo glared up at him.

_Okay, good. That's better than crying…_

"Come on." Shuuhei motioned to Ichigo. "Get up, we gotta figure out what you're going to-"

Suddenly Shuuhei's pocket began to beep. Ichigo looked at him curiously as Shuuhei pulled the communicator out of his jeans.

"Hisagi," he said into the receiver.

Hitsugaya's voice rang out of the small speaker, "Hisagi are you with Kurosaki?!"

"Yes Taichou."

"You two get to the park by the high school immediately! Madarame's team has engaged two of the hollows! I have the others and we're on our way!"

"Yes Taichou!" He flipped shut the communicator and turned to Ichigo, who was already on his feet. "You heard him?"

"Yeah," Ichigo nodded, "let's go."

X x X x X x X

_Son of a bitch! Son of a Bitch! Son of a BITCH!_

Ikkaku was feeling what he thought might be panic, but then he quickly gathered his thoughts and steadied himself. He didn't panic- ever. This was just a tougher-than-average fight; their enemy was fast, powerful, and intelligent.

Ikkaku didn't like smart fights. He liked the chop 'em smash 'em and see who falls down first fights. He wasn't stupid by any means no, but Ikkaku sometimes wondered what kind of fighter he would be if he was smart like Yumichika.

"Kira!" he shouted, "behind you!"

The thin figure swung his sickle and the blond ducked just in time.

Ikkaku, Ishida, Kira, and Chad had just started to cross one of the town's bridges when the hollows appeared. One attacked from above with a barbarian battle cry, swinging his sword and throwing his large bulk around unthinkingly. The other was a little more disconcerting. It had attacked from their midst, and Ikkaku still had no idea where he had come from. This one was smaller and so thin it seemed almost skeletal. He carried a sickle twice as long as it's self and seemed to have the ability to either become invisible, or teleport like the shy mod soul that lived with Urahara.

The Quincy kid had reacted faster than Ikkaku had thought possible, and had gotten an arrow off into the larger hollows back. Ikkaku would have to remember to compliment the boy later; the battle was much easier when your reiatsu wasn't spilling out your ears. But the bastard was so erratic and surprisingly fast, none of them could get a hit in with a Zanpakuto. The other hollow was still sans arrow, but luckily it seemed to enjoy the fight enough to not drain their energy all at once.

Kira rolled and Ikkaku grabbed his arm to pull the slight man to his feet. Blue flashes of light shot past them as Ishida hurled arrows at their enemies with inhuman speed.

"I don't see Sado!" Kira's eyes were wide.

"I don't either." Ikkaku's eyes scanned the bridge and worried the kid had fallen off.

The larger hollow rushed them again, and Ikkaku deflected the broad sword with an experienced flick of Hozukimaru. The koa split and he wrapped the three sections around the enemy's hilt.

"Kira! Now!" He shouted.

The blond raised Wabisuke to strike the sword, but the action was stopped by the second hollow's sickle. Kira's already pale face turned ashen and he dropped to his knees. Ikkaku could feel the reiatsu leaving his body.

"Fuck!" Ikkaku spat straining against the large form before him.

Three arrows sailed toward the thin hollow but it disappeared, only to reappear behind Ishida and raise its sickle over the Quincy's head.

"Ishida-san!" Kira choked.

Ishida barely had time to turn around and bring up his bow to stop the attack. The blue light disappeared, and Ikkaku felt the Quincy's reiatsu abate.

_Son of a bitch! Son of a BITCH!_

Suddenly, Sado's large arms wrapped around the skinny hollow from behind. He pulled the creature away from Ishida just as a tall figure in black slammed into the hollow from the front. Ikkaku saw black spiky hair and a tattooed cheek, and recognized Hisagi. Ikkaku then saw a dark shape fly over his head and land on his opponent's shoulders. He looked up and saw black shinigami robes and a flash of orange.

_Thank the gods… Ichigo…_

The young shinigami brought Zangetsu's blade down, piercing the hollow at the top of his spine. Ichigo let out a triumphant cry as he pushed the blade through flesh until the tip exited the hollow's stomach. Blood splattered Ikkaku's face and chest, but he didn't care. This asshole was down for the count.

Untangling Hozukimaru, Ikkaku looked to see Shuuhei squatting over the second hollow's form, the sickle laying several feet away. Sado and Ishida sat on the ground close by breathing heavily.

The tattooed shinigami had taken one of Ishida's negatively charged arrows and plunged it into the side of the hollow's neck. His other hand held his Zanpakuto directly over his enemy's chest. His breath was rough, and his gaze was like fire as it pierced the golden eyes below him.

Ikkaku helped Kira to his feet and made his way over slowly.

"Damn Shuuhei…" Ichigo breathed by his side.

Shuuhei ignored them and bared his teeth to the figure beneath him. "How many more of you are there?" He growled.

The hollow grinned up at Shuuhei and blood ran from between his teeth.

Shuuhei responded by twisting the arrow in the soft flesh of its neck. The creature made a choked sound, and coughed up blood and bile.

"Fuck! Shuuhei stop!" Ichigo made to grab Shuuhei, but Kira held him back.

"No Kurosaki!" The blond hissed. "We need information!"

Ichigo looked back at the scene before him. "But it's so…"

Ikkaku didn't say anything because suddenly hell had frozen over and he agreed with Ichigo. This wasn't the Hisagi he knew, and it was a little scary. Only slightly less disturbing was the fact that Kira was okay with it.

"If you can't take it, back off." Kira glared at the boy. "These are the guys that attacked you and Orihime and Abarai and everyone else. We could learn something here, let Hisagi work."

Ichigo didn't get a chance to respond as more figures appeared on the bridge. Hitsugaya landed softly and moved to Shuuhei's side. Matsumoto and Rukia came right behind him but stayed back out of the way. Orihime went immediately to Sado's side to check his injuries. Ikkaku turned to see Urahara bent over the body of the large hollow, and Tessai beside him writing furiously on a small notepad.

He turned back around and startled; Yumichika was there regarding him with an intense gaze.

"Yumi…" He whispered.

Yumichika took his hand and squeezed. His lover never asked him if he was alright; if Ikkaku was standing he was fine.

He also noticed Renji standing beside him. His red hair fluttered around his shoulders and he gripped Zabimaru tightly in his hand. The tall shinigami's look mirrored Yumichika's, but it was directed at Shuuhei.

Hitsugaya's voice penetrated the air. "Trust me asshole, if you don't start talking _I'm_ going to take over and you'll wish Hisagi had killed you!"

The hollow laughed, and whispered in a gravelly voice, "I cannot tell you where Pestilencia or my master is, because I do not know."

Ikkaku noticed Sado's eyes widen as he listened to the raspy voice.

Shuuhei's hand left the arrow, and he gripped the hollow's throat. "Is that all that's left? Just those two?"

The hollow coughed again, splattering blood across its face. "Yes, but I am not afraid. Those two are ten times more powerful than Guerra or myself. They will finish you… I promise."

Shuuhei tightened his grip and slammed the hollow's head onto the cement. He looked to do it again, but Sado's voice rang out.

"Wait! Hisagi!" Shuuhei looked up in surprise as the stoic man made his way closer.

Leaning over the dying figure, Sado whispered something in Spanish. The hollow's eyes widened, and he nodded.

"Si… Muerte…" It answered.

Sado nodded and stood. Ikkaku was profoundly confused, but knew this wouldn't be a good time to voice his predicament.

"We may have a problem." Sado said.

In a last feeble attempt to free itself, the hollow reached for the arrow in its neck. But Shuuhei was quick to react and his sword was pushed through flesh all the way to the concrete below. The hollow let out one last sputtering gasp then lay still.

"Hisagi!" Hitsugaya barked.

Shuuhei said nothing. He just stood, pulled out his sword, and slowly made his way off the bridge in the direction of Urahara's shop. The small group stared at his back as he moved away, but no one tried to stop him.

"So, Sado-kun!" Urahara made his way into the small group of shinigami. "You have learned something?"

Sado nodded.

"Excellent!" The shop owner clapped his hands and drew Benihime. "Then let me just dispose of this mess, and we will go discuss if over tea!"

X x X x X x X

Back at Urahara's shop after tea had been made and wounds had been bandaged, the shinigami sat around the table listening intently to Sado. Urahara's fan opened and it fluttered before his face.

"Do you guys know the story of the Four Horsemen?" Sado asked quietly.

The shinigami shook their heads, but Ishida spoke up. "You mean the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?"

Sado nodded. "The story is about the forces of man's destruction described in the Christian Bible in Revelations. The Horsemen are traditionally named after the powers they represent: Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death. There are many interpretations of the story, but the basics of it are the Horsemen arrive to signal the end of the world. The first hollow we encountered was named 'Famelico' which roughly translates into 'Famine'. The two we fought today were 'Guerra' and 'Muerte'- 'War' and 'Death'. Muerte said before he died that the fourth was named 'Pestilencia'… Pestilence."

Ishida snorted, "I don't believe these hollows are powerful enough to end the world, Sado-san."

"No, I know they're not, but hear me out. So far the hollows have had characteristics mirroring the Horsemen in the story. Muerte had a sickle like Death. Guerra had a sword like War…"

Urahara lowered his fan and fixed Sado with a serious look. "What does Pestilence carry in the story, Sado-kun?"

Sado looked from Ishida to Urahara and sighed. "He carries a crossbow… So this hollow could attack and kill us without us ever even seeing him."

Ikkaku slammed his hand down on the table. "Why does this whole thing suck more and more every second?"

Urahara rubbed his eyes, and stood. "Okay, we can't do anything at the moment, so I suggest we all rest a bit and I'll… think of something."

Hitsugaya stood as well. "No more patrols today, everyone stay together. Kurosaki," he turned to the young shinigami, "you should warn your family."

Ichigo nodded and pulled out his cell phone. He glanced quickly at Renji, but his eyes dropped to the floor and he moved into the kitchen.

X x X x X x X

Ichigo had been avoiding Renji's eyes, and the strange intensity of the substitute shinigami's reiatsu was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Renji had no idea what was wrong, but the feeling was suffocating. When Ichigo looked at him out of the corner of his eye and retreated to the next room, Renji got a strange feeling in his stomach.

_What the hell is wrong with him?_

But much to his surprise, Renji was more worried about Shuuhei. His dark haired friend hadn't come inside. Renji knew he was sitting on the steps outside the shop, and as the other shinigami dispersed Renji stood and headed towards the front door.

"Abarai, I said to stay here!" Hitsugaya called from the table.

"I'm not going anywhere Taichou!" Renji yelled back and didn't wait for a reply.

Outside, the sun was setting but it was still slightly warm. Renji shoved his hands in his pockets, and eyed the shinigami sitting on the steps. He had slipped back into his gigai, and was hunched over; his elbows were resting on his knees, and his head was in his hands.

What was wrong? Shuuhei's reiatsu didn't feel angry or upset but seeing him like that, Renji couldn't be sure. Shuuhei was a master at controlling his emotions and Renji didn't want to distract him or make things worse.

Tentatively, Renji moved closer and said softly, "Shuuhei… Are you okay?"

Shuuhei nodded into his hands but said nothing.

Renji stepped forward again and ran his fingers gently over Shuuhei's hair. He was so used to the softness of his own, that the coarse black spikes intrigued the tips of his fingers. He burrowed a little deeper and ran the mane through his fingers.

Shuuhei let out a soft sigh, and leaned into the caress. He didn't like being touched when he was stressed, but this was Renji… Renji could touch him anywhere, as long as he wanted for the rest of his life.

Renji moved to sit directly behind Shuuhei, placing his legs on either side of the thin shinigami's hips. Reaching around Shuuhei's front, he unzipped the black hoodie.

"Renji, what-"

"Just relax sempai…"

Shuuhei's heart skipped a beat as he heard his old title slip from Renji's mouth. Oh how he had loved hearing that voice back in the academy. He braced himself for what he knew was coming next. Renji pulled the hoodie down and plunged his thumbs into the muscles of Shuuhei's shoulders.

"Renji- ahhh… Oh fuck… Hmmm that feels so good…" His head fell forward and he slipped into quiet bliss as the red head worked the tension out of his back.

Renji chuckled, "Just like old times eh sempai?"

"Mmm yeah…" Shuuhei had forgotten how amazing Renji's backrubs were. For the fidgety, anxiety filled, tension riddled shinigami, this was heaven. Fuck the whole rest of the world, fuck Soul Society. Just let him sit here forever with Renji's hands rubbing his back.

"Gods you're tense…" Renji muttered.

"Yeah…"

Renji leaned in close as he swirled his thumb around a particularly thick knot. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?"

Shuuhei sighed, and put his forehead back in his hands. "I'm tired… I didn't sleep last night. And because of that and the stress… I flipped out... I never flip out."

Renji felt his face redden at the embarrassing memory of the night before. But he continued to work Shuuhei's back and stayed silent, waiting for his friend to continue.

"I don't like it when I lose control." Shuuhei whispered finally. "I had that hollow's blood all over my hands and I couldn't stop myself… I feel like I'm losing it."

Renji stopped his massage and pulled the hoodie back up. Shuuhei groaned in protest, but stopped when he felt the red head pull him back to rest against his broad chest. Renji's arms came around his shoulders and his face nuzzled Shuuhei's neck.

Shuuhei feared to move, even to breath lest he break the moment. He sat there cradled in Renji's lap with crimson hair spilling over his chest, and sweet breath dancing on his skin. His lungs were suddenly too full, and the butterflies in his stomach had grown to the size of elephants.

"Shuuhei," Renji whispered, "I know it made everything harder for you last night. But I really appreciate what you did."

"Oh really?" Shuuhei cracked. "You appreciated being clipped in the jaw?"

Renji chuckled and nuzzled further. "You've just been so good to me." Softly, his lips pressed against the pale flesh of Shuuhei's neck. "I was so selfish…" Another kiss further up. "I'm sorry."

Shuuhei shuddered and closed his eyes as he tried to slow the beating of his heart. His hands gripped the wooden steps as he lifted his jaw to allow Renji better access.

"I… I already told you Renji… It's okay."

Renji kissed along the black lines of Shuuhei's choker tattoo, and ran his bottom lip along the soft skin below his ear.

"You wouldn't do it cause you didn't want to take advantage of me right?" He whispered in Shuuhei's ear.

Shuuhei clenched his jaw and tried to control his erratic breathing. He arched his back a little, and leaned his head back on Renji's shoulder.

"Yes…" He gasped as Renji nipped at his earlobe.

Renji purred against Shuuhei's skin. "I'm not a little boy you know… I'll be okay…"

Shuuhei almost whimpered as he felt Renji's hand slide down his chest.

"It's as much for my protection as it is for yours."

Renji rolled his thumb over the other's hip as his free hand cupped Shuuhei's jaw. "You need a stress reliever Shuuhei. You're going to break in half." He turned the dark haired shinigami's face to meet his.

Shuuhei opened his eyes and met Renji's intense gaze. "No Renji, I'm not going to do anything."

To his surprise, Renji smiled. "You don't have to do anything." He stood and pulled Shuuhei to his feet.

Shuuhei was slightly off balance and sporting a massive hard on, so climbing the stairs was difficult. Luckily the red head was practically dragging him up and inside the shop. They made their way quietly down the hall and slipped into Renji's room.

"Renji, I really-"

Renji silenced him with a kiss. The red head's tongue slipped past Shuuhei's lips and devoured the taste he found there. Shuuhei's mouth was rough but he tasted like tea and sugar and Renji couldn't get enough of it. He was dying to know what other parts of this man tasted like.

"Shuuhei," Renji whispered against the other's lips, "let me suck your cock."

Shuuhei hissed at Renji's vulgarity; he loved the way it so easily rolled of the red head's tongue. But he reached up and fisted his hands in the red locks pulling Renji's mouth away from his.

"I said I wasn't-"

"You don't have to do anything." Renji said breathlessly. "Just lay there. That way you're not taking advantage of me and you'll get your stress relief."

Shuuhei stood holding Renji's hair and breathing heavily; he didn't know what to do. On one hand, he had never wanted anything so much in his entire life. But on the other hand… well actually… Was there another hand?

"Please Shuuhei," Renji whispered, "let me do this for you."

_Fuck it. _

Shuuhei slowly released Renji's hair and backed away. He pulled himself out of his gigai, and laid it gently on the floor. He sat down on the futon and scooted back onto the mattress. Still breathing hard he looked at Renji under heavy lids as he untied his obi and tossed it aside.

"Well," he said huskily, "get to it."

Renji all but ripped himself out of his gigai, and threw himself on the futon attacking Shuuhei's mouth. He didn't linger long though and was soon trailing kisses down his neck, opening his haori, and kissing down his chest. He stopped briefly to lick a pink nipple and grinned at the groan he got in response.

Shuuhei tugged at Renji's haori. "Take this off." Renji complied and pulled the fabric down.

Running his tongue over the defined muscles of the other's stomach, Renji undid Shuuhei's hakama and pulled it down just enough to free Shuuhei's impressive cock. His eyes widened as he admired the member and he licked his lips.

"Renji…" Shuuhei almost whined.

Renji took the base in his fingers and licked Shuuhei's head, dipping his tongue into the slit to taste the salty precum.

Shuuhei moaned again and ran his fingers through Renji's hair. "R… Renji…" He panted. "How long… have we known each other?"

"Um… About sixty years…" He licked a line down Shuuhei's length and the other gasped above him. "Why?"

Shuuhei hunched over as Renji took him in his mouth. "Ah gods… Cause… ahhh… that's how long I've been fantasizing about this… Hmmm…"

Renji was stunned and flattered at the same time. The number of times he had jerked off to Shuuhei in the academy was too many to count. And now Shuuhei was telling him he'd been doing _the exact same thing__ to him_!

As Renji's mouth slid up and down his hardness, Shuuhei couldn't seem to keep the words from flowing. He knew he was rambling, but he couldn't stop himself.

"After you saved me, all I… hmmm… All I could think about was your hair… I wanted- Oh gods yes… Just like that…" Renji's tongue slid circles around Shuuhei's head as his hand pumped him. "Ah… Every day I saw you I just wanted to run my fingers through your hair…"

Shuuhei's voice was driving Renji and his cock crazy. He let his free hand slip into his hakama and grab his own throbbing length. He pumped it in time with Shuuhei's as he sucked and licked and hummed.

"I wanted you so bad Renji… I wanted to run my hands over your chest and bite your lips and… Gods… it was so hard not to just throw you over a desk and- oh fuck… _Fuck _that feels so good…"

Renji released Shuuhei's cock just long enough to gasp, "Don't stop talking. You're gonna make me come." Shuuhei had the most erotic sex-voice he had ever heard. Shuuhei could have been reading a grocery list just then, and he still would be getting off to it.

Shuuhei let out a choked whimper and let his head fall back as Renji engulfed all of him, all the way to the hilt. He fisted more of Renji's hair and trusted up into that hot welcoming mouth.

"The two years you were gone… Gods I missed you so much… hmmm… I kept dreaming you would come back and I'd rip your clothes off and lick your tattoos… _Fuck _I've always wanted to lick your tattoos… I would bury myself inside you… Mmmake you scream… Oh, _shit _Renji…"

Renji moved faster, meeting every thrust of Shuuhei's hips. He frantically jerked his own erection as Shuuhei's voice burned in his ears.

"Fuck Renji… So good…" Shuuhei was incoherent, he knew he was spouting nonsense, but Renji was blowing his _mind_. "Renji… Ahh… _gods Renji_!" Shuuhei's whole body went taut and he cried out as he came in hot, thick spurts into the red head's mouth.

Renji took it all swallowing every last drop of Shuuhei's seed. He kept the motion, riding out the other's orgasm. It didn't take him long to follow, hearing his name from those lips at the moment of climax nearly sent him over the edge. He came hot in his hand as he released Shuuhei's cock, and he let out a strangled cry before falling to his back on the mattress.

When Renji's breathing evened out he turned his head to look at Shuuhei. His friend lay beside him with an arm draped over his eyes.

"You okay Shuu?" Renji asked, more than a little pleased with himself.

"Uh…" Shuuhei didn't move. "Just a little embarrassed I guess."

Renji sat up and leaned over the dark haired man. "Why?"

Shuuhei lifted his other arm covering more of his reddening face. "I just ran what I said over in my head and it's… totally embarrassing. I can never shut up…"

Renji suppressed a giggle. "You always talk through a blow job?"

Shuuhei nodded. "Yeah, I can't help it."

Renji pulled down his friend's arms and grinned at the beet red shinigami below him. "Hey, I don't care as long as you're saying pretty things about me."

Shuuhei pushed him off, but not before Renji saw the smile tug at the corners of his mouth.

"Get lost creep, I'm going to sleep."

Renji laughed again, and curled up beside Shuuhei. "It's still early."

"Yeah and I didn't sleep last night. Shhh." Despite his words, Shuuhei held out his arm and Renji nuzzled in the crook of his shoulder.

They lay there for several minutes while Shuuhei slid his fingers through crimson hair, and Renji caressed pale skin.

"Shuuhei?" Renji whispered.

"Mmm?" Came a sleepy reply.

"Oh… nothing… Good night."

_To be continued…_


	11. Confessions

Sorry this took so long! Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who reviewed! Enjoy!

**Chapter 11**

Renji woke pressed against a lean chest, surrounded in warmth and the comforting embrace of Shuuhei's arms. He breathed in the musky scent and nuzzled Shuuhei's neck. The skin right below his jaw was so soft Renji couldn't resist leaving soft kisses on the pale flesh. He worked his way down to the junction between the neck and shoulder.

Shuuhei sighed softly and ducked his head underneath Renji's chin switching their positions. Renji chuckled and pulled back to get an eyeful of the sleeping shinigami. He ran his fingers through the dark hair and gazed at Shuuhei's tranquil face. Every feature was sharp and defined. His eyes were an exotic shape that women for centuries had tried desperately to emulate with cosmetics or plastic surgery. His skin was flawless save for the three scars over his eye on the right side. His jaw was chiseled like the stone statues of ancient warriors Renji had seen in books. He was so hansom; so masculine.

Renji's eyes moved to Shuuhei's lips which were rough, but could produce the softest kisses imaginable. He ached to kiss him now, but didn't want to disturb his peaceful sleep.

He slowly extricated himself from the other man's arms and slipped off the futon. Renji looked out the window, and saw the sun was barely rising over the edge of the horizon. He felt refreshed; he had slept well last night, better than he had in several months. He decided to use the morning to its fullest and head down to the training grounds.

He retrieved his discarded haori, and dressed himself before picking up Zabimaru and his waraji from the floor. He slid the door shut behind him and made his way down the hall.

_(It's too early to train Abarai… Go back to sleep…)_

Renji looked down at Zabimaru. "Oh, you're talking to me again? What brought this on?"

The Zanpakuto made a sound not unlike a sigh and Renji felt Zabimaru's energy stretch sleepily.

_(This is the first morning in quite a while that your reiatsu hasn't made me want to kill myself…)_

Renji looked away ashamed. "I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you Zabimaru; I've been really selfish."

_(It's alright… I'm glad to see you've stopped being such an idiot… Zangetsu is alright, but he's still an old geezer… It's nice to talk to someone else for a change… I always thought the Wolf Man was a better mate for you anyway…)_

"Wolf Man?" Renji frowned as they entered the kitchen.

_(Ah, I've said too much… I'm going to get a scolding…)_

"Abarai!" a voice startled from the stove. "You're up early!"

Renji abandoned the questions he had for his Zanpakuto, and turned to see Kira in sweats and a S.K.I.N. t-shirt. He was warming something in the microwave and was finishing off the last bit of rice ball in his hand.

"Ah, yeah," Renji ran his hand through his hair, "went to bed at like five or something last night."

Kira nodded. "Why aren't you in your gigai?"

"I'm going to go down to the training grounds for a while; thought I would make the most of the morning."

The microwave beeped, and Kira turned around. "So no breakfast?"

"No," Renji replied. "Thanks, I'm good."

Kira took his bowl and moved to set it on the table, but stopped as he passed Renji. He turned his head toward the red head but his eyes never left the floor.

Renji noted the peculiar expression on the blonds face. "You okay, Kira?"

Kira startled, but shook himself out of it and moved to the table. "Y-yes Abarai, I'm fine."

_(He's lying…)_

"I'm not stupid Kira," Renji said as he moved closer. "What the hell was that look for?"

Kira turned around and folded his arms over his chest. Bringing his eyes up he met Renji's gaze with a look so cold it turned the red head's blood to ice.

"You smell like Hisagi…"

Renji was taken aback; Kira was never this forward. He usually respected boundaries and never dug into other people's personal matters unless invited. What was his problem? Was he jealous?

"So what if I smell like Hisagi?" Renji tried to keep the growl from his voice. "I spend a lot of time with him."

Kira shook his head and moved closer. "No, Abarai," his voice was almost a whisper, "I'm not saying you smell like his hair or his clothes… I'm saying you smell like… _him…_"

_Woa, okay. How the fuck does he know… _Kira's mouth was awfully close to his chin, and Renji couldn't stop the growl from escaping his throat.

"Back up off me, Kira," Renji barked. "How the fuck is this any business of yours?"

Kira did not back down. In fact, his energy flared and his eyes became dark with anger.

"I am his best friend Abarai, it is absolutely my business! Don't you know how broken Shuuhei is? Do you have any idea what you could do to him?" Kira's voice hissed venom, "_I will not going to just stand around and watch him be hurt again!_"

Renji dropped his guard and moved back a step; the shock was evident on his face. That was so far from what he had expected Kira to say, that his head was spinning. Broken? Shuuhei? Renji had never thought of Shuuhei as anything but strong, composed, a respected leader. What the hell was Kira saying?

"Hurt him?" Renji blinked. "Kira, what are you talking about? What happened? Who hurt Shuuhei?"

Kira dropped his guard also, and relaxed his stance. He took a few steps back and sat at the table.

Sighing, he looked at the floor and whispered, "I did…"

Renji didn't know what to say, he didn't even know what to think. There was so much implied in those two words that the red head decided to just bite his tongue and wait to see if Kira would explain. He leaned against the wall and watched the blond run his fingers through his hair.

"Shuuhei has an almost voracious need to help people," Kira began softly. "He can't stop himself, its part of whatever it is that makes him… whatever he is. After Aizen's betrayal, Shuuhei put aside all of his abandonment issues, all of his hurt and engrossed himself into getting his division back together. The constant activity… the constant _fixing _of things made it easier to deal with his anxiety…"

When Kira's gaze started to lose its focus, Renji tried to bring him back to topic.

"What does this have to do with you?" he asked.

Kira looked up at him, pain evident in his eyes. "I was one of those things he tried to fix," he whispered. "He came to me because he could see how fucked up I was. He gave me what I needed, and never asked for anything in return."

Renji nodded. "Shuuhei never asks for anything in return."

Kira nodded back and reached for his cup, taking a long drink of the bitter liquid. He lowered the cup and stared into the dark circle. "I was an idiot and took advantage of his kindness. I used him for over a year, and when I ended it, I used the excuse that he didn't really love me- he was just _fixing _me… and you can't base a relationship on that."

"Fuck, Kira," Renji hissed. He leaned his head against the wall and studied the ceiling. He was beginning to understand a little; why Shuuhei was so hesitant with him. Why they both knew they needed each other, but Shuuhei wouldn't let it happen.

"He did love you though, didn't he?" Renji whispered.

Kira was silent for a few seconds before he sighed, "Yes…"

He had been so blind. He had thought Shuuhei was protecting _him_, when really Shuuhei was terrified of walking into another situation that would end up in his own heartbreak. He would never admit it of course. Renji suddenly wondered if Shuuhei had admitted it to himself.

_Have I always been this self-absorbed; this selfish? Or have I just been so blinded by Ichigo that I lost sight of everyone else?_

He looked back down to find Kira studying him intently. Renji shifted uncomfortably under his scrutinizing gaze.

"This situation isn't much different than before…" Kira said. "Your heart is broken, and Shuuhei is trying to fix you. You are walking a very thin line right now Abarai. You need to decide what you're going to do quickly before Shuuhei loses himself again."

Kira stood suddenly and moved to bring his lips close to Renji's ear, startling the red head.

"You need to let Ichigo go…" Kira whispered.

Renji had brutally underestimated the blond Vice Captain. He had always seen Kira as the weakest of their group; frail physically. He had always seemed a little detached from the affairs of his fellow officers, uncaring and even snobbish at times. Renji had never bothered to notice that, underneath his aloof exterior, how calculating Kira really was; how he noticed every detail in his and others interactions. The blond had seen through the mess that was Shuuhei and Renji's relationship. He had shoved all the proverbial garbage out of the way to find the heart of their problems and shove it in Renji's averse but desperate face.

Renji took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm his nerves. All the new information was fighting for room in his aching skull. That, and the fact that Kira had just voiced his most intimate secret aloud, was giving him the impression the room was spinning. He closed his eyes as he fought for control of his errant thoughts.

Then the world tilted as Kira brushed his lips against his neck.

"I can smell his sweat…" Kira whispered. "I can smell his come on you Abarai…"

Renji almost whimpered, but gripped Kira's arm and pushed him back. "Stop," he choked out.

Kira's eyes swam back into focus as Renji's blunt nails ground into his flesh. He gasped softly and a deep scarlet line made its way across his cheeks.

"Oh gods," he breathed.

Half hard and trying desperately to calm his breathing, Renji let go of Kira and watched as the smaller man covered his mouth with his hands. He didn't know whether to be angry at his friend, or comfort the obviously distressed shinigami.

Thankfully, Kira understood and backed away even further. He lowered his hands and forced himself into a calm stance.

"I'm sorry, Abarai," he said. "I lost control… I'm alright now. Go and train, I'll make you something to eat when you come back up."

With that, he dismissed the red haired Vice Captain and turned back to his cooling breakfast.

Renji wasted no time moving toward the back of the shop. He opened the hatch to the underground training cavern, and lowered himself down the ladder.

_Holy shit, it's not even six o'clock and already and my day is fucked up…_

_(I feel bad for that one…)_

"I know," Renji replied. "He's been through a lot. I just… wasn't expecting…"

_(You didn't know they were lovers?)_

"How could I?" Renji landed on the hard dirt of the training grounds, and made his way toward his favorite practice spot. "I was in the real world! The only times I saw them the first year after the betrayal were when we were fighting Arrancar!"

_(I suppose…)_

As he made his way around large boulders and jumped over familiar cracks in the floor, he sensed a familiar reiatsu and almost stopped in his tracks.

_(Well, he's up early… I wonder what he's doing here…)_

Renji ignored Zabimaru, and fought the urge to rush back to the ladder, and make a b-line right back into bed with Shuuhei.

_(Let's go… You wanted to train; this is a good opportunity…)_

Renji sighed, but moved forward until he saw the familiar black of a uniform thrown over a boulder. He shrugged out of his own, and laid his own top with it, along with his sash. He made his way forward until he saw a streak of orange, followed by a loud crash and the familiar laugh that sounded as if it were under water.

He thrust the tip of Zabimaru into the ground and pulled his hair back, securing it with an elastic band. He waited for the hollow to notice him. He had learned over the years that when Ichigo was in his half form, it was best not to interrupt him.

He watched the quick movements of the young man's arms; the flex and strain of his lithe torso as he hurled yet another cero into the wall. Renji took his Zanpakuto and threw it over his shoulder in mock annoyance, as the hollow Ichigo turned to face him.

"Abarai!" the hollow sneered. "You're up late!"

Renji rolled his eyes. The hollow Ichigo was twice as annoying as the real Ichigo, and always managed to rile him up twice as fast.

"It's actually early jackass," Renji said. "You've been up all night?"

The hollow snickered. "Ichi couldn't sleep… poor baby's got too much on his mind."

Renji moved forward. The comment had sparked his interest but he knew if he wanted something from the hollow, the best course of action was to feign indifference.

"Ah, okay. Guess I'll just train on my own, if you're not up to it."

Hollow Ichigo threw back his head and cackled. "Ah Abarai! If only you knew the thoughts that have been rattling around in this pathetic head!"

Renji moved away, his heart hammering but keeping the mask of indifference on his face.

"Pfft, why would I care about some stupid shit floating around in Ichigo's head? The kid is nuts."

Finding a suitable spot to stretch his muscles, Renji placed the tip of Zabimaru in the ground again. Keeping his back to the hollow, the tattooed shinigami lifted his arms over his head pulling at the tension in his shoulders.

"He knows Abarai…" the hollow hissed.

Renji froze.

X x X x X

Shuuhei woke slowly, letting himself become fully aware of his surroundings before he opened his eyes. The space next to him was warm, and he could smell the spicy scent of Renji's hair still lingering on the pillow. Shuuhei turned to bury his face in the fabric. Breathing deeply, he let his thoughts drift back to the night before. He thought of Renji's hair between his fingers, his hands touching him, exploring his body. His kisses on his skin, his mouth- _oh gods his mouth- _So hot, so fucking perfect…

A flash of reiatsu and a strong spiritual pulse jarred Shuuhei from his peaceful awakening. The shinigami recognized the energy and his eyes snapped open; his body tensing so hard his jaw began to ache. The pulse gave way to a low hum, and Shuuhei could feel the tips of his fingers and the back of his neck prickle.

Shuuhei slowly sat up keeping his eyes straight ahead, his gaze fixed on the wall. He felt the other across the room, but didn't turn to look. Shuuhei knew what he would see, and he wasn't ready for it.

Silence hung thick in the air like moisture; Shuuhei felt if he reached out he could touch it. Tension stretched on for long minutes until Shuuhei's nerves we so frayed he wanted to claw his eyes out.

"What do you want?" Shuuhei finally asked.

There was movement; a soft ruffling of heavy fur and claws clicking on the wooden floors. Shuuhei felt the spirit move closer to him with strong steady strides.

_(I was told I should speak to you…)_

"Oh really," Shuuhei pulled his legs in and crossed them. "Told by whom?"

_(Zabimaru…)_

Shuuhei almost snickered. "You haven't spoken to me in almost ten years. I meditate and meditate until I feel like my brain is going to fall out my ears and you give me nothing. But the second _Zabimaru _suggests you speak to me, you show up… No offence or anything but fuck you."

The spirit was silent, and for a moment Shuuhei thought he was going to disappear again. But the clicking of claws on the wood began again as the dark form moved closer to the futon.

_(If I had my way, I would still be sleeping peacefully… But the baboon has been at me for days with his constant nagging… The snake is even worse… Sometimes his trill voice makes me want to bite its chattering little head off…)_

"Oh well shit," Shuuhei closed his eyes and crossed his arms, "let me muster up some sympathy for you… Oh nope, sorry. I can't."

_(Still a child I see…)_

"And you're still an asshole."

Shuuhei felt hot breath on his arm as the spirit sighed, and the futon shifted as a weight settled next to him. He remembered when that weight had been a constant comfort; the coarse fur had surrounded him to make him feel warm and safe.

After another few minutes of strained silence, the spirit spoke again. He was quieter this time; softer.

_(The baboon said I should apologize to you…)_

Shuuhei's eyes shot open. His fingers dug into the flesh of his biceps and he swallowed thickly.

"Apologize for what?"

_(That was not quite clear… I couldn't remember why we were bickering, so he just said to apologize… in general…)_

Shuuhei sat for a moment barely breathing, waiting for the spirit to continue. He didn't remember why they had been at each other's throats either, and now hearing Zabimaru's stupidly simple solution… the whole thing seemed rather ridiculous.

"Don't apologize…" Shuuhei said softly, "just stop being distant…"

_(I never said I was actually going to apologize…)_

Shuuhei growled, finally turning to meet blood red eyes and the grinning maw of a massive black wolf. Silver streaked across its face and down its muscular back. Silver hoops glinted in its ears; colorful leather bracelets wrapped its legs, and around its neck hung a leather cord decorated with large colorful beads.

"You asshole!" Shuuhei hissed, "I was making an effort! Why do you always-"

He was cut off by an incredibly rough tongue sliding over his face. The wolf licked him from neck to forehead in one fluid motion, leaving Shuuhei blinking and speechless.

_(I never said I wasn't going to either…)_

Shuuhei remained stupefied for a few more seconds before shaking his head, and wiping a hand over his sticky face.

"I don't understand. Why do you want to reconcile all of a sudden?"

The wolf's grin lessened and he sighed, lowering his muzzle until it lay in Shuuhei's lap.

_(For the first time in a very long time, your spirit is almost at peace… You have been happier the last few weeks than I have ever seen you... Zabimaru is saying the same thing about your Fire Mane... You two are bringing each other up from dark places…. It makes me glad… I wish to never again see you like you were…)_

Shuuhei tentatively began to stroke the shaggy head in his lap. The wolf responded with an affectionate twist of his neck, encouraging the shinigami to scratch his ears.

"I still don't understand what that has to do with you and me," Shuuhei frowned.

_(A bond between two shinigami is incomplete without the merging of their Zanpakuto's souls… And I cannot merge with Zabimaru without being as one with you…)_

Shuuhei stopped petting, and looked down at his soul slayer.

"So wait…" Shuuhei stammered, "You're doing this… so me and Renji…"

_(I just want to see you happy again Hisagi Shuuhei…)_

The wolf's worlds burrowed deep into Shuuhei's chest, filling him with a feeling so warm it almost brought tears to the shinigami's eyes. He lowered his head to bury his face in the thick fur.

"Thank you, Kazeshini."

Kazeshini nuzzled Shuuhei's neck, and licked up the shinigami's face again. Shuuhei 'eewed' and tried to wipe the mess off his skin. The wolf looked up at him and started to chuckle.

"What?" Shuuhei made a face. He ran his hands through his hair, and suddenly his eyes widened.

"Aahh… Kazeshini… You just fucked up my hair didn't you?"

X x X x X

"_He knows, Abarai…"_

Cold spread through Renji's chest. It branched out to his collar, to his shoulders; it made its way across his arms as he slowly lowered them to his sides. All feeling left his body, save for the chill as it writhed beneath his skin. Every nerve ending froze, his lungs halted as if a shell of ice incased them. His heart slowed, skipping beats. In every long stretch of seconds, Renji vaguely wondered if it was actually going to start up again.

Forcing his lips apart, compelling his throat to speak, Renji almost choked as he whispered. "Knows what?"

The hollow moved behind Renji, and brought his lips close to the red head's ear.

"Oh, let's not play that game…" he hissed. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Renji jerked his head away and pulled Zabimaru from the ground. He didn't plan on attacking Ichigo, but the feel of the hilt between his fingers was a comfort; even if it was slight.

"Don't fuck with me," Renji spat. He glared at the hollow over his shoulder.

The hollow cackled and slithered around to Renji's front, his face came inches from the red head's. Renji tried to back away, but Ichigo's hand grabbed his arm in a vice grip.

"Oh… but Abarai…" Ichigo's lips just barely brushed Renji's; his breath was hot on the taller man's skin. "Isn't that what you want me to do? Fuck with you?" The hollow let out a moan, and his voice changed to sound less like itself, and more like Ichigo. "Oh Renji…" Renji's whole body began to shiver at the sound of Ichigo saying his name in that high, mewling voice. "Renji, don't you wanna bend me over one of these rocks right now? Pound your cock into my tight ass?"

Renji hissed, and brought Zabimaru up to Ichigo's throat. His breathing was labored, and he felt sick as his cock began to respond to the hollow's torment. The member throbbed painfully in the folds of his hakama.

"Get the fuck away from me," Renji rasped. He desperately tried to keep his voice under control, but there was no mistaking the tremor in his words. Zabimaru's edge pressed against Ichigo's neck as Renji's hand shook.

_(Abarai… Renji, calm down…)_

The hollow chuckled again, and pushed forward against the blade.

"Poor, poor Abarai… This is probably _so _embarrassing for you. Would you like to talk to Ichigo about it? Maybe you two can work out this little problem."

"_No_!" Renji almost screamed. He wasn't ready to face Ichigo yet, especially if Ichigo knew.

The hollow moved back and met Zabimaru with a quick slice from Zangetsu. Renji was caught off guard, and found himself in a hilt lock. Ichigo's masked face was again inches from his own.

"You really should talk to him, Abarai. King has some things he's just _dying _to get off his chest."

Renji let out a noise halfway between a growl and a sob. He knew the moment the hollow relinquished his hold Ichigo would come out and tell him he never wanted to see Renji again. Everything would be over; he would lose Ichigo's friendship forever.

"Why are you doing this?" Renji asked in a broken whisper.

Ichigo's lips sneered. "Because I _can_."

X x X x X

Shuuhei made his way down the hall but paused in the doorway to the kitchen. He was met with the sight of Kira, slumped over the table with his head in his hands. Shuuhei made no move to approach, knowing Kira could feel him and would acknowledge him if he was patient.

Sure enough, Kira's shoulders shifted and his reiatsu reached out.

"Good morning Hisagi…"

Shuuhei moved to the table. He pulled a chair up beside Kira's and took the blonds hands as he sat.

"What's wrong, Kira?" Shuuhei asked. His voice was gentle, but there was no mistaking the subtle command underneath.

Kira looked up with a haunted gaze. Old pain and old misery played in the depths of his eyes, and Shuuhei felt a familiar panic begin to rise in his chest.

"Kira," Shuuhei said carefully. "What's wrong? Tell me."

Kira blinked before he lowered his head and Shuuhei saw the muscles in his jaw clench.

"I'm so worried about you Shuuhei…"

Shuuhei's hands left Kira's to turn the blonds face to meet his. "It's alright, love. You don't have to worry about me."

"Don't call me that, Shuuhei. I don't deserve it."

"Kira," Shuuhei's tone became firm. "I've told you a thousand times…"

"I know, Shuuhei, I'm sorry."

Shuuhei brushed blond strands behind Kira's ear. "Tell me what's bothering you, Kira."

Kira sighed, taking Shuuhei's hand and squeezing. "I was talking to Renji, and I got… a little carried away. I'm just really worried about you Shuu… If I see you… like that again… I won't be able to handle it."

"You have to stop beating yourself up, Kira."

"It's my fault."

"Stop," Shuuhei said. "I told you I'd punch you if you ever said that again."

Kira smiled at that. The darkness in his eyes lifted slightly, and a little color spread through his cheeks.

"Actually, I think you said you'd _spank_ me if ever said that again."

Oh yeah," Shuuhei chuckled, "I did, didn't I?"

Kira nodded and leaned back, his hand fell to his lap.

"Shuuhei…" he started.

"Hm?" Shuuhei reached for Kira's tea and stole a sip.

"I think… I think you and Renji… If you can work everything out… will be good together…"

Shuuhei lowered the cup and smiled at his blond friend. A confession like that from Kira meant more to him than he could ever express out loud. He found Kira's hand again, and brought it to his lips.

"I'm glad you're my friend, Kira."

The blond blushed harder and looked away quickly. His smile widened as he spoke between his teeth.

"Shut up…"

X x X x X

Renji watched in horror as the hollow mask began to slip from Ichigo's face and the smoky blackness receded from his eyes. Ichigo was coming out and there was nothing Renji could do. Ichigo's hand was holding his arm so tightly it was sure to leave deep bruises.

"Please no…" Renji choked. "Stop this…"

Sweat soaked orange locks curtained Ichigo's eyes. Golden pupils gave way to milk chocolate, as pieces of red and white mask crumbled and fell, scraping against the skin of Renji's chest. Renji felt like crying as the hollow disappeared and Ichigo stared up at him.

_It's over… It's all over…_

X x X x X

Shuuhei drained the remaining contents of Kira's glass. "You want more?" he asked the blond.

Kira shook his head.

Shuuhei stood, and took Kira's dishes to the sink. He turned on the water and rinsed out the cup.

"You said you saw Renji this morning?" Shuuhei asked over his shoulder.

"Yeah," Kira said as he stood.

"Do you know where he went?"

"Yes. He went to the underground training grounds. He said he wanted to make the most of the morning."

Shuuhei nodded and rinsed his face. "Maybe he'd like some company," he said into a towel.

Kira came to stand beside him. "I think… he already has some."

Shuuhei looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

Kira looked toward the hatch, and folded his arms.

"I think Ichigo is down there too…"

Shuuhei looked toward the hatch as well, and started to grind his teeth.

"Shit…"

Kira put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure it's fine Shuu… They are sparring partners after all."

"Yeah, but," Shuuhei made his way toward the hatch, "I told Ichigo about Renji…"

Shuuhei missed Kira's eyes go wide.

"Oh fuck…"

X x X x X

Slowly, Ichigo's fingers lessened their hold on Renji's arm. The red head was frozen yet again; his worst nightmare was coming true, and he just wanted it over as fast as possible.

Ichigo's eyes never left his.

"Renji…" he whispered.

Renji swallowed, and a soft sigh escaped between his lips. "You were listening?"

Ichigo nodded.

Renji slowly pulled his arm away, and backed up until his shoulder blades hit a boulder. His eyes turned to the ground, and he ran a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry Ichigo… I… I didn't want to… _Fuck…_"

He put a hand over his eyes, and clenched his jaw. He _would not _break down in front of Ichigo. It was bad enough that he knew, and it would kill Renji to have him think he was weak also.

"Renji…" Ichigo whispered. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Renji looked up, his breathing heavy, but still under control, "What?"

Ichigo took a step forward. "Why didn't you say anything to me? Why didn't you tell me?"

Renji straightened, "Why the fuck would I!" he shouted. "I didn't want to ruin our friendship! I knew you wouldn't wanna be around me if you knew how I felt about you!"

"You assumed!" Ichigo shot back. "You have no idea what I would have said! You have no fucking idea what I would have done!" Ichigo's voice was wavering and Renji was horrified to realize the younger man was close to tears. _"How could you let me hurt you like that for so long?"_

Renji felt his chest tighten painfully. Heat sprang up into his eyes, and he suddenly felt like he had to throw up. He knew Ichigo would react like this; he knew the kid would beat himself up for something he had no control over.

"The pain I went through was nothing…" Renji paused as the thought brought another wave of heat behind his eyes, "compared to what it would have felt like, if I had told you… and you had told me to go away."

Renji readied himself for the rejection; he readied himself for the words he had feared and had nightmares over for years. He braced himself against the crashing wave of pain those words were going to cause.

But those words never came.

Instead, Ichigo threw down Zangetsu and flash stepped to Renji. He gripped the red head's shoulders and shoved him against the wall with almost enough force to knock the wind out of Renji's lungs.

"_I wouldn't have told you to go away you asshole!" _Ichigo screamed.

Renji grunted as the pain shot down his back, but he managed to look down at Ichigo and bare his teeth.

"Well I didn't want you to be nice to me out of pity…" he spat.

Tears were flowing freely down Ichigo's cheeks. He looked up at Renji and seemed to deflate against the larger man's chest. "Renji…" he whispered, "I wouldn't have turned you away… I wouldn't have pitied you…"

Renji's heart sped up. His pulse started pounding in his head. Ichigo's body was pressed against his; his breath was grazing the skin of his neck. If he lowered his head Ichigo's lips would be right there… _Right fucking there_! He turned his face away, and almost cried out as his body rubbed against Ichigo's lithe form. Every nerve ending he possessed screamed at the contact with Ichigo's skin.

""Ichigo…" Renji moaned, "I can't stand this..."

"If only you had told me, Renji… But now I'm with Inoe… I love Inoue, Renji… I could never leave her… gods… if you had just told me…"

Renji squeezed his eyes shut as the tears started to fall.

"_God damnit, Renji_…" Ichigo grabbed Renji's jaw, and pulled his lips to his own.

Ichigo's lips were soft; he knew they would be soft. His kiss was wild, gratis and loving. He tested like fire and sweat, life and everything forbidden. Renji growled and pressed into the smaller man.

But Ichigo was found wanting. Ichigo didn't respond to Renji like the red head had hoped. Ichigo's fire was bright, but it didn't consume him. Ichigo's kiss was wonderful, but it was lacking. He tasted just like Renji had always dreamed he would, but he was surprised how mild it turned out to be.

This was nothing compared to Shuuhei's passion.

_Oh shit, Shuuhei…_

Shuuhei kissed Renji like his life depended on it; like it was the last thing he would ever do in all eternity. When Shuuhei touched him, lightening erupted from inside and cracked all over his skin. To taste Shuuhei was like tasting heaven; it was the finest tea, the sweetest musk. Shuuhei's heat consumed him; Shuuhei made Renji feel whole.

Then Renji did what he never thought- never dreamed he would in ten thousand years.

He pushed Ichigo away.

"No…" he gasped. "Ichigo stop… we can't…"

Ichigo looked up at him, breathing deep, cheeks flushed. His glazed eyes started to clear, and an expression of utter shock swept over his face.

"Renji…"

Renji brought the back of his hand up to his mouth, and fought the urge to bite through it.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo… I've wanted this for so long… but I… I don't think…"

A voice came from the edge of the clearing, startling them both.

"So, are you done?"

Renji whipped his head around to see Shuuhei, leaning against a large rock. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, the way he did when he was fighting a particularly strong urge to fidget with things. The look on his face was one of such anger, such open disappointment, Renji almost started to cry anew.

Ichigo stepped back quickly, and wiped a hand across his face. "How long have you been there?

Shuuhei pushed off the rock, and gave Renji a heated glare.

"Long enough…"

With that he turned and made his way back to the ladder, leaving Renji with a sickening feeling in his stomach, and a painful ache in his heart.

**TBC**


	12. Revalations and Resolve

I would like to take the time to thank some of my reviewers. I am sorry I can't reply to all of you individually, my computer won't let me reply from the email. First off: Anger House. Your reviews make me happy! I opened up my email a couple mornings ago and saw like 50 messages from you! (loves) Coudface, JadeRent and sommar, your comments always make me laugh! Thank you! And From The Psych Ward, your review sent me skyrocketing into euphoric bliss.

Thank you everyone who reviewed! I don't really ask for them, so I appreciate the time you took to write something for me! Thanks you all again! hugs hugs hugs :)

A/N: Fixed the confusion with Shuuhei's released form.

**Chapter 12**

As he watched Shuuhei's back as the dark haired shinigami disappeared behind a rock, a part of Renji fought the urge to just throw down his sword and curl up in a tight ball. He wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear forever. Another part of him wanted to run after Shuuhei, but that seemed something a desperate crazy person would do. Not that he wasn't crazy… but he was beginning to become borderline desperate…

And _Goddamnit _he just had this discussion with Kira! Not twenty minutes had passed, and he had already fucked up the best thing he had in his life right now. Nice going Renji; great fucking job.

Laughter at his side caught his attention. He turned to see Ichigo; black katana thrown over his shoulder, hand resting on his hip, teeth bared in a fierce grin. Renji watched the young Vizard as he chuckled softly, watching the spot where Shuuhei had been.

Wait, what the fuck? This was the Ichigo that said 'I just killed ten hollows, where the hell were you?'. What happened to the 'I'm an asshole for hurting you' Ichigo?

Renji was beginning to get a cold feeling again but it was entirely different reason. His blood pumped heavily through his veins, weighed down by an icy chill that sent shivers down his spine.

"What the hell is so funny, Ichigo?" Renji said through his teeth.

Ichigo looked at Renji as if just realizing he was there. He tipped his head back and shrieked at the ceiling. The sound was the strangest combination of a laugh and a scream Renji had ever heard.

"_Oh, Abarai_!" Ichigo wailed, "_The look on your face! I wish I had a fucking camera!_"

_(Abarai… this is bad…)_

Renji blinked and wondered suddenly if he was dreaming.

"Ichigo… are you…"

Ichigo lowered his sword, and danced up to Renji's side. He grinned ferociously up at the red head as he cocked his head to the side, his eyes maniac.

"Sorry, Abarai. Ichigo isn't home right now, but you can leave a message after the beep."

Renji watched as the orange of Ichigo's hair started to fade. It started at the roots, and slowly seeped towards the tips. The hair around his ears turned gray, and then quickly lost all color. The locks that fell into his eyes were the last to go. Soon the shorter man was staring up at him with shocking white hair and unnaturally pale skin.

But his eyes were what scared Renji the most. They were brown, not gold… they were still Ichigo's. What. The. Fuck. This was not Ichigo… it just looked like Ichigo. Was the hollow controlling him? How? If it was, where was the mask? Didn't he have to have a mask?

"How are you doing this?" Renji whispered.

Ichigo moved still closer and brushed his nose against Renji's jaw. "Ah, no more questions, Abarai. There's lots of other fun things I wanna do besides talk."

Renji considered himself a brave person. Not fearless by any means, but he had held his ground against fearsome enemies time and time again. He prided himself for being the kind of person who would face the greatest opposition, the most ruthless of foes for the sake of his friends and loved ones. And he would do it with the cockiest remark he could think of, and a confident, annoying grin.

But now for the first time, as he stood rooted to this spot in Urahara's training room, Renji felt terror. Panic he had never before experienced welled in his chest and rendered his limbs immobile. This was Ichigo's hollow; unleashed and unguarded. Renji had seen glimpses of the horrendous power hidden inside Ichigo's soul. He had seen what this alter ego was capable of, and it disturbed him to see it used on his enemies. Now all that power was going to be used against _him_.

Renji knew he was probably going to die in the next few minutes, and knowing it would be at the hand of his best friend, immediately after he confessed his feelings… The gods must really _really _hate him.

_(Renji… I can't feel Zangetsu…)_

"Shit…" Renji said aloud.

Ichigo moved back and raised his sword to point at Renji's neck.

"You came down here to spar didn't you, Abarai?" Ichigo's grin widened, if that was possible, and Renji wondered if his teeth had gotten sharper. "Let's do it."

Renji had almost no time to react; he jumped back as Ichigo's blade sliced a long ribbon into his chest. Blood flowed freely down his stomach, soaking the top of his hakama. He brought Zabimaru up just in time to block Ichigo's next attack, but he was no match for the hollow's strength. Ichigo shoved the tsuba of Renji's sword hard into the fresh wound of his chest, and Renji fell back with a strangled cry. The red

head landed on his back, but managed to guard his face from Ichigo's katana even as the breath was knocked from his lungs.

"_Give up, Abarai!_" The hollow screeched; his voice had returned to that underwater rasp.

"Ichigo!" Renji called desperately. "Ichigo! Can you hear me?"

"_Don't bother trying, Abarai!" _Ichigo's face came close again. Their swords screamed as metal was ground against metal. "_Ichigo is as good as dead!"_

Renji was knocked back. He slid several feet away from Ichigo, and slammed into a boulder. His head spun and darkness threatened the edges of his vision. He tried to stand and brace himself for the next attack. He was going down fighting.

Suddenly, there was cold. _Real _cold. Tendrils of soft snow wound their way around Ichigo's arms and neck. Ice incased the Vizard's feet, confining him to the ground. Ichigo's face lost its grin as he struggled to maintain control of his limbs. The flex of snow pulled tight and slammed Ichigo to the ground.

Renji lost it for a moment and his vision completely blackened. When he stirred, he was sitting with his back against the rock. He looked up to find Ichigo surrounded. Ikkaku had wrapped his koa around Ichigo's neck. Yumichika was there beside him standing on Ichigo's sword arm, Fuji Kujaku posed over Ichigo's bicep. Kira and Matsumoto both had their Zanpakuto's pointed at Ichigo's neck. Hitsugaya stood a few feet away with Rukia. Ishida stood on a nearby boulder; the Quincy had an arrow pulled, ready to strike.

And there in the middle, was one Hisagi Shuuhei. Renji's eyes widened as he took in the dark haired shinigami. He stood with one foot planted on Ichigo's chest, the other braced behind him on the ground. His face showed no signs of anger or malice, just calm determination. In his hands he held two double bladed Kusarigama, conneceted together with a black chain. Shuuhei calmly held one of the weapons at his side, and the other directly over Ichigo's heart.

_Shuuhei released his shikai?_

"Well," a tired voice said from beside Renji. "Seems we have _another_ problem…"

Renji's head snapped around to find Urahara standing a few feet to his right. The shopkeeper stood with a lazy slouch, his arms folded over his chest.

"Are you alright, Abarai?" Urahara asked, his eyes never leaving Ichigo.

"I'll live…" muttered Renji.

Urahara slowly made his way over to Ichigo. He put his hands on his hips, and leaned over the confined Vizard.

"So, how long as it been you?"

Ichigo giggled. "A while now. Shit, you guys are so dense you didn't notice… it's fucking sad."

Shuuhei ground his foot into Ichigo's chest, and the hollow grunted.

"Damn Hisagi," Ichigo's eyes turned to the tattooed shinigami above him. "You like it kinda rough don't ya? Can see why Renji digs you."

He was rewarded by a rattle of the chain, and Shuuhei let the head of one Kusarigama crash down on his head. The hollow cried out as his eyes swam out of focus.

"Don't fucking talk to me…" Shuuhei snarled, pulling the weapon back into his hand by the chain.

"Easy, Hisagi," Ikkaku warned.

Renji got to his feet and wiped the blood trickling from his mouth with the back of his hand.

"How much of it was you?" Renji rasped.

All eyes turned to Renji, but he didn't care. He wanted answers. "How much of what just happened was you? Was Ichigo there at all?"

Ichigo's mouth grinned the hollow grin. "It was all me, Abarai… But it wasn't nothing Ichigo hadn't thought about before…"

Renji felt he was going to be sick. He faintly heard Urahara talking to Hitsugaya about binding spells, and getting Tessai. His vision clouded from blood loss and fatigue, and he swayed on his feet. The darkness that had threatened before came back in full force.

When he came to, Rukia cradled his head as Tessai worked at healing the wound in his chest. Yumichika crouched nearby, chin in his hands.

"Doesn't the tub in the bathroom have healing properties?" Yumichika asked.

Tessai nodded. "We'll place him in there when I finish. I need to get him well enough to walk first though, unless you want to carry him up the ladder."

"No thank you!" Yumichika sang.

Renji grunted, and grabbed one of Tessai's hands. "I'm fine," he growled, "I don't need the bath."

Rukia slapped his hand away. "No, you're not fine idiot. This cut got almost all the way through your ribs. Shut up and let Tessai-san work."

Renji relaxed, knowing it was futile trying to argue with Rukia. He stared up at the ceiling, letting his vision go out of focus as he vexed about his confrontation with Ichigo.

It had been the fucking hollow. He had confessed, but not to Ichigo. Was Ichigo able to listen? Was he aware of things around him? The hollow always seemed to know what was going on when Ichigo was in charge, so why wouldn't it work the other way around? But then again, if Ichigo was conscious, wouldn't he be doing everything he could to regain control? Had the hollow really beaten him?

"Renji!" Rukia shook him.

"What?" Renji groaned.

"Tessai-san is done, try and sit up."

Renji did, with only minimal pain. He looked down and ran his fingers over the horizontal line just under his nipples. The flesh was raw and raised, but the bleeding had stopped.

"This will do for now," Tessai said. "I knitted the flesh together as best I could. There's still a chance of infection though, so I suggest you go get in the bath. No hard movements either, it might reopen."

Renji nodded, and Yumichika helped him to his feet. He made his way slowly up the ladder, Yumichika with him the whole way. When he opened the hatch and pulled himself carefully up into the shop, he was met with the high pitched screams of Ichigo's hollow. Renji turned to Yumichika, panic evident on his face.

"It's alright," Yumichika assured. "They're not hurting him. He's just pissed off because they're putting some kind of high level binding spell on him."

"Who is?" Renji asked as Yumichika took his arm to help him down the hall.

"Urahara-san, Hitsugaya Taichou, and Hisagi."

"Hisagi?"

"Yes," Yumichika pushed Renji into the bathroom, and moved to fill the tub. He tested the temperature of the water and then moved to the cupboard. "Urahara-san asked for his help because the spell requires an intense amount of concentration. You know how Shuu-chan is. His obsession with details and his need for perfection make him the perfect third for the spell." He selected several small containers from the shelves as he talked, and poured various things into the water.

Renji felt a knot tighten in his stomach when Yumichika spoke of Shuuhei. He sat on the bench, and put his face in his hands.

Yumichika stopped what he was doing and moved toward Renji. He placed a comforting hand on the tattooed man's head.

"I'm sure Ichigo will be fine, Renji-kun."

Renji groaned into his hands. "He's not who I was thinking about…"

Renji could almost _hear _Yumichika's jaw drop. The smaller man suddenly grabbed Renji by the arms, and pulled him to his feet. "Get out of these cloths, and into the tub."

Renji turned away, and pulled off his hakama. Yumichika laughed at Renji's show of modesty and teased him for it. Renji just growled back as he lowered himself into the tub, and leaned back against the side.

The water was infinitely soothing, and he could already feel the tingling around his chest wound and the tension in his muscles started to ease.

Yumichika pulled the shower bench beside Renji and sat, his arms crossed and leaning on the side of the tub.

"Okay," he said, "spill. Now."

Renji gave him his best scowl, but gave up when he saw the sparkle in his friends' eyes. Yumichika wasn't going anywhere until Renji told him something juicy. The narcissist bastard loved a good story, and would do almost anything to get one.

Renji sighed and started from the beginning. He told Yumichika about going down to the training grounds, meeting Ichigo, talking to the hollow, and then the whole fiasco about Ichigo knowing, and Renji's confession. When Renji told him about the kiss and Shuuhei being there the whole time, Yumichika's eyes got bigger and bigger until Renji was sure they were going to fall right out of his head.

"Poor Shuu-chan…" Yumichika sighed when he finished.

Renji lowered his gaze to the water, and reached his hands up to pull at his hair tie. When his hair was free, he leaned back again and ran his fingers though it absentmindedly.

"I'm so stupid, Yumichika… I don't know how to fix this," Renji whispered.

Yumichika straightened, and carefully pushed a strand of hair away from his face. "Well, Shuuhei is going to act like nothing happened, you know that."

Renji nodded.

"He's going to want time alone to go brood like he does… but I think you should go after him. Shuuhei always thinks he has to deal with everything by himself."

"I know…" Renji murmured. "But what if he hates me now? What if he doesn't want me around him anymore?"

Yumichika smiled at that, and leaned over to rest his chin on his hands.

"Renji-kun… did you know, that every time someone mentioned you while you were away, he would get this distant look in his eyes, and completely drop out of the conversation? Have you ever caught the expression on his face when he's looking at your hair? Do you not listen to the way he praises you all the time? I have never been able to understand how you could miss one of the sexiest shinigami in all of soul society practically worshiping the ground you walk on. Why you've never taken advantage of that… I have no idea. You are a freak of nature."

Renji stared at Yumichika. "How does he look when he looks at my hair?"

Yumichika giggled. "Like he could cry and scream and laugh all at the same time."

Renji lowered his gaze to the water again. He now knew how he felt about Shuuhei; the kiss with Ichigo had opened his eyes. He also knew that he was willing to fight to keep him. Renji decided to stop with this selfish game he played with feelings for something that could never be, and resolved himself to fixing what he had broken.

"I need some time to think, Yumichika. Thank you for your help."

Yumichika slowly stood, and placed a kiss on Renji's forehead before exiting the bathroom.

X x X x X

Shuuhei fell to his knees on the hard wooden floor. He leaned forward, resting his hands on the cool surface as his breath came in gasps and sweat poured down his face. He had never performed a spell that powerful before. His reiatsu was drained, his energy was gone, his head pounded behind his eyes.

Hitsugaya plopped down on the floor next to him. He tore off his white haori and leaned back on his hands, sweat glistened on his skin as well, and his breathing was labored.

"Fuck…" the small captain spat, "Son of a… fucking… _fuck…_"

Shuuhei had to chuckle at that. The Tenth Squad Captain was usually so poised, so reserved in his presents that he sometimes seemed infallible. The string of curses that kept flowing from his small lips reminded Shuuhei that he was a person just like everyone else.

Urahara was the only one of the three that seemed to still be somewhat unfazed. He stood beside Hollow Ichigo, and rolled his neck, trying to release the tension in his back.

"Well done you two, thank you," he murmured.

Shuuhei lifted his head to glance at Kira who stood by the door with Ikkaku and Matsumoto. Kira was looking at him with obvious worry, but seemed to relax slightly when Shuuhei's eyes met his.

"So what do we do now?" Ikkaku asked.

Urahara folded his arms and frowned at their prisoner, who was held to a chair with invisible chains of reiatsu.

"Um…" the shopkeeper mused. "For now, we'll take turns watching him… I'll think of something." He turned to Shuuhei and Hitsugaya. "Get some rest you two; you'll need your strength later."

Kira voiced that he would stay and guard Ichigo. Matsumoto nodded and moved to Hitsugaya's side and helped him out of the room. Urahara followed, taking one last look at the fuming hollow before slipping out the door.

Kira kneeled beside Shuuhei, and Ikkaku moved to the door saying something about finding Yumichika.

After the bald shinigami left, Kira whispered. "Are you alright?"

Shuuhei nodded carefully, but he still didn't try to stand. His muscles felt like jelly, and the room spun if he moved his head too fast.

A snicker echoed through the room, and Shuuhei felt himself growing hot. The hollow was going to start his ranting again, and Shuuhei worked desperately to keep his rage at bay.

"What I said was true, Hisagi…" the hollow rasped.

Kira gripped his shoulder hard. "Don't listen to him Shuuhei, he's just trying to bate you."

"I know," Shuuhei whispered. "He still makes me nauseous though…"

The anger and hurt Shuuhei had felt when he had walked in on Ichigo and Renji's confrontation, had doubled when the hollow had started to spew vile things about Renji and himself. While they had been binding him, the hollow worked every angle he could think of to throw Shuuhei off. The tattooed shinigami had felt his concentration slip more than once, and it had taken every ounce of his willpower not to tear into the cocky bastard. Now he was too tired to fight, too emotionally drained to do anything but listen.

"It's true that he thinks about you fucking Abarai…" Ichigo's voice hissed. "It's true that he gets hard at the thought of pounding into the fucker's tight little hole… or his mouth… sick fuck can't decide what he likes better. That Orihime bitch or that sweet tattooed ass… I have to admit though: finally getting to fuck that big tittied slut the way I always wanted to was fucking incredible."

Shuuhei's head snapped up. "What did you do to Orihime you bastard?" Shuuhei's voice was deadly calm. "Is she hurt?"

The hollow laughed, and licked his lips. "I didn't do any permanent damage… she probably is a little sore though…"

"Fuck you…" Shuuhei hissed.

Kira gripped his shoulders, and pulled the exhausted shinigami to his feet. "Come on, Shuuhei. Get out of here; you don't need to listen to him."

Shuuhei tried to ignore the chorus of foul things coming from the hollow's mouth as Kira opened the door for him. Shuuhei turned to his friend and squeezed his shoulder affectionately before making his way down the hall. He planned on taking a quick shower, and immediately going to Orihime's place to see if she was alright.

But he stopped dead in his tracks. The shower he usually used and his gigai were in Renji's room… what if Renji was in there already? He wasn't ready to talk to the red head just yet. He should just shower in the hallway bathroom, and then slip in to grab his gigai and exit quickly.

He turned around and padded toward the bathroom. Sliding the door open, he was met with a blast of steamy, sweet smelling air… and Renji… dripping… wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

X x X x X

Renji pulled the plug in the bathtub, and stood to retrieve the towel Yumichika had left for him. He wrapped the white terrycloth around his waist, and grabbed the second to dry his hair. He heard the door slide open and turned to see Shuuhei frozen in the doorway.

The word 'awkward' was not sufficient to describe that moment. Humiliating maybe; mortifying perhaps. But it still wasn't enough to distract Renji from noticing the deep circles under Shuuhei's eyes. Or the way his usually beautiful skin was drawn and gray.

"I… I'm sorry…" Shuuhei stammered. "I'll come back in a few minutes," he moved to shut the door, but Renji was there blocking him.

"Wait!" Renji cried.

Shuuhei stopped but didn't look at him, and Renji's heart ached at the grief etched into the lines of that handsome face. He had caused that, and it killed him. He had to make it right, _he had to._

"Please don't leave Shuuhei…" Renji whispered. "I want to talk to you."

Shuuhei just continued to stare at the floor by Renji's feet.

Renji took a dangerous chance, and grabbed Shuuhei's hand. He pulled him into the bathroom, and slid the door shut. Shuuhei leaned against the door, his arms slowly folded over his chest to curl tightly together. It was the same gesture of anxiety that Renji had seen before in the training grounds. Shuuhei's knuckles were white as his hands gripped his biceps.

Renji spoke slowly, trying to suppress his emotions. "Shuuhei, I know saying I'm sorry is pretty much worthless at this point but-"

"It's a good start though…" Shuuhei murmured.

Renji stared at his friend. He had expected more resistance, more silence from the stoic shinigami. What did this mean? He was at a loss for words. He had planned an entire speech to recite to Shuuhei when he saw him again, and now the bastard had thrown him for a loop. Renji stood repeatedly opening and closing his mouth, but couldn't pull the words out of his throat.

Shuuhei closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door. "I promise we'll talk about this, Renji but not now. Right now I have to take a shower, and to tell you the truth, I don't think I can do it by myself."

Saying that, the dark haired shinigami's knees gave out and he started to slide to the floor. Renji made a very undignified noise and caught his friend before he fell too far.

"Gods, Shuuhei all you alright?"

Shuuhei slid one arm around Renji's neck and pulled himself up to rest his face in the crook of Renji's neck. The red head felt him breathe deeply, taking in the scent of Renji's shampoo. He wrapped his arms around Shuuhei's slender frame, and whispered into his friend's ear.

"What do you want me to do?"

Shuuhei's reply was muffled. "Just help me clean up, and then I have to go see Orihime."

Renji's grip tightened. "I don't think that's a good idea, Shuuhei. Inoe doesn't take Ichigo being in hollow form very well and this is obviously the worst it's ever been."

Renji felt Shuuhei shake his head. "This isn't about Ichigo…"

Renji pulled away and looked at Shuuhei with confusion. "Then what is it?"

Shuuhei sighed, and closed his eyes.

"I think the hollow hurt her."

**TBC**


	13. Bad Poetry

Uh… okay. I don't know what happened with this chapter. I apologize in advance.

Thank you again to all my readers who reviewed! I appreciate it! Love you guys! ;D

**Chapter 13**

Shuuhei didn't say anything as Renji helped him out of his clothes and sat him on the shower bench. He stayed silent as Renji tested the water and wet his hair and back. The redhead wondered where Shuuhei's modesty had gone, but attributed it to his friend's obvious exhaustion. He instead took the opportunity to admire his fellow shinigami's body.

Renji had known his dark - haired friend, in all his naked glory would be a sight to behold, but Renji was not prepared for how truly magnificent Shuuhei really was. Everything about him was long: long legs, long torso, long arms… long cock… He was lissome muscle, all angles and edges; but at the same time he was graceful, soft and supple. Flawless alabaster skin gave him a strikingly beautiful contrast to his dark hair and eyes. Renji kept a tight rein on his hormones as he helped his friend wash away the sweat and dirt that clung to his skin and hair.

Renji hadn't asked why Shuuhei needed to clean himself before seeing Orihime, it was obvious. Shuuhei was obsessive about his cleanliness on a daily basis, so it would seem natural he would feel the need to wash himself after spending over an hour touching Ichigo in hollow form.

But as Shuuhei scrubbed his hands for the ninth time, Renji began to feel his friend's revulsion was more than skin deep. The skin of his hands was raw and the redhead wasn't even sure Shuuhei noticed. As he rinsed the dark hair, Renji tried to distract is fiend.

"You have a tattoo on your back…" Renji murmured.

Shuuhei stilled his hands and slowly nodded his head.

Renji ran his fingers through the dark locks to make sure there was no shampoo lingering. He turned off the water, and replaced the nozzle.

"I never knew you had one on your back."

Shuuhei pushed his hands over his hair and shook the excess water on the floor.

"Hinamori-chan designed it for me…" Shuuhei said softly. "I got it when I made Vice Captain… I went with Matsumoto…"

Renji draped a towel over Shuuhei's shoulders and squatted in front of his friend to help him dry his hair. At this lower angle he got a better view of Shuuhei's face. The man looked like he was about to pass out.

"Did Matsumoto get one too?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei actually cracked a small smile. "She did… but she made me swear never to tell where."

Renji grinned. "Ah, you could tell me, she'd never know."

"Oh yes she would," Shuuhei's smile widened. "Her breasts have telepathic powers. She would know instantly and come barreling in here to kill me. I would die naked and I really don't want that."

Renji chuckled softly, but quieted when he looked into Shuuhei's eyes. There was no trace of the hurt he had seen in the training grounds. It was as if Shuuhei had already forgotten, or at least pushed it far into the back of his mind. He pulled the towel around Shuuhei's shoulders and took one of Shuuhei's hands.

"How do you do it, Shuuhei?" he asked. "How are you able to stand me when I'm such an asshole?"

Shuuhei looked at the floor and he sighed almost inaudibly. "I don't know… Probably because the idea of you and me is still so farfetched in my head… it's always been this intangible thing… so every setback is almost… I don't know - expected…"

Those words hurt Renji deeply but he said nothing; he knew he deserved it. He was the cause of Shuuhei's pain, the same pain he had felt so intensely for Ichigo for so long. He really was an asshole, but he also didn't know how to change himself.

"Shuuhei… I'm-"

"Don't," Shuuhei stopped him. He brushed his fingers over Renji's lips and smiled softly to lessen the command. Then he carefully wrapped the towel around his waist and motioned for Renji to stand.

"I don't think I can handle this conversation right now, Renji. I have to go see Orihime."

"You mean _we _have to go see Orihime," Renji stood, and took Shuuhei by the arm.

"Sure," the dark – haired man said. "That works too. Help me get back into my gigai, and then write a note for the others. They'll be pissed if we leave and didn't tell them where we we're going."

"Probably just Hitsugaya Taichou will be mad."

Shuuhei leaned heavily against Renji's side. "Um yeah, I don't want him mad at me. You remember when Shunsui Taichou called him cute and Hitsugaya Taichou froze his balls?"

"Good point. I'll write the note."

X x X x X

The trek to Orihime's house was long, but Renji selfishly delighted in holding tightly to Shuuhei's waist. Every few minutes Shuuhei would rest his head on Renji's shoulder and the redhead would turn his head to make sure his friend was alright. The movement would bring Renji's lips painfully close to Shuuhei's skin. He would murmur a soft 'are you okay' across fluttering eyelids and watch as rough lips whispered 'I'm fine'. Renji laughed when Shuuhei scratched at his beanie hat and whined about the hat hair he was going to have when his hair dried.

"It's cold out here," Renji explained. "We can't have you getting some kind of pneumonia on top of reiatsu depletion."

"I kinda wish I had an energy pill right now," Shuuhei grumbled.

"That would be even worse than pneumonia," Renji chuckled. "You crash so hard after taking one of those. You'd probably die."

Shuuhei sighed. "I just wish I could walk straight."

Renji was silent for a few minutes before he replied.

"I don't know… I kinda like you leaning on me…"

Shuuhei looked up at Renji and smiled deviously. "At least I'm conscious. The night you came back to Sereniti, I had to practically drag you all the way back to Sixth Division."

Renji grimaced. "Gods, don't remind me. I'm sorry for being a fucking retard that night."

Shuuhei rested his head back on Renji's shoulder.

"Don't apologize. I got to sleep with you in my arms and your hair in my face. That was… awesome."

Renji laughed and shifted their positions to slip underneath Shuuhei's other arm.

"I probably wouldn't have felt so weird about it if I had known you liked guys."

Shuuhei almost straightened and gave Renji a wide – eyed stare.

"You didn't know I liked guys?"

Renji shook his head. "Before then I'd only seen you with girls. Like on those nights when we'd get really _really_ plastered and go sneaking around Fourth Division… damn, those nurses were crazy."

Shuuhei was still looking at Renji like he had grown a second head.

"But I thought… I thought you knew about…"

"About you and Kira?" Renji finished. "I just found out about that this morning."

Shuuhei actually stopped walking. "How could you…" understanding suddenly washed over his tired features. "You were gone… You were here in the real world through the whole thing…"

Renji nodded. He desperately wanted to ask what happened with Kira, but knew this was not the place or the time.

Suddenly, Shuuhei began to laugh, a rich sound directly from his gut. It was Renji's turn to look funny at Shuuhei.

"What?" Renji asked, almost laughing himself. His friend's mirth was infectious. "What the hell are you laughing at?"

Shuuhei stilled his chuckles and leaned in to whisper into Renji's ear.

"You walked in on us once."

Renji's eyes almost jumped out of his head.

"_What!?_"

Shuuhei nodded.

"No," Renji violently shook his head. "You must have been drunk and you were seeing stuff. I'm pretty fucking sure I would have remembered walking in on you fucking someone, Shuuhei- especially Kira." _Oh gods, that image is almost too hot to think about…_

"I swear to Kami you did," Shuuhei whispered. "I was in my office, sitting at my desk and you walked in to tell me about your going away party."

Renji racked his brain, he vaguely remembered that day. He had walked into Shuuhei's office and he thought he had heard voices… Shuuhei had seemed a little flushed…

"Was Kira hiding in the closet or something?" Renji asked.

"No," Shuuhei grinned. "He was under the desk."

Renji made a sound in the back of his throat. "So wait," he choked out. "While I was standing there talking to you… Kira was…"

Shuuhei nodded again, his grin stretched wider.

Renji clamped a hand over Shuuhei's mouth and began to walk again. "Okay, no more talking unless you want me to rape you here in the middle of the street. I don't care how exhausted you are."

He tried to ignore Shuuhei's fits of laughter as he pulled the slighter man along beside him.

X x X x X

The mood turned serious as the two shinigami climbed the steps in front of Orihime's apartment. Renji knocked loudly, but after a few minutes of waiting, Shuuhei began to get restless.

"Is she here?" he asked Renji.

Renji nodded. "I think so, I saw her car out front."

"What if she's too afraid to answer? What if she's so hurt she can't come to the door!?"

Renji lifted Shuuhei's arm from his shoulders. "Can you stand?"

Shuuhei nodded.

Renji moved to a small plant by the door and dug a key out of the dirt. He held it up to his friend.

"They have an extra key out here because sometimes Inoue locks her keys in her car."

Inside the apartment was dark. The usual smells of experimental cooking or paints from Inoue's latest project were missing. Renji moved quietly from the entrance, Shuuhei on his heels. He glanced up the stairs thinking she would most likely be in the bedroom but her reiatsu seemed to be coming from downstairs.

"This way," he whispered over his shoulder.

"Why is her reiatsu so placid?" Shuuhei asked.

Renji shrugged and slowly moved into the living room.

Orihime was curled up on the couch. She was bundled up in a thick blanket and a huge white sweatshirt. Her eyes were puffy but not overly so and her face was calm. Large headphones covered her ears, and her fingers tapped out a rhythm on the couch cushion.

Shuuhei grabbed Renji's shoulder. "Go to her," he whispered. "She knows you better."

Renji moved silently, reaching out with his reiatsu so he wouldn't startle the girl. He saw her eyes flutter open and settle on him as he kneeled beside her. She looked up at him with disturbingly serene eyes. She pulled off the earphones and took the hand he offered her.

"Renji-kun…" she whispered.

Renji squeezed her hand and brushed a few strands of red hair out of her face.

"Are you alright, Inoue?"

She nodded slowly. "How did you know?"

"He told me…" he glanced back at Shuuhei. "Well, he told Hisagi."

Orihime looked at Shuuhei and smiled softly. "Thank you for coming, Hisagi-san…"

Shuuhei moved closer and sat on the end of the couch. "Are you really alright, Orihime-san? Do you need anything?"

"I'm okay, really. He didn't hurt me that bad. The worst of the damage was the bites on my back…" her cheeks suddenly flushed when she realized what she had said. Her hands came up to hide her face. "I healed them so… it's okay…"

Renji heard Shuuhei curse under his breath as the redhead put a comforting hand on Orihime's shoulder.

"It just…" she started again. "It just hurts… in my heart you know? He was so…"

"It wasn't him," Renji interrupted. "You know that right?"

Orihime nodded, and looked up at Renji again. "I've known for a little while. But I didn't say anything because I wanted to see if I could figure out how it was happening," she shuttered, and scooted closer to Renji's warmth. "He found out… last night… I still didn't say anything though. I didn't want him to go on a rampage. I knew one of you guys would figure it out…" tears started to pool in her eyes. "I'm sorry… I didn't know what to do…"

Renji moved to sit on the couch. He lifted Orihime into his arms and pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her while she cried softly into his neck. The three sat for several minutes until the girl's shoulders ceased their trembling.

Shuuhei moved closer and moved the hair out of her face.

"Orihime-san…" he said gently.

Wiping at her eyes, she turned to face him.

"You did the right thing," he assured her. "Because you didn't say anything, he got himself caught without hurting anyone," he gave a meaningful glance to Renji. He acknowledged Renji's injury, but Orihime didn't need to know about it.

Orihime sniffed and lifted her head. "Caught? You guys caught him?"

Shuuhei nodded. "We put a binding spell on him. He's at Urahara-san's shop right now. He can't hurt anyone where he is."

"Is he okay?" she whispered.

"We don't know," Renji answered. "Urahara-san is working on a way to get Ichigo in control again."

Orihime leaned into Renji's hold again but this time was much more relaxed. She reached out her hand and caught Shuuhei's. He started at the contact, but let her fingers interlace with his.

"You guys are wonderful to come here when it's so dangerous outside… Thank you…"

Renji ran his fingers through her hair and whispered against the top of her head.

"I'm sorry we didn't know… that we couldn't stop it."

"It's alright," Orihime sighed.

After a few minutes of comforting silence, Shuuhei rubbed his eyes and squeezed Orihime's hand.

"Are you sure you don't need anything, Orihime-san?"

Orihime's cheeks turned slightly pink as she tried to hide her face in Renji's chest.

"Well… um…" she mumbled. "I haven't really eaten anything today…"

Shuuhei smiled. "Do you want me to make you something?"

Orihime straightened and waved her hands frantically. "No! No! It's okay! I can get it! I'll just-"

"Shush!" Shuuhei said as he stood. "You relax with Renji, I'll make something. We haven't eaten today either."

Renji watched Shuuhei as he made his way into the kitchen. He knew the older shinigami was dead tired, but was looking past his own discomfort to make sure Orihime was taken care of. His heart gave a little flutter as Shuuhei turned back with a small smile on his face.

"You're a much braver person than me, Orihime-san…" he said.

Orihime made a small noise in the back of her throat.

"Thank you Hisagi-san…"

As Shuuhei disappeared, Orihime sighed into Renji's chest.

"He's wonderful isn't he, Renji-kun?"

Renji nodded and murmured a 'mhmm' into her hair.

"He's a very kind person," she continued absently. "Even if he's a little scary at times."

Renji chuckled. "Yeah, he is."

Orihime sighed again. "And those jeans do wonderful things to his butt."

"Oh fuck yeah they do…" Renji growled. But then he realized what he had just said, and pulled his head away to meet Orihime's smiling face.

"Ah… er… I mean…"

Orihime giggled softly and hugged Renji tighter. "It's okay Renji-kun."

Renji just sat blinking as the small girl curled up in his lap again. She tucked her head underneath his chin, and let out a contented hum.

"How did…" Renji stuttered. "I mean… how-"

"It's the way you look at him. I think it's the same way I look at Ichigo," she yawned softly. "Also, you always seemed so lonely… and when you came back you guys were always together… you seemed so much happier…"

Renji rested his chin on her head. "I am happier…"

"I'm glad, Renji-kun… I want you to be happy."

Renji found a spot on the floor to focus on as he spoke slowly. "He makes me feel worth something. He's able to fill the… I don't know… the hole that's inside me. I know that sounds stupid-"

"No it doesn't…"

"It's like he's all the parts that are missing… Or I have broken parts and he replaces them or something… And he's so _patient _you wouldn't believe it! No matter how many stupid things I say, or fucked up things I do… he's always like 'it's okay, I'm still here'…" Renji suddenly grimaced and groaned into Orihime's hair. "I sound like bad poetry…"

Orihime giggled again. "No… it's beautiful, Renji-kun!"

"Maybe to a girl," Renji muttered.

"I think you should tell him."

Renji snorted. "Tell him all that? He'd laugh at me."

"I don't think he would," Orihime said, and yawned again.

Renji stoked her hair and whispered softly. "Do want to go lay down? I'll come wake you up when the food's ready."

"Mmm… that sounds good… okay."

Renji stood and carried the girl upstairs. She was asleep before he laid her on her bed and pulled the comforter over her small body. He kissed her forehead and left the room, marveling at how perceptive Orihime really was.

When he descended the stairs, he stopped at the bottom and thought about what Orihime had said. Sure she could say 'tell him how you feel' but in reality it would be stupid, she didn't know all the facts. Shuuhei had walked in on him kissing Ichigo just that morning. If he were to confess he was falling for his former senpai now, Shuuhei would either not believe him, or think of him as incredibly shallow.

With these thoughts bouncing against each other in his head, he slowly made his way into the small kitchen. Shuuhei was there leaning back against the counter, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. He had removed his beanie and sure enough, had a serious case of hat hair.

"Are you okay, Shuuhei?" Renji asked.

"Yeah," Shuuhei murmured. "I'm just waiting for the water to boil," When his hands came away, Renji almost flinched at the sight of his friend. His skin had gotten even more pale than before and the dark circles under his eyes had widened.

"Where's Orihime-san?"

"She's lying down until the food's ready," Renji said.

Shuuhei nodded and slumped further. He rested his hands behind him on the countertop and sighed wearily.

Renji couldn't stop himself as he moved in front of the older shinigami. He placed his feet on either side of the other's legs and snaked his arms around Shuuhei's waist.

"Renji, what-"

"Shhh," Renji said. "I'm not gonna try anything. Just… just let me hold you for a little while."

He felt Shuuhei's breath catch, but then the slighter man's arms wrapped around his neck. He felt the gentle pull on his hair tie before the crimson locks were everywhere. Long pale fingers wove their way through the tresses, and Renji sighed at the tender caress.

He pulled the other man tighter against him and whispered softly. "Shuuhei," he didn't wait for a reply. "I have to apologize for this morning. I didn't-"

"Stop, Renji. I really don't-"

"Would you just shut up and let me finish?" Renji growled. He felt Shuuhei still against him. "I have to apologize now while I still have the courage okay?"

He felt Shuuhei breathe out slowly and then nod against his chest.

Renji continued in a soft voice. Every word made his self-consciousness worse and he could feel his cheeks growing hot.

"I don't really know how it happened, it just happened. One minute we were screaming at each other and then we were kissing. I don't know if it was Ichigo or if it was the fucking hollow - I don't care. What I do know, is that it shouldn't have happened and I probably could have stopped it if I wasn't so fucking weak. I'm sorry for being weak, and I'm sorry for making you wait, and I'm really fucking sorry for not being as good to you as you are to me."

Renji's eyes squeezed shut as he rambled into Shuuhei's neck. His hands moved up the other's back and clutched at his sweatshirt.

"I wish I could push him out of my head," Renji continued in an even softer voice. "Forget he was ever there. I wish I could erase him - really _really _wish I could just forget him. Then there would be nothing but you. Just thoughts of your hair and your skin and your voice… then maybe I'd be worth it… maybe-"

Shuuhei silenced him with a hard kiss. He wove both of his hands into Renji's hair, trapping him. His tongue slid passed his lips and plundered every inch of the younger man's mouth. Renji didn't have time to respond before Shuuhei pulled away, leaving the redhead breathless.

Raking his teeth over Renji's bottom lip Shuuhei whispered, "Don't ever say you're not worth it, Renji… Don't ever fucking say that again. You hear me?"

Renji looked into Shuuhei's eyes and nodded slowly.

Shuuhei pulled him into another kiss, much softer and less frantic than before. Shuuhei's hands left his hair and moved slowly down his sides. He slipped underneath Renji's sweatshirt and pulled at his tank top. Renji moaned low in his throat when he felt Shuuhei's fingers sliding over the skin of his stomach. Shuuhei's mouth moved to Renji's neck and he ran his tongue over the jagged tattoos.

Renji took advantage of Shuuhei's weakened state, and lifted him into the counter. The older man seemed to appreciate the relief to his tired legs and wrapped his long limbs around the redhead's muscular frame. He lifted his chin to give Renji better access to the skin of his throat. When Renji bit into the soft flesh around his tattoo, he responded with a soft cry and tightened his legs around the younger man's waist.

Renji ground his fully aroused cock between Shuuhei's legs and shivered at the sound of the other's paltry moans. He lifted his head to look up into Shuuhei's heavy – lidded gaze.

"So submissive today, Shuuhei," Renji grinned. "I thought you were a top."

Shuuhei's heavy breath was in time with every roll of the redhead's hips. He lowered his forehead to touch Renji's and nipped at the other's bottom lip.

"I don't care," Shuuhei panted. "I like it both ways… especially if it's with you."

Renji captured his lips again and made a soft noise when he felt Shuuhei's hands undoing his pants. Long fingers slipped underneath the denim and trailed down his length. Renji growled low in his throat and tightened his grip on Shuuhei's thigh.

"Don't tease me, Shuuhei."

Shuuhei pushed Renji back a few inches so he could get a look down his pants. His eyes widened and he smiled at what he saw. Renji knew he was gifted, and being in a gigai had nothing to do with it – how Urahara knew about things like that… okay, he didn't want to think about that. He wasn't quite as long as Shuuhei, but he was thicker.

Shuuhei chuckled and slipped his hand back into Renji's pants. "No tattoos?" he asked as Renji gasped.

"N-no…" Renji's eyes closed as Shuuhei's fingers wrapped around his cock and slowly started to stroke him. Shuuhei had never touched him like this before and Renji was quickly learning how skilled those lean fingers were.

Renji's eyes opened and he found Shuuhei watching his face with a look of pure hunger. Renji's breath quickened under the dark gaze and he felt the familiar heat low in his gut.

"Renji," Shuuhei whispered and brought his other hand to his mouth. He licked his palm and fingers, his eyes never leaving Renji's. "I wanna fuck you tonight." Shuuhei replaced the hand that was pumping him, with the one he had just licked and Renji almost screamed. His hands left Shuuhei's hips and found purchase on the shelves about Shuuhei's head. The sensation of Shuuhei's slick palm rubbing over his length was driving him crazy. He was close; he could feel his balls tighten as his climax approached.

"Oh fuck, Shuuhei," Renji panted. "Whatever you want… Gods… that feels so good."

Shuuhei leaned forward to breath into Renji's ear. "This is nothing compared to what my mouth is going to do to you."

Renji's cock pulsed and Shuuhei covered his lips to stifle his cry. He felt his come cover Shuuhei's wrist and hand as the older man stroked him through his orgasm. He felt light headed when Shuuhei released his lips to kiss his nose, his cheeks, and his forehead. He was still coming down from the high and wasn't ready for the sight of Shuuhei bringing his hand to his mouth to lick his come off his skin.

Renji's breath left him as the dark – haired man licked his salty prize from his wrist. Shuuhei's eyes locked on Renji as he licked along his fingers.

"You taste so good, Renji."

Renji opened his mouth to except the finger that was offered him. He tasted himself mixed with Shuuhei's skin and sweat. He watched Shuuhei watch his mouth; the way the older man licked his lips as Renji sucked. He lowered his hands from the shelves and cupped the sides of Shuuhei's face.

"You're so fucking sexy…" Renji murmured.

Shuuhei smiled and a small blush crept up onto his cheeks. "I'm so fucking tired, is what I am. Can you help me to the couch?"

Renji put himself back together and helped his friend down from the counter. He led him into the living room, and gently lowered the trembling man onto the cushions. Shuuhei flopped over onto his side and curled up into a ball.

Renji chuckled. "What are we going to do about the food?"

Shuuhei pulled Orihime's blanket off the floor and started to throw it over himself.

"I'll walk you though it if I don't fall asleep. There's a bag of vegetables in her freezer."

"Okay," Renji spread the blanket over Shuuhei's legs and smiled as the older man pulled the fabric up to his nose in a very child – like manner. He smoothed the unruly mass of black hair and placed a kiss on Shuuhei's temple. When he pulled away, Shuuhei was looking at him with a soft, thoughtful expression.

"Renji…" he whispered.

Renji moved closer and stroked Shuuhei's tattooed cheek. "Yeah?"

Shuuhei seemed to be struggling hard with what he wanted to say, his eyes were a mixture of too many emotions.

"Renji… I…"

Suddenly, there was a loud hissing from the kitchen, and Renji jumped to his feet.

"What the hell is that!?"

Shuuhei laughed into the couch cushions.

"The water's boiling."

X x X x X

Lunch was good. Renji followed Shuuhei's muttered instructions and managed to only burn the bottom of the rice. Orihime beamed at them when she came downstairs and thanked them profusely. They ate in the living room, Orihime and Renji both helping Shuuhei down a bowl of rice and a few vegetables. As Orihime and Renji started to collect the dishes, Shuuhei started to nod off.

"Do you guys need to stay here?" Orihime asked Renji.

"No," Renji placed their bowls in the sink. "I'll carry him. We'll be fine."

Orihime put her hands on her hips. "Yeah right you'll be fine. Hollows out looking for you and you're carrying an unconscious shinigami on your back," she snatched her keys off the counter and crossed her arms defiantly. "I'm driving you. It's faster and I need to talk to Urahara-san anyway."

"Inoue, I don't-" Renji started.

"Renji-kun…" the small girl glared up at him.

Renji knew better than to argue.

X x X x X

Shuuhei's eyes opened slowly. Where was he? This wasn't Orihime's apartment.

But then he recognized the smell of Renji's sheets, and turned his head to take in the small table and beside lamp. He was back at Urahara's, when did they get back?

He heard the shoji slid open and he turned to see Renji carrying a large mug and a small paper bag.

"You're awake," Renji smiled as he crossed the room to sit beside Shuuhei on the futon.

"Sort of…" Shuuhei yawned and tried to sit up. "What is that?" he motioned to the mug.

Renji helped him sit up, and placed the mug in his hands. It was warm and when Shuuhei brought his nose close, he recoiled from the smell.

"Please don't tell me I have to drink this…" he looked at Renji with pitiful eyes.

Renji grinned. "Urahara's orders. He said if you had just gone to sleep, you would have been fine. But since you insisted on seeing Inoue you have to drink this. If you don't, it'll take a week before you're reiatsu is back to normal," he added under his breath, "and I don't think I can wait a week."

Shuuhei pretended not to hear that last bit, and looked down at the mug and grimaced. The liquid was black, and smelled faintly of cabbage and rotten eggs.

"Here," Renji said. He opened the paper bag and retrieved a small sugar pastry. "Jinta said these help if you eat them right after."

Shuuhei made a face and didn't move. The smell of the concoction was making him nauseous. Was this really worth it? This stuff could kill him!

Renji moved close and popped the pastry in his mouth.

"Be'er hurry befo' I ea hem all…" he said as he chewed.

"Fuck…" Shuuhei took a breath and brought the mug to his lips.

X x X x X

Kira sat in the corner of the room with his eyes closed. His legs were folded under him and his hands rested on his knees. Wabisuke lay at his side, uneasy. Kira was grateful that the hollow had been silent since Shuuhei left, but his Zanpakuto was restless waiting for an attack. The stillness stretched and waned until it was almost a third person in the room. Kira passed the time in meditation, trying to hold a decent conversation with Wabisuke.

Finally, after several hours, the silence was broken by Ichigo's heavy sigh.

Kira stayed as he was, eyes closed and demeanor relaxed. The hollow seemed to take offence in Kira's disinterest and sighed again, louder this time.

Kira was not to be swayed. He could feel the hollow watching him but he never moved, his reiatsu remained as calm as a frozen lake.

"You're kinda pretty," the hollow said softly. "Almost like a girl…"

Nothing.

"Kinda fragile… like if I fucked you, you'd break…"

Kira almost snorted, he was anything from fragile. His body could handle hours of hard training, and tremendous amounts of pain. There was nothing this hollow could physically do to him that hadn't already been done and endured.

"You ever fuck that Hisagi guy? You two seem pretty close… He's a nice piece of ass… At least Ichigo thinks so…"

Kira kept his reiatsu calm; he was worried this was going to happen. The hollow knew everything Ichigo did and Ichigo knew about Kira's low tolerance to mental interrogation. Shuuhei was a sensitive topic, definitely a weak spot, but he would never let this bastard know that. Kira finally opened his eyes and tried to turn the conversation.

"I think you're making that up."

The hollow grinned. "I'm not… Ichigo likes cock just as much as he likes pussy…"

Kira rolled his eyes and returned to his meditative posture.

"You never answered my question…"

Kira sighed. "What question?"

The hollow chuckled. "Have you ever fucked Hisagi? I'm guessing you have by the way you avoid the subject."

Kira looked up again but kept his expression blank. ""What if I have?"

The hollow threw back his head and cackled at the ceiling.

"I knew it! Is he a good fuck? He probably is… he's got that bad boy, punk - rocker look. And that fucking tattoo!! The fucker's got a_ sixty-nine tattooed on his fucking face! _Tell me he's good at sucking cock!"

Kira did his best to look bored. "I don't have to tell you anything."

The hollow grinned madly and pulled against his restraints. "Oh, it's okay. I can guess…" He studied Kira for a moment before continuing. "What happened? Obviously you two aren't fucking anymore… He get tired of you? You get tired of him? The sex get… what do they call it… routine?"

Kira had to fight a little bit harder to control his reiatsu after that. The hollow was digging his fingers into wounds that were still sore and festering. It had been his fault. It had been his stupid pride and his own stupid fear of affection that had sent Shuuhei into a spiral of depression. He would never forgive himself for what he did. _Stop thinking about it! You're playing into his hands!_

The hollow ticked his tongue. "Such a pathetic look…"

Ichigo made several faces as he seemed to roll a problem around in his head. Then suddenly, recognition washed over his face and his mouth slackened to an 'o' of surprise.

"Wait…" Ichigo sneered. "I remember you now… You're the Vice Captain of that defector guy… You were the little bitch that was bawling about his fucking Captain tricking you into betraying everyone…"

Kira knew he should leave now, go get someone else to replace him on his watch, but he found his legs rooted to the spot. His fear had immobilized his limbs and he sat clenching his fists in the fabric of his hakama.

"What was his name?" the hollow continued. "I can't remember… Were you close with him?"

Kira felt like his lungs were collapsing. No one had spoken to him about his former Captain since his death. Shuuhei was the last to speak of it. No one dared say anything about him when Kira was around, they pretended he never existed.

"You must have been close… you were so devastated when he left."

Kira turned away from the hollow's sneer.

"Shut up."

"Ah, Izuru," Ichigo's voice said. "That's no way to be when we're just reminiscing about old friends."

Kira's blood ran cold as his name fell between Ichigo's lips. No one had called him that since…

"Shut up I said."

"He was a pretty good friend wasn't he, Izuru? You guys must have spent a lot of time together."

"Stop…" Kira almost pleaded. He couldn't move, couldn't escape the hollow's torment.

"Did he ever fuck you, Izuru?"

Kira felt himself slipping deep into a place he never wanted to see again. A place he had become lost inside when he was under the command of a certain silver – haired Captain.

"Please stop…" Kira whimpered. He longed for Shuuhei. He needed Shuuhei; he could always make everything better. Where was he?

"Your Captain gave it to you good, didn't he?" Ichigo hissed. "He gave it to you so good, no one will ever satisfy you again huh? Not me, not that Hisagi guy… no one."

Kira felt tears slide down his cheeks but he still didn't move, he didn't make a sound.

"Fuck," Ichigo licked his lips. "I'm gettin' hard just thinking about it… I bet you screamed his name and cried like a good little bitch every time he fucked you. I really wish I could remember his name…"

Anger and desperation were coiling inside Kira's gut. He needed to get out of this room, needed to find Shuuhei, he would help him focus. Shuuhei would calm him with soothing words and help him stop thinking of the smell of burning flesh and the way _his _eyes would glow red in the darkness as the restraints cut into Kira's arms and ankles.

The blond stood and gripped his Zanpakuto so hard his hand started to cramp. His entire body was trembling and sweat made the fabric of his kimono stick uncomfortably to his back.

"Did you take it like a bitch on your stomach, Izuru?" the hollow continued his torture. "Or did he fuck you on your back so he could watch you cry?"

Kira turned towards the door in a desperate attempt to flee, but the hollow's next words froze him in his tracks.

"His name was Gin, wasn't it?" the underwater voice was back, almost completely covering Ichigo's timber. "Ichimaru Gin?"

Something inside Kira's mind snapped. He turned around to lunge at Ichigo's chained body and he pressed his sword against the flesh of Ichigo's neck. The slightest trickle of blood slid across the blade's hamon as the blond snarled madly into the other's face.

"Don't say his name!" Kira rasped. "_Don't ever fucking say his name!_"

The hollow just grinned up at his captor. His tongue slid out from between his teeth and he leaned into Wabisuke's blade.

"You made two mistakes, Izuru."

"_Don't fucking call me that!_" Kira screamed. His eyes were crazed and his entire body was shaking violently.

"Your first mistake," the hollow continued, "was getting so close to me."

Slowly, white started to form on Ichigo's forehead. It seemed to materialize from the air and solidify across the young shinigami's brow continuing down his nose and over his cheeks. Kira stared in fascination as Ichigo's Vizard mask edged over his face.

"And your second mistake," Ichigo cackled underneath the mask, "was to think this binding spell could actually hold _me._"

Kira felt what he thought was a punch to the gut, but then biting cold swept through his body and he lowered his gaze to find the hollow had stabbed Zangetsu through his stomach. Seconds ticked by before the blond comprehended what was happening. He lowered Wabisuke and choked as blood and bile made their way up his throat.

"Son of a bitch…" Kira coughed.

Ichigo stood and pushed Kira back a few steps.

"You were just too fucking easy, my little Izuru…"

As he started to pull the blade from the blonde's body but Kira surprised him by grabbing his wrist. The shinigami pulled himself closer, spilling more blood on the floor as the sword pressed deeper. He raised Wabisuke to bring its blade against Ichigo's neck again.

"I don't care if you are Ichigo…" Kira rasped. "I will kill you to keep my friends safe."

The hollow looked at him for a few seconds before grabbing Wabisuke's blade bare handed. He pulled the Zanpakuto off his neck with inhuman strength and pulled it from Kira's grasp. He laughed as he brought his face close to the shinigami's and whispered in his ear.

"Say hello to your Captain for me when you see him…"

With that, he wrenched the blade free and Kira felt an explosion before his vision turned white and the floor connected with his back.

X x X x X

Renji watched Shuuhei drink Urahara's vile concoction and tried not to laugh. The expressions the older man was making were priceless and he desperately wanted to poke fun at his fellow shinigami.

"How're you doing?" he chuckled as he handed over another pastry.

"Oh gods…" Shuuhei groaned and stuffed the cookie into his mouth. "'M 'na hucking die."

Renji laughed out loud and ruffled Shuuhei's hair. "One more big swallow and you'll have the whole thing. You can do it."

Shuuhei swallowed the pastry and looked at the mug. "I hate to admit this, but this shit really is working… I feel a hell of a lot better."

"Oh good," Renji said offhandedly. "So you'll keep your promise then?"

The mug stopped halfway to Shuuhei's lips and his eyebrow lifted. "Promise?" he asked with mock innocence.

Renji grinned and nipped a small bite of the last cookie.

"What you said in Orihime's kitchen. I'm holding you to it."

Shuuhei smiled and rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, that…" he tipped his head back and downed the rest of the black mystery substance.

Renji handed him the last cookie and pouted.

"Whadda you mean 'oh yeah, that'? You can't say stuff like that and then be like 'never mind'! I haven't been able to think about anything else but tonight for the past two hours!"

Shuuhei swallowed the last of the cookie and set the cup on the floor. He sighed and leaned back onto the pillows and smiled evilly.

"Why wait until tonight?"

Renji looked at him stupidly for several seconds until Shuuhei sighed and tugged on his hair.

"In other words, get over here so I can fuck you."

Renji grinned wickedly and pounced. He threw one leg over to straddle Shuuhei's hips and dove into the older man's mouth. Strong hands tightened on his thighs and Renji felt Shuuhei bend one of his legs to push the redhead forward. Their cocks ground together and the friction was so much more delicious when they were in shinigami form. The thick denim of their jeans was gone and all that was left between them was the cotton of their hakama.

Just as Renji began to untie Shuuhei's obi, there was a flare of dangerous reiatsu and a loud explosion. Shuuhei jolted into a sitting position and Renji flew off him to pluck Zambimaru from the floor.

"What the fuck was that?!" Renji gasped.

Shuuhei looked at him with panic in his eyes.

"Oh fuck, _Kira!_"

The older shinigami sprung to his feet and snatched Kazashini from the floor before flash stepping from the room. Renji followed down the hall to where they were keeping Ichigo. Shuuhei threw open the door without hesitation and Renji stopped dead in his tracks as the scene registered in his head.

The back wall of the room had been blown out, and Kira was lying on the floor curled on his side. Blood pooled around his small frame and ran from his mouth, it saturated his shinigami uniform and had seeped into his hair. He raised his eyes to the two standing in the doorway and tried to speak, but nothing came out except choked gasps and a lot more blood.

"Kira!" Shuuhei flew to his side. Kneeling and dropping his sword, he placed one hand on the floor to steady himself and the other covered Kira's on the blonde's stomach. "Oh gods, Kira!"

Blood ran from between Shuuhei's fingers and Renji tried to pry his eyes away. "Urahara-san!" he shouted. "Urahara-san!" Where the fuck was everybody?

"Renji-kun?" Ururu said from down the hall. "I heard an explosion! What's going on?"

"Get Urahara-san _now_!" Renji yelled to her. He stepped into the room and kneeled on the other side of Kira.

Shuuhei was murmuring as he stroked Kira's hair. "It's okay… It's okay, Kira… I'm here. Everything's going to be okay. What happened?"

Kira gasped and reached up to grab Shuuhei's kimono.

"Shuuhei…" he whispered.

Shuuhei leaned closer until their lips were almost touching.

"I'm here, Kira."

Kira's lips quivered and fresh tears streamed from his eyes. "I'm sorry Shuuhei," he choked. "I'm sorry it was my fault… he said… he said his name… he made me lose it… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

The blond gasped and his eyes started to slide closed. His hand started to slip from Shuuhei's kimono leaving a bright crimson smear.

"Kira!" Shuuhei shouted as several figures ran into the room at once. "Kira… no! _No! No! Kira! Stay with me!_" Shuuhei moved into a sitting position and pulled the smaller man into his arms.

Urahara knelt beside Renji and started to check Kira's wound.

"I was worried something like this would happen," the shop owner said.

Orihime knelt beside Shuuhei and yellow light took over Renji's vision. The girl's small hands hovered over the gaping hole in Kira's stomach and Renji watched in awe as the edges began to knit together.

"I think we made it in time," Orihime said. "But I can't say for sure. Give me a few more minutes."

Renji stood and moved to Shuuhei's side. He put a hand on the older man's shoulder and whispered to lay Kira down. "Orihime will help him."

Shuuhei's arms tightened around Kira for a moment, but then he relented and gently lowered his friend to the floor. He stood and Renji pulled him back to lean against the wall.

"What the fuck happened?" Ikkaku said as he moved beside Renji.

Renji shook his head. "No idea. We found him like this."

Yumichika spoke up from behind Ikkaku. "You don't think Ichigo did this, do you?"

Renji felt Shuuhei's reiatsu start to boil over as the dark – haired man physically start to shake.

"Who the fuck else could have done it?" Shuuhei growled.

Renji turned to Shuuhei and put his arm on the older man's back. "Shuuhei, we don't know for sure if it was Ichigo. Wait unt-"

Shuuhei turned to face him and Renji recoiled. Shuuhei's eyes burned blood red and his pupils had shifted to long slits. He bared impossibly sharp teeth in a fierce snarl, and his spiky hair seemed longer. Renji was sure the locks had darkened… and were the tips _silver_?

"Holy shit!" he heard Ikkaku stammer. "Hisagi what the fuck?"

Shuuhei knelt to retrieve his sword off the floor.

"Ichigo did this," he growled in a voice no longer human. "And I'm going to fucking kill that son of a bitch."

Before the others could stop him, Shuuhei had disappeared through the hole in the wall. Renji stared in shocked silence after him, but couldn't find it in himself to follow. He wasn't sure if what he had just seen was real.

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

**TBC**


	14. Haunted

Again, thank you to everyone who reviewed! Your comments are greatly appreciated!

**Chapter 14**

Shuuhei's blood boiled.

It ran through his veins like liquid fire, it pumped through his racing heart and spread to his limbs, it made every part of him seethe with rage; burn with a passionate hatred. He felt his reiatsu roll off him like black smoke from an irrepressible wildfire. It pulsed and flexed around him as he flew over the tops of houses and apartment complexes, his feet barely touching the concrete and steel rooftops.

Seeing Kira's broken and bleeding body had jarred something loose in Shuuhei's neatly folded and perfectly packaged control. Seeing the one person he had worked so hard to help, to protect – _to fix_ – had awakened something deep inside his soul. Awakened a slumbering beast that had until this moment, lay dormant as it waited patiently to uncurl its tail and stretch its limbs.

Shuuhei felt Ichigo's reiatsu less than a mile ahead of him and quickened his pace. His hands clawed at metal tile as he launched himself off another building and tore through the air towards his foe.

No… not his foe… his _prey…_

X x X x X

Renji felt a hand come down hard on his shoulder.

"What the fuck was that about?" Ikkaku growled. "And what the fuck are we supposed to do now?"

Renji turned to look at Ikkaku with an expression of mixed confusion and anguish. Why was he asking him? What the hell was he supposed to do?

"Abarai?" Yumichika gently pushed Ikkaku aside and moved in front of Renji. He looked up at the redhead. "Abarai-kun where are you? Are you okay?"

Renji felt Yumichika's graceful hands cup his cheeks, but his focus was fixed on the wall over the smaller shinigami's head.

…_I'm going to fucking kill that son of a bitch…_

Shuuhei… Ichigo… Shuuhei was going to try to kill Ichigo! Fuck!

"Hitsugaya Taichou!" Renji barked. He looked down at Yumichika and blinked as his senses returned. "Get Hitsugaya Taichou, tell him what happened and tell him I went after Shuuhei!"

Yumichika nodded and immediately exited the room. Renji turned and knelt beside Orihime. Her hands shook over Kira's body, but the wound was almost completely closed.

"Inoue," Renji said into her ear. "He's going to be alright isn't he?"

Orihime's face was set in concentration but she nodded stiffly. "I think so Renji-kun."

Urahara had his hand spread over Kira's brow, a soft light emanated from his palm. He looked up at Renji and sighed.

"Find them as fast as you can, Abarai-kun. I will contact Ishida-kun and send him as well. We must not forget there are still enemies lying in wait for us out there. Kurosaki's reiatsu will be far too much for them to ignore so be careful."

"I'll go with you," Ikkaku said as Renji stood.

Renji nodded to him as he moved out the hole Ichigo had blasted through the wall and leaped onto the roof.

X x X x X

The hollow turned in time to see Shuuhei land on the gravel walkway about thirty feet behind him, reiatsu pulsing violently sending small rocks and dirt flying in every direction. Rage poured off the dark – haired man in waves and Ichigo licked his lips. A moan escaped from his throat as he thought about what he would do to this sinfully sexy shinigami. Rage was such a turn on; it fueled a person's resolve and made them much harder to break. Shuuhei would put up a good fight and when he did crack, it would be oh so satisfying.

Shuuhei stood slowly and the hollow took a second to take in the tall man's appearance. Gone was the stoic my-shit-smells-like-fucking-roses demure, and in its place was a much more feral composition. The shinigami was almost _animalistic. _He stood hunched over, teeth bared like some kind of predator. His hair bristled like hackles on a dog's back. But the best part was his eyes… they gleamed like rubies in firelight, or blood pooled on the floor in a candle – lit room.

The hollow decided he would start by tearing those eyes out.

_Oh this is going to be so fucking fun…_

"Why hello there, pretty," Ichigo's voice purred. "Kira and I were just talking about you…"

X x X x X

Following Ichigo in hollow form was never hard. The asshole tore through everything like a typhoon leaving destruction and chaos in his wake. The steady hum of his reiatsu pinpointing his location was helpful as well.

Ikkaku spared a glance at Renji as they made their way across the town toward the two clashing reiatsus. What did he plan to do? What _could _they do? It's not like they were chasing an enemy, this was _Ichigo_.

"Abarai…" Ikkaku said to the redhead's back. "You have a plan, right?"

Renji was silent for a few seconds before he answered.

"I think so…"

"How are we gonna stop Ichigo?" Ikkaku asked.

Renji glanced over his shoulder and the look on his face gave Ikkaku chills.

"I don't think we'll be able to stop Ichigo," Renji said. "Right now, my only goal is saving Shuuhei."

Ikkaku tried to find the right words to reassure his friend, but nothing sounded right. He had never been good with words, he always let Yumichika do all the talking. But feeling the need to say something, he murmured the first thing that came into his head.

"We'll get him back, Ren… We'll get them both back…"

X x X x X

Shuuhei released his shikai and crouched low to the ground. He held the Kusarigama out and away from his body, the light of the setting sun reflected off the shining surface of the blades. He felt untamed, like a wild animal facing off against an attacker of his territory. Every thought except this fight vanished, the world around him disappeared, his thoughts focused on Ichigo… only on Ichigo… on his kill.

The hollow opened his mouth and said something about Kira. Shuuhei's skin crawled at the sound of that underwater voice and his rage intensified; he had no right to talk about Kira.

"You shut your fucking mouth," Shuuhei growled in a voice he didn't recognize.

The hollow laughed and reached for the Zanpakuto on his hip. He slowly pulled the katana from his saya and let it hang comfortably at his side.

"Ah shit," Ichigo said. "You mean business huh? I'm gonna actually have to fight you before we have any fun, aren't I?"

Shuuhei braced his feet and waited for the hollow to make the first move. He knew he wasn't as strong as this creature, so he would have to fight with brains and cunning if he were to have a chance.

"It's too bad about Kira," Ichigo waved a hand. "We could have had a lot of fun with that pretty boy. I don't mind sharing. I hear he likes pain…"

Shuuhei fought to stay still. He blocked out the hollow's words and concentrated on preparing to attack.

"But you don't seem to be into the pain thing…" Ichigo continued. "It's no wonder you two didn't stay together… Is that what happened? He wanted you to fuck him up but you wouldn't do it? I can see that happening…" Ichigo took a few steps closer and put a hand to his hip. "Why you wouldn't want to do it though is beyond me, that little bitch would look delicious with a few bruises."

Shuuhei's reiatsu flared again and he snarled at the hollow before him. His hair stood up farther and his nails dug into the earth. The bastard was hitting all the right chords and it took almost more restraint than Shuuhei had to stay where he was. Kazeshini's spirit wove through his reiatsu and whispered in the back of his mind.

_(It's only talk… Ignore what he says and watch his movements… Steady… He'll be close enough in just a few moments…)_

Ichigo sneered then, and lifted his Zanpakuto to rest it on his shoulder.

"I think he was a little bit in love with you… The way he reacted when I talked about you… too bad I had to kill him, you guys might have been able to patch things up…"

"He's not dead," Shuuhei spat. "Urahara-san and Orihime got there in time… and it's over between us, Kira and I both know that."

The hollow looked up at the sky and sighed. "Oh yes, that's right. You've got a thing with Abarai now…"

Ichigo looked at Shuuhei then and cocked his head sideways. The movement was very birdlike and was emphasized by the hollow mask covering Ichigo's face.

"So what do you plan to do exactly? Kill me? Kill Ichigo? That's a good idea, kill the savior of Soul Society," he moved to the side, eyes training on Shuuhei as his feet took him closer but at an angle. "But on the other hand… if you don't kill me… and let's say Ichigo gets to be king again… you think things'll be different between him and Abarai now that all their _feelings _are out in the open?"

"Fuck you. I already know that was you… not Kurosaki… I'm not fucking stupid…" Shuuhei growled deep in his throat. "It's going to take more than that to break me down… Try again."

"Oh Hisagi… Hisagi…" Ichigo tisked and moved forward another step. "It's all over now that Ichigo knows… What do you think is going to happen when Ichigo comes running to that pretty redhead and begs Abarai to fuck him? You think there'll be room for you?"

"Kurosaki won't do that."

"Wrong!"

_(One more step… Just one more…)_

"Fuck you, Kurosaki," Shuuhei heeded the words of his Zanpakuto and braced himself.

"Well," the hollow said as he moved forward. "Think what you want, but I don't think you're gonna get any from Abarai anytime soon, so you might wanna work things out with Izuru."

Shuuhei sprang from his crouch, brandishing Kazeshini in a whirl of blue and glistening black. Ichigo brought up Zangetsu just in time to parry but was knocked to the ground. Shuuhei landed on his chest and snapped his teeth a hair's length from the shell of Ichigo's mask.

"Don't ever call him that you bastard."

The hollow threw his head back and crowed. Shuuhei felt his opponent's leg coming up and was able to roll out of the way before Ichigo's foot connected with his head. Ichigo sat up and Shuuhei could tell he was grinning madly underneath the mask.

"Oh, Hisagi!" he screeched. "You're a fucking riot! I'm gonna have so much fun ripping you to pieces!"

The next few minutes were a blur of clashing steel and black shinigami robes. The hollow continued to laugh in that high pitched shriek, but Shuuhei held his own and managed to block out the deafening sound.

Shuuhei had never felt like this before. His reiatsu was surging around him, pushing through him, touching him in ways he had never experienced. Kazeshini directed him as black steel scraped and screamed against the blades of his Kusarigama.

_(You are almost there… Hisagi… Just call me out…)_

Energy pounded in Shuuhei's veins. The more he fought against Ichigo the more alive he felt. Everything was coming together at this moment; the cool air against his sweat – soaked skin, the electric feel of his reiatsu clashing against Ichigo's. Every sense was enhanced, every sensation was heightened as Shuuhei felt himself coming closer and closer to a fundamental precipice. He knew what he was nearing and every nerve in his body screamed in anticipation. The very core of his soul cried out as he climbed his spiritual mountain towards his second release; towards the power he had been craving for so long.

_(Call me out Hisagi… You are ready…)_

Shuuhei flew back and ran his blade into the ground. He braced both his hands on the handle and grinned through his shaggy hair at his opponent.

"I have to thank you, Ichigo," he growled. "Without you, I don't think this would have been possible…"

Ichigo stopped and stared at the taller man. He raised Zangetsu to shield his face as he whined.

"Ah shit. No fucking way, Hisagi. You're not gonna-"

But Ichigo never got to finish what he was saying.

Shuuhei heard a high pitched whistle and white light streaked across the park. It slammed into Ichigo's back and the Vizard screamed in pain as he fell to his knees.

Shuuhei didn't have time to react. Another whistle and a bolt of white raced through the air and crashed into his chest directly above his heart. He tried to cry out but his lungs constricted and he fell to the ground as well. The energy, the elating spiritual power that had been coursing through his veins only moments ago, started to dissipate. Shuuhei felt his strength leaving him and his vision started to darken. He looked up though the haze to see Ichigo clawing at his back, his shrieks ripping through the air and dancing off Shuuhei skin.

The dark – haired shinigami lifted his hand to press against the wound and startled when he felt an arrow protruding from his flesh.

_An arrow… _he thought. _What were they saying about arrows? If only I wasn't so dizzy… Wait… the horsemen! The fourth is here! _

_(HISAGI!)_

Kazeshini's voice echoed through his thoughts. Shuuhei's eyes focused and his senses began to clear.

_(Hisagi! The arrow! It's draining your reiatsu!)_

"Fuck!" Shuuhei wrapped his fingers around the thin metal and pulled. "FUCK!" Pain shot through his side and swirled around in his head, but he steeled himself and gripped the arrow harder.

_(You can do it, Hisagi…)_

The pain tore through his body again and Shuuhei screamed in agony as he pulled the arrow from his chest. Blood sprayed the ground as the metal projectile slipped from between Shuuhei's fingers.

_Kurosaki… _he thought.

Shuuhei stood and stumbled to the Vizard's side. Ichigo lay curled on his side, twitching and choking. Shuuhei slipped his arm around the smaller man's waist to brace himself. As his fingers closed around the metal shaft, he whispered into Ichigo's ear.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo."

The hollow's scream could no doubt be heard for miles as Shuuhei pulled the arrow from his shoulder blade. Shuuhei held Ichigo's convulsing body until the pain subsided and the Vizard stilled. He watched in fascination as the hideous mask fell away like peeling paint. Ichigo's unconscious face was uncovered and Shuuhei found it in himself to hope that it really was Ichigo.

"Kurosaki…" he shook the boy. "Ichigo come on, we have to get out of the open and I'm too weak to carry you."

Suddenly, Shuuhei heard the whistle. Another arrow was coming and there was nothing he could do. Kazeshini was several feet away and his muscles wouldn't even help him to stand. He turned toward the sound and saw the white streak heading straight for him. He couldn't move, couldn't do anything… he was going to die.

"_Shuuhei_!" he heard someone scream.

The white arrow rushed at him, but was deflected inches from his face. Shuuhei's vision swam as a tall figure moved to shield him.

"Ikkaku, grab Ichigo and get the hell outta here!"

Shuuhei lifted his eyes and saw crimson hair. _Renji… _he thought. _Thank gods, Renji…_

He felt a strong arm wrap around his shoulders and lift him off his feet just before he blacked out.

X x X x X

Renji sat with his back against the wall, his hair fell around his shoulders hiding the tired lines on his face. The others had been talking for over an hour, but Renji hadn't heard a word. He just sat with his arms crossed staring at the floor. Rukia had come to sit beside him for a while, her small hand holding onto his, but she had left a while ago to help Orihime clean wounds and prepare bandages.

Renji had been pulled from his brooding briefly, when Urahara brought a mug of his terrible energy replenishing concoction for Hitsugaya. The small captain had taken it without a comment and downed the entire thing without so much as a grimace… or a single cookie.

_Damn… _Renji thought, _Hitsugaya Taichou has got some serious gonads…_

Renji sat, not knowing what to think. His mind was in chaos trying to make sense of everything that had happened that day. First, he had been hit on? molested by? Kira. Then he had fought, kissed, fought again, and then almost been killed by Ichigo… or his hollow or something. Kira had almost died, Ichigo had almost died… and Shuuhei had almost died… twice! Oh yeah, and let's not forget Shuuhei going crazy and looking like a fucking demon before he ran out of the shop.

"Ahhh…" Renji moaned as he knocked his head against the wall. "Make it stop."

"Did you say something Abarai-kun?" Matsumoto asked from the table.

Renji shook his head and stared out the window.

"So then, what's happening to him now?" he heard Hitsugaya mutter.

"I really have no idea," Urahara said with a tired sigh. "I've never seen anything like this. His reiatsu is almost completely gone. Hisagi got to him just in time. I don't know how he's still alive, or for that matter if Kurosaki will ever be Kurosaki again."

Renji closed his eyes, he didn't want to hear this.

"Renji-kun?" Orihime appeared in the doorway.

Renji turned to look at her. "Yeah, Inoue?"

She motioned for him to come and moved into the hallway. Renji stood and followed, worried by the expression on her face as she stood leaning against the wall.

"What is it, Inoue?" he asked.

Orihime bit her bottom lip and leaned close. "I think you should go talk to Hisagi-san."

Renji's eyes widened. "Shuuhei's awake? When did he wake up? Is he okay?"

Orihime looked up at him and he was stunned into silence when he saw her eyes fill with tears.

"He's not okay, Renji-kun. H-he yelled at Tessai and Jinta because they wouldn't let him see Kira, and then… then he left before I could look at his wounds and l-locked himself in your room."

The tears left her eyes to travel down her cheeks. Renji put his hands on her trembling shoulders.

"It's alright, Inoue. I'll go talk to him, everything will be fine, okay?"

Orihime nodded and stepped aside. Renji made his way down the hall and stopped in front of his door. He thought about knocking, but quickly decided against it. He pulled on the shoji and found it locked, just as Orihime said. He fished around in his jeans pocket and pulled out his keys.

Inside his room it was dark, Renji moved inside and closed the door. He looked around but here was no sign of Shuuhei. The bed was still made, and he wasn't sitting at the desk or beside the small shelf. Maybe Orihime was wrong… but then why was the door locked?

Just then, Renji thought he heard noise coming from the bathroom. He moved towards the door and placed his hand on the handle, but froze when he heard violent coughing, followed by Shuuhei's pained gasps. Renji placed his forehead against the door and listened until he heard the water running in the sink.

"Shuuhei…" he tried softly.

The water shut off and Renji could hear Shuuhei breathing hard behind the door.

"Go away, Renji," Shuuhei moaned. His voice was scratchy, harsh like he had been yelling for hours.

Renji put his hand on the handle again. "No," he said. "I'm not leaving until I know you're okay."

"I'm fine," Shuuhei said almost too quietly for Renji to hear. "Please go away, Renji."

Renji was silent as he stood outside the bathroom door. After a few moments, he heard Shuuhei slide to the floor and tensed at the other's hiss of pain. He couldn't stand there anymore.

"Shuuhei," he said carefully. "I'm coming in."

"Fine…" he heard his friend say.

Renji opened the door and found Shuuhei sitting with his knees pulled up to his chin, leaning against the wall by the sink. He was wearing only his hakama and his kimono was bundled up in his lap. His shoulder was heavily bandaged but blood was seeping through the white cloth. His skin was ashen and the dark circles had returned beneath his eyes. A fine coat of sweat covered his entire body, and he was trembling almost violently. Renji's eyes glanced at the blood in the sink and he hoped it hadn't come from Shuuhei's lungs.

"Shuuhei," Renji moved from the doorway and knelt beside his friend. "Why haven't you let Orihime heal your wound?"

Shuuhei looked at him with tired eyes. "I told her to heal Ichigo first… By the time she was done… she didn't have enough energy left for me… Her and Tessai… they're used up from trying to h-help… trying to heal…" Shuuhei looked away and his bottom lip trembled slightly.

"Trying to heal Kira?" Renji finished for him.

Shuuhei nodded slowly.

Renji ran his hand though Shuuhei's damp hair. "Kira's going to be alright you know. His wound is healed and he's sleeping right now."

Shuuhei let out a shaky breath and brought his legs in tighter to his chest. The pain in his eyes was so evident that Renji felt his own heart breaking.

"Shuuhei," Renji prodded gently. "Sitting here on the floor half naked and bleeding isn't going to make anything better," he stood and offered his hand. "Let's get you cleaned up and back into your gigai, then you can sleep. Maybe when you wake up, Urahara will let you see Kira."

Shuuhei didn't look at him, but nodded and took his hand. He was silent as Renji stripped off his hakama and removed his bandages. He kept his eyes closed as Renji gently guided him under the shower spray and washed him for a second time that day. The warm water washed away the dirt and blood, leaving angry red welts and purpling bruises on his pale flesh.

About a half an hour later, cleaned and back in his gigai, Shuuhei sat on Renji's futon in soft black sweatpants. Renji rummaged around in his desk retrieving a small bottle, fresh bandages, and gauze to redress Shuuhei's shoulder. He sat beside his dark – haired friend and poured a few drops of Urahara's ointment on a gauze pad.

"This'll sting a little," he warned.

He pressed the gauze over the seeping wound, but Shuuhei remained silent, staring at something on the floor in front of him. Renji watched Shuuhei's eyes as he wrapped his shoulder and chest. The older man's gaze had turned from anguished to haunted.

Just as Renji finished and moved to return the leftover gauze to his desk, Shuuhei spoke.

"I used to do things to Kira…" he said softly.

Renji slowly set the bandages down and moved closer to Shuuhei until their thighs pressed against each other. He made no move to touch the other man, just waited for him to continue.

"He begged me…" Shuuhei continued. "I didn't want to… but Kira…" Shuuhei pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. He took a deep breath. "Kira didn't like it unless it was painful… He'd do it normally for me once in a while, but he didn't really like it unless… unless it hurt… In the beginning… he couldn't do it _at all_ unless it hurt…"

Renji was starting to feel a little sick to his stomach. He reached out to put a comforting hand on his friend's back. Shuuhei's hands fell to his lap and he turned his head away. Renji could tell by his breathing that he was crying, but the redhead didn't move. Shuuhei wanted to talk to him, so he would listen no matter how painful it was. If Shuuhei could endure it, he could damn well listen.

"What happened?" Renji asked gently.

Shuuhei let out a soft moan and covered his eyes with his hand.

"I told him I wasn't going to do it anymore… I told him I cared about him too much to do those things to him," Shuuhei's voice was strained. His breath was coming short as tears coursed freely down his cheeks. "But no matter how many times I told him, he said I… I didn't really love him because I wouldn't g-give him what he wanted… Because I wouldn't… wouldn't hurt him…"

Renji caught the older man as his grief overtook him. Violent sobs wracked the slighter man's body as Renji cradled him against his chest.

"I couldn't help him, Renji… I couldn't help him… I couldn't fix him_… I couldn't fix him_…"

The redhead felt tears slide from his own eyes as Shuuhei's words ceased and he silently shook in Renji's arms. For a long time the quiet in the room was broken only by short fits of Shuuhei's gasping for breath.

Finally, the shaking subsided and Shuuhei lay sniffing in Renji's lap. The redhead leaned down to press his lips to Shuuhei's temple. Tears clung to his dark lashes and Renji brushed them away with his thumb.

"Shuuhei," Renji whispered.

Shuuhei sniffed again. "Mmm?"

Renji hesitated. He already knew the answer to this question, and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Do you… do you still love Kira?"

"Yes," Shuuhei said quietly. "But not like I love-… used to love him. It can't be like that for us anymore."

Renji let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He watched as Shuuhei's eyes fluttered closed and smiled softly as his friend curled in his lap like a puppy.

"You know, I'm not sleeping like this," Renji said gently.

"Oh yes you are," Shuuhei mumbled. "This is comfortable."

Despite his words, Shuuhei slowly sat up and moved off of Renji's lap. He winced as he turned and grabbed his shoulder.

"You okay?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei nodded and moved to the pillow. Renji stood to turn off the light before climbing in beside him and pulling the covers over their bodies. He pulled out his hair tie and had just settled, when he felt Shuuhei push him to his side and press up against his back. Shuuhei's arm came around his waist and Renji felt the older man burrowing his face in his long hair.

Renji was surprised but delighted at the same time. He laced his fingers with Shuuhei's and pressed back into his friend's embrace. Shuuhei responded by tangling his feet with Renji's and pulling his arm tighter around the redhead.

"You gonna be okay?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei nodded into his neck and whispered softly. "I have you in my arms… that's all I need right now."

Renji smiled as sleep started to engulf him.

X x X x X

Yumichika jerked the tape over the bandage a little harder than he intended, but the hiss he got from Ikkaku was worth it. The man deserved it, going off with Renji to fight Ichigo – _Ichigo _– without telling him. Without warning him! The bastard could have been killed and the last thing Yumichika would have done to him was push him! He tried to stop his hands from shaking but it wasn't working. He sat back on the futon and folded his arms tightly over his chest. He'd seen Shuuhei do it a thousand times when he was trying not to play with things.

Ikkaku watched Yumichika try and hide the fact that his hands were shaking and he sighed inwardly. His lover had stood by him for hundreds of years while he got himself almost killed over and over. He never scolded or told him to stop, but the bald shinigami knew how Yumichika felt about his passion. It didn't stop him from almost getting himself killed, he couldn't change who he was, but he did feel bad for always scaring the man he loved; and gods, how he loved him. The very fact that Yumichika stayed with him no matter how stupid or selfish he acted was testament to their bond.

"For the last time, Yumi," Ikkaku scowled. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Yumichika pouted. "It's fine."

Ikkaku knew it wasn't fine, but he didn't argue. Instead he reached out for Yumichika's hand, untangled his arms, and pulled the smaller man into his lap.

Yumichika went reluctantly. It had been weeks since they had made love, and if Ikkaku was just going to light a fire and then go to sleep like he had done the last few nights, Yumichika was going to kill him. The fifth seat was frustrated and still shaken from the sight of his lover returning to Urahara's shop, covered in blood with Ichigo thrown over his shoulders.

But then Ikkaku's hands were on him. His calloused palms caressed his face and his neck. They moved lower and untied his obi before Yumichika could register what was happening. In seconds, Ikkaku had stripped him of everything but his hakama, and the bald man was leaving hot kisses on his pale chest.

As Yumichika felt Ikkaku's lips close around his nipple, he hissed and pushed his lover away.

"I thought you said you didn't want to because Abarai and Hisagi were in the next room!" His voice was a whisper, but he felt like he was yelling.

Ikkaku grinned up at the beautiful fifth seat and gripped Yumichika's slim hips. He pulled the smaller man against him hard, grinding their erections together. He watched as Yumichika's eyes closed and his head rolled back. A soft moan slipped from his perfect lips, and Ikkaku felt his cock twitch at the sight.

"I feel bad," Ikkaku said huskily. "I thought this might be an acceptable apology."

Yumichika rolled his hips to continue the friction. He cupped the sides of Ikkaku's face and brought his lips down to meet his lover's. His tongue slid against Ikkaku's with a rhythm and balance the two had perfected centuries ago. Ikkaku untied Yumichika's hakama, and slid his hand under the waistline to run his palm over Yumichika's swollen flesh. The smaller man gasped and thrust against Ikkaku's rough skin.

"So," Ikkaku breathed heavily. "This gonna work? For an apology I mean?"

Yumichika responded by climbing off Ikkaku's lap, shedding his hakama, and lowering himself to the futon. He basked in the hungry look Ikkaku gave him as he lay on his back, propped up by his elbows, his long legs spread wide.

"Come here," he said breathlessly.

Ikkaku moved to his knees and pushed his hakama down. Somewhere between there and crawling in between Yumichika's spread thighs, he shed the garment completely. He sat back on his heels and pulled Yumichika's legs around him.

Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku with heavy lids. "Are you okay with them hearing us?" By 'us' he meant 'me' because Yumichika was aware he was very vocal. Ikkaku was modest when it came to sex. This would be their first time making love in the real world.

"I don't care," Ikkaku growled as he licked his palm and slicked his swollen length. "Maybe it'll get them to finally fuck each other."

With that, he slid into Yumichika. His lover excepted him eagerly with a throaty moan. "Be as loud as you want, babe," Ikkaku gripped the slighter man's thighs. He pulled out slowly to thrust back in, eliciting a delicious cry from Yumichika. The pale shinigami before him flushed prettily and fisted his hands in the sheets.

Yumichika usually loved this part; the part where Ikkaku tried to be gentle, tried to pretend that the two of them had an ounce of self control. Ikkaku would fuck him slowly, carefully like he was breakable. His hands would slide over Yumichika's thighs and he would whisper beautiful things against his skin. He would purposefully miss Yumichika's prostate to prologue the smaller man's pleasure. If he wanted, Ikkaku could have him screaming and coming all over himself in a matter of seconds. But Ikkaku was a generous lover, he went to great lengths to make sure Yumichika was satisfied. It was just another of the thousands of reasons Yumichika loved this man.

Tonight though, Yumichika didn't care about loving touches or whispered endearments. He wanted completion, he wanted to be pounded into the futon, he wanted to _come, now_.

"Kaku…" he moaned. "Kaku, love… harder… gods _harder_…"

Ikkaku loved it when Yumichika begged. He loved it even more when Yumichika begged like _that._ His lover's sensual moans sent pleasant shivers down his spine. He kept his slow pace as he leaned down to whisper into his lover's ear.

"Let me hear it, Yumi," he nibbled a soft earlobe. "Tell me how you want it."

"Mmm," Yumichika gripped Ikkaku's shoulders. "I don't care how, Kaku… just fuck me hard."

Ikkaku bit into the flesh of Yumichika's neck as he kept his agonizingly slow pace. Their bodies were beginning to sweat and their skin started to slide easily against each other.

"I'd rather you do it," Ikkaku whispered. "Would you like that? Would you like to fuck yourself on my cock?"

Yumichika almost screamed as Ikkaku emphasized his point with a particularly hard thrust.

"Yes!" Yumichika cried out. "_Gods_ yes… roll over…"

Ikkaku complied and pulled Yumichika over on top of him. Before the bald shinigami's back hit the futon, Yumichika was already rolling his hips. Ikkaku bent his knees to give the slighter man something to grip as he moved. He seized the slender thighs, thrusting up to meet every one of Yumichika's frantic bounces.

"Gods, Yumi," Ikkaku growled as he watched the beautiful man writhe over him. "You're fucking incredible."

"Ah… are you close?" Yumichika gasped.

"Yeah," Ikkaku grunted.

"Turn me over then," Yumichika purred. "Take me from behind."

Ikkaku did as he was told. He lifted Yumichika off his lap and flipped him over, pressing his shoulders to the mattress and pulling the smaller man's hips up. He thrust back in, and moaned immediately at the new sensation. Yumichika rarely let Ikkaku take him this way. He said it made him feel 'dirty' and the position was 'unbeautiful' no matter how arduously Ikkaku insisted it was not.

The sight before Ikkaku now was anything but 'unbeautiful'. Yumichika's back arched gracefully and his skin glistened under a fine sheen of sweat. The muscles in his back flexed and waned as he turned his head to gaze behind him at his lover. His beautiful eyes shone bright with passion as he panted and moaned over his shoulder.

"I love you, Kaku… I love you."

"Gods I love you, Yumi," Ikkaku growled. "Gods… _fuck_…"

Yumichika's cries were in time with Ikkaku's powerful trusts. He was lost, his climax was crashing down around him, he reached between his legs to help himself, but found Ikkaku's hand already there. His body convulsed, clenching tightly around Ikkaku and he spurted hot over his lover's hand. Seconds later, he heard his name cried and he felt Ikkaku pulse inside him.

Gasping, Ikkaku lowered himself to the futon and kissed the pale skin of Yumichika's neck. The dark – haired fifth seat lay smiling at him from underneath long lashes.

"So…" Ikkaku said. "Am I forgiven?"

Yumichika inched closer and placed a tender kiss on Ikkaku's lips.

"Of course."

X x X x X

Renji was severely uncomfortable. He lay in his bed listening to Yumichika's cries of pleasure, punctuated by Ikkaku's deep murmurings. What the hell were they doing that made him scream that loud?

"_Kaku_…" he heard Yumichika moan. "_Kaku love… harder… gods harder_…"

Shit. Fuck. Goddamn everyone… Renji's cock was throbbing and his balls were tightening painfully. He should probably get up and go rub one out in the shower.

He twisted his head to look at Shuuhei sleeping peacefully behind him. Carefully, he removed his friend's arm from his waist, and started to slip out from under the covers.

"Renji?" Shuuhei murmured.

Fuck. "It's okay, Shuu. I'm just going to the bathroom."

"Okay," Shuuhei looked like he was about to turn over, but winced and stayed where he was.

"You alright?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei nodded, but his eyes snapped open when Yumichika let out another shriek from the next room. Shuuhei turned to Renji with wide eyes and propped himself up on his good arm.

"Are they?"

"Yes," Renji muttered.

"_Yes_!" Yumichika cried out behind the wall. "_Gods yes… roll over_…"

Shuuhei threw back his head and clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. Renji almost hit him.

"It's not funny Shuu!" he whispered. "I'm really hurting here!"

Shuuhei was switching between grimaces of pain and quiet giggles.

"Oh, so that's why you were headed to the bathroom."

"Shut up! It's been a long time for me!"

"It's been a long time for me too!" Shuuhei's grin widened. "When was the last time you had sex?"

"When was the last time _you_ had sex?" Renji retorted.

"I asked you first."

Yumichika's voice cried out again. "_Turn me over then… take me from behind_…"

"Goddamnit…" Renji sighed and cringed as Ikkaku grunted not six feet away from him. "Two years ago, and you don't know him."

Shuuhei's grin widened even further. "Shit, that is a long time."

"Shut up…"

Shuuhei rolled to his good side to bury his face in the pillow. Renji poked his bad shoulder and Shuuhei squeaked.

"That hurts, fucker!" Shuuhei whispered.

"How long for you?" Renji pried.

Shuuhei lifted his head and the grin was back, wider than ever before.

"Year and a half… Yumichika… and Ikkaku…"

"Ha! I got a half a year-" the redhead's jaw dropped when what Shuuhei had said registered in his head. "Woa, wait… _What the fuck_?"

Shuuhei rolled slowly and painfully onto his back, as another cry from Yumichika erupted from the next room.

Ikkaku's growl followed soon after. "_Gods… fuck_…"

Renji groaned and pressed his flushed face into the mattress. "I hate everyone…"

Shuuhei chuckled and pulled on Renji's arm. "Forget the bathroom, stay here."

Renji looked up and met Shuuhei's hungry eyes. "But you're hurt, you can barely move."

"I know that," Shuuhei licked his lips. "I wanna watch."

That was almost too much for Renji's brain to handle. He climbed back into the bed, and pulled down the waistline of his sweatpants. Taking himself in his hand, he watched Shuuhei run his tongue over his bottom lip. The dark - haired man watched intently as Renji ran his palm over the tip, smearing precum over his length. As Shuuhei lifted his eyes to meet Renji's, the redhead grinned evilly.

"Tell me about Yumichika and Ikkaku."

**TBC**

A/N: If you like, I wrote a one-shot telling the story of Shuuhei's night with Ikkaku and Yumichika. The story is called 'Fragments', and you can find it here in my stories, or at my LJ page. X)


	15. Crazies

Well, I finally finished chapter 15! Woot! This was kind of crackish, sorry. But I can't write the Vizards without some humor- they're just so fucking funny! Also, as I told you guys at the beginning of the first chapter, I wrote a lot of this before certain events unfolded in H.M., so the whole nobody knows who the Vizard are isn't true, obviously. Just go with it, and sorry for the inconsistency. Such is the penalty for writing fic before the manga is finished. (I did manage to catch that Urahara and Shinji had some backstory though. Go me.)

Thank you to those of you who reviewed!! Love you! ;D

Note: There's a one-shot written by GooglyMooglies on LJ, that tells a part of this from Kensei's POV. Again, like this chapter, it was written before all the Vizard vs Aizen stuff in the manga, so it's inconsistent, but at least it shows he remembers Shuuhei. xD

You can find it here: http://community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/bleach_ yaoi /737573(dot)html (Remember to replace the (dot)s with actual periods, and take out all the spaces :D)

**Chapter 15**

Since becoming a shinigami, Hisagi Shuuhei had received his share of injuries. Scars decorated his body from ankles to face. He was proud to say that every one of those wounds had mended naturally and he had never been on the receiving end of a healing kido - that he could recall anyway. He had always felt a slight aversion to the spells because of a ridiculous fear that the flesh, bone and blood conjured beneath the medic's hand would not serve him as well as his own. He knew the fear was unwarranted, but couldn't help himself from slipping around a corner or trying to appear extremely busy when Fourth Division Relieve Team was near. He also had a phobia of those little knives with the long handles…

But here he sat, listening to his tendons pull themselves back together underneath the strange orange light. He turned his head as far away as he could to get the sound out of his ears, but simple physics made it impossible – you can only get your ears so far away from your chest.

It also _hurt._ Why did healing hurt more than the actual injury?

The only reason Shuuhei was enduring this torture was the young man tending to his wound. The small shinigami looked like he would cry if Shuuhei refused his help. His dark hair was shaggy and his features were unremarkable, save his eyes. Every time the poor medic looked up to profusely apologize for the pain, the older man was stunned at the kindness that shone in those big grey orbs.

Shuuhei winced and tried to distract himself.

"Urahara-san said you were Fourth Squad's seventh seat, but he didn't tell me your name."

The shaggy – haired shinigami looked up in surprise. After several seconds of being blinked at, Shuuhei wasn't sure he was going to get an answer.

"Uh…" the younger man finally stammered. "H-Hanataro… Hanataro Yamada, Hisagi Fukutaichou."

Shuuhei tried not to laugh at the pun. Was that really his name? Or was that someone's idea of a joke? "When did you get here?"

"Urahara-san called for Fourth Division relief last night because your healers were drained," Hanataro murmured. "I volunteered, and came through the gate early this morning."

Shuuhei felt a stab of pain rocket down his side, but stayed still. _Goddamnit! What the hell? _

"That was good of you, Hanataro-kun," Shuuhei nodded.

The boy blushed, and returned his focus to Shuuhei's shoulder.

After a few minutes, Shuuhei noticed Hanataro had opened his mouth to say something three times but never made a sound. He smiled at the younger shinigami's unnecessary nervousness.

"Did you want to ask me something, Hanataro-kun?" Shuuhei said softly.

The boy's eyes widened in surprise but he managed to keep the kido strong. "I… not a question, Hisagi Fukutaichou, just an observation…"

"You don't have to be so formal with me, Hanataro-kun. We're not in Sereniti."

"Yes, Hisagi-san," Hanataro smiled. "Thank you."

Shuuhei turned his head to look at the boy. "What's your observation?"

"I just…" Hanataro stammered. "When Urahara-san told me that I would be tending to you this morning, I was really scared."

"Scared? Why?"

"Well, Hisagi-san, some Fourth Division members were telling me about you when I was getting ready to leave last night… They said you were really scary…"

Shuuhei bit his lip to keep from grinning.

"They said you were mean and growled at people and had really sharp teeth, and sometimes when you look at people, their hearts stop…" Shuuhei almost laughed as he saw the shinigami was serious. Gullible much? "But I don't think you're mean at all, I think you're very nice. Scary yes, but I guess you can be scary and nice at the same time… Does that make sense, Hisagi-san?"

Shuuhei looked away grinning. "Yes, Hanataro-kun, it kind of does," then he added as an afterthought. "Just don't tell anyone I'm nice, okay?"

Hanataro nodded smiling.

Fifteen minutes later, when the wound was closed and Shuuhei was pulling a white t-shirt over his head, Urahara emerged from the kitchen.

"Hisagi-san!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "Hanataro-kun has fixed you up I take it? Everything's back the way it should be?"

Shuuhei nodded as he ran his hands through his hair. "Can I see Kira now?"

"Soon," the enigmatic shopkeeper said as he motioned to Hanataro. "Could you please have a look at Madarame for me, Hanataro-kun? He has a few wounds on his arms and I believe he cracked a few of his ribs."

Shuuhei tried not to let his shock show too much on his face. Ikkaku had cracked ribs? How did he… How could he… Last night…

"Y-Yes, Urahara-san," Hanataro jumped to his feet and scrambled down the hall in the direction Urahara was pointing.

Urahara sat across from Shuuhei and leaned his elbows on his knees. The two stared at each other for a while, the Ninth Division Vice Captain scowling and the shopkeeper trying to hide his grin.

Finally, when Shuuhei could stand it no more, he brought his fists down on the table.

"What do you want, Urahara-san?" he asked exasperated.

Urahara placed his chin in a palm and raised eyebrows. "I want nothing, Hisagi-san. I am merely making myself available for you to talk to."

Shuuhei closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Urahara-san," he said softly. "I don't have the willpower to play your games today. What the fuck are you talking about?"

Urahara switched hands. "I said I'm here to listen to anything you have to talk about… like what happened yesterday… when you went off to fight Kurosaki-kun…"

Shuuhei's shoulders tensed. How did Urahara _always_ know everything?

"I don't know what you're talking about… I freaked out a little because I was worried about Kira… but that's it."

Urahara regarded him for a few more seconds before he shrugged. "Well," he moved to stand. "I'm here if you have any questions, Hisagi-san. Or maybe you would like to bring it up with Abarai?"

"Bring what up with me?" Renji stood in the doorway.

Shuuhei didn't look up; his eyes bore into Urahara's daring him to say anything. Urahara got the message and stood.

"It's nothing that important, Abarai-kun," he moved toward the door and put a hand on Renji's shoulder. "He'll talk about it sooner or later, don't worry about it." After he had stepped through the doorway, he stopped in the hallway and said over his shoulder. "You can go see Kira-kun now if you want, Hisagi…"

Shuuhei looked away and fixed his gaze on the floor as Urahara left. How was he supposed to talk about this? What if he was wrong? This was potentially _bankai_ for Kami's sake! He was going to look _so_ beyond foolish if he had misinterpreted!

He felt Renji move and sit beside him. The redhead's jeans rubbed against his own and Shuuhei relaxed as a strong arm came around his waist. Suddenly, Shuuhei felt desperate for Renji's warmth and leaned into his friend's muscular shoulder.

"You gonna be okay?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei nodded and turned his head to bury his face in Renji's neck. "I'm just… I don't know what to say to him. What if he's regressed again?"

"Regressed?" Renji asked.

"A couple times when we were together," Shuuhei murmured. "I thought we were doing well – making progress – and then something would trigger his memory. Someone would say something to him, or I would do something on accident… and he would go back to _that_ Kira… The one that stares off into nothing for hours and can't find pleasure in anything but pain…"

As Shuuhei's voice trailed off, Renji lowered his head and placed soft kisses on the older man's forehead. He moved down his cheek and pressed his lips to the skin below Shuuhei's ear.

"You can't bare this responsibility by yourself," Renji whispered.

"He's my best friend, Re-"

"And that's just what you'll be," Renji cut him off. "You can't fix everyone, Shuuhei."

Shuuhei knew Renji was right, he couldn't fix everyone. The words being said out loud didn't make his heart hurt any less, but it did strengthen his resolve. He breathed in Renji's scent and felt the tension in his shoulders lessen.

"You'll come with me?" he asked.

"If you want me to," Renji replied.

Shuuhei nodded and took the hand that was resting on his thigh. He brought it to his lips, remembering the things this hand had done the night before. He remembered watching Renji writhe as he got himself off listening to Shuuhei whisper filthy things in his ear. The way the redhead's back had arched as he came, the look on his face, the moan from his throat, the way his hair spilled across the pillow...

Renji… his Renji… so strong, so passionate... Renji, who was here holding him, was comforting him when he needed it the most. Renji, who had saved his life twice. Renji, who had no idea how beautiful he really was… How much Shuuhei really loved him…

"Yes," Shuuhei whispered. "I want you to."

Renji stood and helped Shuuhei to his feet. Together they made their way down the hall to where Kira was recovering. Shuuhei hesitated at the door, but with a gentle push from Renji, he slid the shoji open and stepped into the dark room.

Someone had covered the window with a thick blanket, and the only light was a small paper lantern by Kira's futon. The small flicker sent shadows dancing across the wooden walls as Shuuhei slowly crossed the room to sit beside his sleeping friend. Renji sat down by the door and leaned his back against the wall. He was giving Shuuhei space, but keeping himself relatively close if his friend needed him.

Shuuhei reached out his hand to brush strands of blond hair from Kira's face. The shinigami was ashen, deep lines ran underneath his eyes, and his skin was like ice. Shuuhei took one of those frail hands in both of his and brought it to his lips.

"Kira…" Shuuhei whispered between kisses. "Kira, love…"

Kira's brow furrowed and he inhaled sharply. The blondes eyes opened and he glanced around groggily. When his gaze fell on Shuuhei, his eyes opened wide and he tried to sit up.

"Shuuhei!" he gasped.

Shuuhei gently pushed him back onto the futon. "Shhh, it's alright, Kira. It's okay, I'm here." He laced their fingers together and stroked Kira's hair with his other hand. "Everything is fine now."

Tears leaked from Kira's eyes and he turned his face into Shuuhei's palm.

"I'm sorry, Shuuhei," he cried. "I'm so sorry."

Shuuhei's breath caught and he felt his chest tighten.

"Don't apologize, Kira. You didn't do anything wrong."

Kira's eyes squeezed shut, almost like if he closed them tight enough he could hold the tears in. The blond turned to his side pressing up against Shuuhei's folded legs. Shuuhei slid his arm underneath Kira's thin body and pulled his best friend into his lap. Shuuhei held him tight, rocked him, and caress his hair and face. He whispered in Kira's ear, words of comfort and assurance. Eventually the smaller man's whimpers ceased and his voice came out strained and muffled against Shuuhei's neck.

"I broke so easily, Shuuhei," Kira cried. "I'm so weak... so pathetic …"

Shuuhei's voice was strained as well. "You're not weak, Kira. You're one of the strongest people I know. You've gone through so much shit, and you're still here."

Renji watched Shuuhei as he comforted Kira. He watched the way the older man caressed the blonde's face, the way he held the smaller man against him and tenderly rubbed his back and rocked him like a child. He had seen the way Shuuhei looked at the other man as he brushed the hair from his face. Even if he hadn't asked Shuuhei if he still loved Kira he would know now, it was obvious.

Renji was startled at how much that hurt. As he sat there, leaning against the wall with a thick lump in his throat, he realized he wanted to be held like that. He wanted Shuuhei to look at him like he was looking at Kira. He wanted to be rocked and whispered to and kissed and loved like that.

Renji knew Shuuhei cared for him, but did Shuuhei love him? Oh gods how he wanted Shuuhei to love him! He wanted Shuuhei to love him more than anything in the whole world!

But as he watched Shuuhei with Kira, as he watched the dark – haired man gaze intently into Kira's eyes, listened to Kira's words… he knew it would never be. He could never mean as much to Shuuhei as Kira did. No one could ever love him that much. But it was alright, Shuuhei cared about him, and that was all that mattered. He didn't need to be loved, didn't really deserve it. He would be happy just being with Shuuhei at all.

Renji sat and listened to Kira tell Shuuhei what the hollow had said. He listened to Shuuhei talk Kira through the pain like an experienced grief counselor. The two had no doubt done this many times before. Then when Renji felt his heart couldn't get any heavier, the door slid open and Hanataro leaned his head into the room.

"Um…" he stammered. "I need to check Kira Fukutaichou if I may, Hisagi-san."

Shuuhei nodded to the small seventh seat, and turned to whisper to Kira.

"We'll be back later I promise, okay? Will you be alright?"

Kira nodded and let himself be placed back on the futon. Hanataro stepped into the room with a quick bow to Renji and stumbled over to Kira.

Shuuhei stood and headed for the door, reaching his hand out to Renji to help him up.

"Um, A-Abarai Fukutaichou…" Hanataro stuttered as Renji was about to close the shoji. The redhead leaned back into the room and the small shinigami frantically waved his hands. "I-I'm very sorry sir, but I almost forgot to tell you! Urahara told me to tell you to come to the underground training grounds! They're having some kind of meeting!"

Renji smiled at the flustered boy. "Thank you, Hanataro-kun. Take good care of Kira."

Without waiting for a reply he slid the door shut and, with Shuuhei in tow, headed for the training grounds.

X x X x X

Down in the underground, everyone save Ishida and Urahara was staring at Orihime like she had just sprouted wings. The girl was clutching her cell phone in one hand and scratching the back of her head with the other.

"I know he can help us guys," Shuuhei heard her say, as he and Renji joined the other shinigami. "Ichigo and him are… kinda friends and they spar together once in a while… He'll know what to do, he helped before…"

"Why have I never heard of this person before?" Hitsugaya asked suspiciously.

Orihime turned to the small captain. "Um well, Hitsugaya-san… Ichigo didn't really want anyone to know about them."

"Them?" Ikkaku and Yumichika asked in unison.

Orihime clasped her hands tightly in front of her. "Yes, there's a few of them."

Shuuhei spoke up, not liking being left in the dark. "What's going on, Orihime-san? What's the plan?"

Urahara moved to stand beside the orange – haired girl. "Orihime-san seems to believe that Kurosaki-kun has friends who can help him. She has already called them, and planned to meet them later this afternoon."

Shuuhei felt Renji tense beside him.

"Oh… you don't mean…" Renji glared at Orihime, "You are _not_ talking about who I think you are, are you Inoue-san?"

Orihime suddenly smiled and turned to Urahara. "Renji-kun can go with me Urahara-san! He knows them!"

"I think that is a great idea, Orihime-san!" Urahara clapped. "Abarai-kun and Hisagi-san can go with you."

"Hey," Renji interrupted. "Don't fucking talk about me like I'm not here!"

"I think I'll also take Ishida-kun as well," Orihime ignored Renji and continued to plan with Urahara. "It might be a good idea to bring another person who's not a shinigami."

"Hey! Hello!" Renji growled. "I am _not_ _going_!"

"When did you say you were expected, Orihime-san?" Urahara smiled behind his fan.

Shuuhei pulled Renji away from the group and knocked him around until he was paying attention. "What the hell are they talking about, Renji?" he whispered. "Who are we meeting?"

Renji crossed his arms and whispered between his clenched jaw.

"Fucking crazies."

X x X x X

Two hours later, the group of four stood in front of a large warehouse. It was rundown and the only entrance Shuuhei could see was a huge roll up door taking up most of the front of the building.

Shuuhei wondered again who it was they were meeting. He couldn't feel any reiatsu in the surrounding area, but that didn't mean anything. He figured they weren't shinigami, and if they were humans, how did they know how to help Ichigo? Should he worry? Orihime seemed exited, but Renji sure seemed opposed to the idea; he had been sulking since the meeting in the underground.

Ishida, his hands folded over his perfectly pressed shirt, stepped forward to stand beside Orihime.

"So how do we get in?" the Quincy asked.

"Oh," Orihime said and moved towards the doors. "That's easy." She stepped forward and banged on the door with her fists three times.

There was a loud click, and the door began to lift. Orihime ducked inside and motioned for the others to follow her.

"Come on!" she said excitedly.

Shuuhei wasn't sure what to think. This was definitely not a good idea, but Orihime seemed determined to speak to these people. Her confidence assured him, and he followed Ishida into the dark building. He glanced over his shoulder at Renji who was pouting, but following him nevertheless.

Once inside, the girl, the Quincy, and the two shinigami stood in the middle of what looked like an old office building. The floors above them had fallen through leaving what almost looked like backwards stadium seating. What had done that? Some kind of explosion? Shuuhei didn't want to think about it.

Shuuhei turned to ask Renji why there was no one there to meet them, but the look on the redhead's face stopped him. Renji was scowling deeply, his eyebrows curved sharply down towards his eyes. Shuuhei leaned towards him, but a loud voice echoed in the large space from above.

"ORIHIME-CHAAAAAAAAAAN!"

All eyes turned towards the top floor and saw a man about Ichigo's age and build, standing on a broken piece of concrete. His blond hair was cut at his chin, and he had strikingly white teeth. He wore a flashy orange shirt and yellow tie, checkered pants and pair of horrid green shoes.

Orihime waved up at him.

As Shuuhei watched, several others appeared scattered across the layers of broken building. There were eight including the blond, and to Shuuhei's surprise, they were all carrying Zanpakutos. Who the hell were these people?

The blond jumped from the top level and landed gracefully a few feet from Orihime. He held out his hand and the orange – haired girl rolled her eyes and took it smiling. The blond brought it to his lips and grinned around a kiss.

"It's been a while Orihime-chan," he said in a sing-song voice. "I missed you so!"

"It's nice to see you again, Hirako-kun," Orihime almost giggled. "Thank you for seeing us."

Ishida made a noise from beside Orihime and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"_This_ is the guy you were talking about, Inoue-san?" Ishida said, unimpressed.

Hirako turned to the dark – haired man and his grin shifted from goofy to slightly menacing.

"I see you brought the Quincy," he said quietly, and he moved to step in between the two humans.

His voice had changed, no longer silly or playful. It had taken on a dangerous edge. Shuuhei felt a powerful reiatsu flare out from the blond as Hirako's gaze moved to Renji and himself. It was crushing, suffocating. Very much like the feeling when Kuchiki Byakuya entered the room. It pulsed and waned, crawling into every pore of Shuuhei's skin; beneath his fingernails, fighting to crawl into his eyes.

"And I see you brought… shinigami…" the reiatsu throbbed and Shuuhei felt a heavy weight settle on his chest and shoulders. Who was this guy? He was _powerful_… almost like a Captain… maybe even more so… He felt like a shinigami… but not… He had felt this before… why was it familiar?

Hirako moved closer to Renji, sizing him up. The redhead glared down at him, but somehow the size difference didn't matter. It was obvious to Shuuhei that Renji was terrified.

Why did this reiatsu feel familiar? Where had he felt it before?

"I've seen you before…" Hirako grinned. "You're Kurosaki-kun's friend. The obnoxious one with that bamboo, snake Zanpakuto."

Renji's eyes narrowed. "Fuck you, Shinji. I'm not half as obnoxious or perverted as you."

Hirako's eyes widened and he pretended to pout. "Oh sad," he said with a flash of teeth. "I thought we might be friends."

His gaze flickered to Shuuhei, and he side stepped to stand in front of the dark – haired shinigami. Shuuhei almost laughed. This man was a comical character, giving off the impression he was juvenile, but the man's dress and attitude contrasted drastically to the dark reiatsu scratching at his skin.

"Now you… You look like more of a punk than-" Hirako's words stopped and his eyes widened in genuine surprise. The heavy weight of the strange reiatsu lifted off his shoulders as the blond studied Shuuhei's face and his jaw slowly dropped.

Shuuhei wanted to back up, cover his eyes, push the man away, but he knew that might be suicide. What the hell was he looking at? Should he be ready for an attack? _What the hell was going on?_

"KENSEI!" Hirako suddenly yelled. "COME LOOK AT THIS!" Shuuhei flinched and closed his eyes. Oh fuck, he was dead.

A tall man with short grey-white hair and multiple piercings landed beside the blond. This one's reiatsu was even more familiar. Did he know this person? Had he seen him somewhere before?

The pierced man came close and muttered in a deep voice, "What?"

Hirako pointed at Shuuhei's face and grinned madly.

"This guy has a fucking sixty-nine, _tattooed on his face, man!_" the blond was almost bouncing. "That's the coolest thing I've ever seen!"

Kensei moved closer to Shuuhei and grinned when he got a good look.

"That's pretty ballsy, dude," he chuckled. "When did you get that done?"

Shuuhei's head was spinning. First he was going to die, and now they were talking about his tattoos.

"Um…" he tried not to stutter. "A long time ago. I was drunk," he lied.

Shuuhei flinched again as the two in front of him started to laugh. Hirako throwing his head back and almost shrieking up at the broken building.

The laughing was cut short when a small girl with spiky blond pigtails assaulted Hirako with her sandal. The blond man flew across the room, crashing into a pile of broken furniture. Shuuhei stared as the girl wordlessly put her shoe back on, and moved to stand next to Orihime.

"We were about to eat," she said with a scowl. "You guys like barbeque?"

Shuuhei was still standing there confused, several minutes after Orihime and Ishida had followed the girl through a pair of double doors. The others had disappeared as well, save Hirako who was still lying sprawled in the pile of broken wood and plastic.

Renji's hand came down on his shoulder, and Shuuhei turned to look at him. He was still scowling, but he didn't look as angry as he had before.

"See?" he said. "They're all fucking crazies."

X x X x X

Renji sat in the underground chamber, which looked disturbingly similar to Urahara's underground training room, chewing his food, and trying not to laugh at the baffled expression on Shuuhei's face. The dark – haired man had listened intently to the colorful explanations the x-shinigami had given him, and now he sat, eyes wide and chopsticks frozen halfway to his mouth.

"So, wait," he head darted between Kensei and the scowling dark – haired girl who had introduced herself as 'Lisa'. "So you _used _to be shinigami… and you all have masks like Kurosaki?"

"Yes," Lisa nudged closer to Shuuhei. "Only ours are a lot cooler."

Renji felt a small spark of jealousy at the look Lisa was giving Shuuhei. The older man seemed oblivious to the obvious fact that she was trying to get into his pants. Couldn't blame the woman- after all, Shuuhei was sex on two very lovely legs. And that tattoo… Renji wondered if he was going to have to start making Shuuhei wear a bandage on his face.

Shuuhei was digging in his food again. "So, a Vizard is a shinigami turned hollow… just like an Arrancar is a hollow… turned shinigami…"

"Kind of," Kensei shrugged. "Did you think Ichigo was the only one or something?"

Shuuhei stared at the ground and shoved rice in his mouth absently.

"Tell you the truth, I never really thought about it…"

Renji turned away to listen to Orihime and Shinji's conversation. The orange – haired girl was trying to explain what happened, but was failing miserably. Renji had offered to tell the Vizard what he knew, but Shinji didn't want to listen to him. The whole situation was getting slightly frustrating.

"But he looked all funny! He had white hair, and his eyes were kind of… well actually, I didn't see his eyes cause when I saw him he was unconscious… but Renji said…"

Renji tuned her voice out and went back to his food. He felt like they were wasting time talking to these people. They should just drag them back to the shop and have them fix Ichigo so they could be done with the whole thing… But who was he kidding? It would take every Captain in Soul Society plus Ichigo to get this group to do anything against their will... Orihime was actually being very smart by eating with Shinji and letting him brazenly flirt with her. In about twenty more minutes, the guy would probably walk off the side of a cliff if she asked.

He felt a presence behind him and turned in time to see Ishida sit gracefully down on the rock beside him. He had finished his food, and was cleaning his hands on one of those disposable wet napkins. He smelled of lemon and something like a hospital.

"Having fun, Abarai?" he smirked.

Renji glanced at Lisa, who was practically in Shuuhei's lap.

"No."

"Why don't you go tell her to shove off?" Ishida folded the napkin and slipped it out of sight. No doubt into some compacted trashcan somewhere in the folds of his clothes.

Renji chuckled. Leave it to Ishida Uryuu to cut past all pleasantries and bull shit to start right in on the stuff that mattered.

"'Hi Abarai," Renji joked. "How've you been? Haven't seen you in a while'! 'Oh, I'm doing pretty good, Ishida, how're you doing'?"

Ishida gave him one of _those_ looks, and pushed his glasses up his nose. "You're such a girl, Abarai."

Renji's mouth flopped open and he turned to give the Quincy an incredulous look. No one else could make Renji want to laugh hysterically _and_ pull his hair out at the same time. But that's what he liked about the kid; he never knew what he would be feeling when Ishida was around.

Ishida caught a glance of Renji's look and rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Abarai. Just go over there and politely tell her to distance herself from your boyfriend. It's not that hard… And I'm sure Hisagi-san would like it."

"He's not my boyfriend…" Renji muttered.

"Oh?" Ishida's eyebrow quirked. "Then what the hell was happening last night?"

Renji felt his cheeks burn and he dipped his head down onto his chest. "You were… you could…"

Ishida sighed. "Abarai, I'm a master at detecting reiatsu, of course I felt it! I also see the way you react to each other on a daily basis! Why are you being so thickheaded?"

"I don't know!" Renji almost whined. "We've never really… discussed the whole… boyfriend thing…"

Ishida stood and pulled Renji to his feet. "Come on, go. Trust me… you'll be glad you did it."

Renji shuffled his feet and almost tripped when Ishida gave him a gentle shove. Shuuhei had finished his food and was now unconsciously, or maybe it was consciously, leaning away from the aggressive girl. She had her hand braced on the rock behind Shuuhei and Renji's jaw clenched at how close that hand was to his ass. Shuuhei was saying something to Kensei and still looked slightly taken aback when Renji stepped up beside the white – haired Vizard.

Renji cleared his throat and the three turned their gaze to him; Lisa, with a scowl, Kensei with a cocked eyebrow and a superior look, and Shuuhei with a small smile.

The redhead turned to Lisa, tossed his hair back, and crossed his arms over his chest. If he was going to say something that might potentially make him look like a retard, he was gonna do it all the way, as flamboyantly as possible. Renji knew when you did something stupid, it always _looked_ less stupid when you did it with arrogance.

"Excuse me, _Lisa_," Renji sneered around her name.

"What do you want?" the girl answered with a growl.

Renji cocked his head to the side and put on the most menacing look he could muster.

"Would you mind getting your hentai paws off my boyfriend?" There. He said it.

Renji expected her to argue. He expected Shuuhei to be embarrassed. He expected a lot of things, and was ready to back away and go bury his head in the ground for the next century. He felt intense heat rise up his neck and cover is face like a bad sunburn. But then, he caught Shuuhei's expression out the corner of his eye.

Shuuhei was grinning like an idiot.

The dark – haired Vice Captain looked away to grin at Lisa who quickly scooted away from him, raising her hands in defeat, and muttering something about how she liked girls more anyway. Renji quickly glanced at Kensei who was grinning behind his palm and felt himself flush harder, if it was possible.

Shuuhei stood and moved to wrap his arms around Renji's neck. He pressed his lips against the redhead's and _dove_ into his mouth. Renji blinked in surprise, almost shocked into immobility, but he managed to get his hands to Shuuhei's hips. Shuuhei urged and pushed and teased and licked and _oh gods _bit, and just when Renji was about to insist they go behind a rock or something, the older man pulled away.

Renji felt a little dizzy. He could safely say that Shuuhei had just kissed him senseless, and that was why he stood there swaying long after Shuuhei had made his way over to Orihime. He turned to watch the older man practically _bounce _up to the orange – haired girl and, not so discretely, steal a piece of meat from her bowl. Ishida was giving him a grin big enough to show his teeth- the equivalent to a Quincy thumbs up.

'Alright, alright,' he motioned to Ishida. 'You were right.'

_Damn Quincy know-it-all…_

Renji shook his head and glanced at Lisa again preparing for a brawl. But Lisa just sat on the rock nursing a nosebleed.

Kensei clapped a hand down on his shoulder; the pierced Vizard was still chuckling.

"You guys are kinda crazy."

X x X x X

Orihime somehow managed to get Shinji to promise not to try and kill anyone at Urahara's shop before they left the Vizard's hideout. He moaned and complained about 'damned shinigami' and 'crazy old perverted bastards that wear stupid hats', but he came without much of a struggle.

"I hate shinigami," he whined as they made their way towards the shop. "You know I hate them, Orihime-chan."

"Ichigo is a shinigami, Hirako," Orihime said defensively. "You like Ichigo!"

"Kurosaki is a _Vizard_," the blond replied.

"Ichigo is _not _a Vizard!" Renji growled behind them. His fists clenched and unclenched in a mechanical manor as Shuuhei grabbed his arm gently. The older man gave him a warning glance and the redhead backed off.

"Ichigo is a _substitute shinigami_ who _should _be a Vizard," Shinji made a face. "But nooooo!"

""You like Hisagi-san," Orihime pouted. "He's a shinigami."

Shinji placed his thumbs lazily in his pockets and looked back at Shuuhei grinning.

"That's cause he has a sweet tattoo on his face," the skinny man turned suddenly and walked backwards, leering at Shuuhei. "So did you get that tat cause you really like it? Or cause you're really good?"

Renji watched as Shuuhei stretched arrogantly and folded his hands behind his head.

"I'm really fucking good."

Renji _and _Ishida almost face planted, and Shinji's laughter could probably be heard in the next town.

X x X x X

The Vizard's reiatsu surged as the group ascended the step's to the shop. Urahara was standing in the doorway, his hat casting dark shadows over his face and his cane was slung carefully over his shoulder. Shuuhei saw the tension carefully masked in Urahara's stance and briefly wondered if there was history between the two blonds.

"Hirako-san," Urahara said, his voice devoid of its usual humor.

Hirako's reiatsu flared for a split second, but he reined it in and nodded to the older man. "Kisuke…"

Yeah. Definitely history.

Urahara stepped out of the way and ushered the group into the shop. Ishida lead the way down the hall and opened the double doors to, what seemed to be, the master bedroom. Inside, the room had been stripped bare, and Ichigo lay unconscious in the center bound with dozens of high level kido spells. Ikkaku, Yumichika, Matsumoto, Rukia, and Hanataro sat along the wall. Shuuhei saw Kira leaning against the window and Hitsugaya stood protectively beside him.

Ururu and Jinta sat on her multi-barreled shoulder cannon at Ichigo's head. Jinta's hair spiked crazily from where he had tied it, giving his head a funny red pineapple appearance. Shuuhei had given Renji hell when he saw how the kid emulated him. The boy tried desperately to hide his obvious adoration of the shinigami, but it wasn't really working. The kid even had a tattoo on his neck.

Urahara turned to Shuuhei and Renji.

"You two please strip out of your gigai and join the rest of your comrades along the wall."

They did, quickly, and moved to stand beside Kira by the window. Shuuhei lifted a comforting hand to Kira's back and noticed how Renji's gaze followed his caress.

"Orihime-san and Ishida-kun," Urahara continued. "Please stand by the door. Be ready if he should break his bonds, though I doubt this time there will be a problem."

Urahara moved aside to let Hirako into the room. Tension and defensive reiatsu exploded in the small space, and Urahara put his hands up.

"Stop!" he commanded. "This will not help! Calm yourselves immediately!"

Slowly the pulse lessened, but hands on Zanpakutos tightened. Ikkaku and Yumichika were no longer sitting. Hitsugaya had stepped forward, and Jinta had pulled his kanabo from behind him and now held it tightly in his hands.

Hirako did a fairly good job of ignoring everyone and put a hand to his hips. He sighed and took his grey driver's cap off, handing it to Orihime.

"What the hell have you gotten yourself into now, Kurosaki-kun?" he muttered.

He moved forward to stand almost directly over Ichigo's body and said to no one in particular.

"Any of you interfere and I'll probably kill you, so just… don't."

Ikkaku looked like he wanted to say something, but Yumichika stopped him before he opened his mouth.

The blond Vizard stood before Ichigo with his arms crossed, glaring… contemplating. Shuuhei braced himself for a jolt of reiatsu, a blinding light, _something _that was probably going to hurt.

But what the Vizard actually did was much more surprising than anything he had thought up. The blond suddenly moved to sit on Ichigo's chest, lifted his arm, and slapped Ichigo hard across the face.

"OI! KUROSAKI-KUUUUN!" he yelled in Ichigo's face.

The shinigami stared dumfounded. Was he serious? Everyone flinched as Hirako did it again, all the while his face deadpan.

"KUROSAKI-KUN! COME OUT AND PLAY!"

_Slap_.

"HEY, KUROSAKI! I DRAGGED MY ASS DOWN HERE TO A SHOP FILLED WITH SHINIGAMI! FUCKING WAKE UP!"

_Slap_.

"ZANGETSU! PUSH HIM OFF A BUILDING WOULD YA?"

_Slap_.

"ICHIGO! IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP SOON, I'M GOING TO START FONDLING ORIHIME-CHAN'S BOOBIES!"

_SLAP_.

Ichigo stirred. Everyone stopped breathing. The substitute shinigami groaned and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Ah…" Ichigo mumbled. "Fuck, Hirako… my face."

Ikkaku growled. "If I'd have known it was _that_ easy, I would have gladly done it myself…"

But Hirako shook his head and folded his arms. "You're not fooling anyone, Ichigo."

Ichigo's eyes opened and Shuuhei's blood turned to ice. Beneath the white hair, black and gold stared up at the Vizard. Ichigo's reiatsu changed and manifested into an angry black and red haze. Shuuhei took a step forward, as did Ikkaku and Hitsugaya. But Urahara blocked them and shook his head.

"Don't interfere."

Shuuhei backed down and backed into Renji. The redhead put his hand on Shuuhei's hip and pulled him close.

"Just wait," Renji whispered. "They've kind of done this part before."

Shuuhei watched Hirako put his chin in his hands with a bored expression painted on his face.

"You again," Hirako muttered.

"How 'bout you get the fuck off me, Shinji," the hollow hissed.

"Um," Hirako sighed. "How about… no."

Ichigo twisted beneath the chains of reiatsu and other binding ties. Shuuhei watched Matsumoto grimace as she tried to hold her spell.

"You can't beat me asshole," Ichigo bared his teeth at the man on top of him.

Hirako 'hmmed'. "Maybe… but I know you can't beat me _and _nine Captain – class shinigami."

Shuuhei heard Kira's sharp intake of breath at Hirako's statement.

"Yeah well," Ichigo's thrashing was getting stronger. "I can always try."

The energy in the air took a disturbing turn as Hirako leaned forward and gripped Ichigo's neck. The blond Vizard's reiatsu had taken on the same terrifying black and red miasma. His voice came out in a guttural rasp, almost identical to Ichigo's underwater hollow sound.

"_Don't make me kill you, Ichigo_…"

For a moment, just a split second, Shuuhei thought he saw something in Ichigo's eyes. A quick flash of feeling that was very chaste and human. The arrogant hollow fell away and the real Ichigo was revealed, small and scared, fighting to regain control. Bits of blue reiatsu wormed their way through the black, weaved through the red and pushed at the corners of Ichigo's aura.

"Hirako-san!" Shuuhei cried.

"I know…" the Vizard replied. "Urahara-san!" he called over his shoulder. "Can you see this?"

"Of course," the shopkeeper said. He moved to stand beside Ichigo.

A soft hum had been resonating throughout the room ever since Ichigo had opened his eyes. Now, as the blue tendrils of reiatsu began to fight the black, the hum increased to a defeating roar. Shuuhei felt his ears were going to bleed, but steadied his hand on his sword.

Urahara and Hirako stood over Ichigo as the boy started to thrash and wail. Their hair whipped around their faces as power licked at their bodies. Hirako turned to Urahara and shouted something to him over the din. Urahara nodded and motioned for Shuuhei, Renji and Kira to move forward.

"You have to help!" Urahara shouted. "Everyone else is holding him down!"

Shuuhei nodded. "What do we do?"

Urahara held his hat with one hand and gestured with the other.

"You see the blue amongst the red do you not?"

"Yes!" Renji called.

"The blue is Kurosaki's reiatsu and the red is the hollow's!" Hirako barked. "We have to isolate it until Kurosaki can regain control!"

They spaced themselves and followed the instructions Urahara gave. Shuuhei had never done a binding spell of this level, or this type before. He wondered somewhere in the back of his mind if this was a spell only Urahara knew… and if it was even legal.

The four shinigami and the Vizard compiled their power and pressed into the squall of black and red, searching for the tiny wisps of blue. Shuuhei dug through layers of reiatsu so powerful he became light headed. The pushing, waxing, waning, electric pulsing of the hollow's aura made the dark-haired man nauseous. He chanted and weaved and pressed as best he could, but felt himself slipping. Kira moved to his side and held him upright with an arm around his waist. Shuuhei was shocked at the smaller man's reiatsu control. He wove the spell like he had done it a hundred times, filling in the pieces where Shuuhei's power failed.

Renji seemed to be having trouble also. The redhead was kneeling on the ground, face tense and shoulders hunched forward. Kira picked up his slack as well, and met Urahara's power in the center. Hirako completed the incantation and shouted to the other shinigami.

"LET HIM GO!"

An explosion hit Shuuhei square in the chest. He flew backwards and had just enough time and piece of mind to whirl his body around to catch Kira's. He shielded the smaller man from their impact against the hard cement of the shops outer wall, earning him a dislocated shoulder and probably a broken arm.

Renji landed close by, his back hitting the wall and forcing a cry from his lungs. Shuuhei sat himself up and called to the redhead.

"Renji! Are you okay?"

Renji groaned and leaned forward. "I'm okay, it's just my head… Fuck, Kira… that was amazing!"

"Holy shit!" Kira ignored Renji's compliment. "Look!"

Back in Urahara's room, the hum had died down and Ichigo was thrashing on the floor. His hands pulled at his hair and he screamed as if his insides were being ripped apart. He back bowed and he threw himself over on his hands and knees.

Oh… but his hair was turning orange.

Urahara knelt beside the substitute shinigami and grabbed his shoulders. When Ichigo's screams turned to wrenching, the older man whispered to him softly.

"Kurosaki… Ichigo, you did well… Look up… come on look up. I need to see your eyes."

Slowly, Ichigo raised his head. Blood ran from the side of his mouth, probably from biting his tongue. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he gasped for breath, hard lines bit through the sunken dips under his eyes. Brown eyes. Brown irises surrounded by white… human eyes. Very, very pained human eyes.

"Ura… Urahara-san…" he choked out.

The shopkeeper caught him as he collapsed. He held the young shinigami and called for Orihime, who rushed to his side. The older man transferred Ichigo to the girl's arms, and the boy clung to her like a child after a nightmare.

"Ichigo?" Orihime whispered.

Orange light enveloped the two as Orihime checked Ichigo for injuries beyond what the naked eye could see. She cradled her lover as he wept into her neck, chanting 'I'm sorry' like it was a mantra.

Shuuhei turned to Renji. He had his eyes closed, but must have felt the older man's movement. The redhead reached out his hand and Shuuhei took it. It was the only comfort he could give at the moment as his body was broken and he was half under an exhausted Kira. The three sat in silence, listening to Ichigo's broken sobs, and Urahara giving instructions to the other shinigami.

Hirako appeared in the hallway and snickered at the rumpled threesome. Shuuhei turned to him and couldn't do anything but smile.

"Thank you, Hirako-san…"

Hirako gave a salute and placed his hat back on his head.

"No problem," he grinned. "See you around, Sixty-Nine…"

And he was gone.

**TBC**

A/N: For those of you that don't know, Hanataro's name is actually a play on the names Yamada Taro, and Yamada Hanako- the Japanese equivalents of John Doe and Jane Doe. By combining elements from both names, Kubo Tite is probably saying Hanataro is literally a complete nobody. Lol.

And, okay, so what Jinta uses, isn't _really _a kanabo, it's more like a tetsubo hammer- whatever. A kanabo is an iron or steel staff that was used in feudal Japan. It was constructed out of heavy oak wood, and covered with some kind of metal from the end to the middle with metal studs along the metal-shod end. Jinta's weapon is basically that but given his love of baseball, (watch the episodes where he's Karakura Red in Don Kanonji's little band of super heroes) he's made it more of a metal covered baseball bat. But whatever, it's still a kanabo/tetsubo… thing…


	16. Roadmap

Well, here it is folks- teh smut. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I am very sorry I don't reply to everyone, sometimes it doesn't go through, sometimes it gets sent back to me… (sigh) anyway, hope you enjoy this! Thanks for reading! ;D

**Chapter 16**

Renji lay on his futon face down. His head throbbed and his legs were numb.

"So what's broken again?" Renji asked as Hanataro's hands hovered over his back.

"Your second and third thoracic vertebrae, Abarai Fukutaichou," the medic said softly. "But it's alright, bones are the easiest thing to heal."

"Second and third what?" the red head began to lift his head, but Rukia's hand came down hard on his skull keeping it in place.

"Don't move, idiot," she muttered.

Renji growled and heard Shuuhei snicker a few feet away.

Shuuhei and Renji had been excused from cleaning and repairing the shop due to Renji's inability to stand and Shuuhei's dislocated shoulder. Rukia had helped for a little while, but had to abandon her repairs when Hanataro had come pleading for her to help hold Renji still. Urahara had said it was fine since the hole was almost filled and the debris had been collected and carried away.

"Basically," Shuuhei chuckled. "It means your back is broken in two places. What else do you need to know?"

Renji groaned. "When will I be able to move my legs again?"

"Oh, this won't take that long, Abarai Fukutaichou," Hanataro said happily. "You should be fine in just a few minutes."

Renji put his face into the pillow and tried to relax. Rukia ran a hand through his hair and shifted her legs.

"You guys were really amazing today…" she murmured.

"I guess," Renji mumbled. "I feel like I started it and then Kira took over and did all the hard stuff."

"Me too," Shuuhei added. "I had no idea he was so good at reiatsu manipulation."

Renji chuckled. "He was always good at that shit. Always acing everything in the academy… How's he doing by the way?"

"He's sleeping again," Shuuhei answered. "He was already weak from his injury so the binding spell really did him in."

Pain suddenly rocketed down Renji's back and he cried out, gripping the pillow so hard he tore the fabric. Shuuhei lunged forward and helped Rukia hold his shoulders down.

"_Shit_!" the red head bellowed. "What the _fuck_!"

Hanataro spoke quickly. "You're almost healed, Abarai Fukutaichou, so the nerves are regaining feeling! It will only hurt for a few more seconds! Just bear with me!"

Renji's back was on fire. He had experienced worse pain than this, but that was then and this was _now_. Every bone in his body cried out as the small medic wove together the bits of nerve and muscle in and around his spine. He felt Shuuhei grip his hand through the haze of agony.

But then it stopped as quickly as it had started. The burning pain was gone, he could feel his legs… and every single bruise he had acquired in the last few hours.

"Oh shit…" Renji moaned. "If you could die of relief, I would be there."

Rukia laughed and he felt her stand. "Good work, Hanataro-kun," she said.

"Th-thank you, Kuchiki Fukutaichou," stuttered the young shinigami.

Renji felt Rukia's hand on the back of his head again and he turned to meet her eyes.

"I'm glad you're better," she whispered. "Sleep well tonight."

"Goodnight, Rukia…" Renji whispered.

When he heard the shoji shut behind him, Renji lifted his head and rolled to his side, affectively placing himself in Shuuhei's lap. He looked up at the older man who was grinning.

"What?" Renji asked.

"Boyfriend huh?" Shuuhei chuckled.

"Oh shit…" Renji pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt his face burn. "Please don't talk about that…"

"Why not?" Shuuhei leaned forward to brush his lips over the tattoos on Renji's forehead. "I thought it was cute!"

Renji ignored him. "How's your shoulder?"

Shuuhei rolled his arm. "It's good. Hanataro-kun knows his stuff."

"What time is it?"

Shuuhei shrugged. "No idea, probably after ten."

"Bedtime?" the red head's eyelids were getting heavy.

"Hell no," Shuuhei pushed him off his lap. "I'm dirty and sweaty and I'm not going to sleep in it."

Renji laughed into the futon as he heard Shuuhei stand. "You're such a priss."

"I'm not a priss," Shuuhei said in the bathroom doorway. "I'm hygienic."

"Obsessive."

"Whatever."

Renji lay smiling as he listened to Shuuhei rummage around in the bathroom, turning on the faucet and grabbing soaps and things from the sink cabinet. He didn't realize he'd been drifting off until he heard the faucet shut off and Shuuhei's ludicrously suggestive sigh as he slid into the water. The red head's cock jumped at the sound and he sat up. Shuuhei had left the door wide open… did that mean…

Renji stood and tried to straighten his hakama underneath his kimono hanging from his waist. Showering with Shuuhei when he was hurt or bathing him when he was having a breakdown was one thing, but taking a bath together… lying naked in the tub together…

He peeked around the doorframe at Shuuhei's lounging form. The dark – haired shinigami had his head back and his eyes closed, his arms rested lazily on the sides of the tub. Renji licked his lips as his eyes burned a trail down that lithe tattooed neck. That pale flesh just out there, dripping, asking to be licked, kissed-

"You gonna stare at me all night, or are you gonna join me?" Shuuhei asked.

Renji moved into the bathroom and smirked as he got an eyeful of the other man. He crossed his arms and stood leering. Shuuhei opened an eye and grinned when he saw Renji watching him. He sat forward so the water level moved to just below his chest. He cupped water in his hands and slowly ran them through his hair, following the rivulets of water down the skin of his neck with his fingers. He stretched very catlike and leaned over the side of the tub, resting his chin on his folded arms.

"The water's gonna get cold," he purred.

Renji's smile faltered. _Goddamnit_! Leave it to Shuuhei to take a completely platonic, everyday act and turn it into the most erotic boner-inducing action he'd ever seen. Renji's cock agreed whole–heartedly as it filled and pressed against the rough fabric of his hakama. He was perfectly content to stand there and watch Shuuhei bathe himself if he was going to do it like _that_.

Shuuhei eyes flashed mischievously as he sat up a little straighter.

"Was I not clear?" his voice had dropped into that deep musical timber that made Renji almost dizzy with desire. "Maybe you need shorter commands… _Strip._"

Shuuhei watched Renji's eyes darken as need gleamed behind those pools of brown. He held his breath as the red head slowly, without breaking eye contact, untied his sash and the kimono slipped from his waist. He waited for Renji's hands to move to his hakama, but instead he turned his back and they rose to his hair. Shuuhei's heart beat a little faster as he watched Renji twist the locks together pulling the entire mass up into a messy pile. He fastened it with what had to have been the end of his hair tie and slowly lowered his hands. He took his time pulling off his waraji and tabi and Shuuhei felt like screaming.

"Renjiiiii…" he whined.

Renji chuckled but complied, slowly pulling the ties of his hakama loose and letting the garment fall to the floor leaving him gloriously nude. Shuuhei took in his muscular calves, his strong tattooed thighs, and his exquisite ohsofuckable ass. The older man almost moaned, watching Renji undress had made him so hard he felt like he was going to tear.

"Turn around…" he said softly, exceedingly proud of himself when his voice came out steady.

Renji did, and for a moment Shuuhei forgot how to breathe. Glorious was too tame a word. Impressive. Striking. Nothing described the magnificence that was sweaty, naked, _hard_ Renji. Every curve, every muscle was chiseled to perfection like he was a tan, tattooed sculpture of a Spartan; a barbarian Norse god sent from Valhalla to battle the hoards of chaos. Shuuhei licked his lips and tried not to let his gaze linger on Renji's impressive manhood. Whatever Shuuhei had done to deserve this blessing was beyond him, but he silently thanked Kami anyway before he leaned back and gestured to Renji with his hand.

Renji moved slowly, his heart racing. He knew he was attractive, but so was Shuuhei, even more so. Was he good enough for Shuuhei? The dark - haired man had given him a slow once over but hadn't said anything, and his eyes weren't telling the red head anything. Renji desperately wanted to turn Shuuhei on as much as the older man turned _him_ on. Damn Shuuhei for being so good at hiding his emotions!

Renji slipped into the tub and kneeled between Shuuhei's thighs. The water was murky and smelled sweet with whatever Shuuhei had mixed in.

"What did you put in here?" Renji asked.

"Pomegranate," Shuuhei said, leaning close. "It was either that or some flowery thing."

"Smells good," Renji murmured before Shuuhei's lips touched his own.

Shuuhei kissed Renji's lips gently, tentatively. He moved up and ghosted over Renji's nose, his closed eyelids. His wet fingers trailed down Renji's jaw, his thumb grazed over the red head's soft but slightly chapped lips. Renji parted those lips and took Shuuhei's thumb in his mouth, running his tongue over the calloused pad of flesh. Shuuhei bit back a groan and slowly leaned back.

"Come here," he whispered.

Renji turned around and reclined, his back pressed up against Shuuhei's chest. He felt the unmistakable press of Shuuhei's hard member against his lower back and shivered at the friction.

_Gods he's so hard… he's so hard for ME…_

Feeling rather elated, Renji sighed as he relaxed and laid his head back on Shuuhei's right shoulder. The older man put his arms around Renji; one hand came up to caress his hair and the other tickled the flesh of his neck and shoulder. They sat in silence for several long comfortable minutes. The water was warm and soothing on Renji's tired muscles and bruised skin. He listened to the steady in and out of Shuuhei's breath and silently enjoyed the tender touch of the slender man's fingers.

"Renji?" Shuuhei finally broke the silence.

"Hmm?"

"What do they mean?" Shuuhei suddenly seemed nervous. "I've always wanted to ask…"

Renji knew what he was talking about, he didn't have to say it. He had never told anyone what his tattoos meant. He had just assumed people thought he inked himself to look bad ass, and that was fine. It wasn't really that big of a deal anyway.

Renji sighed. "You know how your scars are like a kind of road map?"

He felt Shuuhei frown against his cheek. "Road map?"

"Yeah, like every scar you get is like a mark of where you've been, where you screwed up. They're like reminders for you."

"Reminders of what you did wrong and what not to do again, I see what you're saying."

"Exactly," Renji shifted his position to sit up a little straighter. "Well, having marks of your mistakes is good… and reminders for what not to do are great and all that but… I wanted a reminder for all the good things I've done… all the accomplishments I've had… so I got something just as permanent as a scar…"

He turned to look at Shuuhei's face studying the lines on his neck.

"Do you remember all of them?" he asked, amazement evident in his features.

"Yeah sure," Renji said. "The ones on my face and neck are the most important. They're all fundamental sword fighting techniques and basic kido spells- first few years of academy stuff. Those are really important cause they're the foundation of the shinigami powers."

Shuuhei lifted his fingers to trace the lines on his forehead and Renji stilled. The shivers returned in full force and the red head felt heat coiling in his belly as he watched the intense concentration on Shuuhei's face. The dark – haired shinigami was doing his fidgeting thing, _and he was doing it to his tattoos…_

The long fingers followed the lines down Renji's neck and moved slowly down to the patterns on his arms.

"What are these for?"

Renji swallowed and tried to keep his breathing slow as he answered.

"Higher level kido spells… mastering shikai…"

Shuuhei's hand moved to Renji's chest and the red head moaned softly. The bath oils had cleared and Renji could watch Shuuhei's hands as they slid across his skin under the water. He let his head fall back onto Shuuhei's shoulder and he gazed at the ceiling as he let himself be carried by the sensation of the older man's gentle touch.

"Graduation…" he choked out when Shuuhei touched the lines on his chest.

Shuuhei was lost in Renji's map of accomplishment. He had never known, or even guessed, there was so much meaning behind the red head's tattoos. He couldn't tear his eyes away and his fingers seemed to glide along the hot flesh of their own accord.

"How about the ones on your back?" Shuuhei murmured.

"Moving up in rank…" Renji's breath was coming harder now. Shuuhei knew what he must be doing to the younger man, but he couldn't stop.

His fingers moved to the lines on Renji's stomach, ran over hard muscle and the thin line of red hair below his navel.

"These?" he asked in a whisper.

"Getting into sixth quad… making Vice Captain…"

"Your thighs?"

Renji's eyes closed and his mouth fell open as his breath caught.

"Bankai…"

Shuuhei touched and traced every line he could reach. The difference in the texture between inked skin and not inked skin fascinated his fingers. He moved back up to the lines decorating Renji's lower stomach and frowned.

"It's not even down there…"

Renji's head came up and he looked where Shuuhei was touching. The right side had one series of marks more than the left side and it was driving Shuuhei crazy.

"What is that one?"

Renji sat up a little further, his breathing going back to normal. He followed Shuuhei's fingers and touched the spot himself.

"This…" he started, his voice faltering slightly.

Shuuhei came out of his daze to turn and look at Renji's face. The red head's eyes were sad and far away.

"Renji?" he asked gently.

"This one is for when I gave up Rukia…" Renji whispered. "When I was finally able to let her go… When I realized we could never be… that way together…"

Shuuhei's heart ached a little at the admission. He knew better than anyone how Renji felt. He bent his head and kissed Renji's neck, pulling the red head tighter in his arms. It was the best he could do for they both knew words were contemptible in this moment.

"I can get one to match it now…" Renji's voice was still a whisper. "On the other side..."

Shuuhei turned back to Renji's stomach and ran his fingers over the opposite spot, void of a tattoo.

"Really?" he asked. "What for?"

Renji was silent as Shuuhei caressed clear skin. He leaned back again and settled his head in the crook of Shuuhei's neck. Nuzzled the flesh where jaw and neck met. He was sure now; he could say it and mean it. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"For letting Ichigo go…"

Shuuhei's fingers stilled. He felt the older man's heart race beneath him. Renji stayed where he was unmoving, waiting for Shuuhei's reaction. A long minute passed before Renji realized Shuuhei wasn't breathing. He moved his hand over his chest to grab the dark – haired man's arm.

"Shuuhei?" he whispered.

Arms came around him tightly and he felt Shuuhei press his face into his hair. He found his heart jumping as he felt the older man trembling against his shoulders.

"Renji…" Shuuhei said muffled. "Renji…"

Renji turned his head and was assaulted by Shuuhei's lips. The kiss was rougher, harder, and more forceful than before. Shuuhei pressed into Renji's mouth, rolling his tongue deep. Renji's head swam, he had kissed Shuuhei plenty of times in the last week, but none of those encounters had been like this. Shuuhei had been holding himself back, always giving, always just a push away from gentle. Now he was letting himself go, doing things with his tongue and teeth that Renji had never before experienced. _Gods he could kiss… he really could fucking kiss!_

Shuuhei broke the contact and cupped Renji's face with one hand. He rested his forehead against the younger man's and sat relishing the sound of the red head's harsh breaths against his skin. He had waited for this for so long. Hoped for it. Fantasized about it. _P__rayed_ for it, and now that it was happening it seemed unreal. Like a beautiful dream he was bound to wake up from at any moment.

"Out," he commanded huskily. "Water's getting cold."

Renji opened his eyes and realized he was right. He sat forward to pull himself to his feet and felt Shuuhei climb out behind him. He lifted one leg out slowly followed by the other. He felt slightly dizzy, but weather it was from the standing so quickly, or the aftershock of Shuuhei's intense kiss, he wasn't sure. He watched Shuuhei grab towels from the rack and turn to hand him one, but stop. He fixed his gaze on Renji's body and this time didn't try and hide the hungry look in his eyes. He moved closer and wrapped the towel around the red head's shoulders, bringing his lips close to Renji's ear.

"Gods, Renji," he moaned. "You're so fucking sexy and all you're doing is standing there."

Renji's heart skipped a couple beats and he stood a little dumbfounded as Shuuhei dried him and pulled him into the bedroom. The older man led him to the futon and told him to sit. Renji complied and watched Shuuhei's ass and hips sway back and forth as he strode back into the bathroom drying his own body. The dark – haired man threw the towel on the floor and rummaged in the medicine cabinet until he found a bottle of hand lotion. He returned to the bedroom, tossing the bottle on the pillow behind Renji, and knelt between the red head's legs.

Renji's pulse pounded in his ears as Shuuhei reached up and gently pulled the hair tie from his hair. His thick tresses fell and curtained around him, their tips long enough to brush the mattress. Shuuhei sat back on his heels and let his eyes trail down the crimson locks slowly.

"I could be content with just this…" Shuuhei whispered. "Just looking at you like this for the rest of eternity."

Renji felt a sweet pain in his chest and tried to ignore the lump in his throat by quickly turning away and forcing out a small chuckle. He slid back, careful not to pull his hair and leaned back on his elbows. When he felt he had a grasp on his emotions he looked back up at Shuuhei from under his lashes and smiled.

"Well" he teased. "I wouldn't, so come on…"

Shuuhei moved forward and over Renji, his hips and torso coming down to rest against the younger man's hot skin. He shivered as muscular legs bent and wrapped around his thighs grinding their erections together. Renji's hands gripped the older man's arms as Shuuhei pressed his lips to the red head's neck. He ran his tongue over the soft flesh and nibbled at Renji's collarbone. He trailed kisses along a tattooed shoulder and down a hard chest, running his thumbs over dusty nipples bringing them to hardness under his touch.

Renji hissed down at him and whispered quietly into the dim room.

"I used to imagine this…"

Shuuhei hesitated and looked at Renji's face. The red head was staring at the ceiling with a small smile on his lips.

"You did?" Shuuhei whispered.

"Yeah... a lot."

Shuuhei lowered his lips feeling outrageously delighted. He licked along a rough black line and said against Renji's stomach. "When?"

Renji inhaled sharply as Shuuhei's mouth moved lower and kissed the tan skin where Ichigo's tattoo would soon be. "Um… before the war… before Aizen and all that shit."

"No," Shuuhei breathed as his hand slid down Renji's thigh. "When did you think about this? Where were you? What were you doing when you thought about me touching you?"

Shuuhei bit down softly and was rewarded with a sigh and a gentle tug to his hair.

"I thought about it all the time… While I was in class… While I was training…"

Shuuhei slipped his hands underneath Renji's thighs and pulled his legs farther apart. "What about when you were alone?" Shuuhei asked. He ran his tongue down the red head's thigh tracing his bankai memorial. "Did you think about me when you touched yourself?"

"Gods Shuuhei…" Renji hissed. "Please… it's starting to hurt."

Shuuhei eyed Renji's twitching member and noted the color was indeed on the purple side of the spectrum. He grinned a little against the younger man's skin and passed a teasing finger down the underside of Renji's cock. The red head cried out and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Shuuhei moved so his lips were a hair's breath away from Renji's balls, he wanted the other to feel his breath on his most sensitive flesh.

"I want to hear it first, Renji," Shuuhei growled. "Did you think about me when you touched yourself?" he upped his torment by running his thumb over the swollen sack.

"Yes!" Renji gasped. "Yes I did… I would think about your mouth on me when I jerked off… I would think about you inside me when I came…"

Shuuhei moved and ran his tongue up the length of Renji's cock. The redhead cried out and his hands flew to the sheets. When Shuuhei took him in his mouth, the younger man bucked his hips, thrusting up violently. Shuuhei took him easily down his throat, but moved his hands to still Renji's hips anyway. He moved his head up and down at a steady pace, drowning in the beautiful sounds he was eliciting from the enthralling man beneath him. He looked up as he rolled his tongue around the engorged head to watch Renji writhe.

"_Fuck_, Shuuhei… oh fuck…"

If Renji hadn't been gripping the sheets, he would have sworn he was floating. He had lost himself after Shuuhei's mouth had enveloped him, head spinning out of control and his belly coiling with fantastic tension and heat. He threw his head back as he gasped, moaning Shuuhei's name over and over like it was the only word he knew.

Shuuhei grinned around Renji's length as he worked. He hadn't been joking when he told Hirako he was good; he always had been. He wasn't being conceded, it was just how it was. He'd had plenty of practice, growing up in the enormous sixty-ninth district in Rukongai; the only hungry kid, and plenty of willing takers. He had never left a partner, male or female, disappointed- far from it in fact. He had a few tricks up his sleeve that he was sure were going to blow Renji's mind.

As Renji's breaths came faster and he felt the man tensing beneath him, Shuuhei quickened his pace. He lifted one hand from a muscular hip to palm Renji's sack; roll it between his fingers. Renji reacted magnificently, cursing loudly and tightening his grip on Shuuhei's hair. The older man waited for the moments before release to take Renji completely in his mouth, all the way to the hilt and then push his tongue out to lick Renji's balls.

"_Fuck, Shuuhei_!" Renji screamed. He shuddered as he came violently down Shuuhei's throat, his orgasm pulled from his body with such force, he was momentarily blinded.

Shuuhei drank him down through three hot spurts, sucking, milking Renji's bittersweet taste. But just before the red head could finish, Shuuhei grabbed his member, pressing his thumb between the base of his shaft and the top of his scrotum, cutting his orgasm short.

"_Shit, Shuuhei_!" Renji bolted upright sending hair flying around Shuuhei's head and shoulders. "What the f… what the fuck?"

Shuuhei looked up at him grinning evilly.

"I need you to stay hard for me, Renji."

Renji looked down at him. His face was gorgeously flushed, his eyes were glazed, and his hair was disheveled and _everywhere_; it was like liquid fire surrounding his powerful frame. His chest heaved and his skin shone covered in a thin layer of sweat. For a few moments Shuuhei fought to keep control of himself as his eyes took in the sight before him.

_I really could come just by looking at him…_

Not losing his grip on Renji's member, Shuuhei raised his head to capture the red head's mouth. He nibbled at the slack lips and lapped at the sweat running from the other's jaw. Renji tried to reciprocate, but he was still panting heavily and couldn't quite get control of his fine motor skills. He felt his shoulders trembling as his arms opposed holding his weight.

"Holy… fucking… shit, Shuuhei…" was all he managed to say.

If he hadn't been floating in post orgasm ecstasy, Renji would have tackled the older man for the superior look he shot him.

"I wouldn't have gotten this tattoo if I couldn't back it up," Shuuhei snickered. He gave Renji another peck on the lips and pushed him gently back onto the futon. "Now, back to what we were discussing," he climbed over Renji's legs and straddled the younger man. The fingers of one hand found Renji's nipple again and rolled them under his pointer fingers. He brought his face close to Renji's and whispered. "Have you thought about my cock inside you since you came back?"

Renji twitched beneath the other man's thumb; his face was already burning so he couldn't tell if he was blushing or not. Shuuhei's mouth was not only talented but deliciously filthy as well, and it was driving him mad.

"Yeah," Renji whispered back.

Shuuhei's hand left Renji's nipple and reached for the bottle of lotion on the pillow. "Is that what you think about most? Me fucking you?"

Renji slowly felt himself get control and lifted his hands to Shuuhei's thighs. He ran his hands along the taut muscles and cupped the older man's ass tightly.

"No…" Renji lifted his head and bit the skin of Shuuhei's neck.

"What do you think about most, Renji?" Shuuhei breathed into his hear. "What's your favorite fantasy?"

Renji kissed and licked down Shuuhei's chest until he came to a nipple and returned the favor. Shuuhei's sharp intake of breath made his heart race as he sucked hard and rolled the nub through his teeth.

"My favorite is when I'm inside you," Renji murmured. "But you're on top so I can watch you roll those amazing hips."

Renji heard the cap snap off the lotion, and Shuuhei growled into his hair. "Do you want me to ride you, Renji?"

"Yes."

"Can I let go? Can you stop yourself from coming?"

In response, Renji reached down and pulled Shuuhei's hand from his hard, but in control, manhood. He leaned back to watch as Shuuhei poured lotion into his hand and slicked Renji's head, then moved the same hand up to rub the rest of the into the skin of his stomach, cleaning his hands in the process. The cream felt cool and tingly against his hot skin, and it smelled of apples and cinnamon.

Renji's heart skipped a beat as Shuuhei positioned himself over his cock and looked him straight in the eyes. That dark, intense Shuuhei gaze locked on Renji, startling him as the older man kissed him quickly.

"Renji…" Shuuhei started.

Renji grabbed the other man's jaw between his thumb and pointer finger. He stopped whatever the older man was going to say with a much deeper kiss. He pressed his tongue into Shuuhei's mouth roughly and shivered when Shuuhei growled deep in his throat. The dark – haired man bit Renji's lower lip, and with one hand bracing himself by Renji's head and the other guiding the younger man against him, he moved. Renji felt tight heat surround him as Shuuhei pushed down. A choked sigh escaped the red head's throat as he was slowly enveloped in one motion.

Shuuhei didn't make a sound and just watched Renji's face as he lowered himself onto Renji's cock. He felt the familiar burn, the initial stretch, and the slight pressure, but it was forgotten as he watched the face of the man he loved beneath him. Renji's expressions were beautiful, intoxicating; his eyes fluttered and his mouth came open in a silent moan as Shuuhei stilled, waiting to move.

"Gods, Shuuhei…" the red head whispered.

"I know…" Shuuhei replied, his voice just as quiet.

After several careful seconds Renji's legs bent, pushing himself inside Shuuhei just a little more. The dark – haired man grinned and licked across Renji's lips.

"Are you good? Can I move now?"

Renji looked up and couldn't help but smile back. "Am _I _good? What about you? You said it's been two years!"

"Year and a half."

"Whatever… yes I'm fine," Renji placed his hands on Shuuhei's hips and spread his fingers over his pale skin. "Move…"

Keeping his hand by Renji's head to steady himself, Shuuhei raised himself up so that just Renji's tip was inside him before sliding back down slowly. Renji moaned and lifted his hips to meet the slighter man's. Shuuhei repeated the action again keeping the slow pace.

"Shuuhei…" Renji whispered.

"Yes, Renji?"

"What do you… You said you wanted this for a long time… Do you… do you ever…" the red head trailed off, not sure if he should ask what he was thinking.

"Do I think about you?" Shuuhei asked.

Renji nodded.

Shuuhei brought his lips inches from Renji's, their breath mingled as Shuuhei moved atop Renji, skin sliding slowly over skin.

"You want to know what I think about when I come?"

Renji moaned again, louder this time. Shuuhei's hips came down a little harder on his and he hissed. "Yes, _gods_ yes."

Shuuhei sat up and braced a hand on Renji's leg. He lifted his hips, ground down, lifted his hips again… He leaned back further to miss his sweet spot. He wanted to make Renji come once more before he attended to himself.

"I imagine what your hair might look like, spread over your back as I fucked you from behind..."

Renji gasped and he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. Shuuhei talking like _that_ and saying things like _that _were going to send him over the edge much too quickly. He propped himself up on one arm, leaving the other to grip Shuuhei's hip. He opened his eyes and all rational thought escaped him. Shuuhei moved over him, arching his back, the muscles in his torso rippling and flexing underneath glistening alabaster skin. His hair hung damp framing his gorgeous eyes, his beautiful hips rolled over his own, just like in his fantasies. His cock, hug heavy and magnificent, dripping over Renji's stomach. The red head started to lose it, he felt his control slipping fast. He might have been the one playing seme, but Shuuhei was still fucking him.

"Fuck… Shuuhei," he sat all the way up, wrapping his arms around the slender torso. He gasped heavily against Shuuhei's chest. "I can't… _gods… how do you do this to me__, Shuuhei_?"

Shuuhei brought his hands up to wrap around Renji's shoulders and kissed the top of his head. He picked up his speed a little bit, moving his hips just the tiniest bit faster. He nudged Renji's jaw, making the red head lift his head. He kissed the younger man, ravaging his mouth as he thrust himself down on the others cock, faster and faster.

"Shuuhei," Renji cried out and seize Shuuhei's thighs. "I can't… I can't last…"

"Its okay, Renji," Shuuhei said into his mouth.

"Can I come inside you?"

Shuuhei finally let out the moan he had been holding inside him. All of his dreams, all of his greatest fantasies were nothing compared to those sweet words that tumbled from Renji's lips.

"Yes, Renji… Come inside me…"

Renji lowered his head and buried his face in Shuuhei's neck. He tightened his hold on the lithe thighs around his waist and met every one of Shuuhei's thrusts. He felt a tightening in his gut just before another orgasm was ripped from his body. He muffled his cry by biting down on Shuuhei's shoulder, he tasted blood, but didn't have the presence of mind to think where it came from. He saw stars, flashes of light on the corners of his vision as his cock pulsed a second time, filling Shuuhei with his essence.

Shuuhei rocked along with Renji as the red head was swept away by his climax. He tightened his arms around Renji's neck and hissed at the pain as the younger man bit into the flesh of his shoulder. He listened to the primal grunts coming from the other's throat as he felt Renji's hot release inside him.

Several minutes passed before Renji's breathing returned to normal. His grip on Shuuhei's hips lessened and he lifted his head to look up at the amazing man above him. Shuuhei's eyes were smiling, and his fingers gently trailed down his cheek. In Renji's weakened state, he felt a wave of emotion swell over him and he let it carry him away. A sudden tightening in his chest made it hard to breath, and he found himself blinking furiously.

"You alright?" Shuuhei asked.

Renji nodded, still unable to speak. He watched Shuuhei climb off his lap, his softening member sliding from the older man's body. When Shuuhei knelt between his legs again, Renji noticed the other man's cock was still hard and seeping.

"Fuck, Shuuhei," Renji's moment of vulnerability was broken when suddenly he felt like shit. "What about you?"

Shuuhei smiled and ran a hand through his hair.

"Lay back and hand me the bottle."

Renji's heart started to hammer in his chest yet again as he collapsed against the pillow. He handed the lotion bottle to Shuuhei and watched as he squeezed another portion into his hand, this time slicking his own member.

"Gods," Renji said. "Are you trying to kill me?"

Shuuhei chuckled and moved between Renji's legs. "No, not intentionally."

Despite his words, Renji spread his legs and lifted his knees. He propped himself on his elbows so he could watch Shuuhei push into him. As the older man put his knees under Renji's legs, he looked up and his face was serious.

"What's wrong?" Renji asked, suddenly afraid.

Shuuhei cupped the side of Renji's face and leaned in close. "I don't think I'm going to be able to go slow."

Oh, that was all. "Don't worry," Renji kissed Shuuhei's furrowed forehead, "I'll be okay. Fuck me as hard as you want."

Shuuhei nearly came right there, but he held his composure and straightened, lining his cock up with Renji's entrance. He put an arm beneath the red head's knee, lifting his leg. He held his breath and slowly pushed in, watching Renji's face for signs of discomfort. The younger man watched back, showing nothing, so Shuuhei pressed further. He shuddered and his eyes slipped closed as he felt himself surrounded by Renji's warmth.

"Oh fuck, Renji," Shuuhei groaned. "You're so tight."

Renji was breathing deeply, still watching Shuuhei's face. "I'm not used to being the bottom."

Shuuhei let out a shaky breath as he slid all the way in. "You don't like it?"

"No, it's not that..." Renji answered. "I like it... it's just... no one tries to top me very often... I guess it's cause I'm tall... or I guess I just radiate masculinity," he grinned evilly.

Shuuhei couldn't believe Renji's other partners hadn't taken advantage of this sweet, velvety heat he now found himself in. Were they crazy? Or just stupid?

He snapped his hips forward, and Renji cried out beneath him.

"But you're so pretty," Shuuhei panted. "There's no way… I could be with you and not do this... Though, I must say… ahhh… getting fucked by you is pretty amazing too…"

Renji looked at him through his lashes. "You have a sweet mouth."

Shuuhei grinned. "I know it," he leaned forward pushing Renji flat on the futon, and pulling the red head's legs around his waist. "Oh, Renji," he whispered, "_you feel so fucking good_."

Renji closed his eyes and let Shuuhei pound him into euphoria. He lost himself completely, floating in a world where nothing but he and Shuuhei existed. Nothing but them, their bodies, their sweat and smell and breath. He felt his cock fill again and throb shamelessly as Shuuhei's stomach rubbed back and forth against it. He heard himself calling out Shuuhei's name again and again but didn't feel the cries leave his throat. He wrapped his arms around Shuuhei's neck and pressed his face against the pale skin.

As a third orgasm shattered the world around him, he felt as if his soul had been ripped from his body and splashed across his and Shuuhei's stomachs. He vaguely heard strangled cries against his own neck before he felt Shuuhei pulse. Renji relaxed his body, his bones turning to water as he relished the feel of Shuuhei releasing inside him.

As he started to slip into unconsciousness, he felt a hand against his cheek and soft lips pressed against the corner of his mouth. He heard an inaudible murmur and turned towards the sound with an 'hmm?'.

"I said I love you Renji…" came the soft voice.

Renji knew it had been his imagination; wishful thinking, but he breathed in those words and held them as he fell into the blackness and sleep overtook him.

Shuuhei lay there watching Renji sleep, a storm of emotions swirling through him. Was this it? Was Renji finally his? Would he stay with him, or was Shuuhei doomed to another broken heart?

He shook his head and grabbed the sheets. Now was not the time to be thinking such things. He lay back down and put his arms around his love, burrowing his face in the sweet smell of Renji's hair. It didn't matter what tomorrow brought. He had this moment, and he would cherish it for the rest of his life.

With that, he fell asleep, and together Shuuhei and Renji dreamed peacefully.

Until morning came and they were awakened by screams.

**TBC**


	17. Giving Up

Thanks again to everyone that reviewed! Your comments keep me writing!

**Chapter 17**

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open. Was the noise a remnant of his dreams, or was someone actually shrieking somewhere in the shop? Renji sat up beside him, his face alert in the midst of his sex disheveled hair. He listened to the cries for several seconds, probably trying to decide if they were real as well, then turned to Shuuhei and threw the blanket off.

"It's Ururu!" he rolled off the bed, Shuuhei at his heels.

They seized their hakama from the floor, forgoing the rest of their uniforms in their rush to get out of the bedroom. They crashed into their gigai on their way into the hall. Kira met them and pointed towards the shop front.

"She went outside to sweep a minute ago," the blonde explained.

Shuuhei was the first to the door. He shoved it open and stumbled into the grey cold morning. Renji and Kira followed close behind, but the scene before them stopped all three shinigami dead in their tracks.

"Holy fuck…" Renji breathed.

"Who would…?" Kira put a hand over his mouth. "Gods…"

Shuuhei's eyes refused to believe the scene before him. He took a breath and held it, trying to block the stench from taking over his senses. Hanging along the porch and strewn across the lot in front of the shop, were cat corpses. Eviscerated, insides pulled from their bodies, fur and guts and blood – _Gods_…_so much blood__… _The carnage was everywhere.

Ururu was kneeling at the bottom of the steps, her head in her hands. Blood and pieces of flesh clung to her hair and dribbled down the back of her neck. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

Shuuhei moved forward, stepping through the bloody mess and pushing past the hanging carcasses. Cold blood dripped on his shoulders and he felt a drop hit his cheek. He ignored it and made his way to the small girl's side.

"Ururu-chan…" he said softly. He knelt beside her and tried to untangle her hands from her hair. Her front was soaked in blood, her hands were saturated. "Ururu… it's okay…" The girl let Shuuhei take her hands and she stared straight ahead, tears still pouring from her large eyes.

"Oh shit!" he heard Ikkaku shout from the porch.

Shuuhei looked up to see Urahara fly down the stairs and kneel beside Ururu. His hat was absent as were his sandals and haori.

"Is she hurt?" he asked.

Shuuhei shook his head. "I don't think so. She's got a lot of blood on her but I don't think it's hers."

Urahara held out his harms and Shuuhei gave up his burden to the older man.

"Ururu," he whispered. "Ururu love, come back. Come back sweetheart." He held her close and stroked her hair, ignoring the gore coming off on his hands.

Ururu's glazed eyes cleared a little and she leaned into Urahara's chest.

"Kisuke…" he managed to murmur." Kisuke… I thought… I thought it was Yoruichi-san…"

Shuuhei glanced at the carcass at his feet. It was a large black cat with golden eyes. It could be easily mistaken by a young girl in the middle of so much carnage.

"It's not," Urahara said. "Do you think Yoruichi would let herself get caught like this? You really think she could be beaten so easily?"

Ururu closed her eyes and put her arms around Urahara's neck. "No… I just… I saw it and…"

The shopkeeper slipped an arm underneath Ururu's legs and lifted her. As he started up the steps, he glanced over his shoulder.

"Let me find Hanataro-kun and Jinta to help me take care of her. You're in charge until I return, Hisagi."

Shuuhei nodded and looked at Tessai, who had joined the shinigami on the porch.

"Tessai-san, can you bring us some shovels?"

As Tessai disappeared inside the shop, Ichigo emerged, bleary eyed and followed closely by Orihime. Shuuhei glanced at Renji, but the tall red head wasn't paying attention. He was speaking softly with Kira as they made their way down the length of the porch. Ichigo looked tired and slightly disheveled but no worse for wear. Orihime clasped his hand in both of hers as she surveyed the bloody mess before her.

"Oh my…" she whispered. "Ichigo…"

Ichigo turned to her and put a tender hand on her shoulder.

"Inoue, why don't you go inside and help Urahara with Ururu, she'd probably like another girl there with her. Maybe Rukia too."

Orihime nodded and stood on her tip toes to give Ichigo a quick kiss before going back into the shop. Ichigo stood still for a moment before he turned to face Shuuhei directly.

Shuuhei prepared himself for a barrage of loud questions, a shouting match, flying curses, maybe even a fight. But Ichigo just looked at him with tired eyes and adjusted the borrowed katana strapped to his back. He looked like one who had recently recovered from a long stint of the flue. His skin was drawn and it was obvious he had lost some weight. His jeans hung off his frame and he didn't fill out his sweater like he had a few days ago.

Ikkaku cleared his throat loudly and scratched his chest through his wife beater.

"Well," he said loudly. "I don't do awkward, so I'm gonna go help find some shovels. Oh, and Yumi, he's not getting out of this."

He slipped by Ichigo and shut the door behind him.

Ichigo sighed and moved toward Shuuhei. He ducked under the bloody mess and descended the steps, careful not to step in any piles of innards.

"So what the hell is going on? Inoue tried to tell me the basics, but she always manages to get me more confused."

Shuuhei folded his arms over his hoodie. "What do you remember?" he asked casually.

Ichigo looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. "Mmm, bits and pieces after I was attacked the first time… not that much."

Shuuhei pushed down the rush of questions that pressed against his lips. He could ask later, they'd figure out their personal problems after they dealt with the hollow problem.

"What did Inoue manage to relay to you? She tell you what we're up against?"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "Um, there's four of them, plus another boss guy. He's supposedly the one that…" he made a motion at his chest. Shuuhei nodded and he continued. "We got three of them, but this last guy is like a sniper or something. I guess he attacked you guys when… when I ran off…"

Shuuhei turned away and caught Renji watching them, Kira standing close by with his hand on the red head's shoulder.

"Actually," Shuuhei said. "He attacked _me _while I was fighting _you._"

Ichigo made a pained face and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I'm… sorry…" he mumbled.

Shuuhei remembered his fight with Ichigo, the power he had felt rise up inside him for the first time in retaliation of the hollows massive power.

"It's alright…" Shuuhei said. "Turned out to be a good thing in the end… Besides, I'm not really the one you need to be apologizing to."

Ichigo shoved his hands further into his pockets and closed his eyes. His cheeks flushed as he groaned as if he was in pain.

"I know," he said almost inaudibly.

Shuuhei glanced up when the shop's front door opened. Hitsugaya emerged, followed by Matsumoto and Tessai. Ikkaku pulled Yumichika out after them and the dark – haired man was whining freely.

"No, Ikkaku!" he shouted. "I dispatch hollows efficiently and beautifully! I'm a shinigami! Not some janitor that cleans up after – _Oh KAMI_!" Yumichika's hands flew to his mouth when he saw the hideous display outside.

Ikkaku pulled on Yumichika's arm. "That's right. You're a shinigami and you're going to do your duty!"

Yumichika desperately tried to get away. "This is _not_ a duty! This is _torture_!"

Matsumoto put a hand over her nose and leaned over to her captain.

"Taichou…" her voice was pleading.

Hitsugaya sighed and waved his hand. "Yes yes go. Go help with Ururu-chan…"

The tall blond disappeared and Hitsugaya pulled off his captain's haori and took a shovel from Tessai.

Ichigo turned back to Shuuhei and ran a hand through his hair. He seemed to be struggling with something, but quickly shook his head and appeared to change his mind.

"Do you think the fourth hollow did this?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes," Shuuhei replied. "I'm pretty sure. But I don't get it. It's obviously a warning but, why cats? Why the carnage?"

Ichigo shrugged and turned as Tessai approached. He handed the substitute shinigami two shovels. Ichigo tossed one to Shuuhei and began the gruesome task of cleaning up the corpses.

"Kurosaki, Hisagi-san," Ishida's voice called from the porch.

The shinigami looked up and saw the Quincy studying the corpses hanging from the roof.

"What is it, Ishida?" Ichigo asked.

"Come here," the dark – haired boy replied.

Shuuhei and Ichigo joined Ishida on the steps and looked where Ishida was pointing. "The fourth Horseman definitely did this." The Quincy said.

Shuuhei studied the carcasses hanging from the roof. The tails seemed to be pinned to the wood with arrows. Shuuhei, ignoring the repulsive feeling of bloody cat fur against his skin, reached up and pulled an arrow free. The three stepped back quickly as the corps fell to the steps at their feet with a sickening 'splat'.

"What is that?" Ichigo said.

"An arrow…" Shuuhei studied the projectile in his hand. He handed it to Ishida who turned it over, studying it from every angle.

"Are you okay holding it?" Ichigo asked. "Isn't it draining your reiatsu or something?"

"It's fine," Ishida said. "The reiatsu charge must dissipate after the arrow has been separated from the hollow for a long period of time."

Hitsugaya appeared beside Ishida and eyed the arrow.

"What's going on?" the small captain asked.

Ishida held up the arrow for everyone to see. "This arrow is no doubt from the fourth Horseman. It's made from a substance I don't recognize. It's most likely crafted by the sand found in Hueco Mundo, but I'm not entirely sure. This tip," he pointed to the rounded end, "is called a target point or sometimes a field tip. They are most commonly used in training. By offering similar flight characteristics and weights as regular arrows, they can be used freely without getting lodged in target materials and causing excessive damage upon removal."

"What does the tip have to do with anything, Ishida?" Ichigo was scowling.

"Be quiet, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya rolled his eyes.

"This arrow is different than the one we found in Kurosaki," Ishida continued. "That arrow had a Bodkin point. Those were used in the middle ages during wartime to pierce armor." The Quincy narrowed his eyes. "It's strange though…"

"What is?" Shuuhei asked.

"None of these arrows or the other from before have fletching," Ishida pointed to the back of the projectile. "There are no feathers or stabilizers on the back."

"What is a fletching for?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Fletching provides a small amount of drag used to stabilize the flight of the arrow. It keeps the arrow pointed in the direction of travel by strongly damping down any tendency to pitch or yaw."

"'Pitch or yaw'?" Ichigo made a face.

"Wiggle," Shuuhei explained. "Helps to actually shoot the place you aim for."

"Oh."

Ishida frowned and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Some cultures used copper veins for proofing armor and others used razor blades and things… but very rarely did people use arrows with no fletching at all like these... It's strange."

Ichigo looked at the arrow and shrugged. "Maybe he's just so good he doesn't need it."

Ishida glared at the orange – haired boy. "Kurosaki, even my spirit arrows have fletching."

Shuuhei frowned, remembering back to when he had seen the arrow strike Ichigo.

"Maybe he's not aiming…"

Hitsugaya and Ishida turned to Shuuhei. The Quincy looked exasperated.

"What are you talking about, Hisagi?"

"Well," Shuuhei said slowly. "What if he doesn't have to aim at all? What if the arrows are attracted to reiatsu or something? What if he shoots and the arrows find the target on their own?"

"What," Ichigo asked. "Like a homing missile? That's kinda far-fetched, Shuuhei."

"No…" Ishida turned back to the porch. "That would make sense."

"But…" Hitsugaya murmured. "If the arrows hone in on reiatsu, and the hollow need not aim, as Hisagi-san says… that means…"

"This guy can't miss…" Shuuhei said evenly.

Ishida turned back to the tattooed shinigami and nodded.

"Exactly," his voice was quiet. "He'll never miss…"

X x X x X

Tessai, Ichigo, and the six shinigami made quick work of the cat carcasses, bringing them to a pile and quickly burning all traces with a fire kido. Yumichika looked vaguely sick and retreated immediately into the shop to wash. Kira left soon after, followed by Hitsugaya and Ishida. The Quincy and the captain were talking quietly as they entered the shop.

"Well fuck," Ikkaku sighed. "Yumi's never going to let me hear the end of this."

"He'll live," Renji muttered.

Ikkaku laughed and turned to head back to the shop himself. Tessai and Ishida excused themselves as well and disappeared.

Shuuhei stood between Renji and Ichigo, not sure what he should say. The tension in the air was so thick he could feel it pressing on his skin. He glanced over at the shinigami substitute and almost winced. Ichigo was clenching and unclenching his hands fiercely. His brow was furrowed so far his eyes were almost hidden and he was staring intensely at the dirt in front of Renji's feet. Ichigo looked so uncomfortable that Shuuhei almost reached out is hand to comfort the younger man.

Shuuhei opened his mouth to say something but Renji beat him to it.

"Ichigo," he said quietly.

Ichigo froze. "Hmm?" he voiced cracked slightly.

"I'm gonna go clean up real quick but I wanna talk to you afterwards."

Ichigo's eyes stayed fixed to the dirt, but he nodded slowly.

Renji met Shuuhei's eyes and motioned with his head. "Let's go."

Shuuhei followed the red head, but hesitantly. He looked over his shoulder and felt a pang of mixed jealousy and pity at the defeated figure standing over a pile of ashes.

X x X x X

Renji ran the brush through his damp hair one last time before pulling it up and securing it with his hair tie. He took a clean brown sweatshirt from his drawer and pulled it on, zipping it up the front. He glanced at Shuuhei leaning against the bathroom door. The dark – haired man had washed and borrowed a pair of loose fitting jeans and a dark green sleeveless shirt. He was watching Renji with a slight scowl and intensely unhappy eyes.

"What's wrong?" Renji muttered. He had an idea, but it annoyed him a little to think about it.

Shuuhei sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry if the thought of you being alone with him freaks me out a little."

Renji's features softened. Shuuhei's possessiveness actually made the red head's spirits lift a little. He moved to stand in front of the other man and gently touched the skin of Shuuhei's cheek. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Shuuhei's lips.

"Its okay, Shuu," he whispered. "I'm only going to talk to him for a little bit. I just wanna clear some stuff up."

"I know," Shuuhei pulled away gently and moved to grab the black sweater Renji had gotten out for him. "I just… I keep thinking about all those things the hollow said…" he slipped his arms into the sleeves but left the front unzipped.

"Shuuhei," Renji said quietly. "All that fucking hollow does is lie."

"Renji, you didn't hear the stuff he said while we were binding him!" Shuuhei shoved his hands in his pockets and started to pace the room. "Maybe it's true that Ichigo doesn't have feelings for you, but that fucking hollow…"

"He just said that shit to piss you off, distract you from the binding spell."

"Well, it _fucking worked, Renji_!" Shuuhei barked. He stopped and looked at the red head with guilty eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He looked at the floor and sighed. "That hollow isn't a separate entity you know? He's a part of Ichigo whether we like it or not. So it's hard for me to hear the stuff he told me and… be okay with everything…"

Renji stood silent, aware that Shuuhei had more to say. He waited patiently, but his anger grew with each second.

"He said Ichigo fantasized about you," Shuuhei rubbed the back of his neck. "He said Ichigo fantasized about _us_. He went into detail about the things Ichigo though about… you doing to him…" he looked up and pleaded with Renji through his eyes. "The hollow said Ichigo wants you, Renji… what am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do?"

Renji frowned and took a step forward. "He's my best friend, Shuuhei. I can't just turn my back on my best friend because of shit the hollow said."

"I know," Shuuhei rand his hands over his face and crossed them over his chest again. "I know that… But everyone is so on edge right now. We're all really emotionally drained and you two… the last time I saw you two together he was all over you…"

Renji was suddenly angry. He stepped closer to Shuuhei and growled low in his throat.

"And I had to sit through almost an hour of you _petting Kira in your lap_! How do you think that made _me_ feel?!"

Shuuhei's eyes widened. "Renji, that's different. I wouldn't-"

"_No it's not_!" Renji hissed. "Don't ask me to give up Ichigo- give up my best friend when you couldn't do the same! I _know_ you wouldn't do the same, so _fuck you, _Hisagi! Climb the fuck down off of your high horse!"

Shuuhei looked at the ground and let his arms fall to his sides. All expression drained from his face and he turned towards the door. He lifted his borrowed sword from its resting place against the wall, and slung it over his shoulder.

Renji watched as he slid the door open and stepped through the doorway. He suddenly felt exceedingly foolish and wanted to call out for Shuuhei to stop, come back. He wanted Shuuhei to hold him, to kiss him until his doubts and fears were washed away.

"Shuuhei…" he said and moved to the door. "Shuuhei I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Shuuhei turned back to him and Renji's heart twisted in his chest at the wounded look the older man gave him. It suddenly dawned on Renji how hurtful his words must have been. The red head's breath caught in his throat as realization washed over him and his stomach knotted with regret.

"Shuuhei," Renji murmured, but the dark – haired man just stared back at him; his face slack and his eyes red-rimmed and misty.

"Shuuhei… would you give up Kira for me… if I asked?"

Shuuhei shoved his hands in his pockets and swallowed thickly.

"Renji," the older man whispered. "I would give up _everything_ for you…" Then Shuuhei clenched his jaw, and quickly turned to walk away.

Renji's heart fluttered. His eyes widened and he felt slightly dizzy. He raised a hand to grip the doorframe and steady himself. _Shit… shit… fucking stupid…_ Renji stood fighting the urge to scream as he watched his lover disappear down the hall.

X x X x X

Renji finally emerged from his room twenty minutes later. He had reined in his emotions and calmed himself enough to face Ichigo. He still was a little nervous, he didn't know exactly what he was going to say, but he knew something needed to be done. He trudged slowly down the hall, wishing he wasn't such an asshole so Shuuhei would still be there with him.

He stopped outside the mod soul's room and stilled his hand before he knocked.

Was this really a good idea? Was Shuuhei right? Maybe he should let it be for a while, let Ichigo recover. No… in the next few hours they would no doubt be running headfirst into a battle against very strong, Espada-like hollows. This needed to be resolved, things needed to be said. He wasn't going to be able to fight with a clear head until he talked to Ichigo, and he guessed it was probably the same for the younger man. If he could just think of how to start… maybe he could just ask-

The door slid open and Orihime smiled up at him. Renji stood stock still, his thoughts were still scrambled- not ready for conversation just yet.

"Hello, Renji-kun," she said sweetly.

"Uh… hi…" Renji scratched the back of his head.

Orihime stepped aside to usher Renji into the small bedroom.

Was Inoue going to stay? Shit, there was no way Renji was going to be able to talk to Ichigo if the girl was going to be in the room. Renji felt his heart speed up as he started to panic a little. He couldn't ask Orihime to leave, that would be beyond rude and would probably hurt the girl's feelings.

Orihime must have read his expression because she smiled softly and shook her head.

"Its okay, Renji-kun," she said. "I'm not staying. You can talk to him alone."

Renji breathed a slow sigh of relief and stepped over the threshold. He saw Ichigo sitting against the far wall, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs straight and crossed in front of him. He was glaring at the floor and chewing the inside of his mouth.

Orihime stood in the hallway and moved to close the door, but Renji turned to her and whispered.

"Thank you, Inoue-san…"

Orihime sighed and closed her eyes.

"I don't want either of you boys to come out of this room before you fix… whatever it is that's wrong." She put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath and looked back up. Renji was startled to see anger in those usually kind eyes. "If either one of you does, I swear I will never talk to either one of you again."

Renji nodded and heard a soft grunt from Ichigo. Orihime grabbed the door, and slid it shut.

Renji turned and gazed at his friend leaning against the wall. The only light in the room was from the sun shining through the panels of the window. The room was on the garden side of the building and Renji could see the hanging branches of the sakura tree outside. He took a deep breath and made his way over to sit with Ichigo. Several minutes passed in silence, neither one knowing what to say- or if they did, just how to say it.

Finally, Renji decided he would start with something benign and simple.

"How're you feeling?" his voice was quiet, cautious.

Ichigo's gaze never left the floor. "Kinda weak… like I've been running for a really long time… but all the pain's gone… Tired I guess…"

Renji nodded and tried to relax, shift his position to something a little more comfortable. He might be here a while. An awkward silence filled the room, making Renji play with his zipper and tug on the ends of his hair.

"So…" Renji mumbled just to break the tension. "How much do you remember? Or do you remember any of it?"

Ichigo shifted uncomfortably and turned his head farther away. He sighed heavily and cleared his throat.

"I remember… a lot…" he started. "The hollow… had control, but he let me… watch sometimes…" The younger man pulled his knees up to his chest.

"When did it start?" Renji asked.

Wrapping his arms around his knees, Ichigo rested his cheek on his shoulder. "I think it started after the hollow punched a hole in my stomach. But it could have been before that… I don't know… It was weird, for a while I didn't notice it was getting stronger… or I was getting weaker… and then it started doing things and I couldn't stop… but the things it was doing I really didn't want to stop. It was just normal shit you know? It was going on patrols with you guys and doing stuff I would have done, so I didn't really think about it… I kinda almost thought I was doing it…"

Renji turned his head to look at the younger man. The sadness in his eyes made Renji's heart ache, but he held his tongue. He knew his questions would be answered, and he knew Ichigo needed to talk about this.

"After a while," Ichigo continued. "I started getting confused. Stuff started to not make sense anymore… I couldn't really tell what was real and what wasn't. That's when it totally took over and all I could do was watch."

Renji carefully chose his words. "When did you lose control, Ichigo."

Ichigo put a hand over his eyes and let out a shaky breath. "The same night we fought the hollows on the bridge… the night… the same night…" the boy shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes. His lip trembled slightly, but his breathing was still controlled.

Renji didn't touch him. He knew Ichigo was in a place where comfort from him was unwelcome. Instead he sat quietly and waited for his friend to continue.

Ichigo groaned and moved his hands to his temples.

"I can't believe she doesn't hate me, Renji…"

Renji's chest tightened. The thought of Ichigo being able to witness what his body did to Orihime but do nothing, caused a painful tightening in the red head's chest.

"It wasn't you, Ichigo," he whispered. "She knows it wasn't you…"

Ichigo wiped at his face and rested his hands in his lap. His face relaxed as he regained control of himself.

"I know… I know she knows… but I can't…" Ichigo sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. Silence filled the room again, but it was as loud as a fog horn. Renji clenched his jaw hard enough to make his head pound, but he said nothing, hoping Ichigo would answer his question on his own.

He was rewarded for his patience several minutes later, when Ichigo murmured softly into his chest.

"It wasn't me when I kissed you either, Renji…"

Renji's shell started to crumble. He squeezed his eyes shut. His resolve to listen quietly and stay detached fell apart and he found himself close to tears. His feelings for Ichigo had lessened, yes, but they hadn't disappeared completely. He had always known that Ichigo would never feel anything but friendship for him. But hearing the words from Ichigo's own mouth, finally after five years, actually _hearing_ the rejection… It was almost more than Renji's heart could take.

"Yeah, I…" Renji choked out and looked back at Ichigo. He tried desperately to hide how much he was hurting. "I figured that out…"

Ichigo stared straight ahead. His shoulders stiff, and his hands clenched into fists. Renji watched his mouth open as if to say something, but then close again quickly. His brow furrowed and he slowly turned to face Renji. Their eyes finally met for the first time since their kiss in Urahara's underground. Renji stared into Ichigo's eyes and fought an epic battle as he tried to keep his emotions at bay.

"But Renji," Ichigo said. "Just because it wasn't me…"

Renji held his breath as Ichigo hesitated. It was the longest three seconds of the shinigami's life.

Ichigo turned slightly to face Renji dead on.

"Just because it wasn't me… doesn't mean I didn't want to…"

Renji blinked. He wasn't sure what to think. He didn't have any idea how he was supposed to react. His surprise was slow in coming. His emotions drained away slowly, leaving him in a strange state of numbness. Emotional numbness, for his chest was still hurting like someone had punched him.

"Wh…" Renji swallowed. "What are you talking about?"

Ichigo leaned back slightly, his face was sad. He looked like a man who had lost something dear to him and had no chance of ever getting it back.

"Renji?" Ichigo said softly.

Renji looked at his best friend and tried to breath around the pieces of his broken heart. "Yeah, Ichigo?"

The boy's face was devoid of emotion, but Renji watched two small tears fall from the corners of his eyes.

"Renji…" Ichigo whispered. "Do you love me?"

**TBC**


	18. A True Leader

Thank you guys so So SO much for he reviews! You all make me so happy!

**Chapter 18**

Shuuhei sat outside on the steps that led to the garden. His body was slack as he leaned against the roof support and his eyes were downcast. He watched a group of ants scurrying frantically around the carcass of a dead beetle. He listened to the wind whistling as it danced through the branches of the sakura trees.

For the first time in as long as the shinigami could remember, he didn't feel the need to touch anything. He didn't want to fix… anything. He had no desire to do anything whatsoever except sit on those steps and wait for his shattered heart to climb down from his throat and return itself to his chest. He could almost feel the individual pieces beating throughout his body. It didn't really hurt, at least not yet. Shuuhei knew he was hovering in that moment before the pain. Like the second after his hand touched a hot kettle and he instinctively pull away to wait for the agony that would inevitably come.

He should have known… but the truth was he _had_ known, that was the problem. He knew he was getting himself into something that would potentially break him. Shuuhei had fooled himself into thinking that Renji had let go of Ichigo. He had fantasized that the red head had not necessarily fallen out of love with the younger man, but maybe his heartache had lessened. Maybe he had been able to mend some of the torn pieces of Renji. Maybe Renji had begun to love _him_ a little…

But he had been wrong. Dead _fucking_ wrong. Renji's bond with Ichigo was so much deeper than the one he shared with Shuuhei. The two had fought side by side in the war, they had bled together and almost died together. Shuuhei had no chance of competing with that. And now… now if Ichigo knew about Renji's feelings… and if Ichigo now felt he could confess feelings of his own… What if Ichigo loved Renji too?

Shuuhei rested his forehead in the palm of his hand and closed his eyes. Of course Ichigo loved Renji, how could he not? Shuuhei had seen the two of them together. He had seen the way Ichigo's body pressed against the taller man's. He had felt the way the younger man's reiatsu curled around Renji, wanting, _needing_. Hollow or not, the feelings were there between them. Shuuhei couldn't fight them, he couldn't do _anything_.

"Hisagi-san," came Hitsugaya's voice from the doorway. "We need you in…" the young Captain's voice trailed off and Shuuhei looked back to see what was wrong.

"Yes, Taichou?" Shuuhei asked hoarsely.

Hitsugaya regarded him with a frown, not the usual scowl he usually wore, which struck Shuuhei as particularly odd. Then, to further his surprise, the white – haired shinigami stepped outside and closed the door behind him. Wordlessly, he moved forward, sat down on the steps, and thrust a warm mug into the taller man's hands.

"Here," Hitsugaya said gruffly. "Drink it. You might not like the taste, but it clears the head a bit and relaxes at the same time."

Shuuhei stared down at the dark liquid, slightly cautious. "Did Urahara-san make this?"

Hitsugaya snorted. "You think I would drink anything that man concocted if I wasn't dying?"

Shuuhei relented and took a small sip from the mug. The substance was bitter, but had a unique, musky flavor to it. He rolled it over his tongue as he tested its thickness.

"It's not tea, Hisagi," Hitsugaya muttered, watching him. "Just drink it."

Shuuhei swallowed, appreciating the richness the substance had and the smooth way it coated his throat. "It's good," he whispered, taking another sip.

Hitsugaya's eyebrows rose in mild surprise. "It's called 'coffee'. I got it from Kuchiki Taichou."

Shuuhei nodded. He had heard of the drink but had never tried it before.

Hitsugaya's gaze turned towards the garden. "I'm not going to ask you if you're alright, because that would be stupid."

Shuuhei nodded. "Yes, Taichou," he said quietly.

"I'm not going to ask what's wrong either," the young Captain continued. "I don't want to know any details. There's too much happening right now, and I have Soul Society breathing down my neck every second." He sighed and took a moment to watch the fountain as the water gurgled and splashed over rocks and jutting stocks of bamboo. "I want you to know though, Hisagi… If you need anything…" he trailed off.

Shuuhei was touched. He managed a small smile and handed the mug back to the younger shinigami.

"Thank you, Taichou."

Hitsugaya grunted in reply and stood after taking the cup.

"Urahara wants to discuss our attack plans, so don't be too long out here."

Shuuhei nodded. "I'll be in soon."

Hitsugaya returned to the door and Shuuhei heard the wood sliding open on the track. Moments past and Shuuhei didn't hear the shoji close. He quested out with his reiatsu and found Hitsugaya still standing in the doorway. The young Captain was contemplating- rolling thoughts around in his genius brain.

"I have no right to say this," Hitsugaya said softly, "for I am not erudite in the ways of relationships or… intimacy… but I know love, Hisagi. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that is what Abarai feels for you."

Shuuhei involuntarily gasped, and twisted his torso violently around to confront the small Captain, but Hitsugaya was gone. The door was closed and there was not even a trace of the other shinigami's reiatsu.

All that remained was the barest touch of an icy breeze dancing across the skin of Shuuhei's cheeks…

X x X x X

"_Renji…" Ichigo whispered. "Do you love me?"_

Renji blinked at the man beside him. The moment was the most surreal the shinigami had ever experienced. Not because of what Ichigo was asking, or how Ichigo was acting, but because of what Renji suddenly realized his answer was.

Not even an hour ago, if someone had asked the red head if he loved Ichigo, he would have said yes. It would have been a sad love, unfulfilled and unanswered, but love nevertheless. He had steeled himself in the knowledge that he would always have feelings for his friend, but he would move on for the sake of Ichigo and Orihime; for every one of his friends. He would get on with his life as a shinigami and bury his love deep in his heart for the rest of eternity.

But now sitting in the sun-kissed room, listening to the quiet breeze as it blew past the window, and looking into the saddened eyes of his best friend, Renji felt a sudden realization creep into his heart. It filled the organ and pumped out into his veins. The wonderful calm coursed through his limbs as this new awareness spread through his body.

Renji held Ichigo's gaze and slowly shook his head.

"No…" he said softly. The answer sounded so strange to him after it being yes for so long. "I used to, Ichigo… more than anything… but not anymore…"

Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut as fresh tears fell from underneath his lids. He turned his head away and let out a gush of air he had been holding for a long time.

"I'm so sorry to put you though this, Ichigo," Renji said into his lap. "I don't like it when you're angry at me, but causing you to hurt… I can't stand that."

Ichigo furiously shook his head.

"No… no, it's good," Ichigo said as he wiped fiercely at his eyes. "I'm so glad to hear that you have no idea. I was so worried I was going to regret what I did."

Renji turned to look at the younger man. "What did you do?"

Ichigo shifted and pulled his legs crossed underneath him. He hunched over a little and sighed at his feet.

"It's… kinda hard to talk about… It's embarrassing…"

Renji took a chance and punched him in the arm. Ichigo grunted and rubbed the sore spot.

"Hey asshole!" Renji growled. "I think a lot of our problems can be solved with some damn communication! So let's start right now! What did you do that you might have regretted?"

Ichigo glanced at him out of the corner of his eye before looking back into his lap.

"After… After the war… and you saving me… and you… just…" Ichigo growled and scrubbed at his reddening face. "I sorta got… feelings for you… a little bit… And I didn't know what to do cause you were a guy and all… I really wrestled with it for a long time, but… I finally gave up because I was sure you'd never feel the same way." The younger man sighed deeply and rested his head against the wall. "I had Orihime… and she was great. She's always loved me a lot so…"

Renji ran a hand over his hair, chuckling at the irony of the whole situation.

"Yeah," he said. "It's easier when you have someone else…"

Ichigo looked at Renji then and cocked an eyebrow. Renji looked back and turned a little pink himself.

"What?" the red head asked.

"Who do you have, Renji?" Ichigo was almost smiling.

Renji looked at the floor unable to hide the grin that easily spread across his face.

"Uh… Shuuhei…"

Ichigo's eyebrows rose. "Shuuhei?" he turned and frowned across the room. "Oh… it makes sense now…"

Renji's turned back to him. "What? What makes sense?"

Ichigo shook his head quickly. "Nothing… just some stuff he said… makes sense now…" he chuckled and turned back to look at Renji. "I wouldn't have guessed Shuuhei swung that way…"

Renji tried not to laugh. "Shuuhei swings pretty much _every_ way."

"Dude," Ichigo chuckled again. "I really don't wanna hear that."

Renji's smile faded quickly as he remembered the fight he'd had with Shuuhei earlier.

"Well," he said softly. "I _hope_ I have Shuuhei anyway… I was kinda a jackass a little while ago…"

Ichigo was silent for a few seconds thinking. But then he shifted to stand and pushed off the wall.

"I'm sure it'll be okay Renji," Ichigo said. "Shuuhei's a good guy, and I'm sure he cares about you a lot."

"How could you know?" Renji made a face as Ichigo helped him to his feet.

"I just… Some stuff he did… I just know." Ichigo absently rubbed the side of his jaw and frowned.

Renji decided not to pursue it and looked at the floor again, suddenly uncomfortable.

"So, Ichigo…" the red head folded his arms and shifted nervously.

"Hmm?"

"You uh… Are we okay?" he looked up slowly, worried at the expression he might see there.

Ichigo responded by punching Renji in the shoulder.

"Of course we're fine, retard."

Renji smiled and punched back but missed as Ichigo ducked out of the way. The younger man's face became sober again and he moved closer to Renji.

"Are we supposed to like hug or something now?" Ichigo asked. "I still feel kinda weird… like we're still separated…"

Renji didn't answer. He just pulled the younger man against him and wrapped his arms around the shorter boy's shoulders. When Ichigo returned the hug tightly, Renji thought happily to himself, _This must be what having a little brother feels like…_

When they pulled away, Ichigo was reluctant to let go. He stood looking up into Renji's face; brown eyes traveled over the tattoos on the red head's forehead and neck, and looked questioningly up into Renji's dark eyes.

"I'll always wonder…" Ichigo said quietly.

Renji put a hand on the back of his friend's neck and brought their foreheads together.

"Always wonder… but never regret…"

Ichigo smiled, and nodded his agreement.

"Never regret."

X x X x X

Urahara had spread a map over the table, and the shinigami were discussing the best areas to draw the hollows to when Ichigo and Renji emerged from the bedroom. Orihime smiled and stood to kiss Ichigo on the cheek before making room for him on her cushion. Several words were murmured to Ichigo welcoming him back and wishing him good health as the young man sat.

Shuuhei glanced up as Renji sat down excitedly next to Yumichika and Ikkaku. The three began going over the different areas Ishida had suggested they use for an ambush. Shuuhei watched, oblivious to everything but Renji as the others caught Ichigo up on what he had missed.

"Oh, by the way," Ichigo spoke up. "Does anyone know why the hollow gutted a bunch of cats and left them on the porch?"

Chad spoke quietly from the other side of the table. "I believe they were mimicking an old Spanish ghost story. I don't remember the name of it, but the story is about a couple of the devil's lieutenants. They want to impress the devil so they make a list of everyone in this town they're going to kill. Then they disembowel a cat and leave it on the doorstep of every household they intend to visit later that night. It served as a warning or omen for the coming kill."

"Oh how horrid!" Yumichika gasped.

Chad shrugged. "It's the most likely scenario I can think of."

"You seem to know a lot of random shit, Sado-kun," Ikkaku noted.

Chad shrugged again. "I liked ghost stories when I was a kid."

Urahara tapped the map on the table to get everyone's attention back.

"So, this is quite a simple plan," Urahara explained. "But the execution will be difficult. We're going to have to draw this last hollow out, trick him into giving away his position." The blonde pointed to several places on the map. "We'll have four teams of two stationed along this stretch of road in the park, right here by the water fountain. Up here at the top of this building, Ishida will be stationed with a partner. Orihime-san, Tessai, and Hanataro-kun will wait outside the park and will act as a relief team." The shopkeeper motioned to Ishida as he continued. "Ishida-kun should have no trouble striking a hit after the hollow gives himself away. His arrow will flip the reiatsu and give the ambush teams the opening they need to attack."

Renji was looking intently at the map when suddenly he frowned and looked back up at Urahara.

"After the hollow gives himself away? What do you mean by that? How's that gonna work?"

Urahara tapped his closed fan on his chin and looked at the shinigami calmly.

"Two of us get to be bait…" the shopkeeper said.

The silence stretched on endlessly. No one had forgotten the conclusion Ishida and the others had come to earlier about this last horseman being unable to miss. Tension flared as the shinigami looked at the floor, weighing the implications of this mission. It was very possible whoever was chosen to lure their enemy out would not be coming home.

Ichigo looked evenly at Urahara as Orihime grasped his hand tightly.

"This is the only way?"

Urahara nodded solemnly.

Shuuhei sat against the wall and though hard about many things he hadn't pondered since the war. He had a division to return to, he couldn't leave them alone without a leader again. The Ninth Squad was finally coming together again. But then again, just because he wasn't bait, didn't mean there was no risk of dying. They could all very well be dead in the morning, there were no guarantees. Besides, what was 

more honorable than dying in the heat of battle, dying for a cause like saving your friends… protecting the ones you love…

Shuuhei's leader sense kicked in. He remembered something Kaname Tosen had told him years before.

"_Hisagi… you should never ask your subordinates to do something you are not willing to do yourself…"_

Shuuhei stood silently and said clearly to everyone.

"I volunteer to be the bait."

It took a few seconds to realize he was not the only one to have spoken. Hitsugaya, Renji, Kira, and Ichigo had all stood as well and all five shinigami had spoken as one.

Urahara glanced around the room, locking eyes with each standing fighter for several seconds before returning his eyes to the map.

"I believe Kurosaki-kun is the best candidate for this mission," he turned slowly to the youngest shinigami and lowered his fan. "The hollows have been after you since the beginning, and I do not mean to offend, but you know you have problems hiding your reiatsu."

Ichigo nodded. "That's why I volunteered. Makes sense to me."

Urahara turned to Hitsugaya. "Hitsugaya Taichou, I need you teamed up with Ishida-kun. If the hollows decide to strike separately, the second will no doubt attack our counter marksman. I need you there with him to watch his back. That does not mean I do not have faith in your abilities Ishida-kun, I am just taking precautions."

"I understand, Urahara-san," Ishida replied.

Hitsugaya nodded reluctantly and sat down.

Urahara turned to the three remaining shinigami.

"Kira-kun…" he said. "We need Wabisuke in this fight… I cannot allow you to be the bait."

Kira lowered his gaze and slowly sank back into his seat. Shuuhei sympathized with his friend when he saw frustration hidden in the blonde's features but was also relieved when Urahara refused him.

Silence stretched in the room as Urahara's gaze shifted back and forth between the two remaining shinigami. Renji stood burning a hole into the floor with his eyes as the shopkeeper drew plans and strategies in his head. Shuuhei stood still and relaxed as Urahara weighed the loss of either shinigami.

Finally, Urahara opened his mouth to voice his decision.

"I believe-"

"I'm going to do it…" Renji interrupted.

Urahara looked at the red head and started to speak again, but Shuuhei cut him off.

"Urahara-san," he said quietly.

The blonde looked at Shuuhei and opened the fan with a snap. "Yes, Hisagi-san?"

Shuuhei folded his arms over his chest and looked directly at Renji.

"Either you assign me to be the bait, or I will personally make sure that Abarai is unable to fight at all. You can have him teamed up and situated in an ambush position… or have him here, recovering from his injuries and removed from the battle entirely."

Renji's gaze ignited and he spit daggers at Shuuhei.

"You son of a bitch, you actually think you could-"

"_Abarai_!" Urahara bellowed.

Renji turned to the older man and clenched his hands into tight fists.

"I was just about to say," Urahara continued calmly, "that we need your bankai… we need Zabimaru…"

Renji made a noise and started to breathe heavily through his nose. His reiatsu burned as his body seethed with rage, but he held it tightly. The angry cloud surrounding the red head beat like an angry pulse, but was slowly pulled in as Renji calmed himself.

"Yes, Urahara-san…" Renji said quietly. "Is there anything else to this plan I need to know? 'Cause I feel I gotta leave before I break something."

Urahara shook his head. "We've gone over the basics, rest for the next few hours."

Renji turned to leave, avoiding Shuuhei's eyes, but Urahara spoke again before he could leave.

"Before you leave, Abarai-kun," the shopkeeper stood. "I would like to say something."

Renji stopped, but didn't turn around. Shuuhei sat down again against the wall and folded his hands in his lap.

The blond shop keeper carefully picked up Benihime and caressed her side. He seemed lost in thought before his eyes lifted and he looked around the room again at his fellow shinigami.

He began quietly. "Tonight has been one of the most magnificent displays of leadership I have ever witnessed. Your shows of self sacrifice and bravery have been both honorable and humbling. I am very proud to call you my comrades this night. And I mean no disrespect to those of you who did not volunteer… but I felt the offering of the five who did, needed to be acknowledged."

Kira's eyes met Shuuhei's from across the room and the older man smiled at the blushing blonde. Hitsugaya stood, quickly thanking Urahara and saying something about reporting to Soul Society. The rest of their party began to slowly disperse to rest before their dealings later that night.

Shuuhei stood and looked for Renji, but the red head had disappeared.

X x X x X

Shuuhei opened the door to Renji's room and stepped into the darkness. He saw a faint sliver of light coming from the bathroom and advanced. The door was slightly open so he pushed his way in and found Renji leaning over the sink.

His friend met his eyes through the mirror with a look that would send seated officers running for cover. His hair was down and flowing freely over his shoulders. The blaze of red gave off the impression that Renji was so angry, we was radiating; he was shimmering with heat and rage.

"What the fuck do you want?" Renji growled at him.

"There was no way I was going to let you do it," Shuuhei said evenly.

"So you make me look like a fucking idiot in front of everyone! Thanks!"

"I'm sorry if I hurt your pride, Renji, but there was no way I was going to let you stand there and volunteer to die right in front of me."

"_And what about you!_" Renji roared into the sink. He still couldn't turn and face Shuuhei. The mirror was just enough of a separation to keep the red head from breaking down. "_How the fuck, do you think I feel now! You're such a fucking hypocrite Hisagi!_"

Shuuhei moved before Renji could react, and pinned the younger man against the sink. His hands slammed Renji's into the wall and he held them there as he hissed into the red head's ear. All the while their eyes locked in the mirror before them.

"I don't care if you hate me, I don't care if you've chosen Ichigo over me, or if you've decided you throw your life away because he didn't accept you- I don't give a flying fuck about any of that."

Renji fought and started to say something, but Shuuhei removed one of his hands to tangle it in crimson hair. The older man pulled back hard and Renji cried out in pain.

"You can say or think whatever you want, Renji, but there is no fucking way I'm going to let someone I care for so deeply die in front of my eyes if I could have stopped it."

Renji's eyes opened and met his in the mirror again. The fire had receded, but the anger was still there.

"But you'd do it to me…" Renji whispered.

"What?" Shuuhei tugged his hair again.

Renji winced. "You would do it to me… die in front of me… it's not fair."

Shuuhei released Renji's remaining hand and brought the younger man's body tighter against his.

"This way it's better for you, Renji," he whispered into the red head's ear. "I'm dead either way. 'Cause if you died… I would definitely follow…"

Renji's heart swelled and he let out a strangled sob. The tension on his hair had lessened. Shuuhei's hot breath, his sweet words in his ear and his hard body pressing against his own, drove Renji into frenzy of untamed lust. He ground his ass into Shuuhei's crotch and felt the other's hard member straining in the folds of his hakama. Shuuhei moaned and thrust violently forward.

Shuuhei buried his face in Renji's neck and panted heavily into ruby hair and sweaty skin.

"Gods you drive me fucking crazy, Renji… What do you want from me?"

Renji turned to expose more of his throat. He felt Shuuhei's fingers tangle deeper into his hair as he sighed and ground against Shuuhei's hips.

"I want you to fuck me against this sink, Shuuhei."

Shuuhei bit down on Renji's shoulder and pulled harder on the crimson locks.

"What about Ichigo?" he rasped.

Renji reached between their bodies and rubbed his palm against Shuuhei's straining cock over the layers of hakama cloth.

"I told Ichigo… that I didn't love him anymore…"

Shuuhei's breath on his neck stopped and the grinding of the older man's hips ceased. Renji felt his lover go still as stone. The red head looked down to meet Shuuhei's impassioned gaze in the mirror.

"I swear," Renji said. "I told him I didn't love him anymore because I had you… I just want you, Shuuhei… just you…"

Shuuhei's world fell apart and then abruptly collided back together again. He momentarily lost his mind, and then came back to reality to find Renji in his arms, telling him he was the only one. He took several moments to process Renji's words before he moved back just enough to untie Renji's sash and rip his kimono from his shoulders. He tore his own off and viciously yanked Renji's hakama down over his hips. The red head cried out in surprise, but didn't fight it and gripped the sides of the sink. Shuuhei released his throbbing member from his own hakama and, wasting no time, spit into his hand to slick himself and pushed into Renji.

Renji hissed, and Shuuhei returned his fist to the red hair to wrench the younger man's head up and meet his gaze.

"Look at yourself, Renji," Shuuhei panted heavily into Renji's ear. He thrust once, watching his lover's mouth fall open. "Look how beautiful you are when I do this to you…" he pulled out slightly and then almost came as he felt Renji push roughly back to impale himself. He gripped the younger man's hip and used it as leverage for another deep thrust. "Gods… _you're so fucking sexy…_"

Renji lifted his hand to grab the back of Shuuhei's head. He twisted around and crushed their lips together. He welcomed the other's tongue as it pressed and explored deep inside his mouth. Shuuhei began to move faster and soon they were less kissing and more panting and grunting into each other's mouths. Renji felt his climax building and whispered against Shuuhei's cheek.

"Shuuhei… ahhh… please Shuuhei… touch me…"

Shuuhei did, and began pumping Renji's cock erratically against the timing of his thrusts. Renji had long since forgotten himself and was crying out over and over as Shuuhei pulled his hair and bit into his neck while savagely pounded into him against the sink.

Shuuhei felt Renji's muscles tighten around him and watched in the mirror as the red head arched his back obscenely. He took in the erotic sight of his lover's face as he cried out and came over his hand and against the sink. Shuuhei didn't need much more than that and was soon going light headed, blindly thrusting in and out of Renji's sweet heat. He bit down on the tattooed skin before him and came hard, spurting hot and deep into Renji's body.

The two stood panting and shaking for a long time before they separated. Renji turned around slowly to finally face Shuuhei, but the dark – haired man covered any words the red head might have had by meeting him with a soft kiss. Renji surrendered to it and put his arms around the older man's neck.

Shuuhei pushed their hakama to the floor, stripping them completely, and pulled Renji to the shower. The warm water cascaded down their backs as they kissed and touched every part of each other. Shuuhei was slow and gentle, an apology for his rough treatment veiled in his every caress. He washed Renji's hair and skin with such tenderness that it made Renji's heart ache. There were no words spoken until the two had dried themselves and were again dressed and sitting on the futon. Renji purred as Shuuhei brushed and meticulously braided his hair.

"Where did you learn to do this?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei's eyes never left the strands of red hair in his hands as he answered. "Matsumoto-san taught me a while ago..."

Renji chuckled. "Why is that? You don't have any hair..."

Shuuhei's voice got quiet as he fastened the hair tie at the end of Renji's braid.

"I hoped someday I'd get to do this with you... and I wanted to know what I was doing..."

Renji turned and smiled softly as Shuuhei's cheeks colored. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the scars that decorated the side of the older man's face. They sat together for what could have been hours with their fingers touching and Shuuhei's lips ghosting down the skin of Renji's neck. The red head sighed softly and murmured into his lover's ear.

"Promise me you'll be okay…"

Shuuhei pulled back to look into Renji's tortured eyes. He traced Renji's jaw with his fingertips and brushed his lips over the bridge of the younger man's nose.

"I can't promise that," he whispered. "But I'll try…"

Renji leaned into Shuuhei's arms and rested his head on the older man's chest. He tangled his fingers with Shuuhei's and silently prayed. He prayed that now that he had finally found happiness, he wouldn't lose it again so soon…

**TBC **


	19. Beginning of the End

You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for the reviews! I love you all! XD

So I was going to post this chapter in two parts, but then found out that this first part had to be split up on lj, so instead of doing four parts… it's complicated. I just decided to do two chapters.

I apologize if any of you readers are anti-fillers. I happen to LOVE the Bount arc because it gives us a little more character development, extra Shuuhei and Kira, and… well, Nova. He is pretty and awesome and dresses like a ninja so I love him. XD

**Chapter 19**

Shuuhei and Ichigo stood on the porch of Urahara's shop as the sun sank below the horizon. The wind ruffled their spiky hair and pulled on the fabric of their shinigami robes. The younger of the two squatted on the railing, his hand rested leisurely in the hilt of Zangetsu. The older leaned against the railing, sword sheathed and arms crossed. They had stood this way for some time, quietly watching the clouds turn from a brilliant orange, to a deep purple. As the last slivers of light disappeared leaving the sky dark and beset with stars, Ichigo sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair.

"It's weird…" the younger man said.

"What is?" Shuuhei asked softly, turning to look at his companion.

Ichigo shrugged and slipped down from the railing. "This could be the last sunset I see… but I can't make myself feel any different than any other time I saw it."

Shuuhei turned back toward the sky and shrugged.

"It's probably because we've been at this precipice before… I've watched so many sunsets I thought would be my last…"

Ichigo worried the inside of his cheek and shifted his hold on his Zanpakuto. "I feel like I should say something really… you know like in the movies when the hero is about to do something all noble and bad ass?"

"Profound?" Shuuhei smiled.

"Yeah, that," Ichigo said.

The silence stretched again and Shuuhei rested his head against the wood of the post. Urahara had told them to wait at the shop until they received a signal from Nova. When the mod soul appeared, that would mean the teams were in place and Ichigo and himself would start toward the park.

Shuuhei had readied himself for a fit of anxiety, an overwhelming sensation of agitation or even nervousness, but none had come. He felt calm, at peace with himself. He had no regrets; he had left Ninth Division in a state of order and accomplishment. If he didn't return, they would make selecting a new Captain first priority, and things would continue to run smoothly under the direction of his carefully

trained seated officers. Kira would be fine. He was strong and needed to move out from underneath Shuuhei's wings anyway. And then there was Renji… he had finally gotten Renji. He had finally done the things he had dreamed of for years. He had kissed Renji's lips, run his fingers through his hair, kissed away his tears, held him as he slept... He would carry the memory of his time with Renji to the ends of eternity.

Yes, he truly had no regrets… Well… maybe one… But didn't Renji know? He had to know…

(_You seem ready, Hisagi…)_

_I am, Kazashini_, Shuuhei smiled. _Whatever happens… I'm ready_…

(_Do not be too eager to die… I promised the baboon I would keep you safe_…)

_Promised the baboon huh_? Shuuhei teased. _You like him don't you_?

(_No…_)

_You're a liar_… Shuuhei almost chuckled.

The wolf spirit was silent for a few long moments before he spoke again.

(_Believe in me, Hisagi… We will make it back… You will be with the Fire Mane once again_…)

_I hope so_… Shuuhei looked at the ground, his mood sagging slightly.

"Shuuhei?" Ichigo pulled him from his thoughts.

"Hm?"

The younger man had turned his head and was regarding Shuuhei with a peculiar look. "What are you going to do tomorrow?"

Shuuhei's eyes widened. Ichigo had noticed the drop in his mood and was trying to bring him back up again. Even when the odds were completely against them, he still was looking at the situation like they could win. It was strange how someone so young could be so inspiring, but Ichigo managed it time and time again. Shuuhei felt a wave of gratitude towards the substitute shinigami wash over him and he pushed off the post.

He didn't have to think at all about what he wanted to do as he stretched his arms and said wistfully. "Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up early and say good morning to Kira, because he's always up with the sun… I'll take a cup of tea out to the garden and watch the fountain for a while. Then I'll go back and spend the rest of the morning in bed… where I'll tell Renji that I love him…" The Ninth's Vice Captain straightened and he sighed with a small smile. "The rest of the day… doesn't matter…"

Ichigo turned his gaze upwards and smiled softly. "Yeah… sounds good… I got some important stuff I gotta talk about with Inoue tomorrow too…"

Shuuhei felt he should say something more but as the minutes passed by, he realized there was nothing else they needed to say. The two finally understood each other and stood on common ground. Shuuhei reached over and ruffled Ichigo's hair. The younger of the two elbowed his ribs playfully as they stood in comfortable silence, waiting for the signal.

The signal for the beginning of the end...

X x X x X

Nova understood the plan… sort of. Urahara-sama had a bad habit of not telling the mod souls what was happening until the last second. Nova had listened to Urahara-sama's voice dip and flow through the walls of the kitchen but unfortunately, Cloud and Ririn arguing with Kon behind him had made it near impossible to distinguish exactly what was being said. He knew the basic idea was to draw out this new hollow like a modern day sniper. Ichigo-san and the tall shinigami with the strange tattoo were going to play as bait.

Uneasiness was thick in the air; even Urahara-sama was feeling it. The boss did a good job of hiding his thoughts and emotions from the humans and shinigami that graced the shop, but he never fooled Nova. Just because he was shy and had some problems showing _his_ emotions, didn't mean he wasn't sensitive to _other people's_; quite the opposite actually. Nova was incredibly intuitive and could pretty much read what anyone was feeling or thinking all the time. That was one of the main reasons he zipped his hood or pulled his neck into his shell when he was feeling particularly transparent. He didn't want people reading him the way he read others.

He had known from the beginning there were deep feelings between Abarai and the other tattooed shinigami- what was his name again? Hisagi? Feelings so deep that neither of them probably understood them fully. He was thankful for that because the attraction between Abarai and Ichigo-san had been pressing down on the two of them for years.

The shy mod soul enjoyed moving through the shop freely without being noticed. He would sit in the corner or on Chad's shoulder and just observe people and their interactions. The timeless love between the bald and peacock shinigami, the innocent love between Ichigo-san and Orihime-san, and the eccentric friendship between the small captain and beautiful Matsumoto-san. He loved how Rukia-san cared for Abarai like a little brother. He also found the strange friendship that seemed to be growing between Urahara-san and the quiet blonde intriguing. Nova was a closet romantic and believed everyone deserved to be happy, so he waited and watched with excitement and anticipation.

"Nova!" Ririn's voice screeched in his ear. Thank kami for the hood, otherwise he'd have gone deaf years ago.

Nova turned towards the little girl and made an acknowledging noise.

"Were you listening to _anything_ I just said?" she whined.

Nova pretended to think for a moment before he shook his head, staring down at the blonde.

Ririn sighed and put her hands on her hips. "I was just saying that Urahara-san told Cloud to tell me to tell you that you need to go get Ichigo and Hisagi-san now, everyone is ready! Oh, and bring them up through the North park entrance so the Quincy has a good view!"

Nova nodded and disappeared. As he teleported through the city back to the shop, he hoped his porting ability could keep Ichigo-san and Hisagi-san safe.

The happiness of true love was at stake after all.

X x X x X

The mod soul, Nova, appeared not four inches from Shuuhei's face, startling him so bad he almost toppled over backwards.

"Holy shit!" he sputtered, not so eloquently.

Ichigo chuckled at his side. "Time to go, Shuuhei."

Nova's bright green eyes jumped between the two shinigami as his gentle voice whispered behind his hood.

"Stay close to me and I'll protect you from the shots as best I can."

Shuuhei nodded as Ichigo beamed at the mod soul. "Thanks, Nova," the younger man said.

Nova nodded back and turned towards the town. Shuuhei looked at Ichigo and drew his sword.

"Ready?" he asked.

Ichigo grinned and lowered Zangetsu from his shoulder to his side.

"Try and keep up, old man."

X x X x X

Rukia stood on a branch, leaning against the trunk and watching the North entrance intently. Urahara-san had sent Nova back for Ichigo and Hisagi not even five minutes ago, but her nerves were shot. She could feel Ichigo's reiatsu in the distance and wanted to scream for him to stay away. Rukia couldn't believe this was the only way to lure the hollow out. Putting one of her best friends and a shinigami she respected greatly directly in the line of fire was not her first choice of tactics. If anything happened to her nakama, she was going to rend this bastard hollow from groin to neck.

"Rukia," Matsumoto whispered below her.

Rukia turned to the blonde. "What is it?"

Matsumoto looked up at her with her hands on her hips and a small frown furrowing her pretty face.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Your reiatsu is funny."

Rukia looked back at the path and slipped her hands into the sleeves of her kimono.

"I'm angry," she said simply.

Matsumoto sighed. "I know you are… But your ototo-chan will be fine, Rukia. He always comes though, smiling and acting like a moron."

Rukia nodded but her shoulders tensed as she felt Hisagi closing in on the North entrance. Ichigo was close behind but nothing seemed to be following them despite the copious amounts of reiatsu they were pouring into the air. Matsumoto felt them too and drew her sword, readying herself.

"Rukia," she said. "Do you see them?"

"Not yet," Rukia answered. "But they're right outside. Gods they're so loud! They're going to attract every hollow in the city!"

"Well, that's what we're here for," Matsumoto stated.

Rukia watched as Hisagi and Ichigo came running down the path. She turned to her left to see if Yumichika and Ikkaku could see them. Ikkaku gave her the thumbs up sign and she turned back. Hisagi was searching with his reiatsu, reaching out and feeling for anything that could possibly be the last horseman. Nova teleported in next to the tall shinigami and Hisagi whispered something to the mod soul. Nova nodded and disappeared again.

Rukia's blood went cold as she watched her friends. They were like worms dangling from the end of a fisherman's line. There was nowhere to hide, nothing to provide even partial cover from the hollows arrows. She wanted to scream, or maybe to cry. Tear her hair out at the frustration that filled her chest to overflowing. Any moment now it could be over… any moment…

Ichigo moved from Hisagi's side and flash-stepped to the top of the fountain. He stood on the highest spout and slung Zangetsu over his shoulder. He looked annoyed and his reiatsu was turning red in his impatience.

_What is he doing?_ Rukia wondered.

Suddenly, Ichigo sucked in a breath and bellowed at the sky.

"HEY! HOLLOW SON-OF-A-BITCH! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU! COME OUT AND TRY AND KILL ME ALREADY, I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT!"

As Rukia stared in something beyond shock, she heard Matsumoto snicker below her.

"See, Rukia? A moron."

But Ichigo got what he asked for. Seconds later, a streak a blue light from seemingly nowhere hit the fountain. The young shinigami was whisked away by Nova just as the structure exploded, stone and

water flying everywhere. The sound was deafening and the force of the impact almost knocked Rukia from her perch in the tree. She could hear Hisagi shouting but couldn't see anything but dust and falling debris.

"Shit!" Matsumoto cried. "Ishida-kun will never be able to get a hit in this mess! I can't see a thing! What's happening?"

Rukia watched as more streaks of blue screamed through the air pelting the area around the destroyed fountain. She knew they were not Quincy arrows but no matter how frantically she looked, she couldn't get a fix on where they were coming from. She could see the red flash of Nova's teleportation ability and prayed Hisagi and Ichigo were still alright.

A loud crash and a piercing roar at her back pulled Rukia from watching the courtyard. As she turned, she saw a large group of huge hollows slowly advancing from the Eastern entrance. Matsumoto flew into action, driving the front line back as best she could. From the corner of Rukia's eye, she saw Ikkaku and Yumichika take down several of the beasts with a few powerful strokes.

_We have to keep them out of the courtyard_…

With one last glance in Ichigo and Hisagi's direction, she hurled herself at the throng of hollow. She chanted a fire kido and blew away two before Yumichika could even react. Releasing her first dance, she brought down three others and met with Matsumoto in the thickest of it.

"God damnit, Ichigo…" she heard Matsumoto mutter under her breath. "I hope Taichou is alright."

As she sliced through a thick shell and the monster dissolved around her, Rukia noticed the rain of arrows into the courtyard had ceased and the sky was clear once more.

_Oh, Kami… please no…_

Rukia called to Matsumoto. "I'm going back!"

"Wait, Rukia! No!" Matsumoto cried after her, but the smaller woman didn't even hear her.

As Rukia flew through the bushes, she heard Jinta's cry near the South path.

"_Look out! He's got Nova!_"

Rukia's heart leapt into her throat and she increased her speed. Breaking though the foliage, her brain took a moment to register the scene.

Water gushed from the destroyed fountain and broken stone lay everywhere but the dust had settled and she could see again. Kira and Ichigo lay tangled in a deep puddle. Ichigo was struggling to sit up while Kira lay on his side clutching his chest. Shuuhei stood, bloody and gasping before a… in front of…

_What the hell is it? _

A tall figure in a dark cloak stood before Hisagi. His head was covered by a large cowl effectively shadowing his face. The reiatsu surrounding the figure seemed to pulsate almost painfully in a reddish haze. Rukia watched as Hisagi's shoulders sagged slowly and his naginata came closer and closer to the ground.

This was not the marksman… this was the leader, Tinieblas. His power radiated like the heat from the hottest afternoon sun. It crushed her lungs and brought her to her knees.

Where is Ishida? Why isn't he attacking? The way is clear! Where is Urahara? What the hell is going on!

She watched as Hisagi started bow forward under the strain of negative reiatsu. Blood flew from his mouth and mixed with the flowing water from the fountain. It ran between the stones of the path, separating and diluting until all traces were gone.

_Oh gods_, Rukia's voice cried in her head. _We're all dead_…

X x X x X

Nova surveyed the courtyard as Ichigo-san and Hisagi-san neared the fountain. There was no sign of the hollows anywhere, not a flicker of reiatsu, everything was quiet. The mod soul's eyes moved to each of the four areas the shinigami teams were located. He saw that Abarai and the blonde were carefully hidden underneath a large oak tree. Rukia-san was high in a pine with a good view of the surrounding area. Urahara-sama stood with Sado and Jinta just to his right amongst thick dogwood.

Nova could feel Hisagi-san questing out with his reiatsu. The shinigami motioned for Nova to join him and the mod soul teleported to his side.

"It's going to get loud here in a second," Hisagi whispered. "Our reiatsu is attracting several huge hollow. Wait along the edge where the horseman won't see you. If he knows your abilities, you'll be as much of a target as we are. Watch us from the side."

Nova nodded and ported behind the oak next to Abarai.

The red head startled when he appeared but didn't say anything. His attention was on Hisagi.

"Huge hollow are coming," Nova whispered.

"Ikkaku and Rukia-san's teams are in charge of extra hollow," the blonde at Abarai's side whispered back. "We're supposed to keep watch on Shuuhei and Ichigo."

"Kira," Abarai said slowly. "Do you feel something weird? Like a pressure?"

Nova watched as Kira shook his head. "Not really, why?"

Abarai rolled his shoulders. "Never mind, it's probably just my nerves."

"What is Ichigo doing?" Kira asked suddenly.

Nova turned in time to see Ichigo land on the highest spout of the fountain. The mod soul frowned at this strange development but he froze as Ichigo bellowed out across the park.

"HEY! HOLLOW SON-OF-A-BITCH! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU! COME OUT AND TRY AND KILL ME ALREADY, I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT!"

"_Fucking, gah_!" Abarai choked. "_Son of a bitch, Ichigo_!"

Nova's eyebrows rose. _Well, that's one way to bring him out_.

Blue streaked across the sky directly in Nova's line of vision. The mod soul glanced up to see an arrow was heading directly for Ichigo and the fountain. Nova ported to the young shinigami's side and teleported Ichigo away just as the fountain exploded from the impact. Water rained down on them when they reentered the dimension. His sight was clouded as dust attacked his eyes and debris fell around all around.

Hisagi called out. "Ichigo! Nova! Are you alright?"

"We're fine!" Ichigo shouted back. "But now how is Ishida gonna see to shoot the son of a bitch! There's shit everywhere!"

Nova saw more streaks of blue and grabbed Ichigo's arm. They ported to the other side of the fountain as another arrow struck the ground where they had been standing.

"_Fuck_!" Hisagi roared. "_Where are they coming from_?"

"_No fucking idea_!" Ichigo screamed. "_I can't see a damn thing_!"

Nova frantically watched the sky and did his best to keep Hisagi-san and Ichigo out of the line of fire. But the arrows continued to rain down at almost impossible speeds and the mod soul was starting to feel sluggish. Something seemed to be holding him back as he moved. He felt a weight on his shoulders and his eyelids began to feel heavy. His gigai's legs almost gave out but he forced himself to focus on Hisagi and the orange flash of Ichigo's hair.

After a few moments of standing, panting in a deep puddle of cold running water, Nova realized the shower of arrows had ceased. Where had the archer gone? What was happening? He turned around indolently to look for Ichigo but cried out as he was gripped by his collar. The mod soul looked up into a face shrouded in shadow and blazing yellow eyes. Pearl white teeth flashed as his tall captor sneered down at him.

"You are a nuisance…" the sand-papery voice growled.

"_Look out_!" he heard Jinta scream from somewhere. "_He's got Nova_!"

Nova panicked, he couldn't teleport. His energy had been drained- was still being drained. He could do nothing but hang from the monster's grip as the sword was lifted to cut him in two.

"Oh _hell_ no!" Kira landed above him on the hollow's shoulders. He raised his angled sword and struck the hollow's weapon repeatedly. Every strike was emphasized by a guttural cry from the blonde.

"_Let_! (strike!) _Nova_! (strike!) _GO_! (strike!)" The hollow grunted and his arm sagged. He dropped his sword like it weighed a thousand pounds.

Nova felt consciousness slipping away, but was aware of Abarai pulling him away from the horrifying figure. He was quickly passed to another pair of arms and he felt his body being dragged into the bushes. Already he was coming back to himself. His vision cleared and he felt the pressure lessen from his chest. _It must have been the contact with that hollow… Was that the negative reiatsu Urahara-sama was talking about? _

"_Abarai-san!_" He heard Jinta scream.

He looked up at the young red head. The boy was watching the fight intently. Nova turned to look in time to see Kira thrown across the courtyard.

"Kira!" Ichigo screamed. The young shinigami threw himself at the blonde and caught him before he hit a jagged piece of rock. The two fell, tangled together into a large puddle. Ichigo struggled to sit back up, but Kira was bleeding profusely from a wound in his chest.

"We have to help them," Nova whispered.

Jinta nodded. "Can you teleport again? We gotta get Kira-san, he's hurt bad."

Nova nodded and pulled himself to his feet. He looked down and saw the red head's jeans covered in blood. Startled, he knelt by the boy's side.

"Jinta-kun! Are you alright?" Nova's voice was strained. Jinta was one of his only friends and it made his insides boil to see him injured.

"I'm fine, Nova," the boy replied. "It's okay; I just got grazed by one of the arrows."

Nova stood reluctantly and turned to see Hisagi fall to his knees in front of the hollow. The shinigami was covered in blood and his reiatsu was disappearing fast.

"Oh shit," Jinta whispered as he tried to stand. "Hisagi-san…"

Nova didn't know what to do. He could save Hisagi, but maybe only for a few seconds. Kira obviously needed to be taken to Tessai and the others. But where was Urahara-sama? Where was Ishida-san? Where was their counter attack?

_What the hell is going on!_

X x X x X

Ishida watched Hisagi and Ichigo enter the courtyard from his vantage point on the flat roof of an apartment complex. The high location allowed him to see all four entrances to the park and gave him a

clear shot to the fountain. He held his bow steady in his right hand, the fingers of his left hovered over the shelf, ready to draw. He kept his breathing even, blinked as little as possible, and watched the surrounding buildings and treetops with a scrutinizing eye.

_Where would I attack from… where is the most advantageous position?_

Ishida appreciated being teamed up with Hitsugaya. The small Captain was quiet, easy to work with, and his comments and observations were well thought out and intuitive. He claimed to know nothing about marksmanship but had pointed out angles and cross paths that Ishida had overlooked.

"Now we just have to pray that Kurosaki doesn't do something stupid," Hitsugaya murmured at his side.

Ishida snickered softly. "Hitsugaya Taichou, you've know Kurosaki long enough that you should _expect_ him to do something stupid."

The Captain sighed. "I can always hope… dream…"

Ishida watched in mild confusion as Ichigo leapt to the top of the fountain. The young shinigami stood for a moment looking around the courtyard.

_Why do I feel like things are about to go straight to shit?_ Ishida thought.

The Quincy's heart almost stopped as Ichigo took a deep breath and shouted across the courtyard, his voice echoing through the entire park and no doubt into the streets beyond.

"HEY! HOLLOW SON-OF-A-BITCH! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!"

Halfway through the orange – haired idiot's tirade, Hitsugaya sighed in defeat.

"I hope… and I dream… and then the fuck-head dashes my dreams to pieces with his thick, ugly skull."

Ishida would have laughed, but a flash of blue streaked across the sky towards the courtyard. Reacting on instinct, the Quincy drew an arrow and retraced the flash of blue back to where he thought it had come from. Unfortunately, that place was the middle of the open courtyard thirty feet above the ground. Ishida saw a blur of brown and black before arrows started pelting the courtyard.

_I didn't think he would attack from the open like that_, Ishida berated himself. _I underestimated him_…

Even with his Quincy speed and awareness, Ishida could not follow where all the arrows were coming from. The cloud of dust and debris didn't help matters at all either. He couldn't see anything but streaks of blue and the quick red flash from Nova's teleportation.

A long string of obstinacies spewed from Hitsugaya's mouth before the Captain moved to stand on the edge of the roof.

"Huge hollow are coming," Hitsugaya spat. "This is so fucked up. Can you see anything?"

"He's down there with them," Ishida said. "But there's nothing I can do now with this mess."

"Do we need to move?" Hitsugaya asked.

"No. I have the advantage if I have the higher ground. The dust will settle in just a few moments. We'll have to wait." He watched the blue streaks, noticing a pattern in where they flew around his comrades. "I have an idea where he is, I just need a few seconds." He drew another arrow and readied himself against the railing.

"Shit!" Hitsugaya cried as the building shook. "We got a couple of hollows after us. Don't move. I'll take care of these." The Captain flashed across the rooftop to engage the monsters scaling the apartment wall.

Ishida watched the courtyard as the dust started to clear. He could almost make out the orange beacon of Ichigo's hair as he darted around in the water, dodging arrows and calling out to Hisagi. The Quincy focused on his task and tried to ignore the sounds of battle directly to his left and the chill of frosty wind as Hitsugaya cut down yet another hollow.

Wait… where were the arrows? Why had the attack stopped?

The dust had settled enough so Ishida could see Hisagi and Ichigo looking around in bewilderment. The courtyard was a disaster, flooded and littered with arrows and large pieces of broken stone. But there was no hollow… no… oh gods wait… Nova. What was happening to Nova?

Ishida felt a strange tightening in his chest as a burning presence made itself known behind him. He slowly turned to face a figure his exact size, wearing a dirty yellow cloak and holding a bow frighteningly similar to his own.

The last horseman pulled back his hood to reveal white skin and abysmal black eyes. His hair was long and tangled with no distinct color. His mouth stretched into a maniac grin to show off broken black teeth.

"Ishida!" Hitsugaya called from his other side.

"Don't move, Hitsugaya!" Ishida called back.

The Quincy knew if he moved he was dead. The hollow already had an arrow drawn and pointed at his chest. There was no way Ishida could get a shot off before he was struck.

The hollow laughed. His voice had the hollow underwater sound but it was soft, almost tender.

"Hello little Quincy…"

X x X x X

Jinta ducked and covered his head as the fountain exploded. Cold water and sharp bits of rock rained down on his back.

"Well…" he heard Urahara sigh. "That's an unfortunate twist."

Jinta looked up and found himself slightly put out when he saw his guardian standing nonchalantly above him, completely dry. How the hell did he pull off shit like that?

"The debris," Sado murmured beside him. "Ishida can't get a clear shot."

"Hmm, yes," Urahara tapped his chin. "I had a hunch…"

Jinta didn't stay to listen to what Urahara had to say. He stood, gripping his kanabo and jumped out onto the walkway. He could make out the shape of Hisagi-san, but didn't see Ichigo. He hoped the substitute had been able to dodge or Nova had been able to teleport him to safety. The red head was about to call out for him when something screamed by his ear, hitting the ground at his feet with a sharp thud. He looked down and recognized one of the hollow's arrows. He heard more whistling through the air and started to move on instinct. He turned his head to the sky and batted the arrows pouring down into the courtyard. He ran to Hisagi-san's side and did his best to deflect the deadly projectiles that were headed for the tall shinigami.

_Keep Hisagi-san safe_, he told himself. _He's Abarai nii-san's special person_…

"Jinta-kun!" Hisagi cried. "Where the hell is Urahara-san!"

"No idea!" Jinta bellowed.

A sudden burning pain in his left calf caused Jinta to cry out and fall backwards. He landed on his back in a deep puddle, reeling from the intense pain in his leg. He felt the little reiatsu he had draining away, seeped from his soul by the arrow that pierced his skin. He reached down and gripped the scalding projectile in his fingers. Holding his breath and clamping his jaw shut, Jinta pulled with all his strength until the shaft left his skin with a sickeningly wet sound. He squeezed his eyes closed and gave himself a second to recover.

Wait… he shouldn't have a second… Jinta opened his eyes and leaned his head back. The shower of arrows had stopped. The dust had also cleared a little, giving Jinta a good upside down view of the courtyard… and… who was that? _What_ was that? Someone had Nova by the collar! Where had he come from?

Jinta saw the looming figure in the dark cloak raise an oversized sword to cut into the mod soul. In desperation the young red head cried out.

"_Look out! He's got Nova!_"

He pulled himself to his feet, frantically trying to get to his friend and was relieved when he saw Kira-san land on Nova's attacker. The blonde shinigami raised his angled Zanpakuto and brought it down on the enemy's sword over and over, his strikes punctuated by angry cries that Jinta couldn't make out.

Then Abarai nii-san was there. Jinta felt relief wash over him in a tidal wave. Abarai would fix everything. He was amazing and strong and powerful. Already his idol had Nova in his arms and was turning towards him.

"Jinta-kun!" Abarai growled. "Help him!"

Jinta caught the mod soul and dragged his gigai into the bushes. He turned back quickly to see Abarai and Hisagi-san facing their new foe from either side. Kira and Ichigo stood close behind, their swords raised. The four shinigami together were ferocious looking; like samurai or those cool Dynasty warriors in that Xbox game Jinta liked to play. He watched as Hisagi-san attacked with his naginata, giving Abarai an opening to hit the enemy's left side.

Suddenly, Jinta felt that horrible burning sensation again. It filled his chest and put pressure on his shoulders, making him fall to his knees. He felt like he was going to choke. His reiatsu was draining away once more. He looked up to see Abarai and Hisagi-san falter as their reiatsu was attacked. The force must have been excruciatingly painful being that close to the source.

The enemy took his opportunity and moved with a speed Jinta hadn't even seen Yoruichi-san use. He lashed out, striking Hisagi-san and in one fluid motion, sliced up the front of Abarai's kimono. Abarai countered but was backhanded viciously, thrown backwards by the force of the blow.

"_Abarai-san_!" he called out in terror.

Kira attacked next, but was easily deflected by another hard backhand and tossed in the other direction. Ichigo moved to catch the blonde before he hit a jagged piece of rock. The two fell tangled into a large puddle and Jinta's blood ran cold as he saw the wound in Kira's chest. What could he do? He was so weak!

"We have to help them," Nova whispered at his side.

_Oh thank the gods, Nova_. Nova could get Kira out of there.

Jinta nodded. "Can you teleport again? We gotta get Kira-san, he's hurt bad."

Nova stood beside him shakily but froze. "Jinta-kun! Are you alright?"

Jinta looked where Nova's eyes were staring. His jeans were soaked in his blood, but he knew it wasn't as bad as it seemed. Jinta had learned a long time ago that a little blood went a long way.

"I'm fine, Nova," Jinta said. "It's okay; I just got grazed by one of the arrows."

He turned back to the courtyard when he heard Hisagi-san's choked gasp. The tall Vice Captain was covered in blood but still facing the attacker. His spear was held expertly in his hands and his face was set in a terrifying sneer. Jinta felt a rush of awe as he watched the shinigami fearlessly stare down the enemy. He was almost as cool as Abarai nii-san.

Another pulse of that burning reiatsu rippled through the air, and Hisagi sank to his knees.

"Oh shit," Jinta whispered as he tried to stand. "Hisagi-san…"

Jinta wondered vaguely for a moment where Urahara was. What happened to Ishida? Wasn't he supposed to be watching from a building and covering them from above? What the hell was going on? Hisagi-san was going to be _killed_!

"Hey, asshole!" a voice echoed across the courtyard.

Jinta almost collapsed with relief as Abarai, appeared on the remnants of broken fountain. His hair was loose and blowing brilliantly in the breeze. The left side of his mane was dark with the blood that ran from his temple and his kimono was torn from shoulder to hip. He was bruised, soaking wet, and covered in dirt and dust but he was _terrifying_. He raised his Zanpakuto steadily and pointed it at their enemy.

"Don't you fucking _touch_ Shuuhei you son of a bitch."

**TBC**


	20. Having Faith

I want to apologize for this taking so long, but you know? There really isn't anything you can do when you have writer's block. I didn't want to spit out something crappy, so I took my time and tried to work through my problems. Thank you so much for your reviews and sticking with me! This chapter could have been longer, I had originally planned on finishing out the battle but meh, but I wanted to get SOMETHING out. I love you guys! Enjoy! xD

**Having Faith**

The explosion from the fountain caused an awful ringing in Chad's ears. The large man rubbed his temples and sides of his jaw to try and soothe the pounding in his head. As the pain lessened to a dull ache, he surveyed the courtyard for his friends. Thick dust hung in the air all around him, obscuring his vision and tickling his throat. This wasn't good. There was no way sight would be any better from above.

"The debris," Chad murmured. "Ishida can't get a clear shot."

"Hmm, yes," Urahara tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I had a hunch something like this would happen."

Chad glanced at his side, about to ask Jinta if he was alright, but the boy was already rushing forward out of their hiding place and into the courtyard.

"Jinta-kun!" Chad cried.

"Don't worry about him," Urahara said softly. "There's no talking him out of it. He'll follow Abarai through the gates of hell if he had to."

Chad relented and watched the red blaze of Jinta's ponytail disappear into the haze. He knew the boy would be alright, he was as capable as the rest of them.

"What should we do, Urahara-san?" Chad asked.

The blond pulled his hat farther down on his head and turned away from the younger man.

"If you would please go support Ishida, Sado-kun, I feel he is in danger. We may have just walked into a trap."

With that, the shopkeeper disappeared. Chad was left alone to sprint across the grass and scale the chain link fence of the apartment complex. He released his reiatsu and encased his arm in its spiritual armor. Using the protective covering, he dug his fingers into the cement of the apartment walls and started to climb. Loud explosions and shouting echoed through the night air as Chad made his way up the side of the building.

Nearing the top, he saw a glimpse of Hitsugaya fending off several huge hollow. The small Captain was easily dispatching one after the other without even the release of Hyorinmaru, but his attention was on something behind him and obstructed from Chad's view.

"Ishida!" Hitsugaya called out.

"Don't move, Hitsugaya!" Ishida's voice answered.

Chad pulled himself onto the roof and moved around the rooftop maintenance shed. He pressed his back against the cool concrete and peered around the corner. He saw what he knew had to be the last of the four hollows. He was emitting that foul reiatsu that burned Chad's skin and stung his eyes. He also stood with an arrow cocked and aimed directly at Ishida. The dark-haired man stood still by the railing, his bow at his side.

"Hello little Quincy…" the hollow said in a voice that wavered like Ichigo's did when the shinigami was wearing his mask. But unlike Ichigo and the Vizards, this voice was quiet, almost sickly sweet. It sent unpleasant shivers down Chad's spine and he shuddered.

Ishida's eyes flickered back and forth between the hollow's face and hands. His stance was lax, but his eyes flashed. The Quincy was ready to kill if given the slightest opportunity.

"This is a little close combat for you," Ishida said. "Why have you shown yourself?"

Chad couldn't see the hollow's face, but he heard the smile in the monster's voice.

"I wanted to get a good look at you…" he said softly. "Aizen-sama said he modeled me after a Quincy. My basic reiatsu structure and yours are almost identical. I was just curious to see what you looked like up close."

Ishida snorted. "Well you've had your look. Let's get on with this."

Chad watched the hollow's back as he cocked his head to the side. That strange feeling that came over him when these creatures were around started up again in his chest. The archer began to drain their spirit energy and Chad could feel it leaking through every pore in his body. He glanced at Ishida and saw the Quincy's stance falter. The electric hum surrounding his body was dissipating. Ishida's bright blue eyes were slowly widening and Chad could see his jaw clenching tightly from the pain of so much reiatsu being leeched so quickly.

Chad knew he had to do something fast. If he could distract the hollow for even a fraction of a second, he knew it would be enough for Ishida. He just hoped the Quincy hadn't lost too much energy to slow his reflexes.

The tall man moved from behind the maintenance door, gathering energy in his fist. He lunged at the hollow's back, never believing for a moment that his attack would work, but knowing he had to try. The archer felt him at the last second and whirled around to catch Chad's fist. Power erupted from where the two touched, lighting up the dark rooftop and sending another loud 'BOOM' echoing through the park.

Chad found himself blinking as the hollow stared at him in shock. Golden eyes surrounded by black gazed up at him with wonder and perhaps even awe.

"How are you doing this?" the soft underwater voice asked. "What are you?"

Chad wasn't immediately sure what the archer meant, but suddenly he realized he was touching this negatively charged hollow and nothing was happening. His reiatsu was solid, nothing was leaking or being drained. How was this possible? If they were touching, shouldn't his reiatsu be canceled out? Come to think of it, had he ever touched one of these bastards before?

"Sado-kun!" A familiar voice called out to him. "_DON'T LET HIM GO_!"

X x X x X

"…_We may have just walked into a trap."_

Urahara left Sado's side and flashed to where he knew Kira and Abarai waited. He worried for a moment that they would have already jumped directly into the onslaught of hollow arrows that were no doubt coming. But as the shower began, his worry subsided as he felt Kira's presence behind the tree in the ordered position. He had trusted Kira to keep the hotheaded Abarai from charging into the fray, and his trust had been well rewarded. He appeared beside the blond and put a gentle hand on Kira's lower back.

"Nova has gone to help them," Kira said softly, watching the flashes of the mod soul's teleportation technique through the streaks of blue.

Urahara moved in close, sliding his hand around to the other man's hip and whispered into Kira's ear. "Shuuhei will be fine, stay focused."

Kira nodded, "I'm alright."

Urahara whispered again into Kira's ear. "Don't use the substitute sword."

Kira turned his head and looked at Urahara questioningly. The older man was momentarily distracted as Kira's lips came mere centimeters from his own.

"Don't use it?" Kira asked. "What about the plan?"

"The plan has changed," Urahara murmured. "Use only your shikai."

Kira blinked in confusion, but his soldiers training kept him from asking too many questions. He nodded once again and turned back to the courtyard. As Urahara was about to pull away, Kira's hand found his and squeezed softly.

The shopkeeper's heart did a little flip and he squeezed back, before turning to Abarai who was watching the fight with considerably less composure. His left hand gripped the trunk of the tree so tightly be was making marks in the bark. His eyes were wide under his creased brow and his lips were pulled back in a silent growl as he ground his teeth together. Urahara moved to his side and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Remember what I told you, Abarai."

The red head nodded absently. "Yeah, yeah, I remember."

"I mean it," Urahara pressed. "You have a tendency to overdo everything and you must rein in your anger this fight. Do you understand?"

Abarai turned to him then and glared through the dark haze of his reiatsu.

"I understand, Urahara-san."

The former Captain nodded and took a step back. He knew he was needed on the apartment complex roof, but was hesitant to leave the ground. They were all very capable shinigami, most at or close to a Captain's level, but they were all still _young_ shinigami, save Ikkaku and Yumichika. Their lack of experience, and the fact that this was an enemy none of them understood, made Urahara slightly anxious. Combine that with having a shinigami with an unstable reiatsu bordering on bankai, and a baby Vizard in their ranks and you had one Urahara Kisuke with an impending ulcer. He remained as outwardly calm as he could manage, for he was the unspoken leader, and it wouldn't do to have the senior shinigami lose it in the midst of an important fight. It might throw everyone off their game.

Suddenly, the shower of arrows ceased and the negative reiatsu kicked in. Urahara's blood ran cold as he felt his energy leaving his body slowly. This was it. The archer had pulled back and now the leader would show himself.

"_Look out_!" Jinta's voice screamed from the courtyard. "_He's got Nova_!"

"Go Kira!" Urahara commanded. He felt Abarai's energy spike and he gripped the red head's arm as he tried to follow. "_Abarai_!"

Abarai roared and turned on the shopkeeper. "_Fuck you Urahara! That thing is out there with Shuuhei! I have to help him! Let go of me!_"

Urahara gripped the arm tighter and pulled the taller man close. He let a pulse of his reiatsu ripple through Abarai's body and the younger man gasped. The shopkeeper lowered his voice. "You know Hisagi is close to bankai do you not?"

Abarai's eyes widened at the statement and he stopped struggling. "What?"

"He is close to bankai, Abarai," Urahara repeated. "I worry for him because his power is a berserk type. If he releases, he will lose control. He will become feral and unpredictable. He will fight until his foe is defeated… or he is killed."

Abarai clenched his jaw tightly. "You knew this and you still let him be the bait? _What the fuck is wrong with you?!_"

Urahara sighed and met the red head's heated gaze. "I allowed him to be the bait because there's a very slim chance that he will insure our victory."

The rage swirling around Abarai's body receded slightly and he froze. "Shuuhei might… I don't understand."

"I don't have time to explain everything to you now," Urahara gripped the younger man tighter. "Just know that Hisagi is extremely powerful. Cover him, back him up, but _do not_ interfere with anything he does. _No matter how crazy or dangerous it may seem_." The blond took a deep breath. "He could win this for us, Abarai… The cost could be his life… but you know he would gladly give it to protect those he loves…"

Abarai's expression was one of the most pained Urahara had ever seen, but the vice Captain squared his shoulders and nodded.

"I understand…"

Urahara released him. "Then go."

The blond turned from Abarai and didn't look back as he made his way towards the apartment complex. He knew a leader had to let his subordinates do their job. A very long time ago, someone very wise had told him, "_Waiting and having faith are a Captain's duty…"_ He had to wait. He had to trust that they would do everything in their power to defeat their enemy. Urahara was needed on the roof and he knew that, but he also knew that if anything happened to his men on the ground, the shopkeeper would remember this moment. The moment he turned away… the moment he left them to help someone else.

Urahara had too many moments like that haunting the dark corners of his mind and he prayed this incident would not join the memories of leaving Soul Society, or leaving the Vizards, or leaving Ryuuken and Isshin… It seemed all he ever did was leave. He thought of Kira and his chest tightened.

_Please… please don't let this be another mistake…_

A loud explosion of sound and light from the rooftop jarred Urahara from his thoughts. He felt the negative reiatsu of the archer there, straining against… against… what was that power… _Sado_? Was that Sado's reiatsu up there clashing with that sour energy?

A thought suddenly struck Urahara and he wanted to slap himself for not noticing it earlier. Sado's power was like a hollow's, he had tried on several occasions to figure out its compounds, but could never understand it. It was so unlike anything he had encountered before. Now, judging from the energy battling on the rooftop… was Sado some kind of buffer? Could he hold it?

Urahara jumped, letting his feet brush against the concrete as he scaled the wall. When he reached the top, he found Ishida recovering from the drain on his power and sure enough- Sado holding the last of the four hollows.

"Sado-kun!" he shouted, almost joyously. They had a way to beat them now. "_DON'T LET HIM GO_!"

X x X x X

Hitsugaya's genius brain went through the thousand questions of what he was seeing, but none of them really made sense. Why was Sado able to hold the hollow? Why didn't Sado's reiatsu drain? Why wasn't _his own_ reiatsu draining? Then, as Urahara floated over the railing, he ceased to care and was just grateful for it as other questions entered his head. Ishida looked stricken, was he alright? What was he supposed to do now? Attack? Wait for a signal? What the fuck was happening on the ground? What the fuck? What the FUCK!

All this flashed through his mind in about a second and a half. He didn't have time to question anything else as the hollow turned to see Urahara and wrestled Sado between himself and the blond shinigami. The move also effectively shielded him from Ishida's shots. If the Quincy let one fly, he would hit Sado.

"_DON'T LET HIM GO_!" Urahara cried.

"What?" Sado turned his head to stare at the blond. "Why?"

"Something about your reiatsu structure is neutralizing his energy! You must hold on to him, Sado!"

Hitsugaya didn't need a signal, he knew the hollow had forgotten him and he needed to run a flanking maneuver. The small Captain concealed his energy and flashed behind the rooftop maintenance door shed. He leaned his head out, and waited to see what Urahara was going to do.

"Turn him, Sado! I don't want to hit you!" Ishida's voice sounded hoarse.

"I'm trying!" Sado grunted."He's strong!"

"You're like us!" the hollow said, in a voice that surprised Hitsugaya. It was too quiet, too gentle for the body it came from. "You should cast off these vile humans and come with us! You don't belong with them!" He was smiling up at Sado, his teeth flashing in the night air.

Hitsugaya was sure he could _hear_ Sado smile back.

"Sorry," the tall man said. "I don't think so."

Hitsugaya saw Urahara bend down to whisper something into Ishida's ear. The dark-haired man nodded and lifted his bow as the former Captain drew his sword. The grey-green eyes that hid underneath that green and white striped hat flashed in Hitsugaya's direction for a split second, and the white-haired Captain nodded and advanced.

Hitsugaya knew this was his only chance, his reiatsu was not being drained, and it had something to do with Sado's contact with the hollow. The way the two were struggling, the small Captain knew the archer was physically more powerful than Sado, and the tall man wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. Hitsugaya moved from behind the maintenance shed, holding his Zanpakuto low and behind him. Using his small stature to his advantage, he maneuvered around Sado's legs and tackled the hollow around the waist. Pulling with all his might, and aided by Sado's strength, the two managed to unbalance the archer, and turn him slightly into Ishida's line of fire.

The Quincy reacted with uncanny speed and accuracy, sending an arrow flying over the rooftop and hitting the hollow in the meat of his shoulder.

The archer screamed. The sound reverberated through Hitsugaya's ears, jarring his eardrums. The scream was so unlike the soft voice he had heard come out of the hollow's mouth minutes before, it actually startled him. He and Sado were knocked away at the same moment; the small Captain flew backwards until his back slammed against concrete. He felt the reiatsu of their enemy change as Ishida's arrow did its damage. Lifting his eyes slowly, he made out Urahara's form locked in an upward blow with the hollow, Benihime grinding against the archer's bow. The blond's hat and ever present smile were gone. All that was left was a killing intent in his eyes and cold determination set in the shopkeeper's jaw.

Hitsugaya pulled himself to his feet, wincing at the white-hot pain that exploded from his left arm. He knew it was broken, he couldn't move it. He pressed on anyway, every muscle in his body ached, his head pounded from the impact on the apartment railing.

He had to get to Urahara… he had to help him… No one was dying tonight except a couple of fucking annoying hollows.

X x X x X

"Hey, asshole!" Ichigo heard Renji's voice and whipped his head around to find his friend. Renji had been violently thrown somewhere amongst the debris moments ago and in not reappearing, Ichigo had started to panic. The young substitute shinigami froze when he his gaze fell on the red head.

Renji stood on a piece of broken fountain, looking like he was on _fire_. His hair was loose and it blew in the breeze, it whipping around his face and shoulders tangling in the sash that held his torn kimono. Blood covered the left side of his face, and his eyes flashed a dangerous copper.

"Don't you fucking _touch_ Shuuhei you son of a bitch…" His voice echoed through the courtyard.

The hollow raised his eyes from Shuuhei's shuddering form to leer at Renji. "Or what?" he rasped. "What are you going to do?"

Renji pointed his sword towards the hooded figure and grinned maniacally. "Easy, I'll kill you."

Nova appeared at Ichigo's side and took Kira in his arms before blinking to safety. Ichigo pulled himself to his feet slowly, pain rocketing down his side. His ribs were definitely broken… again. He gripped his sword and tried to steady himself as the hollow started to laugh. The deep timber of the leader's voice sent prickly chills down Ichigo's spine.

_Renji, what are you doing?_ Ichigo thought. _You're gonna get yourself killed fucking taunting him._

The hollow reached up to pull back his hood, revealing long, stringy, black hair and ugly, sallow skin. His cheekbones were sunken, as were the dips under his eyes. His lips pulled back to reveal rows of broken yellow teeth. Ichigo was surprised to see no mask. After the Arrancar and Espada, it was strange seeing a creation of Aizen without some kind of hollow distinction. Well, then again, there were those horrid yellow and black eyes.

Renji's eyes flickered to Ichigo for an instant before settling back on their enemy. The red head stepped off the broken fountain and landed gracefully on the ground.

"Get the hell out of here, Ichigo," he growled. "You can barely stand."

"Hell no," Ichigo gripped his Zanpakuto with both hands, readying his stance. "I can't leave you here, I can't leave Shuuhei."

"I said _get the fuck outta here Ichigo!_" Renji's reiatsu pulsed violently and caused Ichigo to stumble backwards.

In that moment, as Ichigo faltered, the hollow attacked. He hurled himself at Renji, cloak billowing around him, eyes flashing gold in the dim light. His teeth were bared and his hands thrust out in front of him; long back claws aiming no doubt for Renji's throat. Ichigo reacted, springing into action, raising Zangetsu and trying to flash step over the gap between him and his foe. Unfortunately, his stance was off. The pain from his side slowed him considerably. The hollow saw him coming and turned in anticipation of his attack.

"_Damnit, Ichigo!_" Renji roared.

Ichigo knew this was a mistake from the moment he started moving, He was too injured to fight this level of Hollow. He was too slow and too off balance to be of any help to anyone. But he did not give up. _He never gave up_. Renji was his best friend, he had to save him. The substitute shinigami flew through the air, brandishing his sword and bellowing at the top of his lungs. If he was going to die, he was going to go out with a fucking bang.

Suddenly, there were arms around his waist. A strange darkness encased him, covered his vision. Ichigo had several seconds of floating in a strange air that was thicker than what he was used to before he realized what was happening.

"_Nova!_" he screamed. "_Nova you son of a bitch! Take me back!_"

The mod soul held him tightly until they reappeared in the park. Orihime's head snapped up as Ichigo was almost dropped into her lap. Tessai looked up from Jinta's leg, and Hanataro paused in his healing of Kira's chest.

"Ichigo!" Orihime cried and jumped to her feet. "Ichigo, are you okay?"

The girl ran to his side and started running her hands over him, trying to ascertain his injuries.

"Not now," Ichigo growled as he turned around to face Nova. "Take me back asshole! Renji and Shuuhei are fighting that fucker by themselves!"

Nova shook his head.

"_Goddamn you!_" Ichigo screamed. "Fine, I'll just run back!"

Ichigo turned to move, but was suddenly slammed to the ground. He blinked up at the passive faces of Ururu and Tessai. The two had an inhuman grip on his shoulders and legs. The orange-haired man struggled, but it was to no avail. Orihime kneeled at his side, golden light spread from her palm and Ichigo felt the muscles and skin of his side start knitting back together.

"Let me go!" Ichigo screamed. "I don't have time to be healed! _I gotta go help Renji! Shuuhei is hurt! You motherfuckers let me go! NOW!_"

Tessai put a hand over his mouth and leaned in. "Kurosaki-kun," he said in his deep baritone. "You are going to bleed to death if you keep struggling. Let us heal you, or you will be no help to Abarai or Hisagi-san.

Ichigo fought back tears as he lay helpless. He stopped struggling as Orihime worked over him. He eyes wanted to close as he finally started to feel the effects of his injuries. His head spun and his right leg was almost completely numb.

"Nova…" Kira's voice came from somewhere to Ichigo's right.

Ichigo saw the mod soul move to Kira's side and kneel beside him.

"Hanataro-kun is almost finished with me," Kira said quietly. "Take me back when he's through?"

Ichigo saw Nova nod and the substitute shinigami let his head fall back against the pavement in frustration. His vision swam and he let his eyes slip closed. There was nothing he could do but wait. Consciousness threatened to leave him as the voices around him became softer and softer. A dull throb started in his head and he squeezed his eyes tight to block out the pain.

Suddenly, there was a dramatic change in the spiritual pressure surrounding the small party. Ichigo's eyes snapped open as the young man tried to identify what was happening. Ichigo knew that his reiatsu detection was almost nonexistent, so a shift that was this apparent to the substitute had to be significant.

"Oh gods…" Tessai said.

"What is it?" Orihime asked breathless.

Like the calm before the storm, the night air became still for several seconds. The sounds of battle ceased and the loud cries coming from the apartment rooftop stopped. Ichigo tried to sit up, but Ururu held him steady with her bizarrely strong hands.

A loud boom thundered in the courtyard, echoing through the trees and hitting the thick cement of the apartment building. The ground shook and hot reiatsu crackled through the air. It danced across Ichigo's skin sending shivers down his spine. The power was angry, furious, but at the same time so elated to be released it sang.

"Holy shit…" Jinta gasped at Ichigo's side.

Ichigo saw Kira sit up out the corner of his eye. The blond held a hand to his chest, wincing at the pain of moving his damaged body. Hanataro's hands held the vice Captain's shoulders as Kira's gaze locked on the entrance to the courtyard.

"I know that reiatsu…" Kira said quietly. "It's Shuuhei's…"

Orihime turned to the blond. "But… it's so… big… so angry! What's happening to him?"

Ichigo knew. He had felt this kind of reiatsu before, back in Soul Society the first time Zangetsu had revealed his true form. Kira's face was impassive and Ichigo couldn't help but wonder if it was because the vice Captain had expected this turn of events.

"I believe," Kira murmured, "that Shuuhei has achieved bankai…"

**TBC**


	21. Bankai

Yes, you read it right: this is Pieces. You know that ShuuheiRenji fic I started last year about this time? Yeah that one. x) Sorry it's been so long since I last posted everyone, this story just got away from me for a while. But thanks to people writing me encouraging notes, writing me inspirational fics, or just plain encouraging me, I've got it back, and have only one chapter left after this, and I'm already half way done with it. Kubo Tite helped a little as well with his finally deciding to show Shuuhei's shikai. Lol. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this. Love you guys, and thank you for reading. xD

**Chapter 21**

Rukia stood frozen as she watched the scene play out before her, like a horrible movie she couldn't pause or turn off. She couldn't even look away. She was paralyzed in the few seconds that Renji attacked the hollow and was knocked aside, out of her line of vision. She watched as Ichigo and Kira were thrown across the courtyard and Kira was whisked away by Nova and the help of Jinta. She had never been a coward, but it would not be wrong to say that her fear had taken hold of her body; rooted her to the spot and rendered her useless. Watching the powerful Hisagi fall under the stress of having so much spiritual energy sapped from him made her skin crawl. What the hell was she supposed to do when the best fighters in all of Soul Society were being tossed aside like training dummies?

Nova then appeared by her side.

"Are you alright, Kuchiki-san?" He grabbed her arm, snapping her out of whatever trance she had been in. "Do you need medical attention?"

Rukia looked at him and fought against words that were thick on her tongue.

"I'm… I'm all right… I just need-"

"_Damnit, Ichigo!_" She heard Renji roar.

She turned in time to see Ichigo ignoring Renji's warning to get away and charging at the hollow. The kid never listened. Rukia could see the bloody outcome of this reckless move and screamed to the mod soul.

"Nova! Get him away!"

In the blink of an eye, the mod soul was there with his arms around Ichigo. The two blinked out, and the hollow twisted in his advance and lunged at Renji.

""Rukia!" Renji cried, as Zabimaru's blade came in contact with the hollow's hands. "Help Shuuhei!"

Rukia felt her feet move in response to Renji's command. Renji's voice had kick-started her body once again. Her soldier instincts took over and she flashed through the courtyard well out of range of the two battling by the fountain. Hisagi was on his knees, doubled over in the rush of cold water from the fountain's main pipe. He shook violently, and Rukia saw he was bleeding, but there were no visible wounds.

"Hisagi-san?" She fell to her knees beside the vice Captain. "Hisagi-san, where are you hurt?"

"Ah… my back… can't reach…" Hisagi hissed through his teeth.

Rukia ran a hand over his lower back and found the tip of a spirit arrow protruding from his skin. Her heart started to hammer in her chest and she turned to face him directly.

"Hisagi-san! You've been pierced with one of the Archer's spirit arrows! We have to get you to Inoue and Tessai!"

Hisagi grabbed her wrist and shook his head. He looked up at her through a haze of pain and choked on his words as blood ran from the side of his mouth.

"No. I will not leave Renji. There's not enough time anyway."

"But if you-"

"You have small fingers," he growled, "Pull it out."

There was something strange about the shinigami before her. His reiatsu had changed. Having a spirit arrow through him should have depleted his energy by now, but instead, his power surged around him in an angry haze. It crackled and snapped at her skin and hummed by her ears like a swarm of bees.

Rukia knew there was no stopping him. She nodded and tore the top of his uniform off, leaving his bloody torso bare. The tall man rested his hands on the ground under the flow of water and readied himself as she prodded the wound to get a grip on the bolt. He hissed as her fingernails tore at his flesh to find the tip of the hot metal. When her fingers finally found purchase, her spiritual energy immediately began to drain.

"I got it," she said as she braced herself. "Now steady."

His scream echoed through the courtyard as she wrenched the arrow free from his flesh. He threw his head back and wailed like some wild animal. For a moment, Rukia was positive as she threw the bolt aside, that he was going to turn around and tear her apart. But then his power leveled out, and his breathing returned to normal.

"_Rukia!_" Renji roared from across the courtyard. "_Rukia! Is he okay!?_"

"Yes!" She answered. "I think so!"

Hisagi turned to try and see Renji. Rukia took his Zanpakuto from the ground and placed them in his trembling hands.

"What's happening? Is Renji all right? How long was I like that?"

Rukia didn't know how to answer him. Instead, she looked across the courtyard at the red head. He had one hand raised with Zabimaru pointed down at the hollow's throat, but the Zanpakuto's blade was being blocked by the hollow's steel-like hands. The shinigami's other hand was clawing at his neck. The hollow had him in a choke hold and held him almost a foot off the ground.

"_RENJI!!_" Hisagi roared in a voice that was not even close to human. Rukia was startled, but rose to her feet. Together, with her fellow vice Captain, they launched themselves at the hollow leader.

A wave of power lashed out at them, and Rukia felt her ribs crack from the force of it. She landed on her back, a few feet from Hisagi. The two shinigami pulled themselves up painfully, and watched in horror as the hollow ripped Zabimaru from Renji's fingers. The red head couldn't cry out as his airway was crushed. His hands fell limp at his sides, and the hollow leader dropped him at his feet.

"_NO!_" Hisagi screamed.

Rukia had never felt such rage laced into one single word. Hisagi's power pulsed out, cracking the cement and cobblestones beneath her. His cry tore through the air like a wild beast. The hollow turned to face them and Hisagi was on his feet, his dual double scythes held out and his body crouched in a stance that was too savage to be a learned technique in the academy.

The reiatsu swirling around her was causing Rukia's head to spin. The last thing she saw before darkness engulfed her was Hisagi, surrounded by a dark presence; a large silver and black beast with glowing red eyes and a terrifying killing intent.

X x X x X

Matsumoto was almost always aware of her Captain's reiatsu. She knew when he was sleeping, when he was enjoying a nice cup of coffee in his office, when he was training, and when he was meditating alone on the rooftops of their division. There were two different times when Hitsugaya Toshiro was easy and interesting to listen in on. One was whenever he was in close proximity to Kurosaki Ichigo. The small Captain's tightly reined emotions would slip from his grasp, and Matsumoto would glimpse the Toshiro that was hidden from everything and everyone in Serietei. The substitute shinigami rubbed off on Hitsugaya more than the young captain would ever admit out loud. The second was whenever Hitsugaya was angry. He had a surprisingly short temper and the power and energy used to control it, no doubt, could power Twelfth Division for several weeks. She would smile to herself as she pictured him clenching his jaw and giggled a little at the thought of one of those slender white eyebrows twitching uncontrollably. He was so cute when he was angry. It really was too bad he was so short and looked like he was... well, twelve.

There were times, of course, when Hitsugaya's energy was _not_ easy and interesting to listen in on. One of them was when he was lonely. His emptiness and despair wrapped around her heart like razor wire and pulled until she felt she would tear apart. Another was when he felt out of place, which actually happened quite often. Despite how he came off to everyone else-- the stoic boy genius that ripped through Academy like it was grammar school, completely in control and supremely confident-- Matsumoto knew that sometimes, deep down, he was just a normal young man, longing for companionship but unsure how to get it.

But out of all the times, all the emotions than ran through the complicated head of the Division Ten Captain, the one that Matsumoto hated the most, was when the Hitsugaya was afraid.

When Hitsugaya was afraid, it was no trivial thing. Matsumoto had felt that horrid sting of reiatsu only a few times since meeting the small, white-haired man because there wasn't much that could shake him. When Hinamori-chan from Fifth division had been injured during Aizen's betrayal and consequently lost her grip on reality, Hitsugaya's energy had turned black as death. When his friend from the academy had returned from the Hollow World and attacked Soul Society, Hitsugaya's reiatsu had taken on the same sickening color before disappearing along with him. For the last few years, Matsumoto had harbored an unrealistic hope that she would never again have to feel the dark touch of Hitsugaya's fear.

But now, as she fought the huge hollow around the courtyard, Matsumoto Rangiku felt her hopes dashed to pieces as her captain's energy faltered and shifted into that despairing darkness. Cold dread filled her and she turned her gaze to the roof of the apartment complex. Whatever was happening up there was more than her captain could handle, and that was more than terrifying.

Dispatching one last hollow in her path, Matsumoto flash-stepped to the apartment building and used her momentum to launch herself to the roof. She landed, taking a steadying step, and tried to take in the chaos that was playing out in front of her.

Urahara was clashing blades-- no, clashing blade with bow?-- against a figure she first took as Ishida. But then she spotted the Quincy about fifty feet away, shaking violently, leaning against the railing, but still training on the archer as best he could. Chad was circling Urahara and his opponent, preparing to tackle the creature, but a blade or the sharp end of a bow kept coming within centimeters of his flesh. He stayed his distance, but continued to look for an opening.

Where was her captain?

_Matsumoto!_

There he was! She would know that furious and desperate call anywhere! She felt rather than heard her name called and she whirled around to find her small captain leaning against broken pieces of the building's outer roof wall. The railing above him was broken, a section missing and the remaining metal bars bent and twisted.

"Taichou!" Matsumoto called and flashed to Hitsugaya's side.

Hitsugaya's breathing was raspy, he coughed once and blood splattered across his white Captain's haori. He looked up, and when those clear, emerald eyes recognized her, they blinked into focus and the young captain growled.

"Help me to my feet, there's not much time."

X x X x X

Shuuhei's world ended as he watched Renji's body fall lifelessly to the ground. Blood pooled around his tattooed skin, and his beautiful red hair lay tangled in a mess of water, broken stone, and dirt. The dark-haired vice Captain stood helplessly as his life, his love, his reason to live was crushed before his eyes. He may have screamed, but he wasn't sure. He didn't care.

His blood pulsed through his veins, boiling. His reiatsu churned; humming and crackling out across his skin, out into the open air. The space around him became silent and still. Sound fled, movement ceased, leaving Shuuhei standing in his own personal pocket of space and time. If he stood here for a thousand years, nothing on the outside would change. The hollow would still be there, turning to look at him, ready to attack and kill. His team would still be fighting hollows, trying to find and defeat the archer.

And Renji would still be dead.

_(Hisagi, control yourself…)_

_Shut the fuck up!!_

_(Hisagi, stop… look around you…)_

Shuuhei closed his eyes; he felt his rage peaking inside of him. His precious calm and level head leaving him.

_There's nothing to see…_

_(Wrong, my child… Open your eyes…)_

Shuuhei opened his eyes slowly, surprised to find they were dry. He stood in front of a temple made of stone and wood. The three story pagoda towered over the shinigami, and the stone steps leading to the gate seemed to stretch on forever. Shuuhei glanced down and found himself standing on water. A lake reflecting the blue of the sky and the green of the trees was in front of the temple. Even in the wake of the chaos Shuuhei had just been a part of, he still couldn't help but wonder, because the two complimented each other so beautifully, which had been there first. Had the temple been built by the lake? Or was the lake manmade and had been built after?

Hearing a low growl, Shuuhei raised his head. Steadying his focus, he locked gazes with Kazeshini, the wolf-spirit Zanpakuto. The wind reaper himself manifested before Shuuhei at the temple gate, calmly regarding him as if waiting for something.

"What is this place?" Shuuhei asked. "How did I get here?"

The wolf sat on his haunches and smiled, as only a wolf could, his teeth flashing from beneath his furry muzzle.

"This place is you… and me… our two souls joined together to create a perfect plain of existence only attainable to us."

Shuuhei's eyes widened. "But," the shinigami said as he looked around. "I thought… how is it so peaceful? How can this possibly be something… I'm so confused."

Kazeshini rose slowly and started down the steps. His fur rippled over his back, the silver and black shimmering, changing in the light. The beads around his neck and ankles clacked together. With every step, his nails tapped on the stone beneath his feet.

"It's not always this serene," the wolf spirit said quietly. "This _is_ a temple of four winds. It can get downright vociferous from time to time. Devastating even."

Shuuhei watched the beast's large paws step out onto the lake. The wolf floated out across the water, barely making a ripple. He reached out his hand as Kazeshini reached him and scratched behind the wolf's ears.

"You live here?" Shuuhei asked.

Kazeshini nodded. "I do… but this is not the time to be enjoying ourselves. Your friends are in danger."

Shuuhei remembered watching Renji's body fall, remembered his heart stopping at the sight… But here in this place, he could remember and not shatter. He had never felt so calm in his life. This truly was his perfect plain of existence. He felt no anxiousness, no fear; no regret. Only calm, serenity… peace…

"I… we… have we made it?" Shuuhei asked quietly.

"To what?" Kazeshini asked. "Heaven? No. Nirvana? I don't think so. You're not dead, Hisagi."

Shuuhei looked up into the wolf's eyes. Here the wind reaper was solid, real. His eyes shone a deep blue, like sapphires under bright sunlight, or the ocean on a clear day.

"I meant," Shuuhei swallowed and said, "have we made it to bankai?"

The wolf tossed back his head, his silver mane flowing as a low chuckle passed through his teeth.

"Hisagi… Hisagi… you made it to bankai a long time ago… You've just never had the belief in yourself to be able to call it out."

Shuuhei made a face. "I don't believe that. Not for a second."

Kazeshini backed away slowly, turning again to return to the temple.

"Try it, Hisagi…"

Shuuhei stood still, blinking after his Zanpakuto, watching incredulously as the wolf climbed the stairs. There was no way… Was there?

Shuuhei stepped back into a basic stance and drew his sword slowly. He kept a two-handed grip on the katana's handle and closed his eyes. He reached for himself in the real world, the him that was boiling with rage, shaking with fear and anguish. He used the feelings, the strong emotional power to build a force in his core. His reiatsu responded instantly and Shuuhei felt himself synchronize with Kazeshini's spirit. He felt his teeth elongate, his hair lengthen, his muscles shift and grow under his skin…

_(That's it, Hisagi…)_

He had felt this before, when he had been fighting Ichigo. He was climbing the spiritual mountain once again. Every nerve in his body awoke, screamed in anticipation. He came closer and closer to the edge, to the precipice he had almost touched days before. He had it now, he just had to let go, call it out. _It was right there_.

_(That's right, Hisagi… call it out… call me out…)_

Shuuhei opened his eyes. He was once again standing in the courtyard in Kurakara Town. The hollow met Shuuhei's eyes as he turned away from Renji's broken body. The cold water ran around Shuuhei's feet, the screams from other hollow echoed through the night, battle cries from his companions could be heard from every direction. He steadied himself and focused on the mountain, the release.

Then Shuuhei called the wind.

It surged around him, though him, ripped at his face and hands, tore at his hair. What was left of his shinigami uniform pulled at his waist and legs. The area around the courtyard was swept up in the cyclone. Leaves, stone, and water alike, all lifted off the ground and were carried by the force of Shuuhei's power. The hollow stopped his advance, intrigued at what the dark-haired man before him might be doing.

Shuuhei smiled at the hollow, a feral, animalistic grin, his lips drawing back to display his razor-sharp teeth.

Shuuhei's voice lowered to a deep growl, a rasping, guttural sound that held no trace of compassion or humanity. "Hurting Renji was the last mistake you're ever going to make…" The shinigami lowered his stance almost to the ground, his double scythes raking through the rubble and slowly tearing through the stone walkway.

"Bankai…"

X x X x X

Hisagi's surge of reiatsu was all the distraction Hitsugaya needed. The small Captain flash-stepped across the rooftop, sword tied into his hand by Matsumoto. Even though his elbow was shattered, and his wrist held no strength whatsoever, Hitsugaya Toshiro never gave up. No matter the situation, no matter how frightened he was… these were his soldiers. This was his mission.

His small body pounded across the cement, he screamed a battle cry and raised his sword as he collided with the archer's thin frame. Hyorinmaru's blade sliced through the enemy's side, splattering blood over Hitsugaya's face and neck. The hollow cried out and lost his balance. Hitsugaya used his momentum and sent the creature over the side of the building, pushing with all his strength. He didn't mind the fact that he was going down with him, all that mattered, was that the abomination was stopped.

The Tenth Division Captain pulled his blade from the hollow and rotated his body upright. His arms may have been fucked up, but his legs weren't. He sent the archer crashing to the ground with one swift kick to the chest. The beast landed on the fence surrounding the apartment complex, impaling himself on the steel rods. He twitched for only a moment before falling still, blood running from his mouth, from the wound and down the spikes of the fence.

"Hitsugaya-san!"

A hand grasped his ankle and his body flipped upside down. It took the small Captain a few moments to realize what had happened and looked down, which was actually up, at the rooftop railing.

Urahara had him by the ankle, and Ishida was leaning over the railing trying to reach his other leg. The shopkeeper grinned down at him and waved with his free hand.

"That was quite impressive, Hitsugaya-kun."

Hitsugaya grumbled and rolled his eyes.

"Hitsugaya _Taichou_…"

Ishida shook his head. "That's it!? That's all it took?"

Urahara shrugged. "Your arrow knocked his reiatsu to the positive side. When you take the negative reiatsu, they're not really that strong… Well, this one wasn't at least."

"Then why didn't you just finish him off?"

"Hey," Urahara made a face, "We got to see Hitsugaya Taichou throw himself off a building. Who'd want to miss that?"

"Hey, assholes," Hitsugaya growled, "Pull me up."

Chad appeared at Urahara's side. "Are you alright, Hitsugaya-san?"

"I'm fine, Sado-kun," Hitsugaya murmured, "But I'd be even better if I wasn't hanging here, and Hisagi's reiatsu would stop trying to eat me alive."

Ishida finally gripped his leg and, with the not-so-much-help of Urahara, began to pull the small Captain up.

When shopkeeper started to chuckle, Hitsugaya knew something annoying was happening.

"What the fuck, Urahara-san?"

The shopkeeper grinned again.

"I can see up your hakama."

X x X x X

"_I believe, that Shuuhei has achieved bankai…"_

Orihime's head snapped around to gawk at Kira, her hands faltering over Ichigo's body.

"He _what_!?"

Kira fingered the newly-healed flesh of his chest and struggled to his feet. He swayed a little, but regained his balance and focus quickly.

"Hanatarou-kun, thank you," he said quietly. "May I go now?"

The young shinigami looked up at him with so much admiration and awe, his eyes practically sparkled. He nodded his head, and stepped back to motion to Nova. "Good luck, Kira-san."

Kira nodded and turned to Ichigo. The orange-haired man regarded him through such frustration it made the blonds' heart ache. He quickly kneeled beside the substitute and took the younger man's hand in his.

"I'll bring them back."

Ichigo clenched his jaw and squeezed Kira's hand hard. "You'd better."

Then Kira was up, Nova's arms around him, and they blinked out.

X x X x X

Shuuhei felt the handles of his Zanpakuto disintegrate and his torso weighed down slightly as his hands, wrists, and forearms were incased in leather. Large, black straps with buckles like belts wound around his arms. Blades protruded from the metal plates from the back of his hand, all the way to his elbow. The leather covered his shoulders, chest, and stomach. A hood of black leather rimmed in silver fur covered his head. Beads and woven leather hung from his neck, silver hoops hung from his ears.

_(You've made it, Hisagi… You are now a wolf… A wind reaper…)_

He breathed heavily, the new power- the new reiatsu, swirling through him. He felt the wind at his back, calling to his soul as he faced the hollow before him. Electricity coursed though him, a powerful bloodlust wrenched at his consciousness, and a pounding sexual elation heated his skin. He felt wild, insane with power.

The hollow charged at him, hands shooting out like spears, claws cutting through the air towards his throat. Shuuhei dodged, leaping backwards out of the way, and slashing out with his new claws. He felt the blades cut though the hollow, even as he felt Kazeshini's teeth sink into it's warm flesh.

The hollow whirled around and inspected the wound on its arm. The creature looked up at Shuuhei then as if really seeing the shinigami for the first time. He smiled and took a different stance.

"I see you are not like the others…" The hollow rasped. "Your power is much more… unconventional…"

_I want his throat!_

_(We shall have it, Hisagi…)_

Shuuhei lunged, a terrifying roar erupting from his lungs, aiming for the hollow's shoulders. He wanted the flesh of the monster's neck between his teeth.

The hollow leader moved just in time, knocking the shinigami away. The two clashed over and over, Shuuhei's blades ricocheting off the hollow's seemingly indestructible hands. They moved with such intense speed, a normal living person would not have been able to follow.

Mere seconds passed, but Shuuhei's reiatsu began to fade. In the back of his mind, he knew he had no chance of beating this foe, but the power and rage of his bankai made him not care. Pain was nothing to him. The drain on his spiritual energy was like a small cut, bleeding only the tiniest red pearls. He knew he would lose, but he would fight until his body was incapable; until the instant his heart stopped, when everything shut down. He would give his comrades the time they needed to be healed and come back to the courtyard. They would win. He no doubt would die, but he would give his friends this chance.

Sharp talons ripped flesh from his side. Blood spilled from the wound and ran down his leg. A gash in his neck, a stab of hot negative reiatsu-charged fingers punched through his shoulder. Blood… so much blood everywhere. It was nothing. There was no pain. _No pain._

Shuuhei's claws finally found solid flesh. He dug as far as he could into the hollow's collar, grinding bone between his blades. His other hand gripped the creature's wrist as it tried to strike his face. In his frenzy, he forgot about the hollow's other arm, and it was his last mistake.

Hot flesh seared Shuuhei's skin as the leader punched his hand through the shinigami's chest. Shuuhei felt his ribs break, his lung collapse, more blood pooling at the top of his hakama. He couldn't breathe, could barely move. The hollow grinned down at him, his own blood running from a cut on his forehead into his terrifying black and gold eyes.

"Stupid shinigami," he laughed, "you have nothing left. Whatever made you think that you cou-"

The hollow gasped and arched his back violently. As Shuuhei watched, a Zanpakuto blade protruded from his chest just below the ribs. Blood splattered over Shuuhei's face as the hollow screamed in pain. Both he and the hollow leader fell to their knees, Shuuhei's claws still embedded in the monster's shoulder, and the pale hand of the hollow still through the vice Captain's chest.

Shuuhei looked up to see Kira, his hands on the hilt of his sword, tears streaming down his face. The blond shinigami locked eyes with Shuuhei and he whispered over the head of the hollow leader.

"Shuuhei… help me…"

Shuuhei blinked, unsure as to what his friend meant for a moment. But then Kazeshini's voice broke through his haze.

_(Wabizuke, Hisagi… Take hold of Wabizuke…)_

Clarity hit Shuuhei, and he placed the edge of Kira's Zanpakuto between his claws. He watched Kira nod and pushed up with all his might. The combination of their strengths, ripped the sword up through the hollow's chest, slicing through diaphragm, bones, and lungs. Kira's blade pulled free through the creature's neck and Shuuhei watched with satisfaction as the blood ran from the gaping wound. The hollow yanked his arm from Shuuhei's chest, slowly opening and closing his mouth, but there was no sound.

Shuuhei fell heavily onto his back, watching Kira raise his Zanpakuto to call it out.

"Raise your head, Wabizuke…"

Closing his eyes as Kira hooked his blade under the hollow leader's chin, Shuuhei heard a wet crack, and a sickening thud. It was over.

The Ninth Division vice Captain lay sprawled on the stone, his blood pooling around him. He knew he was lost, but he opened his eyes again and tried to keep his vision from swimming out of focus. Kira appeared at his side and pulled Shuuhei into his arms.

"Renji…" was all Shuuhei could manage to say at first. "Renji… p… please, Kira… make sure Renji's alive."

He heard Kira sobbing above him. He felt his friend gently wipe the blood from his face, his soft words breathed across his cheek.

"H… he's okay, Shuuhei… I can feel him. He'll be all right, Orihime-chan and the others are coming. Oh _gods_, Shuuhei, please… please don't die…"

Shuuhei smiled softly and searched for the other's hand. Kira caught it and held it tightly.

"Kira… will you be alright?"

Kira's sobs became almost violent. His body shook hard as he cradled Shuuhei's limp form against him.

"Yes… yes I will, Shuuhei… I promise."

Shuuhei closed his eyes and sighed softly. "I really did love you, Kira…"

Kira whimpered and started to rock back and forth gently.

"I know, Shuu, I know you did…"

Shuuhei felt Kazeshini's presence wrap around him like a comforting blanket and he relaxed his body into the wolf.

"But… Kira… I love Renji now… I've always loved Renji…"

Kira kissed his forehead and gripped his hand harder. "I know that too, Shuu…"

"Tell him… please tell him for me…"

Kira gripped Shuuhei's shoulder roughly and screamed. "_Tell him yourself!_"

_(Sleep now, Hisagi…)_

Blackness overtook Shuuhei, consciousness left him, and Kazeshini carried him away.

X x X x X

Renji woke with a start. He was still in the courtyard, cold water surrounding him, but the fighting had ceased. The presence of the negative reiatsu was gone. He looked around frantically, and came face to face with Ichigo. The substitute was sitting at his side, head down, staring at the mixture of blood and water by his feet.

"I-Ichigo?" Renji croaked, his voice a bit hoarse. "Ichigo, what happened?"

Ichigo looked up at him, but said nothing. He slowly turned his head to where Kira stood over Tessai and Hanatarou. The healers were bent over someone, but neither of them were using their powers.

Wait, did that mean… _Fuck_! Who was it!? Renji pulled himself to his feet but Ichigo grabbed his arm tightly.

"No, Renji," the younger man said, "You don't want to see."

"Like _hell I don't_!!"

The red head pulled free and staggered to where the others stood. His heart stopped at the sight before him and his hands pulled at his hair.

"Oh… Kami…" he whispered.

Kira turned to him, eyes red rimmed and skin pale as death. He touched Renji's arm lightly and moved away, signaling to Tessai and Hanatarou to back off.

Renji knelt beside Shuuhei's broken body. He had never seen destruction like this. Shuuhei had huge chunks torn out of his side, gashes several inches deep over his entire body. All that was left of his chest was a bloody mess of broken bone and torn skin. There was no way to heal this. He had been gone when the healers got there.

Renji slipped his hand underneath Shuuhei's neck and pulled the other man into his lap. He wrapped his other arm around his lover's shoulders and held him tightly against his chest. Tears leaked out the corners of his eyes, but he held his comrade and spoke softly.

"I should have told you…" he choked the words out, his throat tight with emotion. "I should have told you how much I love you, Shuuhei…"

Footsteps behind him made Renji still, but he didn't lift his head from Shuuhei's skin.

"Abarai…" Urahara's voice said calmly behind him.

"Not yet," Renji growled, "I… I just want to hold him for a moment…"

Urahara sighed. "We don't have a moment, Abarai. You need to move _now_!"

Renji looked up and hissed furiously at the man above him.

"What the _fuck_ is so important that I have to move _right now_?"

Urahara bent to bring his face close to Renji's. He fingered the brim of his hat and grinned merrily.

"Shuuhei's isn't quite dead yet. That's what."

**TBC**


	22. Beginning of the Rest

Here it is. The last chapter. My baby is finished.

I want to thank everyone for their support and comments. I couldn't have done this without my readers. Thank you for sticking with me through the writer's block and all the other bumps and rough roads and other crap. Thank you to the people that wrote inspiring fics for me, thank you to the people that chatted with me in messenger so I could bump ideas around, and thank you just to everyone for just, well… reading.

Enjoy my lovely readers. (falls over from exhaustion and relief)

**Chapter 22**

Shuuhei opened his eyes. His lids felt like lead and his eyeballs burned at the intense blue of the sky. He saw tall evergreens reaching high into the heavens and color dotted the edges of his vision. He turned and tried to fix his bleary eyes on the bright splashes of gold and red. He blinked a few times and his focus returned. They were maples, ten or twelve of them, planted in a perfect arc.

The vice Captain sat up slowly, feeling a strange familiarity at this place, but pretty sure he had never been here. He turned from side to side, taking in only trees and lush green grass as far as his eyes could see. His head was stuffy. He couldn't think clearly. I was like the front of his skull had been stuffed with cotton, but there was no pain, just a light pressure.

"Try behind you…" A deep voice instructed him.

Shuuhei's back almost snapped in half with the force of his upper body whirling around. He came face to face with fur, lots and lots of black and silver fur. Red eyes looked up at him from underneath large, pointy ears, and a great maw of sharp teeth smiled frighteningly.

"Kazeshini?" Shuuhei gaped, confused. "What are you doing here? Where am I?"

The wolf lifted his head and nuzzled Shuuhei's arm gently. "I brought you here. This is the grounds behind my temple. You were here just yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Shuuhei asked; there was no way it had been a day! "Have I been out a full day?"

Kazeshini let his head fall back to the ground, and rolled onto his side. He looked a little less terrifying when he did that: showing the silver underside of his belly, exposing himself to Shuuhei. The shinigami moved without thinking and stroked his hand along the coarse fur.

The wolf made a rumbling sound of approval and licked his chops. "You have actually been out for several days in your reality. Time flows to my will here. I command it to be as fast or as slow as I want."

Shuuhei looked around again. "What happened to me? Why am I here?" He couldn't remember what had happened after calling out for his Zanpakuto. The memories in his head were jumbled together with strange images he wasn't sure were real.

"You died," Kazeshini stated softly.

Shuuhei froze. "I what?"

"I said you died," the wolf repeated.

Shuuhei turned, rolling his lower half and resting on his knees. He faced his Zanpakuto directly and took a shaky breath.

"How?" he asked softly.

Kazeshini rolled again to his stomach and brought his muzzle up underneath Shuuhei's chin. He nuzzled the shinigami's neck, his spiritual energy wrapped around Shuuhei and calmed his racing heartbeat.

"You gave your life defending your friends. You and the Scentless One slew your enemy and saved the other shinigami."

Shuuhei blinked. "Scentless one?"

The wolf nodded. "Wabisuke's master."

"Kira?" Shuuhei's hands found the cool grass and he let his head fall between his arms. He remembered flashes of his blond friend holding him in his arms, his tears falling steadily onto Shuuhei's cheeks and neck. The tattooed shinigami closed his eyes to fend back his own tears threatening to fall.

"And… Renji?" he whispered. "What about Renji?"

"Your Fire Mane is alive, Hisagi. Do not worry." The wolf's cold nose brushed against the skin of Shuuhei's knuckles. His tongue lolled out and lapped up the tears that had started to fall on the backs of Shuuhei's clenched fists. "He came to you the moment he awoke… He cares for you very much…"

Shuuhei's body relaxed and a sob slipped through his lips. He had been so sure Renji was dead. When the red head's body had fallen from the hollow's grasp, Shuuhei had lost the touch of his reiatsu. Nothing, not the faintest whisper of power had come from his lover's lifeless form. Now, the dark-haired shinigami palmed at his eyes and wept in relief at Kazeshini's news.

"Hisagi…" The wolf nosed Shuuhei's shoulder. "Why do you cry? I have just told you that the Fire Mane is alive."

Shuuhei sniffed and rubbed his forehead against the comforting warmth of his soul spirit. "I'm crying because I'm happy. Renji is alive and we accomplished our mission. I can't ask for more than that."

Kazeshini pulled away and lowered his head to meet the shinigami with his ruby gaze.

"Then why is your soul so sad?" he asked in a gravelly whisper.

Shuuhei clenched his teeth, embarrassed with himself that after everything, he still wasn't satisfied. He almost lied to the wolf, but remembered at the last moment that the spirit would know.

"I…" Shuuhei stammered. "I didn't ever tell him I loved him. I mean, I did… but… not that he heard… He never… heard me say it…"

Kazeshini's eyes turned sad and he nodded.

"Foolish human pride," he said softly. "The Baboon and I have no such misunderstanding. We made each other aware of our feelings almost the moment we first discovered them. It's more practical that way. Less confusion."

Shuuhei looked up then and, through his tears, found a smile spreading across his face.

"Kazeshini?" He sat up straighter and rested his hands on his thighs. "You told Zabimaru that you love him? You love Zabimaru?"

The wolf spirit made a strange face, and Shuuhei supposed it was a wolf's version of a scowl.

"Of course I do. And, yes," Kazeshini answered. "You and I share the same soul, as do your lover and Zabimaru. How can I not love him?"

Shuuhei stared thoughtfully at his soul slayer for several seconds.

"Zabimaru… loves you?"

Kazeshini nuzzled Shuuhei's neck again and licked his cheek gently. "Yes, he does. And you know what that means, so don't make me say it. It's childish."

"Oh, let them be childish, Your Highness," a sweet, melodic voice chimed behind Shuuhei. "They are still young after all. Don't take away one of my only forms of entertainment."

Shuuhei whirled around again, and was startled to see a beautiful woman standing at the forest edge. Her hair was long and a deep shade of red plum sake. Her eyes burned dark amethyst under thick lashes. Her skin was flawless caramel. She wore a simple kimono of red and gold, and the fabric shimmered as she slowly stepped into the clearing.

Kazeshini moved to stand behind Shuuhei, but the stunned shinigami couldn't make his body cooperate. This was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. Where did she come from? Who was she? How the _hell_ did she get into his spirit realm?

"I expected you hours ago," Kazeshini said, his voice betraying his mirth. "Have you lost your touch?"

"Oh please," the woman scoffed and moved to run a hand over the wolf's forehead and scratch behind his ears. "There were many precautions to take, and Freeloader's nervousness was immensely distracting. I had to wait to come here until Hisagi-san's energy was stable enough to accommodate me."

Shuuhei found his voice and stood quickly.

"Pardon my rudeness, ma'am but, who exactly are you?"

The woman turned her gaze on Shuuhei and smiled. The young shinigami felt his knees go a little weak and he leaned on Kazeshini to keep himself steady.

"Hisagi," Kazeshini said, chuckling. "You are one of the few, privileged shinigami to have another soul slayer enter your spirit realm. This vision before you is Benihime. She halted your shift into the Next Realm and brought you back to life. It is very hard to do, and the Princess is one of the only soul slayers in existence who has ever been able to do it."

Shuuhei's head spun. "Beni… Benihime…" Why did that name sound so familiar? The shinigami ran his hand over his face, racking his brain to try and remember--

Then it hit him. Shuuhei's gaze shot up and his eyes widened as he stared at the woman petting his soul slayer.

"You…" Shuuhei almost choked. "You're Ura… Urahara's…"

The Princess turned to Kazeshini and smiled. "He _is_ very charming in person, even if he is a little slow. Wabisuke did not exaggerate."

Shuuhei's tongue still refused to work properly. "H-huh?"

Benihime turned to smile at Shuuhei again, and she reached out a delicate hand.

"I think I will bring you back before you die again, of shock. It is not natural for one to be in such close proximity to another's soul slayer."

Shuuhei looked at Kazeshini, who only nodded and stepped away. The shinigami glanced at Benihime's hand and took a small step closer.

"You will take me to Renji?" he asked softly.

Benihime nodded. "Yes, I will take you to Freelo- er, 'Fire Mane' as His Highness calls him."

Shuuhei lifted his hand and tentatively placed it in Benihime's soft palm. Her smooth skin felt like silk, and a pleasant tingling started in the places they touched.

"This might hurt a little," the Princess said, "but I'm not sure. I've never done this part before."

Shuuhei nodded as the tingling crawled up his arm and spread through his chest. The pain was light, just pins and needles, like when you've been sitting on your leg for too long, or you happened to fall asleep on your arm.

"I will see you, Hisagi," Kazeshini said. Shuuhei nodded to him and turned back to his hand. Gentle warmth had started in his palm and it too started spreading up his arm.

"One last thing, Hisagi-san," Benihime said, pulling the shinigami's attention back to her face.

"Yes, Princess?"

"Please," she spoke softly, "you must worry for your friend no longer. He is loved and will never again be treated without respect and benevolence. I give you my word."

Shuuhei's heart skipped a few beats as the soul slayer's words hit him. The warmth from his hand, spreading throughout his body, intensified and started to burn. He steeled himself against it and forced words through his lips.

"Princess," Shuuhei gasped, "please… please tell me you're talking about… about Kira?"

"Put your worry to rest, Hisagi-san." The Princess' voice was fading. Her face wavered as Shuuhei's vision shifted and blurred. "Let go. Love Fire Mane with everything you have and let the broken pieces of your heart be made whole again by his love."

Tears streamed down Shuuhei's face even as his heart sang. He whispered a thank you as the burning pain spread completely throughout his body and consumed him. Shuuhei then let go and lost the last bit of consciousness he clung to. Blackness enveloped him then, and he felt nothing.

X x X x X

When he awoke, Shuuhei's eyelids felt heavy. His body was stiff, but fortunately there was no pain. He took a deep breath, and squinted as sunlight made his eyes sting. He blinked a few times, his vision still a little blurry, and tried to identify the wealth of calm reiatsu by his side.

He turned his head carefully, and took in full length windows letting in the setting sun. The light framed a head of long white hair, and Shuuhei smiled softly as Ukitake Jyuushiro's features came into focus. The Thirteenth Division Captain sat reading a tattered, leather-bound book by the side of the western style bed. He closed the book without saving his place, and looked up to return Shuuhei's smile.

"Welcome back to the land of the conscious," the Captain said quietly.

Shuuhei lifted his hand to rub at his eyes. "Where am I, if you please, Ukitake Taichou?"

"Oh no need to be so formal," the older man said with a wave of his hand. "And you're home, back in Seireitei at Ninth Division."

"Oh." Shuuhei squeezed his eyes shut and shifted to try and sit up. His back and shoulders protested the movement, but he managed to get himself upright and leaning against the pillows without too much difficulty.

When he had situated himself to his satisfaction, Shuuhei took another look out the windows and admired the bamboo garden and pond just outside. He had taken many strolls through that garden with his former Captain. They had stood on the arch rail bridge and discussed training techniques, walked along the rock path, surrounded by tall stalks of bamboo and talked about nothing, or sometimes just sat on the steps of the tea house, silent in their own thoughts. Shuuhei felt a distinct calm settle over him as he admired the greens and blues. He relaxed his head against the solid wooden headboard.

"I don't think I've ever been in this room," Shuuhei said. "Where are we?"

Ukitake's mouth pulled into a brighter grin. "Never been in this room you say? I find that hard to believe."

Shuuhei made a face at the older man. "Well, maybe I have, but I don't recognize it. They probably changed all the furniture around so I don't--"

Something caught the vice Captain's eye, and his confusion stopped his words abruptly.

"Wait, that chest of drawers over there." He pointed across the room. "That's mine."

Ukitake lifted the book to cover his mouth. Shuuhei had the impression that the Captain was stifling a chuckle, and the action reminded him of Urahara.

"What?" he asked, getting annoyed. "What's funny?"

"All of these things are yours, Hisagi-san." Ukitake lowered the book and turned in his chair to face Shuuhei directly. He placed a slender arm over the chair back, and tucked a stray lock of his hair behind an ear. "We moved everything yesterday before Fourth released you."

"'We'?" Shuuhei asked.

"Myself, Shunsui, Zaraki Taichou and a few others. We wanted you to be comfortable when you awoke."

Shuuhei looked around, confusion filling his already clouded head. It was true, his bookcase stood a few feet from the bed, his oil paintings were hanging on the walls, and his writing desk and china cabinet were on the lower level closer to the door. He could see a small kitchen around the corner with another window over the sink, letting in the gentle rays of sunlight. Everything was very neat and tidy, and the larger space gave him ideas for a few potted plant arrangements. He craned his neck to see the door by the bookcase led to a washroom; a very large washroom.

Something nagged at the back of his mind. He did know this room, but where or why he had been in here before slipped his memory.

"This isn't my bed though, Taichou." Shuuhei smiled and admired the framework on the dark, wooden posts and headboard.

Ukitake stood and moved to place the book back on Shuuhei's case. "Yes, we thought you might need a bigger one."

Shuuhei coughed, "Why?"

Ukitake looked at him with mock surprise. "Well, you are going to be sharing it more often than not, are you not?"

Shuuhei felt his cheeks flush. He smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck. "Well, yeah, I guess… Gods, didn't take long for that to get around…"

Ukitake nodded, smiling. "The changes in your relationship with Abarai-kun were made known to everyone within about an hour of Ayasegawa-kun's return."

Shuuhei groaned. "I'll kill him."

Ukitake laughed and moved to sit on the edge of Shuuhei's bed. His features remained gentle but a seriousness came over him as he continued. "You did very well, Hisagi. I read about what happened in Hitsugaya Taichou's report. Seems you were fearless and protected your subordinates and comrades above all else."

Shuuhei shrugged. "Hitsugaya Taichou gives me too much credit. I just did what I thought was right and had the best calculated outcome for the mission."

"Do you think Hitsugaya Taichou gives anyone credit they do not deserve?"

Shuuhei shook his head. "Oh, well… no, Taichou. I guess not."

"I told you not to be so formal with me, Hisagi." Ukitake stood again and crossed the room to the small kitchen area. "Would you like some tea?"

Shuuhei ran his tongue over his teeth and grimaced at the sour taste in his mouth.

"Yes please."

Water ran and Shuuhei heard the sounds of a pot being filled. Ukitake returned moments later to sit once again on the edge of the bed. His eyes were tired, but his face remained kind.

"A lot has changed since you left, Hisagi-san," the Captain said quietly. "I want you to know that I am here if you need anything."

Shuuhei closed his eyes. "You've always been there for me, Taichou. I appreciate it."

After several minutes, the younger man felt a cool hand over his before a weight was lifted from the mattress. He felt Ukitake's hand move to his shoulder and squeeze before the Captain padded back into the kitchen. Shuuhei listened absently as the older man bustling about. He let his thoughts wander, trying to think up some way to restrain himself from running through the streets, proclaiming his love for Renji as soon as he had the strength to stand. Now, that would be a spectacle to see: Hisagi Shuuhei running up and down the streets of Seireitei, shouting at the top of his lungs how much he loved another man. That would secure his stature as a lunatic and kill any chance of impressing the board… if they were still going to have the board. Gods, it seemed like forever since he had thought about the panel, about the upcoming deliberations to choose new Captains for…

Shuuhei's eyes suddenly snapped open.

_Oh… my… gods…_

The young shinigami sat up in bed, his fists clenching in the sheets as realization hit him in the gut. He knew what this room was, he remembered being here once before, when he had first made it to the rank of vice Captain… But there was no way… No way unless…

"Taichou?" Shuuhei stammered, his voice holding a slight tremor. "U-Ukitake Taichou?"

Ukitake poked his head around the corner and grinned at him. "Yes?"

Shuuhei's mouth had gone dry. "Is this… This is…" He brought a hand to his mouth and wiped at his flushed skin.

"This was Tousen Tai… Taichou's room… wasn't it?"

Ukitake's grin grew wider. "I was wondering when you were going to recognize it." The white-haired Captain turned quickly to retrieve the tea tray and glided back to Shuuhei's bedside. "I didn't think anyone ever forgot their first time being allowed an audience with their Captain in their private chambers." The older man sat and handed Shuuhei a small cup. "Just ask your own vice Captain--whomever you decide that will be--about it in fifty years or so. They will probably be able to tell you every detail about the encounter."

Shuuhei's heart was trying to slam a hole through his ribcage. He sat stone still, listening to the Captain talk to him like nothing out of the ordinary was happening at all. The tea cup in his hands was warm, but he didn't feel it. He couldn't feel much of anything at that moment, besides that insistent pounding against the inside of his chest and a tightening in his lungs.

He struggled with getting his thoughts to his mouth for a few moments before he took a deep breath and swallowed thickly.

"Ukitake Taichou… what… what are you saying?"

The older man smiled again and raised his hand to point across the room to Shuuhei's chest of drawers. Atop the wooden piece, were two folded uniforms and a folded white…

A folded white…

Shuuhei almost lost his grip on his cup. He looked at Ukitake with wide eyes and stammered, "That's not… I mean… How could--?"

Ukitake laughed, a rich sound that warmed Shuuhei and lessened the tightening in his chest. The Captain stood and crossed the room, plucked the white Captain's haori from the dresser and returned to the bed.

"It was voted on while you were recovering." He sat and placed the haori gently in Shuuhei's lap. "Hitsugaya Taichou made a strong case for you and said the board was a waste of time and money. After reading his report, the count was unanimous in favor of your promotion."

Shuuhei's cheeks burned and his pulse raced. He stared down at the folded haori and tried to just breathe. Everything he had worked for in the last fifty years, everything he had ever wanted out of his job; everything he had ever hoped for in his time as a shinigami, had just literally been placed in his lap. He ran his fingers over the Ninth Division crest, displayed proudly against the white and swallowed a hard lump in his throat.

"You should drink your tea… Hisagi Taichou…"

Shuuhei looked up and couldn't help but smile. He smiled so hard his cheeks hurt. He tipped his cup up and drained the contents before handing it back to Ukitake.

"Does Renji know?"

Ukitake, clearly amused at Shuuhei's reaction, raised an eyebrow and turned towards the door.

"Funny you should ask that right now… Perhaps you knew and didn't realize…"

A knock sounded and Shuuhei's door opened slowly. Shuuhei turned towards the sound, excited and anxious to see his visitor when he recognized the familiar reiatsu.

"Ne, Ukitake Taichou… is he…"

Renji's voice died when he poked his head in the room and saw Shuuhei sitting up in bed. His eyes widened, and his fingers gripped the wood of the door so hard, Shuuhei thought it would splinter.

"Shuuhei…" Renji whispered.

Ukitake stood and gathered up the tea things. "You should come in Abarai, it's rude to just stand in the doorway like that." The white-haired Captain then moved into the kitchen with a chuckle.

Shuuhei could only stare as Renji's cheeks reddened and he slipped into the room. As his lover stepped into view, Shuuhei gasped softly as he took in the white Captain's haori, long sleeved, and standing out starkly against the fiery red of his hair.

"Oh my gods, Renji…"

Renji's hand went to his hair. "I know… they sort of… well, they liked how we handled the mission… and I guess my Tai… er… Byakuya Taichou put in a good word for me…"

Shuuhei hugged his own haori to his chest. "This is all so hard to believe…"

"Wait 'till you see the paperwork," Renji teased.

"Well, I believe you two have some catching up to do," Ukitake said and he slipped past Renji to wave at Shuuhei from the doorway. "Rest well, Hisagi Taichou." The door closed softly behind him, and Shuuhei was left alone with his blushing lover.

The red head moved across the floor and only hesitated a moment before he sat down on the edge of the bed. Shuuhei's hand instinctively reached out and Renji caught it in his own.

"Oh, Renji I thought you were dead," Shuuhei whispered.

Renji seemed to choke before he was able to speak.

"I held you in my arms, Shuu… there was nothing… Your reiatsu was gone… I have no idea what the fuck Urahara did to… to bring you back…"

Shuuhei watched Renji's eyes fill with tears. He wrapped his fingers around Renji's hand, and pulled him close. Renji slipped his arms around Shuuhei's waist, and buried his face in his lover's neck. The two sat in silence, holding each other, comforting each other with just their presence. Shuuhei reached up and pulled the band in Renji's hair, letting loose his favorite temptation. He ran his fingers through the silken strands, and kissed the top of his friend's head.

Shuuhei knew this was it; this was forever. He would settle for nothing less than having Renji by his side for the rest of his time in Seireitei. The red head was his.

Pulling the other man tighter against him, Shuuhei felt his heart swell. Every muscle in his body tingled with anticipation as he murmured into Renji's hair.

"Renji?"

"Hm?" Renji replied, muffled in Shuuhei's embrace.

Shuuhei let out a soft breath and whispered into Renji's ear, "Stay with me tonight?"

Renji slowly raised his head and looked into Shuuhei's eyes. Shuuhei couldn't help but move his hands to run his thumbs over his lover's smooth cheeks.

"Of course I'll stay with you, Shuu... You don't have to ask me something like that…"

Shuuhei pressed on, taking his fingers and running them through Renji's soft hair. He cupped the back Renji's head and brought their mouths close together.

"Stay with me every night, Renji," Shuuhei breathed across Renji's lips. "Stay with me every night and let me love you as much as my heart is pleading to love you."

Shuuhei felt Renji still as tension snapped throughout his body. For a moment Shuuhei feared he had made a mistake, but then tears welled up in Renji's dark eyes. Renji's hands slid up Shuuhei's chest to trail his fingers over the scars on the older man's eye and cheek. "Shuuhei…" he whispered. The touch was so gentle, so innocent, and yet it sent a fire blazing through Shuuhei's soul.

"I love you, Renji," Shuuhei said, his hands going back to Renji's cheeks. "I've always loved you. I love your passion and your courage… you're temper, your determination… Your body, your lips, your hair… _Gods, your hair_…"

Renji leaned in closer, his tears making tracks down his tanned cheeks. He put his hands on Shuuhei's hips and gently pushed the older man down on his back. He climbed over his lover's body and settled with his legs straddling Shuuhei's waist.

Shuuhei lifted his chin and met Renji's lips in a soft kiss. He felt that passion he loved so dearly smoldering beneath his friend's calm surface. He fed the flame as he opened his mouth and pressed his tongue past Renji's trembling lips. Renji's lips moved over his in a careful caress that raced towards becoming violent. Shuuhei could feel the red head's control slipping, his zeal threatening to burst forward and consume every part of Shuuhei's being.

"More," Renji whispered as he broke the kiss. "Tell me more, Shuuhei, please… tell me how much you love me…" The red head slid his hips down over the other man's and ground his arousal against Shuuhei's.

Shuuhei hissed at the unbelievable feeling. He marveled at how intense the sensation of Renji against him had become. His confession had seemed to awaken something in his lover, causing him to lose control of some fundamental barrier. Renji moved against him with an almost desperate abandon. A slow and powerful need that did nothing but build with every breath they took.

"I came to you broken, Renji," Shuuhei panted, his palms wet from the red head's tears. "I came to you broken… in pieces… so fucking lonely… But you fixed me… Renji, you _fixed_ me…" Shuuhei watched Renji's eyes close and the red head's grinding started a pleasurable coiling in his loins. "You've made me whole again… Renji… oh _fuck_… Renji…"

Everything was tightening toward orgasm, his muscles strained, his nerves sang. Shuuhei's back arched and his eyes closed as his head tilted back. Renji lapped up his throat, and then groaned into his mouth as he kissed him hard.

"Make love to me, Shuu…"

Shuuhei kissed him back, not sure anymore if the wetness on his cheeks was from just Renji's tears, or if his own were now mixed in. He pulled at the red head's uniform, tugging the Captain's haori off and untying the sash with unsteady hands. Renji pulled away, but only long enough to shed his hakama and tabi. He yanked the sheets down to the foot of the bed and tore open the simple kimono Shuuhei was wearing. The rush of air felt good against Shuuhei's flushed skin as he shrugged the kimono off, but he had no complaints when Renji climbed back into his lap, and the hot flesh of their erections slid together between their stomachs.

"Ah… shit…" Shuuhei gasped. He leaned forward and gripped Renji's hips hard, grinding the younger man down on top of him.

Renji leaned back and spit into his palm. He brought his hand down to Shuuhei's cock and slicked the other man as best he could. Before Shuuhei could react, Renji rose up on his knees and lowered himself down on the older man's length.

"Oh gods…" the red head whispered breathlessly, adjusting, sliding his arms around Shuuhei's neck. "I thought I was never going to do this again…"

Shuuhei ran his hands up Renji's back as he just did his best not to pass out. He kissed up the other's neck and bit into the tanned flesh just below the jaw line. "You're beautiful," he murmured, his breath coming harsh as Renji began to move over him. The red head's slow but powerful pace undid the dark-haired Captain and he started to lose his control. "So beautiful, Renji…"

From the moment Renji had walked through the door, he had wanted Shuuhei. He had wanted to run his hands over every part of the other man, kiss his lips, his neck, his chest… It had taken every trace of willpower and restraint the red head had ever had to not just attack his lover while Ukitake was still in the room. He hadn't cared who would see, who would hear. He had believed his love was dead, and was never coming back, despite Urahara and Unohana's assurances. Shuuhei had just lain there, not moving, not _breathing_ for two days. Renji had almost cracked under the stress of it all.

Now, he let it all loose. He said with his body what he could not have said aloud. He conveyed with his lips and his tongue how he felt about the amazing man beneath him. The man who said he loved him, was completely undone by him. The man that Renji had saved unknowingly and unintentionally, but he had just the same. The red head wrestled with himself, with his words, as he moved over his lover's erection. He felt the exquisite sensation of the other man's want for him sliding in and out of his body, hitting places inside him and making him feel things he thought could not be possible.

When those magnificent words slid from Shuuhei's mouth again, said in that unbelievably sensual voice, Renji slowed his movements and nuzzled the older man's head until Shuuhei looked up and they locked eyes. Lust and impending orgasm made Renji's head swim, his thoughts jumbled, but he pushed through it all to say what he needed to say.

"I love you…" he panted, his lips brushing Shuuhei's. The older man froze beneath him and his eyes widened.

Renji rolled his hips again. "I know it sounds stupid because you've just said it a bunch but… I do love you, Shuuhei… I've loved you for a long time but I didn't realize it right away because I was stupid."

Shuuhei blinked up at him and slowly lifted a hand to trail his fingers over Renji's mouth.

"It doesn't sound stupid at all…" Shuuhei whispered, "I've been waiting so long to hear it…"

Renji melted all over again, and let out a small yelp as Shuuhei flipped them. Renji landed on his back with Shuuhei leaning over him, his dark eyes smiling down at him, seeing through to his soul the way no one else ever had.

Shuuhei started to move, his heart so full he felt it would burst. The words he had longed to hear for sixty years, finally ringing in his ears, electrifying his soul and his body. His energy mixed and melded with Renji's heat, his passion, to engulf them both. He leaned down over his lover as he moved, pounding over and over into the other man's body. Their hips met every time with a hard _slap_ that echoed through the room. Renji's legs went around his waist and his fingers dug into the flesh of the older man's shoulders. The red head cried out softly with every powerful thrust Shuuhei gave him.

"Say it again Renji," Shuuhei panted hard into the other's mouth between kisses. "Say that you love me again."

Renji almost couldn't think, pleasure was clouding his head. His mind shut down until only the most basic of thoughts remained. Of his orgasm, coming on slowly, but close enough that he could feel it building in his balls, of how much he wished Shuuhei would touch his cock, of how much he loved it when Shuuhei talked to him while they made love.

"I love you, Shuuhei…" he said. He didn't have to think, it came naturally.

Shuuhei felt his peak coming, his orgasm tightening, and he reached down to stroke Renji's length. He kissed the red head again, and watched as pleasure clouded the younger man's vision.

"Once more, Renji," Shuuhei pleaded, his voice hoarse and his breath ragged, "I'm coming… Please, Renji… say it once more while I come."

Renji lost it. He arched his back, Shuuhei's words sending him over the edge, spiraling down into a sea of pleasure so vast, he saw white as wave after wave of bliss hit him hard. He cried out again and again as he released over Shuuhei's hand and onto his chest.

"_I love you, Shuuhei… aaahh… oh fuck, I love you… I love you_…"

Shuuhei couldn't have asked for more, couldn't have wished for more. He buried himself to the hilt and, with Renji's beautiful words still ringing in his ears and through his heart, he emptied himself into his lover's perfect body. He cried out, burying his face in Renji's throat, pulsing hard, violently as the younger man clenched around him.

He collapsed. Renji's arms fell away. The two lay together in silence breathing each other in, taking a long moment to cherish each other's scent and warmth before Shuuhei rose up and separated them gently. The older man rolled to his back, searching blindly for Renji's hand and pulling the younger man close to him. Renji complied and curled around Shuuhei's sweaty form, kissing the skin of the other's chest, his collar, his neck.

Shuuhei smiled softly, and ran a hand through Renji's damp hair.

"I should die more often…"

"Gods no," Renji replied. "You'll kill me. I have a hard enough time with just your regular sex. You're like a monster."

Shuuhei chuckled and felt himself slipping into sleep. He probably shouldn't have exerted himself so soon after recovering.

Oh well…

He was almost under when he felt Renji shift beside him. He opened his eyes and frowned as Renji crawled over him to lay on his right side.

"What are you doing?" Shuuhei asked with a smirk.

"I sleep on the right side," Renji explained. "Be prepared to never sleep on the right side of your bed ever again." He slipped underneath Shuuhei's arm, and rested his head on his lover's shoulder.

Shuuhei heaved a dramatic sigh. "Well, it's a heavy price to pay, but you're a good enough fuck that I'll allow it."

That got him a hard punch in the gut, but that led to wrestling, which lead to kissing, which ultimately lead to another round.

_Yes_, Shuuhei thought to himself, _definitely a price I'm willing to pay_…

X x X x X

Shuuhei stepped off the bridge and gazed up at high walls of the Second Division barracks. He had never before been permitted to set foot on the Northwest premise of the division, but with his new Captain rank, he was granted unlimited access. He stepped through the gates and opened the doors leading to the long underground stairway.

Detainees littered the grounds, some sitting at tables reading or writing on wrinkled parchment, and some wandering on foot, lost in whatever thoughts plagued their troubled minds. A few heads turned to look at Shuuhei as he made his way through the large underground chamber, but no one made a move to speak to him, and luckily, he was not attacked. He didn't entirely agree with the 'no swords' rule, he felt naked without Kazeshini at his hip, but he understood why the rule was enforced.

Taking another stairway down even deeper into the ground, Shuuhei came to a long stretch of hallway. He passed several cells, empty save for a metal cot and a small toilet. Shuuhei studied the small rooms with interest as he passed, he had never seen a prison so clean. The place almost put Fourth Division to shame.

He neared the end of the hallway and slowed to a stop, his feet hesitating even as his heart started to beat faster. He had not expected to be so nervous. He hadn't seen the man in years, and the circumstances of their parting had been… well, terrible. But the last time they had seen each other, there had been nothing but kind words and encouragement for Shuuhei. The young Captain had looked forward to this moment for four years; looked forward to sitting down with the man he so greatly admired and talk to him as an equal.

He took the last few steps slowly and placed his hands on the cool iron of the cell bars.

The figure inside sat on the edge of the cot, his face did not turn to meet Shuuhei's, but his bearing told the younger man that he was aware of Shuuhei's presence.

"If you are here," he said with a voice that was soft, scratchy as if it hadn't been used in a long time, "That must mean I am either being released… or you have been promoted. I sincerely doubt that I am being released… so…"

Shuuhei smiled softly and leaned against the bars. "It is as you say, Tousen-san… The division once again has a leader."

Tousen's mouth turned up in a gentle smile. "Oh, I do not think the division was ever lacking a leader, Hisagi."

Shuuhei felt his cheeks heat. After everything, after the betrayal, the loss, the long years of wondering and aching inside, his former Captain's words still meant so much to him. He couldn't help it; this man had been his teacher, his mentor, his friend… and so much more. Tousen would always have a place in Shuuhei's heart, no matter what.

"You have many questions, I presume?" Tousen asked.

Shuuhei swallowed thickly and stood straight.

"Yes."

Tousen lifted a hand and beckoned the younger man to him. "Come then, Hisagi. Sit with me for a while. If there is anyone in this world I owe an explanation to, it is you."

Shuuhei took a deep breath, smile curving his lips, and opened the cell door.

X x X x X

Several hours later, Shuuhei emerged from the underground supervision center, feeling some of the weight which had been pressing down on him for years fall away. The pain was not completely gone, but he was well on his way to healing, and his heart was light at the thought of seeing his former Captain once in a while. He stretched and decided to head over to Fifth Division, and see if Renji was done with his work for the day.

As he crossed the bridge, he spotted a figure waiting for him on the opposite side of the moat. Looking closer, he saw the soft, blond hair blowing in the breeze, and he raised a hand in greeting.

"Kira!" he shouted. He picked up his pace and met his friend on the other side. "It's good to see you. Are you okay?"

Kira's smile widened. "I should be asking you the same thing, Taichou."

Shuuhei grinned and rubbed the back of his head. "It's so weird. I've wanted it for a long time, and sort of have already been working as a division head, but… it's still weird." Shuuhei then took in the brown travelling cloak covering his friend and frowned. "Are you going somewhere?"

Kira nodded. "I'm going back to Kurakara for a few days."

Shuuhei made a face. "Why?"

Kira looked around and moved closer to Shuuhei, lowering his voice. "I am to train with Urahara-san for the next three days. The counsel commanded it--discreetly of course."

Shuuhei's eyes widened. He had heard the stories about Urahara's three day bankai. Kurosaki had most definitely utilized it, there was no other way that kid had achieved bankai so fast.

"So… Kira…" Shuuhei breathed. "You're…"

Kira nodded, pulling back his cloak slightly to show Shuuhei the Captain's haori beneath. "It was one of the conditions. Please don't tell anyone yet."

Shuuhei's heart thumped in his chest. He had hoped Kira would someday be allowed to step into the role of Captain. He had earned it, maybe even more than Shuuhei had himself. He smiled down at his best friend and clapped the slighter man on the shoulder.

"It's about time," he said simply.

"Yes it has," Kira agreed, his eyes flickering to Shuuhei's haori.

Shuuhei held the other's eyes for only a moment before he stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Good luck."

Kira nodded and turned to depart. As Shuuhei watched his friend start up the hill, he thought about what Benihime had said to him. He wrestled with words and his hands came apart to tug at the collar of his uniform absently.

"Oi, Kira," Shuuhei started.

"Hm?" The blond turned and fixed him with one of his unreadable stares.

"Um…" Shuuhei tugged at his collar and smoothed the edge of the haori. He cleared his throat. "Are you… happy?" He felt stupid the instant in came out of his mouth.

Kira turned to face him directly.

"Are you talking about my new position? Or are you… talking about something else?"

Shuuhei looked at the ground. "Something else…"

Kira shifted his feet and Shuuhei could hear his soft sigh.

"Kisuke treats me very well, Shuu. You don't have to worry about me anymore."

Shuuhei looked up at his friend. Kira's green eyes regarded him, clear and void of the loneliness the older man had gotten so used to seeing staring back at him. The other man's posture, his bearing, even his reiatsu was different. Healthier. Steadier.

"Do you love him?" Shuuhei asked.

Kira's mouth opened, but he closed it quickly. His cheeks reddened and Shuuhei had to chuckle at the blonds' discomfort.

"It's all right, Kira. You're face says enough."

Kira relaxed and smiled back at him. "I have to go. I'll see you around?"

Shuuhei nodded and pulled on his haori once more. Kira laughed and pointed at his hands.

"Stop fidgeting, you. Not something _Hisagi Taichou_ should be doing."

Shuuhei made a face and waved his hand dismissively. "Get going. You're annoying."

Kira laughed and flash-stepped away.

Shuuhei stared at the spot his friend had been standing for a few minutes. Just when it had seemed there was no more room for anything in his heart, his friend had brought him more good news. At that moment, Shuuhei's soul was crammed so full, it seemed he would burst.

Finally he turned towards the sunset and smiled. Renji was probably done with his work, and no doubt starving. Shuuhei decided he would go pick him up and take him to dinner. Somewhere nice, to celebrate their promotions, but not so upscale that they would attract attention. No, tonight he would have the red head to himself. After their meal, he would bring Renji back to his quarters and promptly begin 'dessert'.

He started out in the direction of Fifth Division, humming softly under his breath. There was nothing else he could ask for. His heart was mending, his mind was at peace. He had his division, he had his friends, and he had Renji; beautiful, wonderful, passionate Renji.

He reached above his head and pulled a few soft sakura blossoms from an overhanging branch. He scattered them on the path as he neared Fifth Division headquarters, the pink of the flower's petals reminded him of the marks he had created on Renji's skin the night before and he shivered in anticipation to see his lover.

Maybe dinner would have to wait. Maybe he would have his dessert first.

**END **


End file.
